Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach
A Good Life!
The first five years were good. I was busy with my studies, he with his work. The time we had together, we cherished. We watched movies, played tennis, went biking and connected so well.
Then came our first child, and things started to get difficult. I had no community or family around me. My life changed: lots of sleep deprivation and being alone with a child all day long. He found the farthest place in the house to sleep so his sleep wouldn’t be disturbed. I was alone–daytime, nighttime, inside the house, outside the house.
I did not know the concept of self-care. My mild back pain became severe. I was hurting and complained. I was critical of how he was showing up or, actually, not showing up in parenthood, but my complaints had the opposite effect of what I wanted. He grew distant, and I was left overwhelmed and lonely. I didn’t realize how I was getting in the way of what I wanted.
Due to the growing distance in our relationship, I started looking into marriage videos and books. My husband refused to participate, as work was his life. After a couple of years of searching this topic, one morning I came across Laura’s blog on the Goddess of Fun and Light. It made sense. I got curious and looked up more. Her website described how a woman could change her relationship all by herself.
I saw hope. I loved it. The same day, I emailed to apply for the Laura Doyle Relationship Coach Training program.
I was so excited for the program to start and am just as excited to be a part of it today. Coach Training felt like a godsend. It is the best thing I have done. I was inspired by what I could do all by myself, but only when surrounded by like-minded women who were committed to transforming their relationships themselves. The amount of accountability and faith women were learning in this program was inspirational.
If they could do it, I could do it too.
I learned about the Six Intimacy Skills™. I wish I had known about them before and had had this community before. So many years of my marriage would have been saved from complaints and loneliness. I learned what was missing from my side.
I had kept this program a secret for six months, but within the first two weeks of Coach Training, my husband said that I was a different person.
I learned about my paper, my desires, my purpose. I learned how so many normal things said and done are disrespectful and take away from intimacy in relationships. I learned how relinquishing control of others is hard but so freeing. I learned to take care of myself and be responsible for my happiness.
I trained my brain to look at all the positive evidence for what I want to create in my life. It took time and practice but has been so empowering.
My husband and I both felt the emotional safety being restored. Suddenly, he wanted to spend more time with me. One evening, I was in our alley heading to take a walk around the lake nearby, and I heard a honk from behind. It was him. He parked the car in our driveway and came halfway into the alley to give me a hug.
Distance was being replaced by closeness.
While work still keeps him busy, I appreciate all the times he comes home early, and those times are increasing. I have a new level of respect for what he does for our family and I express that. Likewise, he recognizes my role in the family. Going from his blaming, “What do you do at home all day?” to “I know you are busy, but could you please do this work for me today?” has been a transformation.
I was the one who did the program, but it influenced him too. My soft, loving, respectful husband came back.
When he found out I had been doing this program, he said, “Can we put our kids in it too?” No, we can’t. But they are learning by example. Their parents are so much calmer and more appreciative now. The culture of their house has shifted from complaints to gratitude. They know the difference between complaining and expressing a desire. I feel like a proud parent exhibiting these values to my kids.
I have also restored my relationship with my mother-in-law, who lives with us. Going from squabbling over household issues to being on the same team has strengthened our house. I have learned to honor myself and my needs without creating conflict in the house. It was hard to be the first one to look past my pride and be vulnerable, but when I saw everyone around me step up to my new dance, it was encouraging and so worth the peace. I felt graceful.
In the beginning, it felt like I was doing this for him, but after several weeks, I understood that I am doing this for myself. This is my self-improvement. This is my best self.
Initially, I resisted the Skills because I thought it was not fair that I had to do so much. Every week, I asked, “So why do I have to do all this? Why not him? It’s not fair.” But, even with resentment, I practiced the Skills. If I had not, I would not have experienced the hug he gave me when I apologized, or when he came after me to apologize for his harshness, or the time he was looking for a dress for me one day after a big blow-up, while in the past, there would have been a cold war for days.
There is strength in staying on my paper. There is strength in realizing what I can influence and what I can’t. There is strength in focusing my energy on myself instead of trying to control things around me. There is strength in using this coaching wisdom in all walks of life, in all relationships.
I feel that I have the secrets to living a good life!
Laura and I want to help you rediscover the intimacy, passion and peace in your marriage. Click here to apply for your FREE Discovery call.