Debby

Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach

My Husband Was So Busy!

Before learning the Six Intimacy Skills™, I loved my husband to my core, but he did not think I loved him.

He told me I was second guessing him, I needed to trust him, and he wanted me to be nice to him.  He did not want to be attacked.  I did not understand any of this.  I felt confused, tired, and overwhelmed.

All I wanted was to relax with him on the back patio at the end of the day, just spending quiet moments together, doing nothing.  But he was so busy.

My husband had a grueling schedule, often leaving before I got up and coming home after I had gone to bed.  He would sleep during the day to make up for it when he could.  I worried about him and the stress of what I felt was an overwhelming pace for his life.  I was focused on what he was doing, how he was doing it, and when he was doing it.  I tried to explain to him how his choices were affecting our marriage and how concerned I was about his choices.

It got to the point where he was hardly home, he was not speaking to me, and he wanted to end the marriage.  I wanted to support him in doing everything he wanted to do, but I just could not keep up.  He became even more busy.

I realized we were in deep trouble.  I felt alone and frightened.  I tried to tell him his schedule was the problem.

I discovered Laura’s book The Empowered Wife online and got it right away.  I read the whole thing.  I learned how important respect is for men.  I began to see how disrespectful I had been, recalling an incident when we were at a party with his colleagues and their spouses.  My husband brought a drink over for me.  It contained artificial sweetener, and I thought he should have known I would not like it.  I said, “I don’t want THAT!”

He went to get me something different, and while he was gone, a man at my table told me that I had not been very nice.  My husband had very generously gotten me a drink and I complained about it.  Loudly.

I was clueless.

As I got into Laura’s book, I finally understood.  I had been critical, ungrateful, disrespectful, and frankly not very nice.  I had tried to tell him how to drive.  I told him how to do the dishes.  I gave him advice on how to manage his career.  I told him how worried I was about him, his health, his weight, his time management.  I was not grateful for things he did for me.  I criticized almost everything he did, especially his driving.

Now I understood: respect is like oxygen for men, and I had been cutting it off.  Could practicing the Six Intimacy Skills work to get me out of this mess?

I decided to give it my best.  I joined the Ridiculously Happy Wife program.  It was incredible to have not only the support of coaches but also the support of other women who were going through the same thing.  If at any time I felt overwhelmed or hopeless, this group brought me back to hope.

I began taking naps because frankly I was exhausted and overwhelmed with my relationship.  I started reading novels, watching movies, getting massages, and doing facials with my daughters, things I had not done for years.  I began to feel happy, hopeful, and well rested.  I started experimenting with gratitude and, then, a million apologies.

Each time I added a Skill, things improved, and I gained confidence.  Our relationship improved.  It was not a quick change.  I persevered, messed up some, apologized, and kept on going. I began to breathe.  It would be okay.

By practicing the Intimacy Skills, I learned to trust my husband.  My perspective about him profoundly changed, and he began to sense that my gratitude and respect were genuine.

As I changed my own behavior, I was able to see a miraculous transformation in my heart and my marriage.  I can see all the ways my husband tries to please me.  He loves to make me happy!  I am so grateful for how hard he works to support us.

I joined Coach Training to help other women save their marriages who feel like they are in an impossible spot like I was.  Coach Training helped me understand the Skills at a deeper level.  What helped me most as I was struggling to get through this transformation was the support from my coaches, who had gone through a similar situation.

These days, my husband seeks me out to find out what I am doing.  He gives me little affectionate touches.  He chooses to work from home when he can.  I get a kiss goodbye when he goes off to work.  He notices when I need help and goes out of his way to be helpful, like opening jars for me.  He loves to bring me a special drink of seltzer with a fresh squeezed lime (no sweetener).

But here is the part where my transformation really hit home.  My husband started digging a hole in the backyard.  I had that urge to ask, “Why are you doing THAT?!”  But, instead, I smiled and waved while he worked, and he smiled back.  As it turns out he was building a fire pit.  He then cleaned the patio, what I thought he should have been doing when he was digging the hole!  That night he invited me to come out to the backyard.  He had built a fire and set up chairs for us.

Then, we sat in the backyard in front of the fire, just the two of us, doing nothing.

Laura and I want to help you rediscover the intimacy, passion and peace in your marriage. Click here to apply for your FREE Discovery call.

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