Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach
An “Ever-After” Amour
Once upon a time there was a Prince named Gregory who came across a fair maiden lady, named Sue. And as the story goes, we were destined to live happily ever after since it took us so long to find one another…or so we thought.
When we were engaged and Greg moved into my townhouse the differences between us began to appear. It wasn’t really the everyday living things such as cooking, cleaning, and laundry that were our struggles. I was truly blessed and appreciative of having found a 55-year-old bachelor that was quite self-sufficient and self motivated. Where we struggled was our communication and making decisions together and our emotional differences.
I controlled all the finances, and because it was my townhouse, I felt I would continue to control all the decisions regarding the house and many other things. I gave my controlling opinion about his truck-driving job which had him on the road for weeks on end. I was a weekend wife and not handling it emotionally well at all, which made him miserable with regret and unable to make me happy. I was becoming exhausted from doing everything.
We argued whenever we had to make any kind of decisions. He felt I wasn’t validating him at all and yet, I felt I was thanking him all the time. How much more do I have to say thank you? I was lonely because he was hardly ever home. He wasn’t feeling respected and I was feeling resentful.
Whenever we would try to resolve our issues by talking, he would give me his logical approach to everything, and I was told that I was too emotional and was taking things too personally. I would then shut down or explode and nothing would get resolved. It felt abusive to me, and my self-esteem was getting hit. I felt my opinion was never heard. Greg, too was feeling like I was not listening to him.
It all came to a head when we attempted to purchase a home. I had been through the process before and knew what to expect. My husband, on the other hand, had never been through anything like it. It was fast-paced and caused a lot of anxiety for Greg. For me, it was the opposite, I was buzzing from all the excitement of finding a home that I loved. We couldn’t agree on negotiating on the house, and it caused such a huge fight that we came out lashing at one another. There we were 9 months into our “happily ever after”marriage and he says that he is falling out of love with me! I was crushed and all my dreams were torn out from under me. I lost it and didn’t hold anything back. The next day, I had to call the realtor and our pastor, and say goodbye to the home of my dreams.
There I was, again, in a failing marriage. It made me ask, “Why was this happening again?”I thought I found my Prince––the one that was going to love me till deaths do us part! I contacted a marriage counselor and made an appointment, desperate to save our marriage. Greg, thankfully, agreed to go. The greatest advice the counselor was able to give was on a yellow post-it note; it stated: Read The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. It was like God working his miracles. I had read The Surrendered Single a few years before and knew that it was one of the reasons that I found Greg in the first place. So I ran to the bookstore immediately and began to read, desperate for an answer to this insanity.
I began to read what Laura was saying about her marriage and it felt like I was reading about myself in a lot of ways. I felt connected when she described the “controls”I had over my husband. It got me thinking about my situations and discovered that it was about fear- my fear. I knew that I had trust issues, but I didn’t realize that I did not trust the one man that showed me every day that he adored me. I began applying her principles and was very surprised by my husband’s responses to them. I saw hope once again and began to rebuild our relationship by applying Laura’s principles to my life.
I have been blessed to know Laura Doyle through her coaching sessions and have met other Surrendered wives and girlfriends in the process. She is truly a Godsend in my eyes and a woman of true integrity. Each day I try my best to practice the 6 intimacy principles with my husband. I am, once again, feeling cherished by my Prince, and I truly believe that we can live happily ever after! Laura and I want to help you have the same kind of intimacy, passion and peace in your relationship. To learn how, apply for a Discovery Session here.