#1 Way to Make Your Marriage Happier

Make Your Marriage Happier

#1 Way to Make Your Marriage Happier

This is What Oprah Meant When She Said Remember Your Spirit

Shana was upset with her husband when she got home to find the kids eating candy and playing on the iPad while he worked in the yard.

“I just can never count on him when I want to go out. He says he’s taking care of the kids and then I come home to this!” she seethed.

Meanwhile, Jessica was just as upset with her husband, who moved the computer and a huge pile of cords into their bedroom, making it look messy. “Why can’t he understand that I like things to be tidy and organized?” she complained.

Karen was equally irritated about her husband coming home from work an hour later than he said he would. “He always does this!” she told me, “I’m just going to tell him how inconsiderate he is.”

Of course, it’s easy to see ways that each of those husbands had been irritating or irresponsible, but it turns out, that wasn’t the real problem.

Valentines Day Treat

In each of these cases, there was something else contributing to the tension in the relationship, and it had everything to do with Shana, Jessica, and Karen.

It just wasn’t obvious to them at first–not until I asked each of them this revealing question…

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Myths About Marriage

Myths About Marriage

Myths About Marriage

The Top 5 Insane (and False!) Lies About Relationships

When my marriage was miserable, I was always looking for clues about how to fix it.

I desperately wanted to find some key information that I could use to stop my husband from being the biggest loser-face on the planet.

And in a way, that’s what happened. Sorta.

I finally found the right information, and it did help my husband respond to me in a much better way. Like a completely different guy–the awesome guy I married.

Turns out I was mistaken about that “biggest loser-face” part, and when I realized that, he couldn’t do enough to make me happy.

But along the way, I learned these thoroughly unhelpful marriage myths.

When I didn’t know what I didn’t know, I thought these myths were the holy grail. But mostly, I ended up chasing my tail around for a while–and further insulting my husband, and sometimes his parents–all in the name of working on our relationship.

Intimacy Quiz

It all made me depressed because nothing was working.

So to this day, it still makes me want to punch someone in the nose to see one of the myths that kept me stuck and made me feel completely hopeless.

These myths are the worst, because they seem kind of reasonable and true-ish.

But they’re not. They’re absurd, and should be run over with the car.

Here are the five most silly, stupid, ridicule-worthy myths about relationships–and what I now know is the key to having your husband want to give you his attention and affection, and trip over himself to make you smile.

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The Six Intimacy Skills

The Six Intimacy Skills

The Six Intimacy Skills

How they saved my marriage and made me way more attractive

At my Cherished for Life Retreat, Gigi told me she wanted to have intimacy in her marriage, but didn’t really know what it looked like.

“I’ve been married for over 20 years,” she confessed, “and I feel like I just don’t even know what intimacy is.”

I know what she means; I was similarly baffled in the early days of my marriage. Was intimacy just physical–just another way to say “sex”? What did emotional intimacy look like? I wasn’t sure.

Whatever it was, I knew I wanted to have it.

And although I knew I had experienced it at times, I really had no idea why that happened, or how to create more of it.

I had no concept of the Six Intimacy Skills, or that there was anything I could do to nurture intimacy. I didn’t realize I was unwittingly crushing the emotional and physical connection in my marriage.

I thought intimacy and tenderness was something that just happened if you picked the right guy.

I believed that it looked something like those vacation brochures where the handsome guy throws the beautiful woman up in the air in the pool.

I also had a deep, dark fear that intimacy was reserved only for those who are lovable.

I wasn’t sure I was lovable, and I was deathly afraid to find out. I was scared that I was too damaged, too needy, too strong-willed and not pretty enough.

Even after I was married, I worried I would always feel the gnawing misery of loneliness, and that there would be nothing I could do about it because it wasn’t in my control.

I believed that some lucky people experience intimacy, and that the unlucky ones don’t.

Of course, I knew that if I wanted to be a good volleyball player, or be able to make a mean risotto or deliver moving talks from the stage, I just needed to learn how, and practice.

But intimacy–that was different. It was more mysterious, I thought.

I had no idea it was a matter of expertise, like everything else, and that there were Six Intimacy Skills that would not only help me feel lovable and loved every single day, but would also make me more attractive.

The Six Intimacy Skills are not theoretical. They are proven, time and again, with many thousands of women in 17 languages in 28 countries. And now that I know them, I can’t shut up about them!

I want every woman to know the simple, practical things she can do to create the gratifying, exhilarating, addicting experience of being loved every day, just for being herself.

Free Relationship Help

If that’s something you want too, let’s get you started with The Six Intimacy Skills. Here’s how:

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How to be Feminine and Be 10X More Attractive

How to be More Feminine

How to be Feminine and Be 10X More Attractive

What your mom and grandma would have told you if they knew

As a young adult, it made me angry when someone implied that men and women are different because that showed they were prejudiced.

I saw that as the old, unenlightened thinking. I smugly believed I knew the truth: everyone was the same, regardless of gender.

I knew how to be assertive, speak up for my rights, and correct others for their backward thinking.

I was charming like that.

But I didn’t know how to be feminine, or even recognize my own astonishing power as a female.

Intimacy Quiz

Looking back, I feel so sad for the clueless younger version of me.

I was so hopelessly ignorant of the valuable contributions that I bring to my relationship and to the world as a woman that I tried to avoid seeming feminine.

I equated femininity with weakness.

I was afraid my gifts were repulsive.

Now that I know what it looks like to be feminine, I find there’s such ease, dignity and comfort in it—such relief! I feel such a sense of rightness when I’m my feminine self.

When I say feminine, I don’t mean manipulative or overtly sexual. I’m talking about honoring my feminine spirit, which I’ll explain.

Learning how to be feminine rocked my relationship and my world in the best way I can imagine.

There’s no makeup, clothes, or plastic surgery that can come close to having the irresistible magnetism of the feminine spirit in a woman.

Here’s what you need to know how to do:

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Controlling Husband Cure: How to Get Him to Stop Before You Smack Him

Controlling Husband

Controlling Husband Cure: How to Get Him to Stop Before You Smack Him

If he’s always telling you what to do, here’s what it means

Does your husband tell you how to cut an onion? How to drive? What to wear?

It’s no fun to have someone barking orders at you like you’re incompetent, or a kitchen elf who should do his bidding.

You’ve calmly asked him to just relax, or have gotten upset about it, and still…he can’t seem to keep himself from telling you what to do and how to do it.

It gets discouraging. Who wouldn’t be defensive?

If you knew how to get him to stop, you surely would, but nothing seems to work. He just doesn’t get the message. So you struggle along, feeling hurt and angry most of the time.

That was Allison’s situation, and she just couldn’t take it anymore.

Intimacy Quiz

She left her husband because he was so controlling—possessive too. She felt like a prisoner at times, and embarrassed when he told her how to cut the cake in front of everyone at a graduation party.

But when I showed her an approach she hadn’t considered, she decided she had nothing to lose by trying it.

That’s when everything changed. Now Allison is back with her husband and feeling like a newlywed again.

“I finally understand what people mean when they say, ‘I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you,’” she told me excitedly. “That’s exactly how I feel.”

Here’s what I shared with Allison that helped her get there:

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How to Respect Your Husband

How to Respect Your Husband

How to Respect Your Husband

4 Cheat Phrases That Will Make Him The Man You Know He Can Be

As a new bride, I never really understood what it meant to be respectful to my husband.

I wasn’t sure why I would want to go so far out of my way to respect him when I was absolutely certain that I was smarter, more efficient and had more common sense than he did anyway.

I mean, what if he was inconsiderate or lazy or rude? Should I respect him then?

But WOW! Do I ever see things differently now–like night and day.

First of all, it doesn’t feel good to be disrespectful. It feels hairy and dirty.

Secondly, I’m not as super smarty pants as I once thought. And funny thing–my husband seems a lot smarter than he did back then.

Finally, I want a respectful relationship, so I figure it’s up to me to bring the respect. I love the playfulness and passion that shows up when I do.

Intimacy Quiz

Respect is such a key ingredient for that to continue. I know because I tried leaving it out, and things did not go well around here. At all.

But even if I’d wanted to be respectful in the bad old days, I probably wouldn’t have known how. It didn’t come all that naturally for me, but leaning on these phrases helped me get there.

Saying these phrases didn’t just get a better response from my husband. They also softened my heart. They made me into my best self. I use them all the time to this day, because they’re how I made my marriage so much fun.

And they changed the way my husband treats me too. He knows I think highly of him (I really do now!), and he acts like that man I think so highly of.

Here are the 4 cheat phrases that helped me become the respectful wife I am today:

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How to Get Your Husband Back after He Leaves You

How to get your husband back

How to Get Your Husband Back after He Leaves You

14 Ways to Shock Him and Yourself for the Good of You Both

I can’t think of anything more painful and heartbreaking than having your husband say, “I don’t love you anymore. Maybe I never did.”

Or, “It’s over. I’m in love with someone else.”

Or–maybe even worse—to discover those things without him saying anything.

It’s only human to be angry at him for being such a thoughtless jerk. As a mere mortal woman, you likely want him to hurt the way you hurt when he did the terrible thing.

Of course, there’s no real comfort in making him suffer, even though it’s more tempting than a Cinnabon.

There are, however, several specific things you can do that will give you real relief from that continuous ache, and also help you put your family back together.

Intimacy Quiz

This isn’t conventional relationship advice, so I invite you to consider staying open to the possibility that you can put everything right again, but only if you do things very, very differently than you’ve been doing them.

Everything I’m going to suggest will sound contrary. But there’s a method to my madness.

These suggestions may sound like radical measures, but this is what I’ve seen breathe new life into a broken marriages for thousands of women in your distressing situation–and it’s what I did to revitalize my own broken marriage.

Here are the specific actions I recommend to recover the good you had together in the beginning:

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Being Vulnerable in a Relationship: The Complete Beginners Guide

Being Vulnerable In A Relationship

Being Vulnerable in a Relationship: The Complete Beginners Guide

How I learned to be completely authentic and feel loved at the same time

I used to think being vulnerable was a sign of weakness. I didn’t think it was particularly desirable to be weak, so the whole vulnerability thing seemed like something to avoid.

I knew I was strong and could speak up when something wasn’t right, which I didn’t hesitate to do. I wasn’t afraid to fight city hall, and I always seemed to be doing that.

But I was afraid. I was afraid to let that soft, undefended part of me show. I was afraid that part of me was repulsive. I didn’t like feeling so exposed.

I still don’t, if I’m honest.

But I love the part right after I run through the waterfall of fear and find out what’s on the other side.

It’s indescribable.

It’s exhilarating.

Intimacy Quiz

Anything could happen because I’m not controlling my image. And I’ve never known anything more gratifying than feeling loved for being my most authentic self, even if I’m a mess.

Now that I know how it feels to be completely exposed and feel loved anyway, I wouldn’t want to live any other way.

Now, I actually go out of my way to be vulnerable.

After spending the first twenty-something years of my life as a steamroller who rolled right over whatever threatened me, this is how I finally got there:

Here are the phrases I rely on to help me get vulnerable, which I now consider essential for intimacy:

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No Longer Lonely or Overwhelmed by Norita Bonin

Lonely Marriage

No Longer Lonely or Overwhelmed

How a wife of 30 years stopped pretending and started living happily ever after

Relationship Coach NoritaNorita Bonin
Laura Doyle Certified Intimacy Coach

Being married to my childhood sweetheart for 30 years sounds like a true happily-ever-after story for some. But for me, it felt more like a lonely endurance test.

I believed what it took to be a good wife was competency, responsibility, and wearing many hats–gourmet cook, gardener, wife, mother of 4, multiple business manager, and guest entertainer–all while looking reasonably attractive.

Feeling overwhelmed was all too familiar! I was doing all I could to pull my own weight and be productive. I considered it a high compliment that I was a “go-getter” and got more done than most people.

In reality, I wasted decades feeling avoided and lonely.

Mostly, I grieved in broken-hearted silence.

I felt old, weary, and weak when I should have been strong. I found myself sleeping a lot as a method of escape.

Intimacy Quiz

I welcomed the end of my life, and some of my well-intentioned friends recommended antidepressant medications.

I thought it was my husband’s fault for not being a good provider, and for not loving me enough.

Some of my friends and family who had been to marriage counseling were advised on how to end their impossible marriages, but I did not want separation or a divorce.

When I asked my husband about going to counseling, he declined.

A few years ago, I quietly recommitted myself to staying in my unhappy marriage because there were too many people who would be hurt by my giving up.

Years were spent in a quest for happiness, which included searching scripture, countless conversations with other women, and reading many relationship books.

While there were little bits and pieces that helped, none were the key to my marital happiness.

But then something happened that changed my life forever.

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15 Things Happen When You Give Up Control

Give Up Control

15 Things Happen When You Give Up Control

The World-Famous System for Relinquishing Control has Unexpected Side Effects

What happens when 18 women tell the up-close and personal story of how their marriages were struggling in some way, and describe exactly how they stopped controlling to restore the passion and playfulness?

First, you get an inspiring book of best practices for a playful, passionate marriage, which you can then apply to your own relationship.

Second, some other patterns emerge.

Let’s say you’re in the habit of giving your husband “helpful suggestions,” like all of us were.

Or maybe you’re less subtle about it, and you just come right out and tell him what to do, like we also did.

And let’s say that one day you decide to stop controlling…

Then what?

Intimacy Quiz

Here’s what we found out by putting all the first-hand accounts together in the book Surrendered Wives Empowered Women: Inspiring True Stories of Women Who Made Their Relationships Intimate, Passionate and Peaceful Again: As soon as you stop controlling your guy, your relationship gets so much better!

AND all of this happens too…

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