{"id":9003,"date":"2017-11-30T04:00:37","date_gmt":"2017-11-30T12:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lauradoyle1.wpengine.com\/?p=9003"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:29","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:29","slug":"marriage-anxiety","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/marriage-anxiety\/","title":{"rendered":"Marriage Anxiety"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>When you\u2019re not getting what you need in your relationship, you worry.<\/p>\n<p>Are things ever going to get better? Or is this relationship a huge mistake?<\/p>\n<p>Is your partner ever going to change, or is this problem, this pain you\u2019re feeling now, going to be with you for the rest of your life?<\/p>\n<p>You just want to know what\u2019s going to happen so you can make the right decisions. But since you can\u2019t control what he does, it\u2019s hard to know what the future holds.<\/p>\n<p>The whole thing can make you apprehensive.<\/p>\n<p>I remember feeling that way almost every day for years.<\/p>\n<p>My marriage still isn\u2019t perfect, but I don\u2019t feel anxious about it anymore.<\/p>\n<p><span class='bctt-click-to-tweet'><span class='bctt-ctt-text'><a href='https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Flauradoyle.org%2Fblog%2F%3Fp%3D9003&#038;text=Here%E2%80%99s%20what%20I%20did%20to%20feel%20calm%20and%20relaxed%20about%20my%20relationship.&#038;via=lauramdoyle&#038;related=lauramdoyle' target='_blank'rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Here\u2019s what I did to feel calm and relaxed about my relationship. <\/a><\/span><a href='https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Flauradoyle.org%2Fblog%2F%3Fp%3D9003&#038;text=Here%E2%80%99s%20what%20I%20did%20to%20feel%20calm%20and%20relaxed%20about%20my%20relationship.&#038;via=lauramdoyle&#038;related=lauramdoyle' target='_blank' class='bctt-ctt-btn'rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Share on X<\/a><\/span><!--more--><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_39 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-transparent ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\">Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/marriage-anxiety\/#1_I_Learned_to_Stay_in_the_Moment\" title=\"I Learned to Stay in the Moment\">I Learned to Stay in the Moment<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/marriage-anxiety\/#2_Drop_and_Do_10\" title=\"Drop and Do 10\">Drop and Do 10<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_I_Learned_to_Stay_in_the_Moment\"><\/span>1. I Learned to Stay in the Moment<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>You may think this is easier said than done, but I\u2019m going to share with you exactly how I did it.<\/p>\n<p>I confess that, in my anxiety, I wasn\u2019t a pleasant person. Whenever I felt anxious, I would shriek at my husband and demand to know how he could let this happen and when he was ever going to take action.<\/p>\n<p>Then, no matter what he said in response, I just rolled my eyes in disgust.<\/p>\n<p>Not very dignified, I know.<\/p>\n<p>But asking myself one powerful question has helped me avoid falling into a giant pit of Needless Emotional Turmoil more times than I can count.<\/p><div class=\"laura-new-roadmap\" id=\"laura-3768246174\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/adoredwifeweekend.com\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17022 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"1118\" height=\"559\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new.png 1118w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-150x75.png 150w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-480x240.png 480w, https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal-new-768x384.png 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1118px) 100vw, 1118px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>When I feel so apprehensive I\u2019m shaking, the question I ask myself is: \u201cAm I okay right now?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>At first the answer was \u201cYes, but\u2026,\u201d followed by a list of all the terrible things that could happen in the future (especially if I continued to focus on them!).<\/p>\n<p>But if I just stick to the facts for the moment, so far, the answer to that question has been \u201cyes.\u201d Every. Single. Time.<\/p>\n<p>For example, one of the things that used to make me incredibly fretful was when my husband and I were down to our last $19.83 in the bank.<\/p>\n<p>Then a $20 debit would come through, which meant we were overdrawn. Now we had an overdraft fee too. Argh!<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t you hate when that happens?<\/p>\n<p>Me too.<\/p>\n<p>I felt a panic rising inside me as I anticipated running out of food or gas or eye cream and having no way to buy more. Ever!<\/p>\n<p>But when I started asking myself \u201cAm I okay right now?\u201d my honest answer was always \u201cyes.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I wasn\u2019t hungry or stranded on the way to work or in danger of getting premature wrinkles. I wasn\u2019t suffering in any way except in <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/how-to-make-your-husband-love-you-again\/\">anticipation of the future<\/a>, which I imagined would be very, very bad.<\/p>\n<p>But I was usually wrong about that.<\/p>\n<p>The more evidence I gathered about how the things I was so worried about didn\u2019t actually happen, the easier it got for me to stay in the moment where I was still breathing and everything was alright.<\/p>\n<p>Eventually I had a long string of moments where I was totally alright.<\/p>\n<p>I found that I could apply this question to anything I was anxious about&#8211;from wondering if my marriage would always feel lonely and lack affection to worrying about my parents\u2019 health to stressing about a talk I was preparing.<\/p>\n<p>I learned I could choose calm instead of being a victim of anxiety in my marriage&#8211;and every other situation too.<\/p>\n<div class=\"laura-six-intimacy-skills\" id=\"laura-544282809\"><blockquote>\n<h3 style=\"display: inline; font-size: 23px;\">Related Article:<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/six-intimacy-skills\/\">The Number One Most Indispensable Skill for Fixing Your Marriage Fast.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Drop_and_Do_10\"><\/span>2. Drop and Do 10<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Once I stopped panicking by focusing on my current circumstances, I sometimes found myself getting worked up all over again.<\/p>\n<p>I would think, \u201cEverything\u2019s not okay! We\u2019re overdrawn! It\u2019s his fault for spending too much.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And just like that, I was anxious again and asking myself endless questions about whether he would ever change or if I\u2019d be better off without him.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m embarrassed to say I used to think that way, which seems strange because I don\u2019t feel that way about him at all anymore.<\/p>\n<p>Now it\u2019s clear that he\u2019s made my life richer in every way over the last 28 years.<\/p>\n<p>This habit I\u2019m about to tell you has a lot to do with why I feel that way.<\/p>\n<p>Here it is: In addition to recognizing that I was totally fine in this moment, when I feel anxious I also drop and do ten&#8211;gratitudes, that is.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019d <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/the-power-of-expressing-gratitude-in-relationships\/\">focus those gratitudes<\/a> on the very things I was most worried about in that moment, which, when we were overdrawn, was that I\u2019d have to go without, forever.<\/p>\n<p>Who wouldn\u2019t be anxious with that line of thinking, right?<\/p>\n<p>But then I started finding evidence of the opposite.<\/p>\n<p>Okay, so maybe there was no money in the bank account. But I could find ten things that I did have and was grateful for.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019d start with the basics: I had food in the fridge, gas in my car, clothes to wear, a house to live in and $46 in my purse.<\/p>\n<p>I also had a car and a garage for that car, a gym membership, fancy eye cream and pretty new pajamas.<\/p>\n<p>By the time I got to ten, I was starting to feel pretty well-off.<\/p>\n<p>And plenty calm.<\/p>\n<p>Chances are pretty good that you\u2019ll be able to stop feeling anxious and take nice deep breaths when you ask yourself if you\u2019re okay in the moment and then drop and do ten gratitudes too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When you\u2019re not getting what you need in your relationship, you worry. Are things ever going to get better? Or is this relationship a huge mistake? Is your partner ever going to change, or is this problem, this pain you\u2019re feeling now, going to be with you for the rest of your life? You just\u2026 <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/marriage-anxiety\/\">Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9004,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-9003","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Marriage Anxiety [2 Secrets to Stop Worrying]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It happens to the best of us. Having anxiety in your marriage is common especially for new wives. Try these 2 things the next time those insecurities creep in.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/marriage-anxiety\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Marriage Anxiety [2 Secrets to Stop Worrying]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It happens to the best of us. Having anxiety in your marriage is common especially for new wives. 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