Dial Back the Relationship Drama by Doing This

relationship dramaIn the bad old days, when my husband John and I used to fight all the time or have cold wars, there was plenty of relationship drama. It wasn’t much fun, but over time, I got used to it.

Drama on the home front was my habit.

When I finally discovered and started practicing The Six Intimacy Skills and my relationship got more playful and passionate, things were also a lot calmer at our house.

When I wasn’t saying critical, disrespectful, and controlling things to my husband, at first I felt like I had nothing to say to him (which says a lot about how critical, disrespectful, and controlling I had been before).

It felt really odd. It was like we had little to talk about compared to before. It was peaceful, but it was also strangely quiet.

Intimacy Quiz

I was uncomfortable. I felt like something was missing.

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How to Get Your Wife to Stop Nagging

How to Get your Wife to Stop Nagging

As a former nagging shrew, I can tell you that it’s not an enjoyable pastime. It took me a long time to even realize I was nagging. I felt soooo justified.

I was convinced that if I didn’t repeat myself and make lists for my husband and manage him, nothing would ever get done. When he didn’t respond well, I came back with even sharper and louder orders, which never worked.

Bad idea–I know. It really cost me my dignity and self-esteem, and it sure cost me intimacy and connection with my husband.

I didn’t like the sound of my own sarcasm and whining. It wasn’t attractive–even to me. I knew I was driving him away, and I was terrified I was going to end up alone if I didn’t stop.

Truth be told, I didn’t even want to be around myself because I sounded so screechy all the time.

Here’s the big, dark secret we naggers all have:

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How to Put an End to Your Husband’s Affair and Get Him Back for Good

my husband had an affair now whatOne of the awesomest things about being a relationship coach for over 16 years is that I’ve had the privilege of watching thousands of relationships transform from broken and hopeless to vibrant and connected.

My clients often come to me after a stint of marriage counseling (which I don’t recommend for these reasons) or a big crisis: They’re separated, or one of them has filed for divorce or is threatening to.

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The Real Reason Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Filed for Divorce

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Divorce
When Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner announced their divorce, I felt sad for those two all-American-looking stars and their three kids. Divorce is always tragic, but especially when it’s somebody that kind of feels like a friend because you’ve seen them in the movies.

Despite their very public efforts to stay together–including Ben thanking Jennifer for working hard on their relationship in an Oscar speech–and a reported two years of marriage counseling, they didn’t make it.

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Critical Discovery About Men That Leads To A More Passionate Marriage

passinate marriage
Do you see other men tenderly touching their wives and feel like you’d give anything to be treated that way?

What if I could show you exactly what to do so your man can’t keep his hands off of you and came home early from work to see you because to him you are the most special, amazing woman in the world?

What if you could have that giddy feeling of having him grab you at the waist and pull you in for a kiss just because you were so irresistible?

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How Your Parents Set You up to Get Divorced

divorceYour divorce might not be all your fault. Perhaps your parents’ played a role. They were probably terrible role models. Chances are high that they were either 1) divorced, 2) never married or 3) that they’re still married — but not in a way that anybody would want to emulate. There was no Relationships 101 at the schools they sent you to. Where were you supposed to learn how to have a good marriage — from watching Mike and Molly?

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6 Steps for Women on How to Stop a Divorce

How To Stop DivorceDivorce is like tooth decay: totally preventable for a woman with the right skills and habits. Unfortunately most women didn’t have good relationship role-models. We are largely the product of single parents, broken homes or marriages that we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy — the equivalent of learning oral care from parents with false teeth.

We aren’t born with the skills to foster intimacy, passion and peace anymore than we’re born with a Sonicare and good flossing habits. Fortunately, any woman can learn intimacy skills and use them to create trust, tenderness and connection.

Here are the six proven intimacy skills your mother never taught you that lead to satisfying, lifelong love:

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Just Because I’m Feminine Doesn’t Mean I’m Not A Feminist

Feminine Feminist

How Can a Feminist Surrender?

By Valorie Ness

You know what is the absolute worst? Remembering times when you were insufferable, pompous, belligerent and wrong, but too stubborn to admit it. I was often that person.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease and silently went off the deep end. To say I was unpleasant would be an understatement. I began drinking even more heavily, which is really bad to do with Crohn’s. My liver was a mess as well, and getting worse. So I quit drinking, and I quit smoking cigarettes. And on the 15th of every month I started giving up another food that made me feel ill. My body started slowly feeling better.

My brain, however, became my enemy. All it saw was what it was missing and letting go of. I found myself with all these 5-10 minute holes to fill. And I did. I filled them with complaints, anger, loneliness. My man tried to comfort me. Small gestures, big gestures. And I appreciated them, truly I did. But what came out of my mouth was something like, “Oh roses are nice, but I like lilies better.” So I went online to look up ways to discipline myself to think before I speak, to be more productive and positive. That’s where I found The Surrendered Wife.

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Why My Wife’s Approach to Relationships is Better Than Marriage Counseling by John Doyle

John Doyle and Laura DoyleWhen Laura and I first met, she was a 21-year old journalism student at San Jose State University. She had just gone to an event downtown and was dressed to the nines. Having just gotten back from the beach, I was gross and sandy. I had parked my pickup truck and was walking toward my front door and she was standing on her front porch.

Laura was the proverbial “girl next door.” Her apartment shared a wall with mine, and many times I could hear her talking on the phone or to her roommate, laughing at something. So even before I met her, I knew she loved to laugh.

In our conversation, I told her I liked to play guitar and participate in amateur theater plays. Now if you ask Laura, this is where the story diverges. Laura says that she said “I’d like to go to a play sometime.” My recollection is that Laura looked up to the sky and said “I wish someone would take me to a play.” I felt that the ball was in my court and I asked her out right then and there.

Perhaps there is a key to Laura’s philosophy from her book, First Kill All the Marriage Counselors: Modern Day Secrets to Becoming Desired, Cherished and Adored by a Man in that exchange. Laura was expressing her desire to go to a play in the near future. She didn’t say “we should go to a play” or “you should take me to a play.” She said “I’d like to go to a play sometime.” However I heard or interpreted the words, they instilled in me a sense of urgency to ask her on a date.

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Self-Care Activities & Why They’re So Essential

Self-Care Activities

Why Self-Care is So Essential

by Laura Doyle

Whenever a women tells me that she’s having a lot of arguments in her relationship, one of the very first things I ask her is, “How’s your self-care?” Most of the time the response is that she hasn’t had the time to do much for her own enjoyment lately. That happens to all of us sometimes, but since self-care activities are such a vital part of keeping your relationship healthy and happy that’s the first thing I ask when peace in a relationship is missing. Self-care is perhaps the most important Intimacy Skill™ of all.

You may be wondering what the connection is between self-care and a happier relationship. Often when I’m short with my husband, what’s really going on is that I’m hungry, or tired, or have too much on my plate, or I just haven’t had any fun in a while. There’s a direct correlation between my self-care activities and my level of tolerance for my husband.

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