Laura Doyle Relationship Coach
Harried Supermom to Cherished Wife
I have been married for over ten years now. I live in a small apartment in New York, just a bit north of the city, with my wonderful, handsome husband and our four little guys. And we are living happily ever after…
Now let’s go back a few years. When I got married, my husband was studying and I knew that he planned on being in research for a while. It did not pay much, but it’s what we felt was right. I knew that I would be responsible for making money, which is what I thought I was supposed to do. I took care of paying the bills and all that kind of stuff. I was under the impression that since I wanted to have children, I was expected to take care of them too. I thought it was bad to ask my husband to help at all. I changed every diaper, fed every meal, did every bath… I was completely overwhelmed but did not think there was any other way.
After a few years of this, slowly resentment crept up on me. I started getting frustrated with my husband, but when he offered help I said no way. I thought that a good mother spent as much time as possible with her children and that it would be wrong to leave them with a babysitter unless absolutely necessary. I always drove because I was too scared of my husband’s driving. I did not expect him to be capable of doing pretty much anything for me. He made very minimal income and often none at all. I thought it would be wrong if he had to support me.
I wonder now how my mind was so messed up! I bought my husband’s clothing and whatever else he needed. I felt guilty receiving things and was always worried about money. Our tax returns were always late. I just couldn’t keep up with all the endless chores and jobs. The funny part is that all along we were happy with each other and in love. I never felt like it was his fault or his problem, but I started getting resentful toward the system that I assumed was how my life should be. Then, I fell apart. It was just too much for me.
When I came across one of Laura’s books, I knew instinctively that this was the exact thing I needed. I just found it hard to incorporate on my own. Nonetheless, the concepts were slowly infiltrating their way into my lifestyle. The first massive change I made in my life was self-care. I realized that if I didn’t take care of myself there was no way I could take care of anyone else. I got cleaning help and babysitting help, and I started trying to do things I enjoy. I focused on my emotional health and well-being. I started thinking about what I needed and what I wanted, which immediately helped me become calmer and happier. I began to consider letting go of dealing with the finances and realized that I hate driving the car. I started getting it!
I had a really hard time though. It was so scary to sit in the passenger’s seat–and not just in the car. Until I actually joined the Laura Doyle community, it had taken years for things to change and for me to change because I couldn’t do it on my own. Becoming a part of LDC made the shift happen; it changed my life and my whole way of being. When I joined, I became really true to myself. I realized that I just wanted to be taken care of and cherished. I finally let go of the reins.
This year I’ve been in Florida and Israel and the Cherished for Life Weekend, and my husband stayed home and took care of everything while I was gone. Even when we’re both home, he helps so much I never could have imagined it. I never drive the car when he’s around anymore, and it feels so good to be chauffeured. I don’t deal with any finances and am so grateful to my husband for taking care of them. Shortly after I began the coach training program, he got me a new car. I was amazed–he did everything from beginning to end. That was a first for us and a huge win for me. He just renewed our health insurance plan and is constantly taking care of all of these kinds of things. He’s now actively working on making more money, which lifts such a burden financially.
Another huge thing that changed for us is our communication. As I became more aware of myself and my needs, I became much more capable of saying what I want and need. My husband always wanted to please me, but I never knew how to tell him what I wanted–or how to receive it if I had! Now I can also tell him how I feel without him feeling like I’m blaming him or like it has anything to do with him. He isn’t threatened when I share my feelings because I learned how to share in a feminine way. I feel so much safer and more secure being able to share my feelings with him and then receive his love and encouragement. I am so glad that I learned to be grateful for all that he has done, is doing and wants to do for me.
Learning the Six Intimacy Skills™ is one of the best things I’ve ever done! I am thrilled to be a Laura Doyle coach and look forward to spreading these amazing Skills with as many women as I can. I hope to experience more and more of this wonderful transformation on my happily-ever-after journey.
Laura and I want to help you rediscover the intimacy, passion and peace in your marriage. Click here to apply for your FREE Discovery call.