How Not Talking About Our Relationship Saved My Marriage

talking about your relationship
I admit that if anyone had told me not to talk about my relationship to my husband when I was newly married 26 years ago, I would have dismissed that person as a nut job. I probably would have smugly said, “We talk about everything.”

You might be getting ready to put me in the nut job jar too, but before you do, let me tell you what I do that makes my relationship amazing and gets me all the things I was trying to get (but never did) by talking to my husband about our relationship.

Read More

3 Common Relationship Tips that will Destroy Your Marriage

Relationship Tips

The Relationship Advice that Wrecked My Marriage

On many occasions, when speaking about marriage advice I give out The Worst Relationship Advice of the Week Award. There’s never a shortage of bad advice to choose from, and most of it sounds like harmless conventional wisdom from so-called experts like Dr. Phil McGraw, Dr. John Gottman or The Wall Street Journal. But bad relationship advice is harmful. I know from applying some of these ineffective suggestions in my early marriage and nearly getting divorced as a result.

Of course the real reason I give out this award is not just to point and laugh at people (although I enjoy that too) but for the purpose of highlighting the simple skills that have helped thousands of women restore the excitement, passion and fun to their relationships.

Secrets to a happy relationship

Here are the three most common, unhelpful relationship tips and what I now know are more productive alternatives:

Read More

Top Secret: I’m Fixing My Marriage. Don’t Tell My Husband

Fixing My Marriage

Why You Should Keep it Top Secret When You’re Practicing the Six Intimacy Skills

Should you ever come clean about what you’re doing behind his back?

I got a great note from Theresa, who just read First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors and got—really got—that the marriage problems she has been griping about and wanting her husband to change for years are mostly things she has been mucking up herself.

She wanted to do the experiments in the book without having her husband see it and ask her about it, so she quickly made a book cover to hide the title.

Intimacy Quiz

Mostly, she was afraid he’d read it and see where she was going wrong, and say, “I told you so!”

That’s pretty unlikely, in my experience. As you begin to implement The Intimacy Skills, husbands get happy and chivalrous––not vindictive and obnoxious.

But there was a problem.

Read More

Three Life Hacks for Saving Your Marriage

Saving Your Marriage

You’ve been working really hard on your relationship. At least, it feels like hard work because it’s so draining and takes up so much time and energy. The bad news is you were probably working on trying to fix the wrong things. The good news is that no matter how bad it seems now, it’s not too late to use these life hacks to get back the relationship—the fulfilling one you set out to have when you first fell in love. That’s true even if you’re separated, there’s been an affair, or the divorce is already started.

Of course, if the affairs are chronic, your partner is actively addicted to drugs, alcohol or gambling, or you’re with a physical abuser, it may not be worth saving your marriage because you’re not safe.

Intimacy Quiz

But if none of that applies to your situation, here’s what you can do to restore the peace, passion and connection you once shared:

Read More

Verbally Abusive Men and How to Make Them Stop

Verbally Abusive Men

The Real Reason Your Man is Verbally Abusive and How to Make Him Stop

Is your husband or boyfriend incredibly cruel at times? Does he swear, yell and call you names? Does it undermine your self-esteem?

If so, then you may be verbally abused.

But I’ve made an interesting discovery about verbal abuse. Only women suffer from it—not men. Wrapped inside that mystery is a profound key to making your house safer and more peaceful, which I’ll explain step-by-step in this blog.

Read More

Dial Back the Relationship Drama by Doing This

relationship dramaIn the bad old days, when my husband John and I used to fight all the time or have cold wars, there was plenty of relationship drama. It wasn’t much fun, but over time, I got used to it.

Drama on the home front was my habit.

When I finally discovered and started practicing The Six Intimacy Skills and my relationship got more playful and passionate, things were also a lot calmer at our house.

When I wasn’t saying critical, disrespectful, and controlling things to my husband, at first I felt like I had nothing to say to him (which says a lot about how critical, disrespectful, and controlling I had been before).

It felt really odd. It was like we had little to talk about compared to before. It was peaceful, but it was also strangely quiet.

Intimacy Quiz

I was uncomfortable. I felt like something was missing.

Read More

How to Get Your Wife to Stop Nagging

How to Get your Wife to Stop Nagging

As a former nagging shrew, I can tell you that it’s not an enjoyable pastime. It took me a long time to even realize I was nagging. I felt soooo justified.

I was convinced that if I didn’t repeat myself and make lists for my husband and manage him, nothing would ever get done. When he didn’t respond well, I came back with even sharper and louder orders, which never worked.

Bad idea–I know. It really cost me my dignity and self-esteem, and it sure cost me intimacy and connection with my husband.

I didn’t like the sound of my own sarcasm and whining. It wasn’t attractive–even to me. I knew I was driving him away, and I was terrified I was going to end up alone if I didn’t stop.

Truth be told, I didn’t even want to be around myself because I sounded so screechy all the time.

Here’s the big, dark secret we naggers all have:

Read More

How to Put an End to Your Husband’s Affair and Get Him Back for Good

my husband had an affair now whatOne of the awesomest things about being a relationship coach for over 16 years is that I’ve had the privilege of watching thousands of relationships transform from broken and hopeless to vibrant and connected.

My clients often come to me after a stint of marriage counseling (which I don’t recommend for these reasons) or a big crisis: They’re separated, or one of them has filed for divorce or is threatening to.

Read More

The Real Reason Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Filed for Divorce

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Divorce
When Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner announced their divorce, I felt sad for those two all-American-looking stars and their three kids. Divorce is always tragic, but especially when it’s somebody that kind of feels like a friend because you’ve seen them in the movies.

Despite their very public efforts to stay together–including Ben thanking Jennifer for working hard on their relationship in an Oscar speech–and a reported two years of marriage counseling, they didn’t make it.

Read More
Page 1 of 1012345...10...Last »