Coach Ann

I remember standing in front of the wood stove, tears streaming down my face after yet another fight that started in our bedroom and ended with me leaving the room crying.
I cried so hard that it ached inside.

I couldn’t understand why the man who once made me feel so loved now seemed so oblivious to what I needed most: his time and attention before getting physical.

How many times did I have to tell him?

Ever since I was a little girl, twirling around in my grandmother’s wedding dress, I had dreamed of being married. And after years of dating men who disappointed me, I finally found my prince!

We met at a young adults’ conference and fell head over heels for each other. He was handsome, smart, and charming—and best of all, he adored me. Within six months, we were married and settling into a cozy cottage by the ocean. It felt like it was too good to be true.

The first few months were absolute bliss. We took long walks on the beach holding hands, talking about our goals and dreams, and couldn’t believe how happy we were.

Then, only a few months later, reality set in.

One winter day, I found an outrageous electric bill. Our charming house had electric heat, and the winters here are frigid. I—being the frugal one—lectured my husband about keeping the thermostat too high. His eyes changed, and he started to look distant and angry.

I didn’t know why he was so upset! I thought I was just being helpful.

As I explained and tried to prove my point, I grew more intense, and he got defensive—raising his voice for the first time. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I wondered…

Did I make a mistake marrying him?

After a while, we made up, and everything was good again. I thought the beautiful romance we were experiencing would last forever, but over time, more conflicts appeared. We disagreed on how often to be physically intimate. If I wasn’t in the mood, I told him I needed more romance and affection, but he said, “I don’t do things on cue.”

We thought differently about how to spend our days off. He liked quiet weekends at home, puttering on the car or in the garage; I wanted to go on fun adventures like when we first met. Going away, antiquing, and exploring the coast!

I started to feel resentful and disenchanted. I wondered where my charming prince had gone.

Then we had babies—one, two, and three. We both wanted children, and yet everything got a lot harder. I felt so overwhelmed, exhausted at times, and I thought he wasn’t doing enough to help! But when he did, I told him he was doing it wrong! He thought he couldn’t do anything right, so he stopped trying.

I also thought he should see what needed to be done and jump up from the couch to do it. When I got upset, he would say, “All you have to do is ask.” I thought I shouldn’t have to ask.

So, I started taking charge of things. After all, he wasn’t doing it. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t take the lead.

He started getting distant and quiet, but I didn’t know why.

One week, he built a beautiful swing set for our kids, then I told him what project he should do next. After all, I needed bookshelves for all of my marriage and parenting and organizing books.

It seemed like he didn’t want to do things for me anymore. One day, I asked him to please fix the window handle so I could open it. He got cross and grumpy! I thought I’d asked nicely. Is it so hard to fix a little thing to make my life easier?

When I asked what was wrong, he said, “I feel unappreciated for what I have accomplished.”

To that I said, “I feel unloved and hurt”

It didn’t resolve anything.

I also thought he was much too quiet, BUT when he tried to talk to me about something, I gave him advice, thinking he would want to know my opinion. And one day, he snapped and said, “You just don’t GET IT!”

I was stunned. I had read all the marriage books, and tried so hard to be a good wife—and yet, I felt like a failure. Sitting in my bedroom, glancing at all my marriage books on the shelf, with tears streaming down my face, I prayed for guidance.

Then, while scrolling on my phone, I came across Laura’s ad. I remember thinking, “Who is Laura Doyle? I’ve never heard of her.” So I looked up her blog and was pleasantly surprised. I started reading her book.

And, as I sat in my lawn chair reading, I saw myself on its pages. I said to myself, “Oh my gosh, am I really a controlling wife”?

As I started learning about The Six Intimacy Skills™, the blinders came off, and everything began to change. I learned what respect looked like to a man, as well as how to get my needs met at the same time. I found out how to embrace my feminine side and how to become magnetic again!

I had lost myself, my sparkle, and the Girl of Fun and Light he’d fallen in love with.

It felt like I found the missing piece of a puzzle after searching for so long! I couldn’t get enough, so I joined Laura’s program in 2017.

I stopped criticizing and started appreciating my husband for what he was doing. I didn’t dismiss his thinking when he had an idea, as I used to do. He called it popping his balloon.

Instead, I let him solve my problems and be my hero! And suddenly, his energy toward me softened. He began to want to make me happy again—just like in the beginning. He even moved a heating baseboard in my office so I could have my true desire: double French doors instead of a single door. Then he built me a screen porch and balcony to go with it!

I used to feel resentful, and now I feel so taken care of and even a little spoiled.

Even our finances improved as I let go of fear and trusted him more. I spoke words of belief instead of doubt; he grew more confident and got multiple promotions!

Weekends felt lighter, too. Instead of asking what his plans were before he finished with his first cup of coffee, I waited for him to share his thoughts with me—or ask me what I wanted to do today. I learned to express my desires in a way that inspires: “I’d love to go out for lunch.” He asked me, “Where do you want me to take you?” I happily shared my preference for Chinese food.

It started to feel like we were dating again!

When it came to the kids, I finally let him be the dad. I didn’t interject my thoughts unless asked…allowing him to parent. We had more peace and less tension, and we did more fun things as a family!

Overall, I stopped getting on his paper and started taking better care of myself by doing self-care—going for long walks and calling my sister or meeting girlfriends for lunch on Fridays, spending time shopping or in the bookstore, drinking iced tea, and perusing magazines and books. I even tried something new by taking golf lessons and a barre class. It was delightful, and I started to get happy!

As I found my GOFL again, our sex life went from something we fought about to something that we both enjoy…even through multiple pregnancies and even menopause! I changed some things to make it fun and exciting again, as I discovered my feminine side and allowed myself to receive.

And then, something magical happened…

He started being romantic again! He asked me out on dates, left love notes on my tea bags, surprised me with small gifts, and even told me, “You never have to touch a dirty dish again.”

Then one day, sitting on the couch, he looked at me and said, “I adore you.” That’s when I knew something miraculous was happening.

The way I was showing up inspired him to be a better man, and now I have the marriage of my dreams!

When you find the missing pieces, you realize—it’s not too good to be true. Just like me, you can have the marriage of your dreams. And as one of Laura’s coaches, I’ve helped many women get the love back.

I’d love to help you restore the romance and intimacy you crave in your relationship.