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How to Stop Fighting with Your Husband

The Secrets to Creating Lasting Peace
Ellie F., Laura Doyle Certified Coach

I used to have an alter ego. She was named “Dragon Lady.” She had been with me my whole life, following me into every romantic relationship I had.

I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. Fight or flee were my only options most of the time. I chose to fight. If I felt scared, I would argue. If I felt sad, I would pick a fight so anger could cover the immense sorrow inside me. If I thought you might reject me, I would pick a fight and force the issue so I was in control of the demise of the relationship.

Fight, fight, fight.

I got married and had three lovely sons. Their father knew just how to push my buttons, and bam, there she was: the fire-breathing dragon.

The arguments were intense, frequent, and almost physical at times. We both contributed, yet I had no idea how to stop Dragon Lady when she awakened. It was as if something else overtook me. I felt like I was watching this terrified and mean wild animal fight for her life. Except my life wasn’t in danger!

We eventually separated and divorced. It broke my heart.

3 Ways to Recover from a Fight

How to Inspire Apologies and Handholding

If you’re anything like I was, some fights come up in your relationship more often than a hit song plays on Top 40 radio.

You don’t want to have the same fight over and over, but it keeps happening.

You’re just talking about the leftovers from dinner and next thing you know, your mother–who isn’t present–is involved, and you’re both yelling things you would be embarrassed to repeat.

You wonder why he has to yell and get so upset when the conversation was originally about Tupperware.

It makes you question whether this relationship is even sustainable because it’s so draining and painful to have these blow-ups. And so distracting from the things you were planning to do because you keep replaying the fight in your head and thinking of ways to let him have it.

Happily, you don’t have to stay stuck in wall-to-wall hostility or a week-long cold war.

I Am Exhausted All the Time

How This Harried Supermom Became a Cherished Wife
Hudi, Laura Doyle Certified Coach

I have been married for over ten years now. I live in a small apartment a bit north of New York City with my wonderful, handsome husband and our four little guys. And we are living happily ever after…

That wasn’t the case a few years ago.

When I got married, my husband was studying and I knew he planned on being in research for a while. It didn’t pay much, but it’s what we felt was right. I knew I would be responsible for making money, which is what I thought I was supposed to do. I took care of paying the bills and all our finances.

I was under the impression that since I wanted to have children, I was expected to take care of them too. I thought it was bad to ask my husband to help at all. I changed every diaper, fed every meal, did every bath…

I was completely overwhelmed but did not think there was any other way.

8 Creative Ways to Take Your Relationship Up a Notch

How to Make Things Better without Him Even Knowing What You Did

When your relationship is in the doldrums, it’s tempting to blame your husband for the problems.

That was my initial approach and it didn’t help matters. At all!

I really believed if he would be more romantic, help clean up more and make more money, everything would be great.

Turns out the joke was on me because I was the one with the key to making things amazing.

Focusing on his shortcomings and coming up with various diagnoses for him never got me what I wanted in my marriage. I just experienced what I was focused on. His ADD seemed worse than ever whenever I looked in on his disheveled office with a critical eye.

Fortunately, I found a better way to get the attention, affection and special treatment I now enjoy.

My Husband Hurts My Feelings

How I Traded in the Jabs for Compliments
Sonya, Laura Doyle Certified Coach

“The problem with you is…”

Ouch. I hate hearing words like that.

Is it bait, an insult, or a bad joke?

For years, I wallowed in hurt that felt so fresh I could tear up practically on demand thinking about how unloved and unappreciated I felt.

What do you do when a lot of the communication toward you feels negative?

I had no idea until

3 Things Wives Get Wrong about Husbands

How to End Misunderstandings and Hear His Heart Message

Imagine if your husband did and said everything you needed to be happy in your marriage, as though he were trying to win the husband-of-the-year award.

What kinds of things would he do differently?

Maybe he’d redouble his efforts to clean up and maintain the house or show up more for the kids. Maybe he’d be more affectionate, seeking your company whenever he got the chance.

You’d feel more taken care of, special and desired.

Wouldn’t that be amazing?

Your husband actually does want to do all those things for you. All men want to succeed–especially with their wives.

So what’s stopping him?

It could be, and often is, that he’s misunderstood. He’s conveying one heart message, but you’re hearing something else.

How to Love and Be Loved when Your Heart Is Closed

3 Ways to Let Your Walls Down
Rachel, Laura Doyle Certified Coach

He decided to make the two-hour drive from Pennsylvania to Maryland. I was happy he was willing to come to me first. We met on a cold afternoon.

I knew right away that he was my soulmate.

Actually, I had known after reading his first email and even his profile alone. I could just feel the soulmate familiarity of him.

He had a nice beard and an adorable smile. He was real and chill, with his sweatshirt and joking ways, but refined and holy too, discussing religious topics soon into the date. It was him, no question about it.

All my life, I had dreamed of this man, of this moment when we would finally join.

The problem was, my heart was closed. After some past heartbreaks, I had built a brick wall over my heart and then a metal barricade in front of that, as I was determined not to get hurt again.

4 Common Misconceptions about Marriage Problems

How Conventional Wisdom Makes Things Worse

When you’re frustrated or stressed about your marriage, the natural thing to do is to look for advice online, like what you’re reading right now.

But there’s lots of advice online, much of it contradictory. How do you know which suggestions will bring you bliss and which will have the two of you backing into your respective corners?

Especially if you’re hurting and desperate for help, how in the world can you tell the wisdom from the weirdness?

Experimenting is one way. If you try something and it doesn’t work, then you can stop doing it.

That’s how I discovered that some of the ideas I considered immutable law were actually a bunch of bunk that was only setting me back from what I wanted in my relationship.

It made my head explode to realize I had bought into lies about marriage just because I’d heard them so many times. And they totally seemed like common sense.

Husband Is like a Roommate

How You Can Reignite the Romance
Jo W, Laura Doyle Certified Coach

In 2005, I met the man of my dreams. He was funny, outgoing, romantic, passionate, talented, smart, kind, caring, generous and extremely sexy! I felt incredible when I was with him. We were engaged eight months later and married soon after.

After nine years of the ups and downs of married life, I was falsely accused of being unfaithful. Shocked and devastated, I threw myself a seven-month pity party.

I was in despair living with a man who had become merely a roommate and business partner.