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Confessions Of A Former Control Freak

How I Kicked The Habit (Mostly) For Good
By Courtney Elder

The Not-So-Pleasant Past

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was rushing around the house, trying to get ready for work. The baby was asleep, my husband was asleep, and it looked like a bomb had gone off in the house.

So basically, it was a normal day.

However, on this particular morning, I was so frustrated with the state of our home that I decided to do something about it.

There are so many things I could have done: left a sweet note, actually cleaned up part of the house myself, or expressed a desire for a house-cleaner.

But instead, in a fit of rage, I took the Xbox controllers to work with me–in the trunk of my car.

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My Husband is a Workaholic

How to Get More Couple Time with a Man Who Works Too Much

It’s lonely to be married to a workaholic.

If he’s not at work, he’s sleeping or working from home.

Or he’s too tired from working so much to be much fun.

He neglects not just you, but also the kids.

You feel like a single mom going to get-togethers without him, always for the same, tired reason: he has to work.

If only you could get him to spend more time with the family.

Well, you can.

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When You’re Past the Point of Fixing

The Truth About Your Breaking Point

I’ve had the privilege of sitting down with lots of women over the years and hearing their stories.

While I love learning who they are, where they’re from, and what’s going on in their life and relationship–the truth is I often meet them when they think they’re past the point of fixing. I’m often the last stop.

“I think it’s over.”

“There’s too much damage.”

“I don’t know how to fix this.”

“I don’t know how to fix ME.”

The best part of what I do is getting to share good news: That this is just the breakdown before the breakthrough.

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Marriage and Finances

What I Learned about Financial Intimacy When We Were Broke

If only getting married made your finances as cinchy as economists make it seem like they’re gonna be.

Sharing the rent or mortgage, the grocery bills and utilities saves so much money, there should be less financial strain on you both–not more.

And study after study shows that married couples are at the top of the financial heap for net worth and earning.

But even though we have more than our unmarried counterparts, somehow husbands and wives fight about money more than anything else.

My husband and I contributed to that miserable statistic for years.

Fighting about money is not conducive to intimacy, and it wasn’t helpful for our prosperity, either.

Thankfully, I finally learned what I’m about to share with you, and we haven’t had a fight about money at the Doyle house in many years.

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My Husband Never Compliments Me

3 Steps to Inspiring Him To Say Sweet Things to You

When you were dating, your husband probably wooed you with words.

He most likely told you how great you looked, or how nice you are, and that he found himself thinking about you at work.

Maybe he said he thought you were so sexy it was distracting, and that he loved your beautiful smile, and that he liked you better than anyone he’d ever dated.

Then he even said he thought you were so much smarter than the average bear, and that he liked your sense of style, your humor, or the way you smelled.

But your man hasn’t said any of those things for a long time. And you’re starving to hear praise from him.

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Can You Be Feminine and Feminist?

Why You’ll Never Succeed Any Other Way

What if you want to be able to have every opportunity to do your life’s work and earn what you’re worth for doing it, but you don’t want to be identified as an angry woman who rails against the patriarchy and doesn’t shave her armpits?

Should you call yourself a feminist?

And what if you also want to wear sparkly necklaces and be womanly while you’re kicking butt in your career? Is that going to make you less competitive in the work world?

In other words, what if you want to be feminine and soft, yet still fulfill your earning and career goals?

Can that be done? And if so, how? What does that even look like?

In my experience, it’s not only possible, it’s the only way to truly succeed–if by succeed, you also include having a gratifying relationship.

I’m gonna assume that’s what you mean, because who doesn’t want that?

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How to Behave With Your Husband

9 Myths Uncovered

Maybe your husband seems distant or cold.

Maybe he’s just so touchy all the time—like if you breathe wrong, it sets him off.

Or you see him so rarely it’s just awkward when you’re together, and you start to wonder, “How should I act around this guy?”

You want him to be more loving and less grouchy.

So you’re doing the things you think should get him to snap out of his crummy mood and realize he has a pretty great wife.

But it’s not working.

It could be that you’ve fallen prey to one of these common misconceptions about husbands that’s making things harder than they need to be.

That’s because I struggled a lot thinking they were true.

These common myths might be making your marriage hard. Read on to discover what to do to make it easy and fun again.

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My Husband Ignores Me

Inspire Him to Seek Your Company Because You’re Irresistible

Around here, the TV seemed to be the main problem.

If I could just get rid of the TV, I would get a lot more of my husband’s attention–or so I believed.

Other women report that their husbands play video games incessantly, or work 117 hours a week, or have poker games every night.

Sometimes it’s surfing or golf or helping his mother.

Either way, she never gets his time and attention.

It’s lonely and frustrating.

But there’s plenty you, as a wife, can do to change this situation, and you’ll both be happier for it.

Not just dutifully, but because he’s drawn to you and can’t resist you. He’ll seek out your company.

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How to Become More Confident

7 Steps That Will Make You Super Self-Assured

You’re not the only person who feels insecure, of course.

Everyone does sometimes.

But it’s a worthy goal to want to feel more confident—to want to feel comfortable in your own skin.

Second-guessing what you just said and wishing you’d said something else, and wanting to make yourself disappear gets old and exhausting.

Having anxiety about whether you’re acceptable or lovable sucks up your vitality and takes up the energy you could have been using to do something way more fun and productive.

But it’s hard to know how to get out of the trap of feeling like you’re not good enough, that you’re missing some crucial information that everyone else seems to have, or that you’re just too broken or hopeless to ever feel like you can totally relax.

Becoming more confident will definitely make you more attractive.

Who doesn’t want that?

Fortunately, no matter how messed up you feel or your childhood was, you can become self-possessed and secure.

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Passive Aggressive Husband or Boyfriend

How to End Hostilities with a Man Who’s Negative, Sullen and Obstinate

If you’re married to someone who is passive-aggressive, then you’re frequently facing resistance to the simplest things.

His negative attitude is obvious, and sometimes he’s hostile for no reason.

When he says he “forgot” to pick up the groceries when he promised he would, you have a hard time believing it was accidental.

He doesn’t come out and say that he’s mad about having to drive the kids around yesterday while you were at your sister’s house.

That would be direct, which is the opposite of passive-aggressive. If he was direct, then you’d be able to communicate about it.

But he’s not, so you have to just guess what the problem is when the tension is so thick that clearly, there IS a problem.

That’s the challenge of living with a passive-aggressive husband.

It doesn’t require him to go to a therapist, read a book or take medicine.

These three simple steps–all within your control–will put an end to your suffering from his passive-aggressive behavior.

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