Little did I know how big a part I was playing in my own unhappiness. I preferred to point the finger at him than to look at myself.<\/p>\n
I decided to check out Laura Doyle\u2019s then new book, now titled The Empowered Wife<\/em>. It was eye-opening. I saw how I played a part in our failing marriage. I also realized I had the power to fix it.<\/p>\n When I saw my husband that evening, without explanation I gave him a big hug as my way of saying \u201cI see so clearly now and I want to do better.\u201d<\/p>\n This began my journey with the 6 Intimacy Skills\u2122.<\/p> The Intimacy Skills made sense to me. Now that I had this information, I could no longer bury my head in the sand and continue to blame him for my unhappiness.<\/p>\n At first I found myself in what I call the \u201cpainfully aware\u201d stage, seeing and hearing the effects of my disrespectful comments and continuous attempts to control him but catching them too late.<\/p>\n I\u2019d criticize him for spending $2.25 on the toll road when it saved only one or two minutes, strike back when my feelings got hurt, or \u201chelp\u201d him pay the car registration that I was convinced he\u2019d forgotten about.<\/p>\n I slowly began implementing the Intimacy Skills and started feeling a difference in myself. I wouldn\u2019t engage in negativity and instead applied my imaginary duct tape<\/a>.<\/p>\n When he was in a bad mood one morning, instead of responding with my opinion on his negativity, I experimented with keeping my mouth shut. I allowed him to hear his own complaints about our flimsy bank account, his rebuttal of any idea I had, and his frustration with our four-year-old daughter being a four year old.<\/p>\n I was shocked when he caught himself and jokingly said, \u201cBoy, I sure am fun to be around, aren\u2019t I?\u201d<\/p>\n I started experimenting with doing less–or doing nothing at all–when it came to household and parenting responsibilities. What would happen if I didn\u2019t make my daughter lunch or help her in the bathroom the split second she said \u201cI\u2019m done\u201d when both parents were available?<\/p>\n I owned that I was the one doing a lot of the parenting out of fear of something bad happening if I didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n When I stepped down, he stepped up.<\/p>\n This was a simple task but not always an easy one. I found myself having to sit on my hands to avoid jumping in, zipping my lips instead of telling him how to do it, or just leaving the room.<\/p>\n He may not serve lunch until 3 p.m. and it may take my daughter saying \u201cI\u2019m done\u201d three times before he helped her in the bathroom, but it did get done.<\/p>\n I went from resenting him for not doing enough to showing appreciation for all that he was doing. I started saying thank you to him all the time. I would consciously look for ways I did appreciate him and let him know, such as thanking him for going to work every day and supporting our family. I noticed more thank you<\/em>\u2019s came back to me from him, which felt so good.<\/p>\n I apologized for being disrespectful without a follow up of \u201cbut you…\u201d and felt proud of how I was showing up in our marriage.<\/p>\n This journey started with the book, but it wasn\u2019t until I began Laura Doyle Relationship Coach Training<\/a> and received support from other women on the same path that real change occurred. It was like taking a trip and having someone beside you with the map guiding you to your destination.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/lauradoyle.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/Banner-Horizontal.png\")
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