Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach

Spinning Out

I am married to my childhood sweetheart, first love, and the man of my dreams.  He has always been so patient and kind.  His smell, his touch.  He makes me feel so safe.  He is my hero.

Fast forward to five kids, being a homeschool mom and the founder/director of a thriving homeschool co-op.  My husband was a busy dad coaching our kids’ sports teams, as well as the owner/operator of a successful real estate business.

Life was spinning, all in the right directions.  My dreams were coming true–or so I thought.

I was so happy and full in so many ways, but somehow I began wearing too many hats and giving too much to too many people.  My husband needed me and I needed him, but we could no longer help each other like we always had in the past.  Each of our plates was spinning too fast.

Life began spinning out of control.

The war began.  How do I survive this season?  We were pulling against each other and I could not figure out why.  Nothing was the same between us.  We argued about everything and could not find common ground for most decisions.  I became resentful for all the time he spent working.  I was lonely and overwhelmed.  The distance between us grew and I did not know what to do.  I felt hopeless.

Then I read an article by Laura Doyle and it hit me right in the gut.  I KNEW I had to learn more about her views on marriage because everything she was saying was so different than anything I had learned.  It all made so much sense.

This began my journey with LD.  I read both The Empowered Wife and The Surrendered Wife at the same time.  I could not get enough.  Everything I read was exactly what I had been looking for.  I knew I could not implement these Six Intimacy Skills™ on my own, so I quickly signed up to receive coaching from a Laura Doyle certified coach.

This was the best decision of my life.

I finally had permission to take good care of myself and I began prioritizing my well-being.  After being the mom who was always there to solve my family’s problems, they didn’t know what to think when I began saying “I can’t” and instead of meeting their every need, I chose to meet my needs first.  It was strange for all of us.  Eventually we adjusted and they got a happier, more peaceful wife and mom.

I also noticed how capable my family was.  I didn’t have to be the one telling them to pick the house up or when to take the trash out.  The more I focused on keeping myself happy and bringing my best self home, the more my family did to help around the house.  

The biggest breakthrough came when I saw how controlling, critical, and disrespectful I had been to my husband.  I apologized for being disrespectful for all the times I’d tried to tell him how to run his homebuilding business: how many hours he should work, whom to hire, what contractors to use.  Every time he had shared a struggle with me, I had a solution.  I was a great problem solver.

I also knew the best way to parent and would often tell him how to parent.  That never ended well, and I just couldn’t understand why he didn’t see things my way because my way was the best way.

The skill of duct tape was critical for me to learn to overcome my controlling nature.  I began to use it all the time.  My husband shared a situation with a buyer of one of his houses: duct tape.  He commented negatively about the chicken and rice I’d made for supper: duct tape.  I did not like the way he was parenting one of our children: duct tape.

These Skills taught me that it was controlling to offer him my unsolicited suggestions.  Wow!  How could that be?  This was new for me.  As I used the skill of duct tape and then began to add “I hear you,” I noticed him opening up more and more, sharing his most intimate thoughts and feelings.

This is what I had wanted all along!

These Skills have taught me what true intimacy feels like.  They have taught me where I end and my husband begins, and that we both have limitations.  They have helped me to be happy when my husband goes golfing instead of being resentful.  I now know that is great self-care and I am so excited that I have the choice to take great care of myself too!

This year and a half of growth began with the books, a Discovery Call, receiving coaching, and then Coach Training class.  Becoming a surrendered wife has been the most amazing journey personally and in my marriage.

My husband recently swept me away to a steak dinner, planned by him.  The same week, he brought home our groceries, put them away, and had supper ready when I got home!

He also recently bought cars for our soon to be sixteen-year-old twins and arranged our surprise presentation to them!  I got to do the fun part of buying bows, videoing, and enjoying the beautiful moment.  I would have missed all of this beauty had I not learned how to let go of resentment and believe in and expect the best of my husband.

These Skills taught me to choose faith over fear.  The intimacy, love, and respect that I now experience in my marriage and in my family are more than I ever dreamed of.  I am in awe of the man I married.

My husband is still my hero.

Laura and I want to help you rediscover the intimacy, passion and peace in your marriage. Click here to apply for your FREE Discovery call.

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