{"id":9211,"date":"2018-05-03T04:00:59","date_gmt":"2018-05-03T11:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/?p=9211"},"modified":"2023-12-20T22:34:21","modified_gmt":"2023-12-21T06:34:21","slug":"my-husband-is-emotionally-distant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/my-husband-is-emotionally-distant\/","title":{"rendered":"My Husband Is Emotionally Distant"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Empowered Wife Rachel
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

All of my life, I had my eye on the prize: being married to my one true soulmate.<\/p>\n

I imagined us laughing together on the couch and gazing into each other\u2019s eyes, deeply in love. I imagined a love of such closeness and comfort that we could have a blast together at the grocery store. I also imagined accomplishing big dreams together–white picket fence and all.<\/p>\n

I yearned and prayed my heart out to meet him, a focused mission I made my top priority as I became a young woman.<\/p>\n

Then I met him, and I knew right away.<\/p>\n

He was sensitive, gentle, brilliant, and shared the same dreams as me. From the time we met, he felt familiar and comfortable, like a brother, and also the man I knew I would forever love more and more deeply.<\/p>\n

When we got married, I naively said we would be different from other couples. I expected smooth sailing from day one because we were gentle souls aimed for kindness and sweetness towards each other.<\/p>\n

Despite that good foundation, within a few weeks the challenges began.<\/p>\n

He had taken a job with long, late hours, which didn\u2019t match my vision of the evenings we would spend together as newlyweds. I complained, telling him it was wrong to work so late when we were newly married since we should be cuddling and laughing all evening, as true soulmates do.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t long before he was withdrawn and distant.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s how I got my emotionally withdrawn husband to open up and let his love flow. <\/a><\/span>Share on X<\/a><\/span>
\n<\/p>\n

My husband was working hard to provide for our family, once I became pregnant a month after the wedding, but I saw only the flaws in his actions. This created tension and conflict between us most days, as I couldn\u2019t get filled up from our short evenings together.<\/p>\n

This started a trend of me complaining about two things: his job choices and our lack of emotional connection.<\/p>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

I convinced my generous husband to switch to a job that had more normal hours. But I found flaws with that job too. I complained that he didn\u2019t receive insurance, which sent me into panic mode with my pregnant belly growing.<\/p>\n

So he took a job that had normal hours and benefits, but this job went against his very moral code. He vented about this often<\/a>, and instead of being supportive, I criticized his frustration in the evenings as a barrier to our emotional closeness.<\/p>\n

As time went on, I initiated many hours\u2019 long discussions about our emotional closeness, requesting more vulnerability and spontaneity of verbal expression.<\/p>\n

As much as I demanded such closeness, it felt too vulnerable for me<\/em> to show affection or even to say \u201cI love you.\u201d I would sit rigidly near my husband, frozen with numbness wondering if I was proper enough and lovable enough for him to embrace forever.<\/p>\n

To my surprise, he became increasingly withdrawn emotionally, without much to say.<\/p>\n

It was too painful to sit in my hurt and loneliness, so I made it my mission to change my marriage and my husband to create the picture in my head. But the more I tried to mold him into the man I knew I deserved, the more he pulled away. I had no idea how to get what I wanted.<\/p>\n

Then, I was chatting with a local woman on Facebook about her marriage. I was drawn to the happiness I saw exuding from her and her husband after their many years of marriage.<\/p>\n

I asked her secret, and she said it was the book now entitled The Empowered Wife<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n

I read it immediately and started by relinquishing control of my husband. That\u2019s when he lost his full-time job with benefits. It was a blessing in disguise because this was the job where he was asked to do immoral things.<\/p>\n

With the support of the book–and G-d\u2019s guidance every step–when my husband shared he was out of work, I hugged him and said, \u201cI trust you will figure this out in the right way.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was pregnant and scared, but I let go and soon started seeing a new man whom I could totally trust. He was handling everything well. He quickly started a business and found a new job.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t change; my perception of him changed. And my letting go allowed him the space to be who he had been all along: a dependable, reliable, responsible hardworking person willing to do what it takes to care for me and our family.<\/p>\n

I have learned to tune into my desires, express them<\/a>, and care for myself daily. I show up to our marriage as a happy, whole woman, not a needy one relying on my husband\u2019s time and attention to fill me up.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t demand closeness now but allow it. I let my guard down, initiating hugs, kisses and I love you<\/em>\u2019s. My husband opens up and shares and loves fully, and the love really flows.<\/p>\n

I now have my white picket fence, which is getting more beautiful by the day.<\/p>\n

Our marriage is peaceful and, best of all, filled with more deep love and closeness than I could have ever imagined. I have become receptive and vulnerable, creating the intimacy I had always yearned for.<\/p>\n

<\/h2>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Empowered Wife Rachel All of my life, I had my eye on the prize: being married to my one true soulmate. I imagined us laughing together on the couch and gazing into each other\u2019s eyes, deeply in love. I imagined a love of such closeness and comfort that we could have a blast together\u2026 Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12362,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_stopmodifiedupdate":false,"_modified_date":"","content-type":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[710],"tags":[],"app":[],"class_list":["post-9211","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-intimacy"],"yoast_head":"\nMy Husband Is Emotionally Distant [Why is he?]<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Your husband was attentive and loving and now, all of a sudden, he\u2019s emotionally distant. 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