{"id":8926,"date":"2017-10-26T04:00:31","date_gmt":"2017-10-26T11:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=8926"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:31","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:31","slug":"how-to-fix-my-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-fix-my-husband\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Fix My Husband: Ultimate Instruction Manual"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When your man is making bad decisions, it drags you down.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s like he\u2019s broken, and since your fates are tied together by matrimony, that\u2019s a lot of weight you\u2019re pulling when your hands are already full.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019d like him to start contributing more, so it\u2019s logical to try to help him improve.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ve tried encouraging him and telling him where to focus his efforts or what he needs to do differently, but nothing changes.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ve tried giving him suggestions and teaching him what you know, but he doesn\u2019t make much effort and you\u2019re afraid he never will.<\/p>\n<p>He continues to complain and seem depressed, distant or angry all the time. It\u2019s incredibly discouraging.<\/p>\n<p>And here you are, reading this post trying to fix it, even though you\u2019re already doing all the work in this relationship. At least it feels that way.<\/p>\n<p>I still remember how painful that is.<\/p>\n<p>Turns out, there is something you can do that works, but it\u2019s probably not what you think.<\/p>\n<p>Here are 3 effective ways you can fix your husband.<!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-fix-my-husband\/#1_Look_for_Ways_Hes_Succeeding\" title=\"Look for Ways He\u2019s Succeeding\">Look for Ways He\u2019s Succeeding<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-fix-my-husband\/#2_Treat_The_Truth_as_a_Lie\" title=\"Treat \u201cThe Truth\u201d as a Lie\">Treat \u201cThe Truth\u201d as a Lie<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-fix-my-husband\/#3_Resign_from_the_Job_of_Fixing_Him\" title=\"Resign from the Job of Fixing Him\">Resign from the Job of Fixing Him<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Look_for_Ways_Hes_Succeeding\"><\/span>1. Look for Ways He\u2019s Succeeding<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Your husband has many shortcomings, and right now, some of them are glaring.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe he\u2019s not helping out and it\u2019s leaving you overwhelmed with too much work.<\/p>\n<p>Or it could be that he\u2019s a negative or hostile force causing unnecessary conflict in your home.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-2095310407\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>It could be that he\u2019s just not doing the simple things you need in order to feel loved, like telling you he loves you or offering a kiss and a hug.<\/p>\n<p>But your husband is also doing something right.<\/p>\n<p>How do I know?<\/p>\n<p>Nobody gets everything wrong 100% of the time. It isn\u2019t possible.<\/p>\n<p>He may be a jerk with the kids, but perhaps he\u2019s also keeping an impeccable yard.<\/p>\n<p>He could be wasting hours playing video games every day, but he is also working hard to support the family.<\/p>\n<p>Or maybe he\u2019s cold and distant, but he also cooks dinner some nights.<\/p>\n<p>You might be wondering what focusing on the yard, the paycheck and the dinners has to do with what you\u2019re missing from him, the things you need that are so much more important and so painful not to have.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the connection: Everyone needs acknowledgment. Without it, people get defensive, and when they\u2019re defensive they\u2019re not their best selves.<\/p>\n<p>Just noticing his efforts to make your life better, however small, will do two great things: First, it will help you shift your focus to what you want instead of what you don\u2019t want.<\/p>\n<p>As a fringe benefit, he\u2019ll feel appreciated and likely respond to you better.<\/p>\n<p>If, like me, you\u2019ve already tried the other way, where you tell him everything he\u2019s doing wrong, and it didn\u2019t work, what could it hurt to experiment with a novel approach?<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/laws-of-attraction-in-relationships\/\">What you focus on increases<\/a>, so this a powerful way to change your experience for the better.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-3871689340\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Treat_The_Truth_as_a_Lie\"><\/span>2. Treat \u201cThe Truth\u201d as a Lie<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>One very practical way to change your focus is to come up with a Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy.<\/p>\n<p>Start with your major complaint, like \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/husband-not-affectionate\/\">My husband isn\u2019t affectionate<\/a>,\u201d \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/verbal-abuse-in-marriage\/\">He\u2019s verbally abusive<\/a>,\u201d or \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-does-not-make-enough-money\/\">He\u2019s irresponsible with money<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now let\u2019s turn it upside down to make it the experience you want to be having: \u201cHe\u2019s very affectionate,\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s a gentleman,\u201d or \u201cHe\u2019s savvy with money,\u201d for example.<\/p>\n<p>Next, use the word \u201cyou\u201d to start the sentence, as in \u201cYou\u2019re very affectionate.\u201d Write that down and read it to yourself. Start saying it to yourself and to him.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re anything like me, it feels like a lie and your complaint feels like \u201cThe Truth.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But the truth is pretty squishy, depending on your perspective.<\/p>\n<p>As Shakespeare wrote, \u201cThere is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Thinking that your husband has a tragic flaw can contribute to making it so, in other words.<\/p>\n<p>What if you pretend that \u201cThe Truth\u201d is a lie and look for evidence to the contrary? Has he ever been affectionate, spoken gently or made a sound financial decision?<\/p>\n<p>Of course he has. And if you open your eyes a little wider, you can find evidence that he is affectionate, gentle and responsible with money.<\/p>\n<p>Trina\u2019s main complaint was that her husband didn\u2019t care about her. She had plenty of evidence for this, starting with how he never fixed any of the things that were making her crazy around the house and never noticed all the work she did, much less offered to help!<\/p>\n<p>She came up with the Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy \u201cYou take such good care of me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When she first said it to him, she felt like a big faker. But not long after, when she was called for jury duty for a long trial far away, her husband offered to take her to the courthouse every day so she wouldn\u2019t have to make the drive by herself.<\/p>\n<p>She almost rejected that offer because she thought it was too much driving for him, but she caught herself and decided to receive.<\/p>\n<p>When she thanked him, he responded by saying, \u201cOf course. I always take good care of you.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Resign_from_the_Job_of_Fixing_Him\"><\/span>3. Resign from the Job of Fixing Him<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Michaela\u2019s husband, Tim, complained about his work almost every day. Being a therapist by trade and wanting to be a supportive wife, she listened sympathetically and asked questions to draw him out.<\/p>\n<p>When he didn\u2019t take any action to change his work situation, she grew weary of the conversation and wished he would just do something already so she wouldn\u2019t have to keep listening to his heart-wrenching problems.<\/p>\n<p>She realized that she had volunteered for a job she didn\u2019t want: the job of fixing her husband. It was draining, it didn\u2019t seem to be helping him and the pay was terrible.<\/p>\n<p>The next time the topic came up, she listened briefly then said, \u201cYou\u2019re so strong. You\u2019ll figure this out\u201d and changed the subject.<\/p>\n<p>The conversation started coming up less. Not long after that, Tim told Michaela he planned to make a career change and was looking into some options.<\/p>\n<p>She was amazed that honoring herself not only saved her from feeling drained but also prompted action by her husband, who was capable of fixing himself.<\/p>\n<p>Your man can fix himself too, and there\u2019s something magical about trusting him to do that.<\/p>\n<p>Therefore, consider <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/not-attracted-to-your-husband\/\">resigning as his mother<\/a>, life coach, therapist, business consultant or parenting expert.<\/p>\n<p>You might wonder how you\u2019ll ever get the things you want by changing your focus, acting as if he\u2019s already the way you want him to be, or trusting him to run his own life.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s exactly what this blog is all about&#8211;you getting the support, the connection and the passion you\u2019re craving.<\/p>\n<p>And that\u2019s exactly what I see happen again and again when women who are struggling in troubled relationships try these experiments.<\/p>\n<p>Which of these 3 \u201cfixes\u201d will you experiment with this week? I\u2019d love to hear in the comments below.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When your man is making bad decisions, it drags you down. It\u2019s like he\u2019s broken, and since your fates are tied together by matrimony, that\u2019s a lot of weight you\u2019re pulling when your hands are already full. You\u2019d like him to start contributing more, so it\u2019s logical to try to help him improve. You\u2019ve tried\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-fix-my-husband\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8927,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[714],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-8926","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-relationships"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Fix My Husband [Ultimate Instruction Manual]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Finally, the instruction manual you always wanted to fix your husband. 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I'm Laura. New York Times Bestselling Author I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that\u2019s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned. I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills\u2122 that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. 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