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Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach

From Enemies Back to Best Friends

My husband and I got married ten years ago. At the time, I thought we were a special couple. One of those amazingly in love couples you don’t see every day. Best friends. People who are each other’s entire world. Yup, we were that couple. For about two weeks. And then…

Our daughter was born. My husband took an amazing interest in being a new dad. It lit him up. Instead of admiring that, I hated it. I looked at how instead of cuddling me, he cuddled my daughter all the time. Does he not love me as much as I thought? Am I not his entire life? His one and only?

We fought. Every single day.

I found fault with everything he did. I didn’t understand how he didn’t put me first every time I asked for something. I started seeing a lot of faults in him and wondering how I had thought he was so amazing at first.

When he did the dishes, I was angry that he didn’t clean the counters too. When he watched the kids, he gave them cereal instead of a healthier dinner. And when he finally sat down and talked to me about my feelings, because I had bugged him enough, I complained that he didn’t seem interested in what I had to say. 

I tried to fix the fighting with talks. Talks about how he had wronged me. And how he wasn’t a good husband. Needless to say, he became reserved and closed up. He went into his man cave most nights and ignored me. I cried many nights. I felt alone. Confused.

A few months later, I got pregnant again. With more kids came more issues, more stress, and a lot more arguments. Things got so bad between us that we decided to see a therapist. After every session, I felt angrier and angrier with him. Then my son was born. A year later, I got pregnant again. Our third baby was born, a girl. Within seven years, we had five kids.

After almost two years of going to the same therapist, we found a different one two hours away. He was one of the top ones in our city, so we thought he would help more. He didn’t. He just cost a lot more. We spent so much money even though my husband had no job and I was a stay-at-home mom. We got into so much debt in the name of therapy.

I had sleepless nights. I had a house that could never stay clean or organized. And a husband who didn’t like talking to me because every time he did, I just tried to “fix” things between us. I would explain how important it was that we talk. He would just roll his eyes. He said it made him feel like he was a bad student getting a lecture from the teacher.

My self-care was virtually nonexistent. I had no time, no energy, no happiness. We started seeing a third therapist. The other two hadn’t worked, and neither did this one. Nothing helped. That man simply did not love me anymore. I could cry and kick and scream. Nothing moved him. I had become his worst enemy, and he simply did not care about me anymore.

One night, like many others, I just cried in my bed. Helpless tears. I gave up. Then I saw the book The Surrendered Wife. I had come across it almost seven years before, read it, did a few things, and put it away. It didn’t last.

But I knew I couldn’t control my husband anymore. And I couldn’t ask him to change anymore. I needed something for me. Someone who would help us but only through me.

I made a decision to sign up for coach training with Laura. My first assignment was just to do self-care for a week. I put on blinders like a horse. I didn’t look at anything my husband was doing bad. I stayed dignified. I painted, sang, took baths, did my nails, got massages, and went out with friends. The self-care made me calmer. More relaxed. Yes, dare I say, happier.

Slowly my husband’s wall started coming down. A week passed. He bought me a chocolate and two candles. He started being nice-ish.

Another week passed. We were on nice terms now.

My husband started opening up to me. He said he didn’t think this would work for more than a couple of weeks because he didn’t trust that I had really changed. But, as time passed, he saw that I had. I was nicer. I wasn’t controlling. I liked him!!!

Slowly but surely, things continued to change. Two months in, we were closer than we had been in years.

He said he felt liked! He felt happier and started buying me all kinds of gifts. A new computer. New clothes. Candles. Bubble baths. He gave me time for my self-care by offering to watch the kids. Rather than being resentful and saying “What about me?” he encouraged my self-care happily. 

He loved that I made him feel like a man—a successful man. He loved that I didn’t control his every move. That I actually trusted him. That I started seeing the good he was doing instead of focusing on the bad.

I have changed. I’ve become a person who easily finds the good. A person who freely and happily gives compliments. Who’s grateful for little things, as much as big. I’m a calmer person. A happier person.

He loves me for the new person I’ve become. And most importantly, I love me for the new person I’ve become.

Laura and I want to help you rediscover the intimacy, passion and peace in your marriage. Click here to apply for your FREE Discovery call.