Blog

4 Common Misconceptions about Marriage Problems

How Conventional Wisdom Makes Things Worse

When you’re frustrated or stressed about your marriage, the natural thing to do is to look for advice online, like what you’re reading right now.

But there’s lots of advice online, much of it contradictory. How do you know which suggestions will bring you bliss and which will have the two of you backing into your respective corners?

Especially if you’re hurting and desperate for help, how in the world can you tell the wisdom from the weirdness?

Experimenting is one way. If you try something and it doesn’t work, then you can stop doing it.

That’s how I discovered that some of the ideas I considered immutable law were actually a bunch of bunk that was only setting me back from what I wanted in my relationship.

It made my head explode to realize I had bought into lies about marriage just because I’d heard them so many times. And they totally seemed like common sense.

Read More›

Husband Is like a Roommate

How You Can Reignite the Romance
Jo W, Laura Doyle Certified Coach

In 2005, I met the man of my dreams. He was funny, outgoing, romantic, passionate, talented, smart, kind, caring, generous and extremely sexy! I felt incredible when I was with him. We were engaged eight months later and married soon after.

After nine years of the ups and downs of married life, I was falsely accused of being unfaithful. Shocked and devastated, I threw myself a seven-month pity party.

I was in despair living with a man who had become merely a roommate and business partner.

Read More›

15 Inspirational Quotes to Help You Fix Your Marriage

Remarkable Reminders of Why We Say “I Do”

Sometimes your marriage looks bleak.

You wish it were the way you imagined when you said your vows, but you didn’t imagine having cold wars, without speaking for days.

You didn’t imagine he would drink so much or that you would find him so unattractive when he does.

You didn’t imagine being married and feeling like a single mom.

When his latest hurtful words and neglect are still stinging, you can feel like a sucker for falling for a man who isn’t who you thought he was.

But that doesn’t mean you have to either be miserable-ever-after or get divorced.

So much of your experience is in your power, which is why I’ve gathered some inspirational quotes to help you rekindle your optimism and get filled with the energy you need to fix your marriage.

Read More›

My Husband Wants to Leave Me

From Breaking Down to Breaking Open
Rebecca P Laura Doyle Certified Coach

I come from a strong family of matriarchs, who taught me what they had learned from their own experiences: Men are not safe or trustworthy.

There seemed to be plenty of evidence to support that idea, from my grandmother’s whole family being killed in the Holocaust to a rabbi I trusted dishonoring me.

My parents’ contentious divorce when I was young also impacted my future relationships. I was ill equipped to know what a healthy marriage looked like.

I married young and it did not last. When a marriage counselor told me to divorce my first husband, I listened. I remarried again, but with no skills to make that marriage any better, it too ended in divorce.

After two failed marriages, I was done. No more men. I would not be hurt again.

So I built a fortress to keep myself safe. I would not be vulnerable with men, even though I was able to open my heart to my children and others in my life. My fortress kept me safe for a while.

It also kept me alone.

Read More›

What Happened After I Saved My Marriage

Kathy Murray, Laura Doyle Certified Master Relationship Coach

Before I learned about the 6 Intimacy SkillsTM, my marriage was headed for divorce.

I blamed my husband for everything, never taking responsibility for my own happiness or cleaning up my side of the street, dismissing my own acts of rage and disrespect. I was controlling, critical and lacked self-care.

I didn’t like who I had become, and obviously he didn’t either.

My husband often resorted to watching TV and snuggling with our pets as I’d rage at him for ignoring my needs. I was unhappy and criticized his choices, such as how he parented. I’d cry, fight, yell and pout to get my way. There were cold wars for days, sometimes weeks.

I had a lot to learn.

Trouble was, I didn’t know any of that. What I did know was that my husband was no longer attracted to me and that I needed help. So after reading the book The Surrendered Wife, I emailed Laura Doyle and begged her to help me save my marriage.

That was in 2001, and I’ve never left her side.

One of the first things I learned was that the Intimacy Skills empower me to be a more dignified woman, wife and mother. They’re not really about changing my husband, although he responded to me much more affectionately after I started practicing them.

As much as I welcomed these changes, they weren’t all smooth sailing.

Read More›

My Marriage Is in Trouble

How I Jumped Off the Fence and Into Love
Teresa, Laura Doyle Relationship Coach

I had been married for 20+ years to my third husband when I first discovered the 6 Intimacy Skills™. My first two marriages had ended in divorce. I did not want my third marriage to fail too.

The year before finding Laura Doyle’s books, I had moved out of our home for twelve months, uncertain whether my husband and I would reconcile or divorce.

I felt emotionally exhausted, particularly by the arguments, blame, criticism, distance, hurt feelings and lack of emotional trust and respect between us. Our marriage felt like so much hard work for both of us.

Read More›

5 Common Mistakes Women Make to Get Their Man’s Time and Affection

How to Get the Consideration You Want the Way You Want It

Wouldn’t it be a wonderful world if marriage came with an easy-to-follow instruction manual?

Who’s with me?

But since it doesn’t, you bumble along trying out relationship advice you got at the hair salon, from well-meaning friends and even strangers at bars.

They say things like “Never go to bed angry.”

Sounds wise, right? But another way to say that is “Stay up and fight,” which doesn’t seem like such a great idea after all.

There’s a lot of bad relationship advice floating around disguised as “common sense.” Maybe that’s why so many marriages are falling apart.

Read More›

My Husband Is Emotionally Distant

How I Got My White Picket Fence After All
Rachel Hanna, Laura Doyle Certified Coach

All of my life, I had my eye on the prize: being married to my one true soulmate.

I imagined us laughing together on the couch and gazing into each other’s eyes, deeply in love. I imagined a love of such closeness and comfort that we could have a blast together at the grocery store. I also imagined accomplishing big dreams together–white picket fence and all.

I yearned and prayed my heart out to meet him, a focused mission I made my top priority as I became a young woman.

Then I met him, and I knew right away.

He was sensitive, gentle, brilliant, and shared the same dreams as me. From the time we met, he felt familiar and comfortable, like a brother, and also the man I knew I would forever love more and more deeply.

When we got married, I naively said we would be different from other couples. I expected smooth sailing from day one because we were gentle souls aimed for kindness and sweetness towards each other.

Despite that good foundation, within a few weeks the challenges began.

He had taken a job with long, late hours, which didn’t match my vision of the evenings we would spend together as newlyweds. I complained, telling him it was wrong to work so late when we were newly married since we should be cuddling and laughing all evening, as true soulmates do.

It wasn’t long before he was withdrawn and distant.

Read More›

You’ve been working really hard on your relationship. At least it feels like hard work because it’s so draining and takes up so much time and energy.

The bad news is you were probably working on fixing the wrong things.

The good news is that, no matter how bad it seems now, it’s not too late to save the relationship—and get the fulfilling one you set out to have when you first fell in love.

That’s true even if you’re separated, there’s been an affair, or the divorce has already started.

Here’s what you can do to restore the peace, passion and connection you once shared:

Read More›

Finding Your Purpose while Fixing Your Relationship

How to Access the Portal to Living Your Passion

When you have the vague feeling you have a calling in life that you’re not responding to, it’s like having an itch you can’t quite scratch.

Your soul is whispering to you that there’s something you’re here on the planet to do–something important, but how do you find it?

Even worse, when you’re not feeling purposeful, exhilarated or joyful in your work, that will lead to a strain in your relationship.

And if your relationship is struggling, that robs you from accomplishing all you want to do.

In other words, the two pain points are tied together and aggravate each other.

I didn’t realize that when my marriage was struggling. I just thought my husband was a loser pants and that work was hard but I could retire in 40 years (unless I got fired again).

Fortunately, I was wrong about everything.

I haven’t been fired for decades now. I do exhilarating work every day. And my marriage is amazing.

Here are 3 ways to transform your relationship and find your purpose at the same time:

Read More›