Blog > Divorce & Separation > How to Get Your Husband Back after He Leaves You

How to Get Your Husband Back after He Leaves You

14 Ways to Shock Him (and Yourself) for the Good of You Both

I can’t think of anything more painful or heartbreaking than hearing your husband say “I don’t love you anymore. Maybe I never did.”

Or “It’s over. I’m in love with someone else.”

Or—maybe even worse—to discover those things without him saying anything.

It’s only human to be angry with him for being such a thoughtless jerk. It’s natural to want him to hurt the way he hurt you.

Unfortunately, there’s no real comfort in making him suffer, even though it’s more tempting than a Cinnabon.

There are, however, specific things you can do to give yourself real relief from that continuous ache and to put your family back together.

You can put everything right again but only if you do things very, very differently than you’ve been doing them.

Everything I’m going to suggest will sound counterintuitive. But these radical measures are what I’ve seen breathe new life into broken marriages for thousands of women in your distressing situation—and what I did to revitalize my own broken marriage.

Here’s exactly how to recover the good you had with your husband in the very beginning:

1. Suspend his sentence temporarily

Husband Betrayal

Whether he moved out or found someone else or both, that was an incredibly painful betrayal. It was the worst!

I would never diminish how hurtful that is. But he didn’t do it to hurt you. He did it because something was missing in your marriage. You’ve felt it too but didn’t know what to do about it. He didn’t either.

He was vulnerable because your marriage lacked oxygen. It doesn’t make it right, it doesn’t make it okay. It just makes him human.

If you can set aside his crime for the moment and stay focused on the worthy goal of saving your marriage, you’ll give yourself a huge advantage.

If you’re having a visceral reaction to this idea right now, it’s not the end of the story. It’s only the beginning, and the story will get much, much better.

2. Get happy

How to make yourself happy in an unhappy marriage

While it may seem impossible when you’re in the most heartbreaking pain of your life, it’s imperative to make yourself ridiculously happy right away.

Do whatever you have to do to make yourself laugh, feel inspired, delighted, self-expressed, alive, and loved by family and friends.

Yes, you’re in shock and grief. It sucks! It feels like your life is on fire, but you can reclaim it by deciding to have some pleasurable moments every day.

I can’t stress this one enough. It’s an indispensable step to reclaiming what’s rightfully yours: a gratifying life with a monogamous, playful, passionate marriage.

You may one day look back and think of that Dickens book that starts, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”

It’s already the worst of times. What can you do today to make it the best of times?

3. Keep it short

Marriage Communication

You probably have lots to say to him, but consider keeping it as short and as sweet as you can.

The longer the conversation, the more likely you’re going down the wrong road.

It may feel strange to keep those critical thoughts to yourself when he seems so richly deserving of hearing about the pain he’s caused you. It may seem only fair to tell him how you’re feeling.

Making the choice to be reserved and dignified in your talks with him will pave the way for a brighter future than complaining–no matter how justified–ever could.

4. Listen big

emotional safety in marriage

Instead of telling him how hurt and upset you are, consider being on the quiet side and giving him the space to talk by providing emotional safety—no anger, judgment or tears.

For a whole evening (or at least one hour), just say “I hear you” or “uh-huh,” and nothing else.

One woman did this at her marriage counseling sessions, and her husband said, “I keep waiting for you to interrupt me but you’re not!” She just smiled. It wasn’t long before he moved back home.

5. Clean up your side of the street

clean up your side of the street

You have been wronged, and he’s the one who’s behaving badly. But there’s enormous power in inspecting your side of the street for messes you regret and want to clean up.

Look for ways you were critical or controlling. Say, “I apologize for being disrespectful when I…”

Watch your dignity return.

6. Get pleasable

Thanking Your Husband

If your husband tries to make you happy in any way, big or small (and in my experience, he will), do your best to receive the gesture and convey your pleasure at his efforts.

You deserve those efforts, and he’ll feel good knowing he was able to please you.

7. Thank him

focus on what you want

With so much going wrong, it will feel strange to look for what’s going right. But if you thank him—for continuing to pay the mortgage, for picking up the kids, for asking how you are—you’ll be focusing on the things you want instead of the things you don’t. And what you focus on increases.

8. Skip marriage counseling

bad marriage counseling

I dragged my husband to marriage counseling thinking the counselor would fix him so I could finally be happy. It didn’t work. No couple ever got happier by complaining about each other for an hour a week.

That doesn’t mean you have to navigate this breakdown by yourself. Instead, get a relationship coach who has been in your situation and made her marriage playful and passionate again to guide you.

9. Smile at him

happiness in marriage

He’s going to expect anger or tears. What if you freaked him out by smiling when he sees you?

You may not feel like he deserves your smile, but what if this were more about you than him anyway? What if you manifested your commitment to having a happy life, regardless of what your husband is doing?

If he asks why you’re so happy, you can acknowledge that his recent decision reminded you that life is short and you decided to pay more attention to your happiness. He won’t think you’re happier without him so much as he will notice how attractive you are when you’re smiling.

10. Stay off the fence

love in marriage

There will be days when you think it’s not worth it or that it’s hopeless and stupid to try to save your marriage. When your husband says he is done, of course you’ll get discouraged, but your vision of being a happy couple is worthwhile and possible.

When you find yourself on the fence about your marriage, find the people in your life who support your vision and let them remind you to jump onto the side of love.

11. Flirt with him

Flirt with Husband

Flirting signals that you feel attractive. You might feel far from that, but here’s a shortcut for getting back there.

Bring your playful self to your interactions with him.

Send a silly text. Do your happy dance. Laugh when he’s funny, and reference the inside jokes you share.

Flirt and you’ll trick yourself into feeling confident instead of insecure. Feeling confident is the same as being confident.

12. Make every meeting a date

Thank Husband

If you see him—even if it’s at the divorce attorney’s, the marriage counselor’s, or just to hand off the kids—pretend it’s a date.

Dress up and doll up. Let him open the door and thank him with a sweet smile. Have some fun with it.

13. Seduce him

physical intimacy with husband

This is your husband we’re talking about, so even if he’s being intimate with someone else, he’s yours, not hers.

You might be tempted to retaliate by locking him out of the bedroom, but when you’re trying to restore intimacy why not start with physical intimacy? It’s a great springboard.

14. Get Cheerleaders

husband loves me

You probably know plenty of people who will tell you to throw the bum out or figure out where all the assets are in preparation for a divorce.

But every great come-from-behind-and-win-the-game story has cheerleaders. You’ll need yours too. Find the friends, coach or chat group that supports your vision.

I, for one, am cheering for you not only to save your marriage but to make it magical again.

I’m not saying it will be easy, but it will be worth it to feel desired, cherished, and adored by your husband again.


By Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

New York Times Bestselling Author

I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

607 replies on “How to Get Your Husband Back after He Leaves You”

I am looking for help getting my husband back. We have been together 14 years and married for almost 10. We are going through a divorce but I don’t want to get one. We have been separated for 2.5 years. He has cheated on me multiple times, and felt very alone and unloved in our relationship, it was a very stressful and toxic relationship, and he is now in a relationship with the last woman he cheated on me with. He says that if things change with our marriage then he’s willing to try again but he is not leaving her right now because he doesn’t trust me and doesn’t think things will be better like I say they will. He moved in with this woman a couple years ago s roommates, and then started dating her and continuing to live with her. He is in the process of signing a new lease with her. The crazy thing is he was trying to get me back a month ago, asking to move back in with me, and says he finally gave up and now I want him. I am devastated and I want him to come back to me. I want to make sure the program works. I have already spent money trying to get him back and it started to work, but then i didn’t. He now has said he is continuing his relationship with her and he is not leaving her “right now” or moving back in with me “just yet”. Even though he did give me his ID information for a home buyers program that I am in and trying to buy a home for us. Please help!!!

Angela, that does sound devastating. It must hurt so much. What a let down, especially after he was trying to get you back just a month ago! Sounds like he wants to be with you but something is getting in the way.

You are not alone. Women often come to our campus during a separation and infidelity. I get the privilege of seeing relationships heal completely from those kinds of crises every day around here.

You can get your husband back too. Here are some tools to get you on the right track.

This article helped me out tremendously. My faith says to continue to trust God & never to give up hope. My husband thinks getting a divorce & seeing a counselor has helped him be happier. He still wants to be there for me, to help me, said he will take also care of me financially, he just can’t live with me.

Mira, that sounds so heartbreaking. I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through that. As the wife, you have enormous power to save your relationship, in my experience. Here’s another article for you so you have all the Skills to fix your marriage!

I’ve seen that I’m too controlling and that’s getting me nowhere. Of course, he’s lazy and has no vision for the future, we’re still studying, so I’m worried about how he’s gonna take care of as I plan to become a housewife. But he doesn’t care a bit! And being the ocd patient I am, I try to make him understand, and as a result he gets more and more frustrated with me. In the end, I give up trying and explaining to him, I give in and apologize. And that makes me feel like my opinions don’t matter as he always wins the arguments. What should I do?! I want him to take responsibilities..

Tabassum, this dynamic sounds so painful. And scary, especially as you envision becoming a housewife when he doesn’t care. I remember that cycle in my marriage and how frustrating it was trying to get him to understand but he just wouldn’t. I tried everything! Turns out I just needed community and coaching to apply the Skills so he could finally hear me. I invite you to get the support you deserve so you can have a responsible, supportive, caring husband too!

My partner moved into the spare room 5 months ago before moving out 2.5 weeks ago. We haven’t been in contact since. So…in order to keep it short, flirt, dress up etc how and when do I make contact with him?

Sharon, this sounds so heartbreaking. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. I love that you want to practice the Skills to restore contact, and it sounds like you could use support on how to do that. I would love to support you so you can attract your partner back!

You can join the waitlist for The Ridiculously Happy Wife coaching program right here:

What if your wife was cheating on you and you want her back? My son can’t decide whether to divorce or try harder with his wife. Maybe he could use some coaching.

Tex, I admire your son’s commitment to his marriage and am sorry he’s going through such heartbreak. While we work exclusively with women, here is a blog post that may interest him. We are standing for your family!

Just gone going through your blog and I have to say, it was an undivided hoot. Your writing style is so engaging, I felt like I was on a wild goose chase with you. The picture you included were also a hoot, and I’m persuadedconvinced that you must have a photographic memory because they were so vivid. Keep it up, it’s a real trip!”

My husband of 20 years recently reconnected with a cousin. She is 7 years younger than me and 15 years younger than my husband. She is having problems in her marriage and says to my husband that he is the only person she has. They were very close many years ago when she was a child and he was a young adult. They have not spoken since he and I have been together. They talk on the phone for hours each day, text most of the day, and she has come to visit him twice. The first time he took her our for dinner one night while I stayed home and then spent the next day with her while I went to work. The next time I was out of town and he asked me to make up the guest room but offered her to either say there or in bed with him if she were more comfortable. She stayed upstairs. I came home from my trip and she was uncomfortable with me and my husband says she is jealous of me because I have what she wants. He said she hugged him and kisses him on the lips and he was surprised that that did not bother him. He does not really like to kiss me because he has always thought it was really personal and it has not been a thing for him to do. I am having a melt-down (his words, but not too far off) and I feel I cannot take this. They are talking about taking a private trip so they can be alone. I asked if they could have separate rooms and he told me he has been unhappy for a decade, that I know he has been unhappy but put him on the shelf, and now it is just that there is someone who wants to play with the toy (him) so now I do. He says she wants him to hold her all night and cuddle with her and comfort her like he told her he had done with an aunt. He says I have not earned the right to made any requests and that if I force him to choose he will choose her. I want to believe this can be fixed.

Gina, I can see why you feel you cannot take this. You should not have to hear such things from your husband! That sounds incredibly hurtful and scary.

I remember how afraid and hopeless I felt wondering whether my marriage could ever be fixed. Turns out I needed a whole community of like-minded women to lean on, and now my husband responds so much better.

In my experience, YES, this can be fixed. Here’s a free Roadmap of 6 simple steps that have helped thousands of women turn things around. If they can do it, you can fix your marriage too!

My husband is going to leave me and my 2 teens boys to another city after our 30 years wedding anniversary. He told me 3 reasons, no love, no trust, no motivation. He can’t let me touch him and even can’t stand when I brush teeth at front of him. He cried when I tried to touch him one day. He has been part of my life and I feel that I have a big failure and there is no meaning of my life any more. I love him so much. His decision shocks me and my boys. My younger one got panic attacks twice and I feel so sorry to my beautiful boys. I can’t get ride of this sadness even though I have tried hard.

My husband left in Oct 2018 he had an affair and the I realised he had been lying off and on for 13years , hes moved away and the kids visit him. We dont see each other or talk unless its a text about the kids. He is with someone else , hes been with her 2 and half years although its hasnt been smooth sailing. I hate that i still love him, hes my one and being without him still hurts as much as it did when he first left. He doesnt want me how do I sort myself out

Sarah, that sounds so heartbreaking. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. I remember the days when I needed a miracle to fix my marriage. To paraphrase Thomas Wolfe, miracles not only happen around here, they happen all the time!

I would love to see you be the next to get your miracle. Your timing is perfect because the 5-Day Adored Wife Challenge is just starting. You can join us for FREE at I hope to see you there! You can turn this around.

hi thank you so very much for the magical act of wooing your friend back. well taken advise

Hi Laura: we have been married for 26 years, separated for 18 months and in the middle of a divorce which I initiated because he asked for a separation agreement. I’ve tried to reconcile he keeps saying no. He won’t let me go back to our matrimonial home. I want to stop the whole divorce process but I have no home. I tell him every day I love him. He has stopped all communication and is seeing another woman. This is my husband’s second marriage. His new girlfriend is going through her own divorce. He told our son that he does not want to reconcile and for me to stop asking. That there was too much conflict and he’s feels free. The conflict was because of my father in law who had dementia. Both his parents lived with us and caused a lot of problems within our marriage. I want my husband back, do you see any hope? Thank you

Taz, this sounds so heartbreaking. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. I remember the days when I needed a miracle to fix my marriage. To paraphrase Thomas Wolfe, miracles not only happen around here, they happen all the time!

I’ve seen this movie many times, and when a woman is as committed as you are and gets the right support, you’re going to love the ending! Get coaching so you can stop feeling hopeless and save your marriage!

I’m not sure where to begin. I was married for 26 years when my husband said he never loved me nor wanted a family. He left me and our four adopted children. I only point out they were adopted since our oldest had some severe issues and was a strain on our marriage and our family. I was a grateful wife who never got attention or gifts. I had the kids thank their dad for the nice meal, home… He just didn’t seem to care about any of us. Two years before he left he spent all his time writing a book, unbeknownst to me. He never asked me if that was a good idea, with me taking care of and homeschooling four kids, cooking, cleaning, etc., while he regularly left before any of the kids got up and got home after they were in bed. He just did as he pleased, when he pleased. That was seven years ago. The pain is indescribable. I kept thinking he’d wake up and want us again, but he found a woman half his age (he’s in his 60s) that he is wooing. He has also tried very hard to ruin each of our children by allowing them to do whatever they like. I’m now raising a grandson and his half-sister because my ex-husband allowed our oldest son to have girls over while he was out of town. Is it possible that some men are simply cruel narcissists who don’t care about anyone but themselves? He never mentioned me on birthdays or anniversaries on Facebook and never spent a dime on any gift. I’m just wanting to know your thoughts. Our kids were devastated and begged him, but nothing mattered. Our daughter won an award at school and he didn’t even show up. She plays soccer but said she didn’t want to send him the schedule this year because she knew he wouldn’t show up. My only beef with what I am reading for the first time, is it seems to convey some changes in my behavior would have changed this intrinsically self-absorbed individual and transform him into a caring and loving husband and father.

Victoria, I’m sorry to hear what pain you’ve been through. It sounds so heartbreaking. No one deserves to be treated this way! You are not responsible for his behavior.

I remember the days when I needed a miracle to fix my marriage. To paraphrase Thomas Wolfe, miracles not only happen around here, they happen all the time.

As the wife, you have enormous power to save your relationship, in my experience. You too can have your miracle and start feeling desired, taken care of and special!

I admire your openness to trying a different approach. Here’s a free Roadmap to get you started:

My husband has left home for about 8 months now. I was told by his company that he is working in a project in London. I decided to fly there on my own with our 3 years old baby boy. Only to get there uninvited and met my husband having a dinner with a lady he claimed they were employees to the company, they were wearing bikinis and kissing and cuddling. I left our Son in the hotel room so he wouldn´t see what I suspected it is, And I wasn´t wrong at all.

I was going to divorce him but my family insisted that I resolve the issues with him and take back my place in his heart. it was a good advice but I was so so broken to have seen this happening in my very sight. My husband ran after me trying to explain but I wasn´t ready to listen. Only to fly back to America the next day with our son, then my husband send me divorce papers.

I was broken the more and needed help by all means because I wasn´t ready to loose my family to that wrench who wants to take my husband from me and from his children, at this point I was already 9 months pregnant with our other baby.

Oh Janet, it’s no wonder you’ve been feeling so broken. This sounds devastating. You should not have to go through such heartbreak at all and especially not when pregnant with another baby!

Sounds like you just want to be a happy wife and keep your family together, but first, you have to fix your relationship and it feels like it’s falling apart. I remember those days and how scared and lousy I felt.

If you are ready to fix your marriage, you have the perfect timing. The 5-Day Adored Wife Challenge is about to begin. You can join us for FREE at

Laura, you’ve been doing this for 7 years straight, and I just wanted to say thank you.
I’m happy again.

Congratulations on your transformation! I give you all the credit!

Thank you for taking the time to share your gratitude and happiness. If you’re interested in sharing how you did it on my podcast, I’d love to have you! You can apply at

5 months ago i found out my husband of 16 years was cheating on me. I recorded him talking to her on our iPad. When i confronted him about it, he told me that he was not doing anything wrong. I was so upset, i saw red and told him to get out, i meant of our bedroom since i could not look at him. He could have gone to one of our other 2 spare bedrooms but instead left our home and went straight to live with her and has been there since. He filed for divorce on 3/2. Every time we talk we always end up arguing about something small. I have asked him repeatedly to come back home, before I knew where he was living. When i found out it broke my heart. He told me on Jan. 27, that i was the love of his life, he could not see his future without me, he was sorry for all the hurt and pain he caused me and our family in the past, everything he has was going to be mine because i reminded him of his mom and i deserved everything for standing & staying with him when i did not have to me. We have been intimate twice since he left. He does not come by our home at all but those 2 times. On June 6, he came by our home during his lunch hour and told me that he still loves me and our son very much but things never changed at home. He told me the other day that he can not come home because it is embarrassing that i kicked him out. I told him that I meant to get out of the bedroom but he took it as leave our home. Our son, our dog and I miss him so much. We want him to come back home and move forward from what has happened this past months. But he said he cant, he doesn’t know where he is going to be in the future but he has told people he is going to marry her as soon as our divorce is final. I do not know what to do. I have prayed, changed myself in so many ways. What can I do to bring him back?

Ronnie, ouch! How heartbreaking to miss your husband so much after all you’ve been through. It must be incredibly discouraging to have changed yourself in so many ways but still not know what to do to bring him back.

I remember the days when I needed a miracle to fix my marriage. To paraphrase Thomas Wolfe, miracles not only happen around here, they happen all the time!

Get a coach so you can stop feeling sad, lonely and hopeless and start feeling desired, taken care of and special! Join the waitlist for The Ridiculously Happy Wife coaching program here:

My husband told me 3 days ago he thinks he might be gay…… we have been married 15 years and have 3 amazing boys. I don’t know what to do or say. He say he doesn’t want ruin our family and he loves me, I have so many different scenarios running through my head. How do we move forward???

Candice, hearing this from your husband must be devastating, especially after 15 years of marriage. Kudos to you for reaching out for support. We would love to give you the support to move forward. Join the waitlist for The Ridiculously Happy Wife coaching program here so you can feel desired, taken care of and special!

I pushed my husband into the arms of another woman and now I want him back. I have seen my error in what I did out of the offenses I held on to. We are three and a half months into me coming back around. He doesn’t trust me, doesn’t know if this can be turned around, and is still seeing/talking to her. I am not sure that their relationship isn’t just emotional because our intimacy has been like never before. I am hanging on that we can turn this thing around, however when I have my bad days I feel as though I can ruin it all by the emotions of the day!!!

Sarah, what you’ve been through is heart-wrenching. I get how hard it can be to change the dance–I felt the same way. You are so courageous, with remarkable accountability. I can tell how coachable you would be, and I’d love to get you some coaching so you can stay on track to turn this around! Please join me in the Ridiculously Happy Wife.

Hi Laura. My husband left me 7 months ago and in that time we tried to reconcile twice but he pulled away very soon each time. Two weeks after the second time, he told me he is seeing someone else. The gut punch I felt is indescribable. He now says that he will never come back and that he’s moving on. We have 2 children and the eldest refuses to see or speak to him. Both our children have been negatively affected by this separation.
I am in so much pain and try to do several things each day to make myself happy but it’s just not enough in this situation. I try and show up as the dignified, happy wife but it is so hard to fake it until I actually do feel it.
I love my husband and he tells me he loves me too but not in love with me, and doesn’t feel I can fulfill his need for intimacy and affection. Ouch.
What else can I do to draw him back when I am in so much pain and don’t have the opportunity now to show him and intimacy and affection?

Eva, I imagine how devastating that gut punch must have been, and to see your children affected must be heartbreaking as a mother. Having to fake being dignified and happy sounds so hard. I get why it feels like it’s not enough. As the wife, you have enormous power to save your relationship, in my experience, despite what he’s saying. I invite you to continue your coaching journey because you can save your marriage.

I had used your skills to get my husband back once but he’s leaving a second time after i got complacent and chased him away. It seems hopeless now as my apologies didnt work, do i still stand a chance?

Abigail, that is heart-wrenching and must be incredibly discouraging. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. I love your commitment and that you’re reaching out for support. There is absolutely hope for you. I look forward to getting you the coaching to get your man back–for good!

If i had already apologised many times using your phrase and he still doesnt forgive me and keeps saying words to hurt me, should i still keep apologising or is once enough for one area?

Abigail, this sounds really painful. You shouldn’t have to keep hearing hurtful words from your man, especially after you’ve apologized–that’s not right. I admire your accountability and can’t wait to see you get some coaching on this.

Hi Laura, I read your books and I have no idea how to deal with my situation. My husband of 14 years told me that he wants a divorce and is sleeping in a separate room and avoiding me at all costs until he moves. Everything you had in your earlier relationship is exactly our situation. I am a control freak, nagging, criticizer. He says he isn’t in love with me anymore and needs to do this for himself. I need help asap before it’s too late. Once he signs a lease for a place, I feel I wouldn’t be able to get past that. I just don’t know how to initiate the first steps to show him that our marriage is something special and isn’t something to walk away from. Please help. I tried to see if I can get an initial call for coaching but it won’t let get it?

Kiran, that sounds so heartbreaking. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that, especially with your remarkable awareness and accountability. I remember the days when I needed a miracle to fix my marriage. To paraphrase Thomas Wolfe, miracles not only happen around here, they happen all the time. Kudos to you for reaching out for support. Your timing is perfect! I’m about to start my 5-Day Adored Wife Challenge. You can join me for free at

I really want my husband to come back home. My husband just left me for the women he had an affair on me with. I found out while I was pregnant with his daughter he was seeing her. He left me right after we brought her home from the hospital. He said he loves this women and is the happiest hes been in a while. He crazy about her. After I found out about the affair he said he wanted to work on our marriage, and didn’t want to throw away 10 years and ruin our family. We have four children together. Well he started messaging the girl again because he said he couldnt get her off his mind and fell in love with her. He didnt even try to work on our marriage. Hes now living with the woman. He keeps saying things like he still doesnt know what he wants and if he comes home he wants it to be his decision and no one forcing him to. Im so confused because he is calling the women his girlfriend and living with her but saying that to me and his family. He wont answer questions about a divorce or changing his address. He told me that he felt like we were room mates not husband and wife. How do I get my husband back home.

A, that is devastating. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through such heartbreak. I still remember thinking my marriage was hopeless and being scared to try, which is why my coaches and I have helped over 15,000 women fix their relationships, even after he left for another woman. We can help you too! I admire your commitment and would love to get you a coach so you too can get your husband back home:

I’m so so sad and scared. My husband has left me for another woman. We’ve been together for 13 years. He and I have been arguing a lot and grew apart in the last year or so. He’s been stuck at a job he hates for years and has been having a really hard time. He’s bipolar too. He says she makes him kinda happy and feel good about himself and that he’s never been happy with me. I know that’s not true but that’s how it seems to him right now. He’s looking to start therapy which I’m hoping will help. He is still coming over to help around the house and we still share all of our finances. We can’t afford to not share $. But he’s been staying at her house for a week now and says everything is going really well with her. I’m reading your book but I’m afraid it’s too late. How can I show him I’m making changes if he’s infatuated with someone else? Do I keep texting him or do I give him space? I’m trying to keep all the big feelings to myself and just be friendly so he can remember why we’re together. Is it too late? How long until he comes home?

A, this is devastating. You should not have to deal with separation or cheating after 13 years together. No one deserves that. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been dealing with his mental health issues too, which is so hard and scary. I admire your commitment to your marriage. I remember the days when I needed a miracle to fix mine. To paraphrase Thomas Wolfe, miracles not only happen around here, they happen all the time!

I just recently found out that my husband was having an affair with his co worker. She is no longer employed there. When I discovered it, he told me he feels love for her. We have been married for 26 years. He decided he wanted to stay and work things out. Well, his office is short staffed and another one of the employees had to have surgery that would put her out for about 6 weeks. Weeks ago, while their affair was still going on and hidden from me, she had agreed to work those weeks to help them out. Then I found out about the affair. In an effort to save our relationship, he did break it off with her. I asked him if she was still pursuing him and he said not at all and that she was just feeling ashamed and embarrassed. He said he also feels much shame and embarrassment. No one else knows about this affair at his office. She started those 6 weeks working with him today. It has been so incredibly difficult thinking that this is their chance to reconnect. I’m very insecure and will be sickly worried about it for the next 6 weeks. I guess my question is, how should I act?

Tina, that is incredibly difficult! I can see why you’d feel insecure and worried sick. I admire your commitment in reaching out for support about how to act. I remember when I was desperate to save my marriage but didn’t know how to act or be my best self. That’s why my coaches and I have helped thousands of women. We can help you too. Get a coach so you too can start feeling desired, taken care of and special!

My husband filed for divorce but we are still living together. It’s been very up and down. Side note: he suffered a TBI 2 years and this has affected his behavior and clearly mine as well. Just last Saturday, he told me he loved me, kissed me and said he wanted to make it work. Something he hasn’t said to me in months. However, the next morning he woke up a very different person and has been very distant and will hardly accept my calls. Again, we do live in the same home.
I desperately want to make this work and start over. I have a lot to work on myself and I’m trying. I have a little over 2 months until the final hearing. My heart hurts and I’m an anxious mess

Sarah, that is heartbreaking. I hear hope! But the rollercoaster sounds gut wrenching. I remember the days when I needed a miracle to fix my marriage. To paraphrase Thomas Wolfe, miracles not only happen around here, they happen all the time! Including after a husband’s TBI. I would love to start creating your miracle. I invite you to request a Relationship Assessment to see how private coaching would fit for you. The call is free:

My husband recently told me he is not happy and cant do this anymore. 3 years ago he broke my heart and I took him back and now he isn’t happy as I had a hard time forgiving him and went into a deep depression. I ended up stopping taking my medication and was dealing with alot of issues at home with our children. Recently he told me he thinks I should stop trying because he isn’t happy. I dont know what to do…we have been together for 24 years and our 20th anniversary is supposed to be next month 🙁 I am heartbroken and lost. I miss my best friend even though we still live in the same house

I just discovered your book on audible and I am binging all of your materials and post. My husband left while I’m pregnant with our third child and honestly I cannot blame him. I’ve been miserable! Your information is reminding me in such. Light sweet way what a marriage is supposed to look like. Thank you!!!

My husband left me 3 weeks ago for the 4th time, he has came back all the other times wanting to work it out but this time feels more real. He says he wants to work on himself and I get it but I don’t… he has told me he’s done with this marriage and he has love for me but he’s not in love with me anymore he ignores my text messages unless it has to do with bills or our son… but recently we just started being intimate again I feel like it’s bringing us closer we have been together 3 years and married for 2 years… how do I get him to come home or want me back? He’s Living with a friend and this has been the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life it’s so painful one min he wants me the best he doesn’t know what he wants

Lexi, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It must be devastating to go through such heartbreak AGAIN. I remember how painful it was when my husband didn’t seem to want me. That’s why my coaches and I have helped over 15,000 women fix their relationships, even after he said he wasn’t in love anymore. We can help you too! Join the waitlist so you can get the coaching support to have the lasting closeness you deserve!

Ive been married to my husband going on 19years. I thought our marriage was great. Rarely fought, laughed etc… He mentioned in the past that he was depressed but the way it was presented to me I thought he was joking. He was able to cover it up all this time and for that I have been so sorry that I did not realize it.
He hasnt been intimate with me since in a year a year and a half. I asked him what was wrong, he told me he doesnt have the same sex drive as he used to etc… I found out by accident that he has been seeing another woman. I did not say anything but I was able to break it up (sent her and him an anonymous letter. Of course i denied it to him when confronted)
I thought it was over however I found out recently he was back together with her. This time I told him I knew he was cheating on him. Afterwards he told me his depression is getting the best of him, since we have no children together it would be easier to divorce. He moved out of our bed and is living downstairs. He enters through the basement. He does not speak or see me (there is a bathroom/microwave/fridge/ couch/tv/seperate entrance. ) whenever I leave the house he comes upstairs and brings down his belongs. If we communicate its by text.
He goes out on weekends, comes home very late. I don’t know where or what he is doing. He claims he wants his space and he doesnt want to be with anyone. Well he is with someone if he comes home at 2 or 3 am!! He has a daughter from a previous relationship. I want to reach out to her(she is 34 and we do get along but he will become upset. I don’t think he has told her. I want to speak to his best friend but he will become upset. I don’t think he has told him either (he lives out of town and I believe he will visit him soon.)
I love him! I cannot give up on this marriage. He did admit loves me but I can’t live this way. I have been praying day in and day out. My mother and aunt are on my side and are encouraging me. Along with our prayers I will try to incorparate some of your ideas

Thanks for sharing what’s going on. That sounds hard. I admire your vulnerability and hear your desire around wanting transformation.

My students have fixed their marriages in similar situations (and worse!) and become happy wives.

I know it seems hopeless right now, but when you get the right structure and support, there’s every reason to be hopeful. I invite you to put your name on the waitlist for my Ridiculously Happy Wife program.

It’s the most economical way to have access to a certified relationship coach, a secret FB group, online training, and all the bonuses so you can learn and practice the exact steps that attract husbands, fiancés, and boyfriends back and make the relationship playful and passionate again. We see a lot of miracles in the program!

My husband and I separated may 1 this year after 2 1/2 years of marriage…I AM still unfathomably in love with him even though he made me move out…any chance that I can get him back??

Thanks for reaching out and for sharing what’s going on. That sounds hard. I admire your vulnerability and hear your desire around wanting transformation.

My students have fixed their marriages in similar situations (and worse!) and become happy wives.

I know it seems hopeless right now, but when you get the right structure and support, there’s every reason to be hopeful. I invite you to download my FREE Adored Wife roadmap. It’s a great place to start.

Do you have any suggestions/resources/advice for someone who would love to invest in coaching but literally has not got the money to invest???

Carrie, kudos to you for expressing your desire–I love that you want coaching! It’s so hard to feel like it’s not possible for you. How would it be for you to change “I can’t afford a coach” to “How can I afford a coach?” In my experience, the universe has a way of realigning things for courageous women like you who express their desire and focus on what they want to increase.

So here it goes, I been together with my husband for almost 14 years, legally married only 4, we are now separated, there was a lot of neglect on his side and it pushed me to put my eyes on someone else, yes that was a huge mistake for now fighting for my marriage after so much begging. For about 3 years I tried to make him see how I felt and he thought it was all in my head, he was always working and we hardly saw each other. So someone else popped in and gave me the attention I was missing from him and fell for it. Till this day I regret it with all my heart. I left him, nothing serious happened with this other man, but I than thought I didn’t love my husband anymore. Two weeks after I left he asked to for a second chance, honestly I was hesitant but because we have 3 kids together and a lot of thinking and prayer I said yes, time passed and he kept throwing in my face what I had done and that he couldn’t forget or put aside what I did , time passed again and he started acting different, than I found a disturbing text on his phone and i confronted both of them but they both denied everything. later on again found pictures of same girl and he had a stupid answer. later on he said he didn’t love me anymore. After that I prayed and prayed and prayed and did everything in my power to fix things after all that had happened. Things were just ok for a bit until again he kept being distant and throwing in my face what I had done. One day I couldn’t take it no more so I said enough of his lost of love and the way he was treating me , so I did it again I let someone else give me attention until I realize that I was just making my self look dumb because I knew what i truly wanted and that was my husband, yes even after all that had happened. So I told mu husband that I had just about enough of what he did to me that up to now he wont admit and how he made me feel, I lowered my self as a woman almost begging for his love, I still put him on a pedestal, so he moved out because I asked him to, see we couldn’t make things work together I thought maybe apart it would help us both realize things. So is been about a month and a half since he moved out and guess what? I want my husband back! yes we both hurt each other, trust is broken, we both know there is still something there but we are just both really hurt, I am hurting more because I asked him if he had considered coming back and he said no!. He is supposed to be staying with his brother but two nights he wasn’t there and said he was. I still want him back, I believe in restauration, I believe God can help us. I know it sounds like an infatuation or toxic, maybe it is, at this point I don’t see it like that, at this point I still want him back, I still have feelings for him, it all sounds depressing right? yes I am learning that a man should not be my happiness, that I come first and my kids learning while going through this, I keep telling myself that I need to let him go and that there is no fixing here, but my heart still wont agree with my head.

Hi there, my husband and I have been together for 14 years with 2 little ones under 5, recently we had a huge fight due to some much stress and trauma from the past of our childhood trauma and recent trauma and angry regarding mine and his health so have been fighting last 2 years, and said some cruel things in our last fight that got out of hand and a week later has asked for a separation, but because we are sinking in debt he cant afford to move out so has moved to the other room, says he loves me but he is broken and dead inside and is in a bad place and longer wants to be together and has fallen out of love with me due to too much hurt and pain and we have drifted apart and we need to be civil for our children, keep up appearances until things are final, and keeps telling me to move on as he cant and never make me happy. Yet I catch him looking at me like he misses me and we have been intimate twice but then he regrets it and says we only friends nothing more and there is no hope for our future and i need to accept that 🙁 and as soon as he can he will move out, in meantime will drown himself in work so can be less at home around me and the kids, as they need to adapt. What am i to do? Confusion, lost, heartache

Laura, my husband has been gaslighting me for quite some time. I didn’t realize it until the last few months…I have tried everything I can think of to get him to stop. We’ve been together for almost 19 yrs and have been married for about 6 months. Up until about 4-5 yrs ago he was positive, loving, attentive, etc…all the things that a wife would want…then something changed in him. His Mother passed away five years ago this April… his behavior really started to change after that. He worked in a factory that’s known for female shananagans…he always worked even when he didn’t have to and volunteered when he could have chosen to spend that time with our little boy and me. He always seemed to have time and effort for everyone else except me. I asked questions calmly without being accusing…I waited patiently for answers and for it to get better. The only answers I got were how I was crazy and dillusional…and called bad names. That’s how it would always end and of course with me in tears… still wondering what the problem was… wether it was me or outside sources…. what should I do now? I love my husband however I have researched and researched his behavior pattern and details …it ALL points to “GASLIGHTING”….

My husband broke up with me in august. We still live together and since I don’t work he is a sole provider. I’m not an us citizen and he promised me to stay married so I can get my papers. We didn’t marry because of the papers. We married each other because we truly loved one another. But in august he decided that he doesn’t love me anymore. Not as a woman. He takes care of me and is good to me. And I try to be appreciative and show him that I really am grateful for all he does for me and us. We never really argued much but when we did it was heated. After one of those fights I told him that I don’t think it’s working out and that I want us to break up. He wanted to work on things but I was so upset that in the end he cried but agreed on breaking up. Two days later I knew I’ve made a huge mistake and acted on emotions and I do want us to be together. He agreed. But I could tell it’s different. I was trying to follow all the needs and wants we stated but he seemed to be not really present. Few weeks later he broke up with me. Saying he needs to better himself. And can’t do it while in a relationship. I respected his decision in hopes that if I give him time and space he will come around. He never did. When I brought up the subject not long ago , he said he loves me as a friend but not as a wife. I was crushed again.
I want us back together. I love him so much. He is an amazing man. And we still have lots of fun together. But we aren’t romantic at all. We haven’t been intimate ( he’s demisexual ) in sooo long. And I found out he made a profile on a dating site recently . I don’t know what to do .. I can’t understand how you can unlove someone so fast. I’ve tried saying thank you more , being sweet, listening to him, apologizing whenever he feels disrespected, he’s also more apologetic and more thankful. But we aren’t moving into getting back together. It’s so painful to sleep next to a man you love so much but you can’t touch him.. is my situation hopeless ?

Laura, I’d like to thank you very much to open my eyes. I read your book The Empowered Wife, and instantly see why my fiance lost his feeling for me. When I was with him, I was in sad mode most of the time (obviously I lack skill no. 1) thinking that it’d attract his attention, I often dismissed what he was saying/thinking to the point that he felt patronized by me (skill no. 2), I tried to tell him what to do, what job to take, even giving ultimatum (skill no. 3), and I often focused on what he was depriving, as if I forgot that he’s got so many good qualities in him that I liked (skill no. 6). I even told negative spouse-fulfilling prophecies like “I don’t think we are compatible” when he said he thought we were compatible, “you’re too cold and rude to a sensitive girl like me” in hoping that he’d change (I know, I was really controlling and somehow lacking of communication skill), so he eventually said “I can’t marry you. The sparks are gone, and I don’t have any romantic feeling for you”. It hurt like hell…
But I still don’t wanna give up on him. We’re still talking almost ever-day through text (he most of the time initiates it, tho it usually doesn’t last long) and he is still very civil and considerate to me. My question is, do you think I can still get him back by expressing my desire clearly to him? If I say “I would love to get another chance and we be couple again”, would it be seen as a pressure since it has “we” (or “you”) in it? I don’t know how to express it very well coz in fact my desire is actually him to want me back (still involving him and might make him felt pressured).
And if he says “I can’t marry you”, should I only say “Whatever you think, I trust you”? I know it’d give him freedom and respect he was craving but I am so scared that he would really leave me since I give him permission?
Thanks for your answer, Laura. You are God-sent :’)

Hi Laura,
My boyfriend and I broke up after living together for 3 years. He told me it was because of an argument we had and out of anger I told him to get out of my house. He told me he started the process buying a house right after that ( 2 months earlier) and he wasn’t in love with me. It’s hard to believe this all happened because of something I said that I didn’t mean. How can I get him back? I found out he started talking to an old girlfriend, but I don’t know if it was before he moved out of after. Help!

My husband moved out of the house 8 months ago. I was and I am devastated. We had lawyers involved 2 weeks ago, but I reached out to him and told him I did not want a divorce and he seemed to take a step back. We’ve gone for a couple of walks and we are talking about marriage counseling. The thing is I want to work on our marriage but don’t believe we can do that not living together and only seeing each other here and there. He is emotionally closed off and says he resents me and that he doesn’t want to be married to me. He says I am the one who wants to save the marriage not him. He has made it clear he does not want to move back. We’ve gone back and forth for 8 months. I feel like what he is doing (the back and forth) is emotional abuse. I have made all the mistakes you mention but when I do try to not say or do anything its almost as I am making it easier for him to walk away. Any advice? And how long is reasonable for a separation? If its been 8 months, is there realistically a chance of reconciliation? I can’t do 8 more months. And everything has always been about what he needs and what his family needs. I was always 2nd.

My husband left 2 weeks ago and won’t come back he said he’s tired of me fatting and all he wants is to be in peace but he don’t understand he’s drinking is the problem I really want him back but don’t know what to do. Please help me.

Last night my husband convinced me to let the kids stay at his parents house, he then came home with me and told me he filed for divorce and he was going back to his parents. I then went to my parents, but first I went to get my kids back. When he talked to me he told me he was done and it was over and he didn’t want to work on it.


I went with another Marriage Coaching program with similar strategies but it has not worked and its been over a year.How long does this program usually take for the spouse to respond and for reconciliation.

Does this work if you already got divorced and now my ex is with another woman . Not the any of the women from his emotional affairs . How do you decide if you even want him back because I don’t know if I can trust him . His last words to me were “ f*** you and your trust .

I’m curious. I’m a midlife crisiser and had an affair. Now stuck in limbo land. Does your book help people in my situation? With life? Husband making changes? Getting what you want from the marriage again or just generally how to deal with people in everyday life?

My husband left me a week ago and I’m devastated. We have kids and have been married 12 years. I’m afraid I’ve begged too much and been too mad on the last week for any of this to work? Should I even bother?

my husband of 15 years just left me with no warning. in the last week before leaving he cheated for the first time ever, just to make sure there is no turning back on his decision to leave. i’m devastated as i love him so much, he is my family. for the past year we have been trying to get pregnant. i still desperately want a child, i’m already 37.5 years old so i don’t know if ill get another chance by waiting to meat someone else. I’m thinking about still having a child with him, even though we’re separated.

My husband left me on the 3rd Jan 20 I was/am e have 3 boys we have been together 18 years married for 15 this years. I have brought the empowered wife & the surrendered wife. After reading them I have realised how disrespectful I was 2 years ago (he surprised me for my 40th & I threw it back in his face I’m totally ashamed of myself)
We have tried to sort things out but with the current situation it didn’t work an is now with the woman he left me for.
However having read the surrendered wife I have apologized for being so very disrespectful & he has opened up to me a little. this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do as I just want to make him understand how much I’m hurting – But he picked the boys up today to take them out, so I’ve dressed up put a full face of make up on & the skimpiest outfit I had & the first thing he said was “you look summery” I have taken that as a positive! it was really hard this morning as I know he spent the night with her. But I am determined to win him back for me & my boys! any advice would be gratefully received

Hey I really appreciate if I could get some of the books or journals through my mail and even videos. I believe that it would help me restore my marriage.
Thanks and looking forward to hear from you.

I have been married for 35 years, and there is a women across the street he did some work for. Then in July her partner of 5 years dies, and then she used the Hero instinct on him. Calling ask him to help her and she giving him everything that I believe I had not been doing. And I read these text messages on his phone how he thinks about her all day etc. He left January 1, 2020. He pain was unbelieveable our marriage is over. However he wont talk to me ask he said he doesnt want to jeopardize their relationship. And I also I to say out of hurt I did beg and did a few things that may have harm my chances of wining him back. He is my soul mate, this man while working away for 6 months since me a video of him dancing to our song and smiling at the camera so I know it has not been that long since we were happy. I just want that man back the man I have loved more than half my life.

Hi Laura,

My husband and I have been married for a long time and just three years ago he left to have a separation. And now he has moved back into the marital home due to a tight finance but this time he has met someone and dating and seems serious. He wants a divorce and I really don’t know what to do. I may not have much left to hold on in this relationship but I don’t want to lose my husband as I have little children and want to keep this family together.

I found out about my husband’s cheating 11 months ago. He promised to stop talking to the girl and it’s nothing.I had trust issues after that. We became estrange to each other until me and my 7 yr old son moved abroad for his schooling. He came after 5 months saying he’s visiting our son only and he feels nothing for me anymore. He stayed 6 days,cold and distant to me.We talked but he only answered he had no plans on the marriage yet,no divorce mentioned. When asked what about us,answers we wait and see but he supports us monthly. I suspect he is still with the other woman,he was always on his phone on this 6 days and looked distracted and uninterested to be with us,he was just pleasing our boy. He left before christmas and it’s the first time in 10 years we didn’t spend the holidays together. He planned it obviously to avoid me. We are married 7 years and stayed together 5 years prior to that. After he left, he only calls my son and never replies to my messages. Should i wait for him to come back? What should i do so he would talk to me again? Is our marriage still gonna be saved? Please help

So, after being with me for 19 years, he just left me this week and went with someone else….
Now wants a divorce, but I want him back. What to do ?

What about if he lives with her and work with her.
They are coworkers, classmates from school and now lovers and live together. How can I compete with that? Plus she is 13 years younger than me. I don’t want to be arrogant but I know that I’m prettier than her and I have better body than her, I have a wonderful body for my age but she is younger.
We being together for 14 years and marriage for almost 13 years. He asked me for divorce in July but he never filed for it. We were living together until August when I found out about this other woman.
He’s with her since August but they were together before that, not sexually but they were talking to each other in a romantic way.
After I found out he moved out of the house cause I was in deep pain and since he didn’t have a place to go he moved with her.
Our last fight was more than a month ago when stupid me try to open his eyes by telling him that he was blind about this relationship and that she was using his weakness to trap him, and when I found out how young she was. Stupid me, I really regret that day cause talking trash about her it was worse. I didn’t know that then but I know it now.

I see him almost every day because we have kids together and he comes to see them almost every day. And now that I’m better, for about a month I’m applying some of this tips.
I get pretty for him, I smile at him, I talk calmly to him, I act happy or at least no angry or sad, I thank him when he does something nice, I apologize if I say something rude and I hug him when I find an excuse and I don’t yell at the kids when I’m angry at them when he is at home cause even so he yell at them too, he hates when I do it. Plus yelling doesn’t fix anything.
Last night we toke the kids for trick or treating together, stuff that we don’t do for years but he came with me last night. And because I was cold ? I held his arm and he didn’t refuse but I felt his tension.
He tells me a lot how great I look and yesterday he told me that he is proud at me but I don’t know if he still loves me or not.
She is in the middle everywhere, they work, go to school and live together, so how do I compete with that Laura??
Thanks for reading.

My husband just moved out and he said didn’t love me anymore. I was so angry and blamed on him a lot. He seemed cold person not feeling at all. I used so many bad words to talk to him. Now we couldn’t even see each other in easy way. We have a little 2 years old daughter and I don’t want we spend separate time with her. Feel so sorry for my daughter when parents couldn’t be together.

I found out my husband was having affair and I asked him to leave the other women moved in with him after 12 weeks they are together a year now I love him very much and can’t move on do you think he will come back to me he won’t talk to me are anyone about what happened he seems to be on his own when people see him I think he changed when he retired we were married for 39 years and together for 41 have 3 grown up children

Hi Laura,

You have a good post.  My husband and I are separated because of communication issues. I take my marriage seriously and I would like to work things out. I always thought it takes two people to make a relationship work and still do. I do believe that one person in the relationship can influence the other to act a certain way using the correct psychology. I don’t believe in blaming the woman when the man started the issues and vice versa. However, I do believe you can use a positive psychological approach to solve a lot of relationship issues if you are willing to surrender being right, let the other partner be the right one (even when he or she is wrong) and try to work things out based on your approach.

I believe a positive outcome of spouses staying together can happen, as long as abuse is not present; Mentally or physically. You can lower mental abuse by surrendering to your spouse’s verbal attacks through silence and your techniques, however, it is abuse. It lowers a women’s self esteem and impacts her life in negative ways that she would have to overcome. If your techniques don’t work, then the women needs to seek professional help from those who specialize in abuse.
I purchased The Empowered Wife book your wrote and like your blog articles. I will give your techniques a try.

Thanks for your great advice!

Hi Laura readi g through your stuff for quite a while. Im feeling like im in a bad place 3y ago our relation was on loose track i cheated and he discovered coulle months later. He wanted divorce we had a real bad year i tought couldnt get worse but then the new girlfriend came and the more pressure she putted on him the angrier he gor to me. I tried to keep calm and let him go as long as he turned back to his famly i was ok with it. Now 6 months ago i guess he finished that reletionship, he is still at the house and we share a bed. We spend quite a lot of time together and do lots of new thing, i have th feeling that pur relationship is better then 3y ago., but so now and then out of the blue he would say he still wants divorce and he likes ne but doesnt love me. ( we would have sex but he would refuse to kiss me) can i still save my marriage??? Wath programme our coaching do you suggest??

Liz, It’s so painful to have that threat of divorce hanging over you, and to not get kissed or feel loved is also very lonely. I still remember what that was like, and you shouldn’t have to feel that way. You’re wise to get a coach! You can get on the waitlist for our most economical coaching program here:

Hi, we lost a child 5 months ago shortly after she was born and we had already been going through hard times. After a massive fight, that many nasty and hurtful things had been said, mostly from me in a reaction to his behaviour I blamed him for the death in round about words, as he was off drinking when he new i was unwell and I was caring for our 2 year old. Things spiralled out of control after this. He has just informed me that he loves me but that he no longer is in love with me. He has moved out and has formed a new life, one very much without me in it. He said for years he felt like the love he has given has been not been reciprocated and now there is not spark.
I asked is it a separation or a divorce and he said he feels like what is missing between us cannot be replaced. My family has been ripped apart and I know i am part to blame. At the moment we only talk when he wants to see our child and he keeps it as short as possible. He seems to not be able to stand me or look me in the eye. He has never been a nasty person but has done many nasty things in the past few months. Off course in his absence I can see it was not ALL him and understand his side. I wish I could have the chance to show him I do love him and make it up to him. But how do you do that when he just drop sand runs. On our last child hand over I looked amazing and he did reluctantly seem to notice, although also look at me like he loathes me at the same time, I could also feel him trying to escape the yard as quickly as possible. I was nice and friendly and like I said looked much better then I had for a long time (remember I just had a baby). We have still been texting arguing about the house and when to sell it and who gets what.
How do I admit to him I was wrong to blame the death 100% on him, but also that he hurt me being our drinking before and after the birth and acting like I didn’t mean anything to him? How do I get back under his skin so that I can show him the affection I once did.
How do I do this when its always a cut and run situation.

What if you have no cheerleaders? We’ve been seperated for 6 months and he hasn’t made a move to come back. I only nothing from friends or very it over with and move on. I’m sure he is hearing the same and may feel like he would be seem as weak or a failure if he comes back to try again. We’ve been together 20 years and everyone was shocked when he left me a note, packed a suitcase while I was out and left. I’ve grown and changed with your help and mort fertel but he doesn’t move or talk about how he is feeling. I don’t know what else to do or how long to hope.

Hi Laura. My husband left over two years ago, right out of our house in with other woman. We had been together for 30 years. I was a good wife. I was so traumatized for awhile. I went no contact for over a year. (Changed my phone number). Within the last six months I contacted him bc I had heard he was having surgery. Since then he had contacted me on occasion for a few things. Mainly to see our grandson, as I have custody of him. However within the last few days, the dynamic had changed. When he first left, over two years ago, I asked him if he ever got a motorcycle again, would he take me for a ride. This past weekend he came to visit his father for the weekend. He did not bring the ow, he said, with a bit of annoyance in his voice, somebody isn’t coming with me, she has to work. Two years ago you asked me if I ever got a bike would I take you for a ride. I got a bike, would you want to go? I was a bit taken aback. I said that would be nice. However when I went to pick up my grandson, things were a bit strained. He got our grandsons things around and walked us to the car. We passed right passed the bike and I even stopped and remarked how nice it was. I left. I text him thank you for showing our grandson a good time. He text back saying thank you and what a good boy he is. Then he said I looked great. I told him the same and then I said jokingly, you owe me a bike ride. He text back, I hoped so. I text really? He replied, can you go now? I went back and we went. It still seemed a little bit strained. He knew I had a boyfriend, but wasn’t aware that he lived with me. He seemed much different to me two years later. Not as sure of himself, depressed. At the end of the ride he hugged me, and kissed me on the cheek. What is my next step. I love this man with all of my heart. Do I end it with my boyfriend? Do I not do anything? I don’t want to push my ex away. Help!

Me and my husband have been married for 5 years and we have two kids. We lost our apartment and he said he wants a divorce. I’ve been asking to get back together and I admit it, I have been nagging him. He has be an diagnosed with depression and anxiety. The kids are with me and he just moved in with his sister. I feel like a single parent. He only sees the kids once a month if that. And they are hurt hes not around. He’s so stubborn which I love about him but it’s also frustrating. I was reading the book and trying the skills. But got discouraged because he was giving me the cold shoulder and ignoring me

My husband separated from me 8 months ago. And now in a new relationship. I want him back so much. We only talk about the children can you help me?

Hi Laura, I’m desperately needing help. My husband and I were married 7 years, then divorced 6 years after I cheated, and were off an on the entire time but never fully in a relationship. Then in 2017 we dated officially and after 3-4 month have lived together since. He left me 2 1/2 weeks ago after a final big blow up argument. They always stem from my insecurities due tithe lack of intimacy. While we dated I gained over 70 lbs and he possibly saw someone during this time. Although I don’t demand what he can or can’t do, my therapist I now see has pointed out that my need to know everything, is control. I have issues with things going out of routine and when he does I panicked and I suspect affair (due to the lack of our sex life also). I failed to see a lot of his efforts in our relationship and I more than likely deflected what o did on to him in combination with the insecurity & control issue. He says he doesn’t want to work on the relationship anymore cause it’s been almost two years, and he just wants peace and quiet. but I believe he still loves me since he won’t tell me otherwise when I’ve asked. I’ve lost 50 lbs prior to him leaving and still work on that, I’ve started seeing a therapist, and I’ve tried offering ways to budget & be more financially supportive. None of this has changed his mind. I know it’s only been 2 1/2 weeks but I’m miserable and miss him so much. I don’t believe this is the end of us and I want to do anything I can for myself to be some happier or calmer in life.. I need help. I feel like I’m in a state of panick because he would be kind and sweet to me then tell me he’s only being cordial. I’m at a loss and I’m desperate to have my family back. He’s a good man and I’ve taken him for granted. What do I do?

My husband was sexually abused by his mother and has never been “right”. He is a loving seeking gifted man who was deprived of his childhood innocence and thus is forever misunderstood, unless by a good counselor, therapist, friend who knows about the ramifications. With this lifelong search and need for love and happiness and self love he has had a major journey filled with anger angst and self shame, and we have both got off the suicide train, me with long term AA, and found the truth. He had a lover who broke through his long dark secret because it happened to her as well as a child, and realized that he didn’t cause this insanity. Men can keep these huge secrets forever sometimes. He loves the children grandchildren and me. Now he loves himself. Life is a conundrum. God is with us all

Hi Laura, i like this. My husband of 21 years but been together for 29 wants his space to be alone. After i found he has been talking to someone but he says nothing is going and we are not friends anymore so leave her out of it. We cant afford for him to move out we have limited funds and 1 car too. So he stays here he will sleep on the couch sometimes or in the bed the most. My question is i think it gone alittle farther then texting and talking. I believe they are being intimate and i know where. My question for you….Should i catch them together when the leave so he can’t deny it or just let it go and try to win him back?

Hi, I have been together with my husband 16 years. We have a14 year old and a 5 year old daughter together- his only children… Although I want to follow your instructions- I just don’t see how it is possible. To not say anything about anything and just agree. Plus he just got caught cheating- and been away without any contact at all. He is not going to say a joke for me to laugh at. Could you give me a little bit more/ better response/ instructions because I am going crazy without my husband here. Our children are starting to act crazy too. Like they have no human behavior sense. My daughter is very hurt- my son was grounded by him – so he is glad to see him leave but me and my daughter miss him and love him! It’s so sad and hurtful! Please respond- Thanks! Sincerely, Angela

Hi Laura! I really need some help! My husband of 25 years told me on 12/6 that he is no longer in love with me. He cares for me and loves me but loves me like a sister. We had no been intimate in many years and our communication was not good. We had talked about retiring in another country but he told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore and left to move to that country on Christmas Day. We have only been in touch through email. He says that there has not been anyone else and he has never lied to me so I do believe him. I am not ready to give up on my marriage. He has been gone for 1 month and will be returning to the states on 2/24 to help with our house so we can sell it. He plans to leave again for the other country in April. Some of the things that you suggest to do are hard when he is living elsewhere and the only thing I can do is text or email him. We haven’t talked or mentioned divorce. I have been doing things to improve myself as he said that I lost my self confidence and any ambition for life. He said that he just isn’t sure who he wants to be with and how he wants to live the rest of his life. What can I do to make him see that we belong together and that I will do my part to make sure our marriage doesn’t become like roommates again.

Hi Laura! I need your you think there’s is any possibility I could get my ex husband back? Here’s our situation.
He broke up with me because he gets very tired of my activities and nagging.he said he can’t see himself mode swing also gets worse after birth.he couldn’t take it anymore so he broke up with me.after the break up i ask another chance.he just replied ..I’m sorry we can’t have a life together anymore.but I do care for you…I even begged and plead and realized after it was wrong things to do. I told him let me show you that I can change,I know Laura I can do it.i can improve myself.snd I am thankful he give me the chance to show him…we still talk everyday about our child and we really talk nicely .we both promised that we would not look back the bad things happened in the past.though I assured him that I am sincere on changing my bad traits he told me honestly that he can’t decide or believe right away for it is not quite easy to change like takes time..but he doesn’t want to divorce and he also assured me not to look someone else and never take his wedding ring off…I am doing good by the way working on myself…do you think it is possible for us to get back together.? We only communicate through messengers we don’t live together, living different countries.

How do you restore trust once he comes back? Mine has left after I discovered his emotional affair with a married woman 27 years younger. I do believe that he will come back home. I’m just wondering how I can trust him again…

Hi Laura,

My husband and I seperated on Thanksgiving 2017 after a serious encounter while he was, well black out drunk. I had attempted suicide on 8/13/17 after eduring intense stress and anxiety over a 3 yr time period (a drug addict step son, my mother being diagnosed with Lewy Body Disease, working 60+ hrs/wk, anxiety in my marriage, etc.) On that Sunday before Thanksgiving he came home trashed, I was sober, berated me about everything and things escalated to the point he told me to go kill myself as I was better off dead to him and I ended up calling the police. Once I moved out it hit him hard and he finally started to take steps to decrease his drinking and was aware of how it had bent our marriage. We decided to work on things and by April he wanted me to mive back in. I was reluctant because he was drinking heavy again but we continued working on it and dating each other. Suddenly at the end of July he told me he no longer could see us cohabiting again. My birthday was 8/16 and my 50th, he forgot it. He sent me a TEXT late in the afteroon reading “Sh!t, I forgot! Happy birthday.” Then in Sept. i discovered he’d started an affair on my birthday. Needless to say I was devistated and in so much pain! He didn’t file for divorce the end of Oct., my attorney has replied with a request for counseling which he has refused to do for the past year. I will admitt I have made some very bad choices in how I have reacted during this period. I will admitt I DID have a part in getting to this point in our marriage but I’m not taking all the blame. He has cut off all communication except when it comes to when he leaves me a check for our insurance. He has changed the locks on our house and the garage code, won’t allow me into our house, refuses to see me let alone look me in the eye.

I have researched over and over again online for information on help in getting him to come back and how to reconcile our marriage and rebuild our bond. I am in therapy currently and am now in short term disability due to the dpression and anxiety I’ve developed over this. Is there a way we can reconcile and rebuild our bond?

Thank you,

Hi Laura,

It’s christmas Eve. My husband of two years left my he day after thanksgiving. We had a huge fight and he left. It is a second marriage for both of us and he is the love of my life although the lies, deception and betrayal are hard to swallow. We have a 22 month old little girl together. He has been exceptionally cruel to me and has moved to a town almost 200 miles away from us. I desperately want to save my marriage and begged him for three weeks until my attorney got a note from his attorney that he is not open to reconciliation and he wants me to stop calling and texting . Which I have. I was not at my home the first time he came for a 90 minute visit with our daughter. I left my dad here in my place. He started a new facebook profile with a new alias (which I found) in which he declared himself single. He will always be the love of my life but how do you come back from this. He moved completely out of our home and established himself with a new phone number and new life 20 miles away.

I am dealing with 35 years and then he abandoned me homeless. He found out from his therapist he was emotionally abusing me badly. He found out he is bipolar, and he drinks. He has decided he does not want to take care of me any more. He feels that way because of course he was very controlling so much so that when he abandoned me I didn’t know who I was anymore. I had no idea even what color I liked. I was slowly over time made to believe I could not make my own choices because they would be wrong. He gave me the silent treatment for 4 years. He has started allowing me to chat in a chat group with our daughter, and thats all. I cant get him out of my heart. I love him, I don’t know what to do. He has been away from me for almost five years. I am trying to move forward, but feel like I am cheating if I like someone. I tried to date a couple times because my daughter said it would be healthy and it was not a fun time. I am still in love with him and do not know what to do. He has learned about abuse and feels like a nothing I am sure. I want to help him, he lives with his sister on a ranch and almost never leaves it. It is so sad, what is your suggestion, how can I fix this, how can I help him, how can I deal with this heart break that never goes away. I have grown a huge amount since then, and published a book called Pain Has No Boundaries a book of poems on childhood sexual abuse, it helped me. This heart ache just is not leaving me alone. thank you

Hi Laura, many of these situations sound so familiar bits and pieces. I have kids not with my husband we’ve been married 6and a half yrs. But together off and on for over 20. When we moved to GA from NY I thought it would be a fresh start but it seems that our families have wedged a rift between us. Meaning I have and older daughter she 17 and it seems that they just can’t get along. I tried to keep piece but I guess I come off ignoring the situation and then with working the way I do I know I had been neglectful emotionally and physically. He left a couple of days ago, and has been distant since leaving not reaching out, but he did answer when I called, but didn’t want to talk about anything saying we been going through it for yrs, and that he was gonna seek Divorce. The first night he left I got angry because he did it while I was at work and i felt abandoned so i made a video bashing him on Facebook. I deleted it but I’m scared that because of my hasty anger and his lack of communication I’ve lost him for good. Do you think i have a chance of fixing this.

Hi Laura, do these apply if my husband is currently in an emotional affair? He promised to stop contact but he hasn’t. The other woman lives abroad and is also very sick which according to my husband it’s making it hard for him to cut her off. I’ve tried all the things on the list but I feel I’m loosing my self respect. My husband used to fear loosing me but now he doesn’t seem to fear or maybe even care if I stay or go. At some point he seemed confortable and happy with me but also having her on the side. I am wondering if the pain I’m going through is even worth it? I love him and sometimes we have amazing time as if nothing is going on but sometimes I crumble knowing he is still talking to her. He has cried many nights for her fearing she will die from her sickness. she sounds terminal, doctors don’t know what’s wrong with her. She faints and vomits blood. I don’t know what to do anymore.

My name is Florence am from the united state, I almost took my life because of my husband who left me and stop picking my calls answering my mails and my messages. He

said He do not trust me anymore, I tried to convince and beg him, but he will not believe or answer me until we had a fight and broke up for 6months, after then I

realize I can not live without him because of the love I have for him. I tried everything possible to get him back, but non worked for me, some fake spell casters

scammed me and went away with my money until I came across this man called Dr Peter he helped me cast a spell for me and behold my husband came back after 48 hours,

begging me for forgiveness, I was so surprised that spell caster like Dr olorun still exist. If anyone here needs some help, with all sincerity, contact Dr olorun

today via EMAIL orcall/whatsapp +2349057688760, indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again.i can never stop talking

about you sir. his is really a great man you can contact him for solution in any kind of problems below
(1) lottery spell
(2) ex back
(3) win any court case
(4) cure for any kind of sickness,disease and infection

Hello, I have read all your stories and it breaks my heart that we are all amzing, Strong women who have been hurting so much.
My husband and I were really happy, together 13 years, married 9 and have two beautiful children. We were very loving and affectionate. For Christmas he gave me this beautiful canvas saying he would choose me in every lifetime, every reality… He took a job over seas and was working there 6 weeks. He started in Dec came home jan 12th. When He came home something was ofd and I noticed he was changing. Scared that he is going to be 40. Got Botox, died his hair ect… Working out, tanning… I just felt like something was off.. Right before he left, he was acting strange… Said he loves me would never do anything to hurt us or outlr family. and I am just having anxiety blah blah blah.
Feb 14th I went into his email and discovered some truths to an affair but he denied it. Made me feel horrible.
On March 22nd the day he was flying home i found out the affair was real. She told me everything. At first he told the 26 year old women that he didn’t have a family. Then came clean and said he did but we were getting divorced. She says she had no idea that he was still married.
He begged, cried, pledged and promised her things to get her back. Told me how sorry he was that he was always in love with me but never had that passionate in love feeling.
Our sex life was good, he was so affectionate towards me. He never said he loved her but she messaged me and said he did. Showed me messages he sent her.
He told me i would never be able to trust him again that he knew it was over.
He never really gave me answers, still to this day he says he doesn’t know. He is very confused and depressed. He is in love and happy with her. He still pays for us to live as i was a stay at home mom. Comes home every 2 months to spend 14 days woth the kids. Looks at me like he still loves me. Says he is proud of the things I have accomplished. I look amazing everytime I see him and he just says oh you never looked this good in the 13 years we were together. I am so beyond confused. I am ready to give up because he is being very selfish and still lies about money and spending time with her.
I should give up at this point I mean it has been 6 months. Do they ever really come back?! Does he deserve me back?! Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks, much love.

My husband of eight years moved out six moths ago, & served me with divorce papers two months ago. This is the second time he had moved out. The first time was over three years ago, & he came back home after seven days. However he recently let me know that the only reason he came back was for our three children. He says that he no longer loves me, he dosent want to keep hurting me because he cant be loving to me, & that he cannt be with someone he dosent love! In the past he did say that I was cold, not affectionate, & would not be intimate with him. I completely ignored this, because of some old hurts. We did go to marriage counseling it made things worse!
In the first three moths he would cry, & say that he gave up too soon, that he missed us, & he really wanted a family with me. Now the last three months, he is talk to someone new, completely ignoring our three kids, telling us all that he wants to find the love of his life, get married, have a child, buy a home, & go back to school.

He is 30 & Im 34. As of three years ago, his life did a complete 360, & now he has a lot of money. He tells me that he no longer loves me, but is physically attracted to me & still wants to sleep with me, I cut him off in June.

Please help

And how long am I expected to keep up this act? A month? 2 months? A year? Until he breaks? I honestly want to know.
I withheld my emotions for 2 months while following similar advice after my husband decided to end our marriage without warning. I cut off contact for 2 weeks only to speak about the divorce twice a month. He never asked if I was ok for an entire month while I was homeless living with family. He never asked if I needed anything. I was a student who worked part time while he made almost 6 figures. Still, I was polite to him. I was flirty, happy whenever we met up. I listened to him during a 4 hr vetting session….
I could only maintain this charade for about 2 months. He said over and over during that time he is sure he wanted a divorce.
Recently I came across evidence that would suggest cheating. I lost it. I said horrible things to him in a text. He told me that he thought briefly about reconsidering the divorce until my recent text messages. I don’t even know if I believe him. Maybe the thought crossed his mind but I believe he is completely over it. All of my efforts were in vain before and after the marriage. Why do I need to diminish my true self to prove to him that he should stay and love me. If my real emotions are too much for him then maybe we should divorce. Why wasn’t my unconditional love and dedication to our marriage enough? I felt that if he truly loved me he would want to work things out. Yet he has refused. How am I supposed to fix a failing marriage by myself?

Me and my husband has been married for 13 years. We have two wonderful boys. I was always happy with my marriage and my love for him never faded…until I started to work…and met this guy…me and him became close very fast, and by the time I realized, I started to like him. I didn’t know how or why this happened…long story short, I cheated on my husband for the very first time in 13 years….it was only one time but cheating is cheating… I told my husband right away, told him it was a very big mistake that I made. Never blamed him for what I did. It was 100% my fault. Of course he was in shock just like anyone will be…but he said he’ll forgive me…
But I just found out today, a month after my infidelity, that he has feeling for someone else now… he has not done anything physically, but his feeling for this another woman started to grow… He said that he’s going to work somethings out emotionally, so that he can put away his feelings. He doesn’t want to divorce me and leave me and our two boys. He still loves me as a wife and mother of our boys but the romantic feeling is gone. (Which is understandable after what I did to him)
But on the other hand, he still tells me I love you, he’ll kiss me and he even have sex with me regularly. ( He does say it’s just a motion…)
I just want to win my husband’s heart back. I love him so dearly, and I don’t want him to leave me…. I am so confused right now. Don’t know what to do. I read your blog and I am determined to stay positive, and be happy. Because I know being desperate won’t do anything but to hurt our relationships even more…I know all that in my head but my heart is in so much pain and in desperation.

He left and wants to come home. He has left before (15× in 10 years) never for very long but he still packs it all up and leaves. He did it again while my adult children are staying at the house (temporarily). My son is so angry and tired of seeing me hurt. He told my husband that if he leaves again to never come back. He told me if I take him back to please nt do it while he is still in the house. I want my husband home but I just dont know how we will ever be a big happy family again.

My husband and I have been together for three and a half years, married about 2 years. Lately, I’ve gotten the impression from him that he’s just super annoyed of me, and I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong. It makes me really scared. I don’t really bother him much while he’s at work, usually a hi text, or to ask him what he wants from the store, or tell him something funny our daughter did. Is it normal for men to sometime just get in moods? Or am I doing something wrong? I swear I’m not trying to piss him off or annoy him. Please help me with some recommendations for a great book or a podcast about it.

I’ve been with my husband for 9 years. He loved me the first moment he ever saw me and when we first got together it was amazing, we have 3 beautiful children together and I could never ask or want another man in my life. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. But like most relationships it started to fail because I brought my past hurt into our relationship, all the hurtful moments of infidelity and always questioning if my love would ever hurt me. I’d always find something on his phone that if want answers to or always found a reason to ask him if he’d ever hurt me . Now he’s gone he left took everything he owned and just left me. I’m so scared ill never see him again. He was the best part of me. Someone please help figure out what I need to do before I lose my love forever

I have just spent over 3 hours typing out the mess my life is in, only to type the last letter and I went to post it, my finger hit some strange button and it all disappeared!!!! I can’t do it over tonight!!!
Sorry, it is a great story of this working!!!!!

My husband is in another relationship and has filed for divorce. We have an adorable 8 year old son with ADHD. I fear that going through this will cause him to regress significantly academically as well as behaviorally. I still love my husband and I am willing to forgive and listen to him. I want to do the work I need to do in order to change and have a happy, healthy marriage. But is it too late since he’s already filed for divorce? I want to keep my family together. Please help?!

I’m unsure of this idea that men cheat because something is missing in the relationship. My partner cheated on me. When I asked him what was missing in our relationship to make him want to do that he said nothing. He said he was perfectly happy in our relationship and had no reason to do what he did, he just did it cause he could and the only thought that went through his mind at the time is that no one will know. He confessed to me because I knew something was up and he wanted to be honest and to change. I find it difficult to know what to do though, knowing that we can have a perfectly happy and loving relationship, and he can still choose to cheat despite having no reason to.

Hi Laura,

My name is Aishwarya and I’m mailing you from India.

I was doing a random Google search and came by your website and so thought of contacting you.

I’m mailing you because my husband has asked for a divorce and I don’t want to give him one. I’m 29years old and I’ve been married for theee years.

He has moved out of the house. We don’t live together anymore. I want your help in getting him back to my life.

He recently contacted me and vaguely hinted that he wants to get back, but he is doubtful if same fights and arguments might start again. I have moved back in with my parents in a different state and he is living in a different state. We met last on the day I was leaving and that day he told me tha I’m the I’m the person that he has lived and he even cried. My family thinks that it was all fake.

Since I’ve come home, he hasn’t contacted me and whenever I called him, he said he will call and he doesn’t.

My family is totally against him. They have asked me to file a complaint and case against him. I’m really scared to go against my family because if I don’t do anything against them, I might lose them too.

I really don’t know what to do. Before he moved out we lived in the same house as roommates and one day suddenly he decided to move out.

Please let me know if there is anything that can be done to get the love back that we lost.

so married 35 yrs been sepperated 2 weeks after he left had a new woman lasted 2 months its been 2 yrs i have gone through hell and back hes coming for dinner tomorrow night just as a friend HELP he said he still loves me but im
so confused WHAT DO I COOK LOL and how do i handel it hes the love of my life

I kicked my husband out after going out about the gf, she has been in his life for 5 years. He still comes home couple days a week, doesn’t live with me but still has all his stuff here. I’ve asked him to take it but he refuses. I have done a lot to screw up this marriage and have threatened divorce regularly to try to get him to see my value. We still are intimate a couple times a week but he spends more time with the gf. I’m starting to implement this today. I would like my marriage to work and I know I need to make some changes.

Dear Melissa, You have no idea how happy your comment has made me. My husband of 34 years left me and I tried all the things recommended to entice him back to no avail. He also has another woman. The pain, as you know, is devastating. It’s been about 5 mos. now and I just can’t get him out of my mind. I want so much not to think of him and feel my life isn’t worth living. You’ve given me hope. Thank you.

My husband was nearly 10 years older than me. He told me that he was no longer in love with me and wanted a divorce. He was not interested in working on anything. He left me for a younger woman and was having an affair. I did everything suggested, I found me again. I got happy. I filled for divorce 8 months after we separated still hoping that he would come back. The divorce was finalized 6 months later. Fifteen months after we split he apologized profusely and is filled with regret. My ex husband is a very proud man. I never thought he would come back even if he wanted to. In the end, I realized that I didn’t want him anymore and am better off without him. I will always love him, it would never work again. Wishing you all luck.

My husband hasn’t left…yet. He says he loves me, but he wants an open marriage-he wants a long-term friends-with-benefits relationship because I don’t want sex as often as him. He wants to go to swingers parties and, hopefully, join in. I’ve been going with him every few weeks-I stay in the bar area talking to people, while he watches people playing. He wishes I wanted to play, so that he could, at least, play with me, but I want nothing to do with it. I feel a strain in every aspect of our marriage, now. He brings up divorce regularly and I think it’s going to come to that. I know I’m being disrespected, by him and myself. I have been more open to sex, even initiating, but it’s not helping. I think he’s going thru the mid-life thing and feeling like he wants more. I can’t imagine any woman thinking it’s ok when their husband goes out to have sex with another woman. I love him, but need help.

My husband dropped on bomb on us that he is unhappy… N left, this is completely out of his character.. N he is now living with family, he works n provides still, but says he is exhausted, i suffer from anxiety, and could sometimes be hard on him, being home with 3 kids, one with ADHD, i noticed a change in him when he got promoted at his job, the position had so much along with it, he was coming home miserable n on edge, but with my own anxiety i failed to help as much as i should, even though he helped me… Before he dropped this bomb on us there was no signs… Im hoping my doing these steps i can save us, any other advice would be awesome!!!

Hi Laura,
You always feel like you are the only one going though the pain of a crumbling marriage but then I found you online and after reading these comments, I am not alone. I have known my husband for 32 years and we have been married for 27 years. Last summer he would go out with his “friends” and stay out into all hours of the night cozying up to this other married woman who had two small children at home. He finally confessed at the end of July swearing he didn’t do anything but they had gotten very close and something was going to happen.
After my husband confessed to that, he closed himself up and stopped communicating with me. I suggested marriage counselor and that he can pick one but I ended up finding one for myself and he ended up wanting to come with me which I thought was a good sign- unfortunately I picked a dud counselor and should have picked another one. She was NOT helpful at all!!!! He basically called it over last month after 27 years and will not talk to me after he told me not to touch or talk to him. I am so hopeless and sad- my heart is broken and all he wants to do is go out and get drunk and apparently have sex. Help!!

Hi Laura,

My husband I have been with for 14 years decided he was happy and left we have 3 young children, he’s been gone for 3 weeks now and I have been following all of your steps. He comes to see the kids every day and when he does he is very touchy feely, we are intimate and most of the time he has approached me first, I wil walk past him and he will hold me. I’m just looking for more tips really because I’m feeling so mixed up by how he is still this way towards me. I should ad he has been depressed since around December 2017. Thanks

Hi Laura,
I have been married for 18 years. We have 2 children. My husband an emotional affair with someone at work. I found out and we went to counseling to work on our marriage. He said the affair was nothing. We never connected the same way since. I became depressed, and full of anxiety. All i really wanted to hear was that i was the only one and that he would do anything to prove it and make sure i knew. That conversation never happened. He shut down on our relationship and never continued to care for our son, our house and played video games all the time. I since found out that he told his mom that he thought he was still having feelings for this girl which was more of a infactuation with her military life and being a cop now. I asked him to leave and he went to stay with family. I feel i am being punished by losing everything for what he did. I just want to save our marriage. It has been almost 2 months now and he is so angry at me for taking his dream away (our house) which we will sell to divorce. He spends time with our son but has taken away the relationship from a non biologically 21 year old daughter because of the dishonesty. He told me that he was talking to some other girl and that i tried to sabatog his new relationship. I don’t know anything about his new friend but he is super angry with me for no reason. I have lost everything including my marriage, his family which is all i had, his new baby nephew in the family, my children’s stability with their parents and role models. I am willing to forgive my husband but i am running out of options. I dress up, makes family dates that go really well and then he leaves mad, send him text messages to win him back and show i care, flirting and he is back and forth so bad i can’t find what is working and what isn’t . I know blowing up his phone isn’t Any suggestion at this point would be super helpful. I have lost 20 lbs and don’t want to seperate my family. I feel torn that his family hasn’t called me to see how i am and how i am doing. I am completely devistated. I feel he still loves me but he is also doing DHEA steroids which are natural without a prescription but they make him angry as all heck. We have great family time and intimate sometimes and then he is angry at the same time. He feels like he is stress free without me during the days but really he is on vacation from reality. He doesn’t have responsibility like bills and kids. He just goes to work and sleeps. I would have no stress either if i didn’t have to be a parent. I hope that he figures out what he is doing. He is also 40 and working out like crazy. He says we were stuck and blames me. Any suggestion would be great. I love him so much.

Hi Laura,
I have written once but have a few more things to add/ask. First I signed up for the complementary call but have not received it yet. I work full time and can’t always answer. So if no message is left I have no idea if I got a call. Ok. So I haven’t seen my hubby for six days. He’s been out of the house for 3-4 months. We have a 5 month old. I’m really starting to fell resentment towards him because he doesn’t visit her.. also mainly because I would love a break. But he works so much and is always too tired to come over. I don’t yell at him or talk bad to him. I tell him how much I appreciate how hard he works for us and that he’s such a great husband. I used the I Can’t for the first time the other day. (This is all by text). He sent a ?. Then took care of the situation for me. I call him my hero and tell him he takes such great care of me. But it’s like he’s not even paying attention to it. I’ve stoped control over him. No nagging. Trying to be more positive. But with a 5 month old basically as a single parent, I’m finding it harder and harder to not get mad at him for abandoning us. Cause that’s what it feels like. And it’s so hard to do self care. Every time I try.. all my sitters are busy, or she won’t nap for long. Also I don’t know how often to text him without feeling like I’m annoying him. I’ve tried flirting and telling him what I want. My desires. But I feel it’s not getting thru. I always forget to use ouch, but still not exactly sure when to use it in our situation. I should have once when he said he wanted to see other people and he wants me to too. I told him I didn’t want to meet other people because what I want is lying right next to me. I told him I really want us to try. I wish I would have said ouch. But then we had sex. Ssssooo… I know he’s attracted to me and he says he still cares. But he wants to feel that spark again. The romance side of it. It’s hard to be fun and go out and do stuff with a 5 month old in tow. He had also said in coinseling that he really didn’t want to be a father… (to late for that) he did it to make me happy cause I wanted one so bad and because he thought it would change how he felt about me and bring back the long. (Which it didn’t) I just don’t know what to do next. He might move back hone next month. But only beachside we are in a bankruptcy and can’t afford two separate living arrangements. That’s what I think he is taking on all this extra work so he can make more money and not move back in. I’m trying to stay positive and hopefull. But it’s so hard. Plz help. I love him so much. Thank you!

Hi Laura,
Currently reading The Empowered Wife and loving it. It’s the only thing that gives me hope that I can repair my marriage. Question…
What if the tone in the marriage is that I love him more than he loves me? He likes to remind me that I’m lucky to be with him, that he picked me and not the other way around. I recently wrote him a note listing all the things big and small that he does for me and our son, thanking him and telling him how much he is loved and appreciated. He didn’t say thank you, just responded with “yeah, I do a lot around here.” He comments that all I do is take care of our baby and make meals! I was just a little hurt by this as you can imagine.
I think my husband is a good man but even during our early days of courtship, he didn’t do much or put much effort in to impress me, saying he isn’t very romantic by nature. I wonder why I accepted being treated this way back then, I deserve to feel special and desired. Can the 6 skills bring out good qualities in my husband even if they weren’t there at “baseline”?
Thanks in advance,

Stef, I’m happy to hear you’re feeling hopeful, because there is definitely every reason to be hopeful about your marriage! And yes, I can see why you are feeling so hurt. For sure. Good for you for expressing your gratitude. I think you’ll be amazed at how romantic your guy can be when you practice The Intimacy Skills. Marriage shouldn’t feel like you’re roommates or business partners. Consider getting your own Certified Relationship Coach to show you how to create a culture of romance in your house. You can apply for a complimentary discovery call to see if having a coach is right for you here:

Its been almost a year since i found out about the affair and 7 months since he left to move in with her. He says he loves me and i believe him but he says he hurt me to much to save our marriage. I don’t want a divorce he is my best friend and I his. I think he was going thru a mid life crisis cause she is half his age, but now she is pregnant with his twins. He hasn’t filled for the divorce yet.How do i save my marriage now? Help! I live in a different state now so how do i use the 6 intimacy skills?

I like your ideas but…if you reward your husband by being appreciative, seductive and happy while he is seeing another woman,why in the world would he change his behavior? He is getting to have his cake and eat it too. Meanwhile, you get to suffer and swallow your pride.

I have been applying these skills and it did not work in my favor. If anything my husband says I’m not acting like myself and it’s too weird for him. He is not responding the way I had hoped. He is very distant emotionally and physically. I’m at a loss.

Dear Laura,
My husband of 36 years left me for “an old friend” he looked up on the internet. She is a therapist and knows he left me. Our adult daughters are in staggering pain as am I. I tried seducing him twice (he’s moved out) when he’s stopped by for various reasons and he’s always been very into sex with me but not now. He kept saying no, no way. I think it’s really over. What do you think?

Lauretta, Sorry to hear about your husband leaving after 36 years! That sounds devastating. I love that you tried to seduce him already. So brave! I’m thinking of a particular woman who was in the same boat as you exactly several years ago, and she not only got her husband of 20 years back using the 6 Intimacy Skills with a coach to guide her, her marriage is now better than ever. She showed us all what’s possible and now there are many women who have recovered their marriages from similar situations using the 6 Intimacy Skills. So it’s not only possible to recover your marriage, it’s likely if you have the right support. I would love to see you get that! This is a great place to start:

My husband of 4years moved out 3weeks ago ( staying in friends house ),has 20years old girlfriend. He changed his number so I can’t talk to him, he calls me randomly at 1.30am in the morning, keep checking on me. Friday he said he is coming back, Sunday he said he is probably never coming back. I feel like he is playing game with me. I still love him, but it hurts being like this…

Hi Laura, My husband of 5 years told me that it was permanently over last monday evening after we had an argument. The only times hes spoken to me was when we are with our two children, but its not usually directly to me its through them, like tell mommy this or that. I have listened to one of your books and realized several faults I have which I am currently working on changing. I wrote him a note since he doesn’t want to speak to me and he crumbled it and throw it on the floor. I understand his point of view because we have had the same problems for awhile now and I always try to fix them but fail. I need some advice on where to go from here. He hasn’t left the house, he still goes out with me and the kids, but he wont talk to me. I’m at a loss and my heart is broken. I dont want my marriage to be over. I want to have a chance to really fix this.

Hi Laura

Me and my husband have been separated for almost 3 years. In that time he’s had several “relationships”, all of which have ended badly for him. I on the other hand have been completely faithful to him despite several offers from other men as I only want him.

He has known for about 2 years that I still love him and that I do not want a divorce and I would love nothing more than to give us another chance as I believe we can be happy again. From July last year to January this year we did not have any contact at all.

Since January we have had lots of contact. I have had dinner with him and our 2 kids several times, both at his house and mine. He has “popped round” for coffee while “just passing on the way home” but my house is not on his way home. And he has stayed over several times, and each time this has happened we have been very intimate. On these occasions he has cuddled me and whispered that he loves me while he has thought I’ve been asleep.

I love the fact that we are talking and have gone to great lengths to not mention the reason we separated (he has ptsd and I couldn’t cope so I left) but I’m also scared to talk about what’s been happening.

I want nothing more than for this to develop into us getting back together but I’m scared to talk to him in case he rejects me.

The first time we were intimate he said it was only sex but it’s happened so many times now and he has said he loves me and cuddles me when he thinks I’m sleeping that I’m wondering if he’s testing the water before asking me for another chance. A friend of mine thinks he misses me and wants to get back together with me but I don’t know.


am married for 9 months. I have an old friend who studied with me in high schools. I started talking with him regarding job. I wanted a job. Now am working. But my friendship continued. It was just a friendship based chat. But my husband figured out. He thinks I have relation with him. And he took my friends number and shouted at him. My friend said ask your wife to stop texting him. I just continued chatting with friend because I wanted my friend not to think that I will contact him only if i had need. But I never knew this would end up like this. I blocked my friend. Still my husband thinks am contacting him and I say lie. I don’t want anybody other than my husband. I love him. How do I get back his trust ?
Please help..

Laura, am I crazy for still having hope in my situation? It has been almost a year since he left. We aren’t divorced, we are separated, but have lived apart since April 2017, and he has been with another woman since around that same time. He is still with her. We have been married for a short 7 years and have two young children together. I’m still devastated. I have not dated anyone, I can’t even think of moving on. I still love him. He and I have been extremely close during this year of separation, and physically intimate on many occasions. I feel convinced that this other woman will not be around forever, but my husband has formed a very strong attachment to her and he believes he is in love and cannot let her go. This is so painful. He hasn’t started the divorce process yet and I don’t know if he will. We vaguely discussed it recently and I told him I didn’t want a divorce, and he seemed to be open to considering remaining separated. I don’t know. I keep thinking if I can just wait it out, his currently relationship will go sour and he’ll realize we still have a lot of love and potential for a wonderful marriage. Am I mad? Do spouses ever have a change of heart after a long separation like this one, or are we doomed?

So I want my 40 year old husband to come back, but he felt that this lust with his new girlfriend is what true love feels like. He threw away 20 years like it was nothing. I want to have him back when he realizes eventually this new relationship isn’t what he was expecting, but found out he is still lying to me about major things (that he had cut contact with both of us when he was deciding what he wanted, turns out he cut contact with me, never her and then he expected mutual friends to keep it secret when he was telling me he was being truthful). He was begging to remain friends, but with this knowledge of his continued lies when I told him lies would not be tolerated in the friendship, I don’t know how to interact with him. He seems to think I am fine. I am doing what I must, but things are far from fine. I have dropped 3 sizes in clothes in a month. I want to keep the door open if he ever truly realizes what he has done and feels remorse, but I don’t know how best to deal with him. I don’t want to let him continue to walk all over me, all of this is because he took my love and care of him for granted. In the end he had not a single complaint about me or the marriage, he just wants to save this woman from her abusive relationship and it doesn’t hurt that she is is gay and had feelings for him. In the end it was easier and less painful for him to follow through with this than to actually put in effort into our marriage.

My husband of 21 yrs told me he wants a divorce because he said that no matter what he can’t make me happy. He has even gone as far as to have me committed to a psychiatric place because our therapist of 13 yrs mentioned that I might have some personality disorder which has NEVER been mentioned to me. So with out my knowledge for the past year my husband has been disconnecting himself from me. Doing a lot of housework to make it look like I am not capable. He says he’s not willing to do anymore therapy and just wants us to go our separate ways. I am at a total loss as I gave up my career to raise our children ages 12,14,15,18. I don’t even know what to do to turn this around. My family is not a very supportive one and I feel he has been my rock my entire life. I can’t believe he just wants to give up all the great things we have. I know I have a lot to own in this but I don’t think he is willing to even listen to me about it and work with me on me changing certain ways of being like complaining and well receiving gifts of love and etc. I know now what a detriment it has been and he has not felt safe with me. How do I turn this around. I’m at mercy

Me and my husband have been married for 8 years.
We have a 6 and a half year old daughter.
We have not had sex for 3 years.
We have not been on good terms.
Recently I came to know that he has been talking to another woman. This woman is our family friend.
She has been married for 17 years.
He has been talking to her for 2 years over the phone every day.
But I did not ask him directly about it.
But he knows that I know it.
He is still talking to her.
Though there is no issue of separation, I do not want to live life like this. I want my man only for me.
I know that there are issues that I need to fix from my side and I am working on them.
But he does not believe that I have changed.
Life can go on like this. But I want our married life to be a happy one.
I do not want to be only the mom of our daughter. I also want to be his dear wife.
I want the emotional and physical intimacy in our marriage.
I attended your introductory seminar.
I would like to talk to you and explain my situation clearly and opt for private coaching.
Then please advice on what level of coaching I need to take.

Sure: I’m sorry to hear about the other woman, the family “friend.” So painful. I admire your commitment to making your marriage great again and being his dear wife. That takes courage! Of course I’d love to support you in healing your family. I invite you to have a conversation about this with one of my coaches so we can learn more about your situation and make a recommendation accordingly. Here’s where you go to do that:

What if I was the one who was wrong (the wife)? And that’s why he moved out? He moved out because 1) I stopped showing him affection and sex happened twice a year on vacation, and 2) I binge drank about 4x a year and he never knew what he was getting at the end of the night – a lunatic or a blackout or what. And it made him worry about occasions where I was only drinking one beer, because even though that was all I was drinking, what if I reached for another? Obviously I understand how to fix that on MY end, but how after this going on for years (probably 4 – as old as my daughter), do I convince him I’ve changed? How can I get him to trust me again? According to him, he gave me many chances and tried to understand (stress, low weight, etc.) and no sex just because of my daughter (lost my sex drive). WHAT DO I DO NOW THAT HE’S GONE?

I’m in the same situation as many of you.

It’s not easy to give up on your marriage when you want to save it and he doesn’t. Especially if he’s cheated or is cheating or has already left.

First thing I learned on this journey is to take time to process it. Review your marriage from the outside—-meaning take stock of things and how they rate. We are often blind to our own mistakes.

Talk to him to find out why he’s unhappy or wants out, cheated or is cheating and though it’s hard…let him talk without interrupting or getting defensive. These are things I’ve had to learn. My husband went from wanting a divorce to wanting to work on our marriage.
I didn’t everything wrong in the beginning of trying to save my marriage and pushed him further away until I did what I do best…research and think. We aren’t at 100% yet but we are getting there…slowly. We are working on the issues first so they no longer repeats down the road. Individually, I worked on me and what I did wrong to damage our marriage and each day I write my husband love notes and put them in his lunch. See he’s done so much for me that I took for granted and rarely meant “Thank You” when I said it. I take the time to make sure he knows how much I appreciate him and love just as he did and still does for me.

Don’t give up hope. Keep your courage and your strength. Even if you don’t have a support system, create one when the information and materials you find.

Hi, i cheated 3 years back and my husband had a doudt and he asked i confessed, and now he said he needs divorce from 3 months back even today he never brought it. As we no longer staying together he comes to see our baby and atleast nowerdays he can take my calls. Is there anyhope he will come back?

My mother in law brought a woman for my husband and now she’s pregnant for my husband and My baby girl is 14 months and my husband is telling Me l don’t want the marriage again that he has a new home now and I love my husband what can I do to get him back because the girl leave with the mother now and my husband leave in Qatar please tell me what to do to get my marriage back

All I can say is thank you! My husband walked out on us after 10 years and 4 children, and an affair that was going on for over a year. It was a big messy mess and I figured it was hopeless. He told me all the usual things, hates me, i ruined his life… there was some truth to what he said. Ultimately I did not want to lose what we had built together, and i followed your steps as well as another website I found which offered unconventional advice. A year on and our relationship is better than it has ever been! I watched his affair implode and now our relationship is full of respect, communication, intimacy, and we are closer than we ever were. He regrets his mistake but honestly, I have to say that if it hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t have been forced to reassess ourselves and our life. Thank you!

Mandy, Wow! Congratulations! I give you so much credit for having the courage to create a new marriage after an affair. So inspiring!

My husband and I have only been married for 6 months. We got married before he was supposed to go to basic training, but right before he left the army discovered a medical problem and he could no longer be in the military. So one night my husband calls me at 3am while I’m sleeping to pick him up from a bar. I pick him up and he’s drunk and immediately says he wants a divorce and to be free to be on his own. He said he wants to know what it’s like to make it with no one to help him. We argue and fight about it. And he leaves. He’s been gone for a week and he’s come back a couple of times. He kisses me and tells me he loves me and sleeps in the bed with me. When he comes back he says he will work on saving our marriage but he doesn’t want it to be saved. He said maybe his mind can be changed but right now he doesn’t want it to. He agreed to go to counseling and he agreed to work on things. If he’s agreeing to these things doesn’t that mean a small part of him does want his mind to be changed? This came completely out of nowhere and I found out he has a few single friends that have been trying to convince him to be single again. There’s also a coworker that told him she was interested in him and he didn’t return the interest but he talks to her regularly and tells me I have to get over that. The divorce talk came completely out of nowhere. He has started drinking every night from about 5pm until 5am the next day. Can my marriage be saved?

My husband and I have been separated for just over 10 months and it was just over 13 months ago he told me ‘I love you but…..” I also found out he has started an emotional affair with a younger colleague. We have been together for 20 years married 8 and have two young boys. I got recomended your books (read both surrender wife and first kill) early in this process and I have watched your webinars, I just don’t have the means for a coach. I’ve been trying my hardest to practice the skills for almost a year now and it seems to be working as he doesn’t seem resentful or uncomfortable being around me. He even came a couple of hours on Christmas Eve before taking the boys to his parents for Christmas Day. BUT(!) he is still seeing the OW and before Christmas he let our boys meet her too AND I found the petition for devorce on my doorstep as me and the kids came back from holiday after New Year. I’m devastated and I feel so betrayed and rejected and hurt by the person I thought would always be in my corner……with the paperwork being filed I see no other option than to respond as doing anything else would show him that I don’t respect him and his wishes. It is just happening so fast and I fear he is making all these decisions whilst in limmeremce.

Have you got any advice on what to do once the papers been filed and do you believe there is still a chance? I know we can have a great relationship as I’ve learnt so much about myself this past year. And I would love for nothing else than for our kids to have their dad back home?

I’ve read how one of your coaches managed to stop her divorce before the papers were signed and i found a lot of hope in her story….but I can’t stop thinking that this is rare?
Can you give me any hope?

My husband and I have been separated 3 times. My mom lived with us our whole marriage and has finally moved out. Hubby came home and this is day 3 and all we do is fight. When he visited before he got a job and moved back it was great, we had lots of sex and had fun just watching tv and eating, etc. Now that he is back, he is on me about everything, everything I do is wrong. I am afraid I made a horrible mistake and I should have just divorced him. I am not sure what to do. Things are great when he was just visiting but not that he is here full time again it’s all gone to hell. Help. How do we stop the constant bickering about every little thing? He already threatened to get a motel tomorrow night? I keep a clean house, cook for him, am nice until he constantly picks on me. It’s like he is looking for things.

I don’t even know how someone can go back to someone who has cheated on them. My husband is having an affair – I just found out about it. Married 12 years – 2 beautiful children. He has depression issues that he won’t get help for. I cannot forgive him having an affair. I can’t believe he would break our trust and our home and our family dynamic. I do love him, but I can’t get past it the affair and I know it’s not going to last. How do you do it?!

I’m desperately looking for some hope. My husband of 14 years just told me he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He said that he loves me so much and wants me to be happy but there is 14 years of hurt and baggage and he can’t do it anymore. I know it’s my fault. I’ve been depressed and negative for a long time ( going to the doctor about this tomorrow) and I would always get angry at him over stupid stuff and question if he loves me which is what hurt him the most. He says no one would have stayed that long and he’s thought about leaving for the past 10 years but was worried what I would do if he left. He says he can’t even imagine a future where we are happy together. That we could stay together and just be dead inside. I’m so bitter at myself for my behavior that has hurt him so often and for so long. If feels like the damage is too great. I feel like I’m dying. Is there any hope??

I am trying to save my marriage after my husband left 5 months ago. He doesn’t want to talk about the marriage at all. and all he can talk to me about is his work. for our whole marriage all he has ever talked about is his work. i listen, i understand, i hear everything and know everything about it. But how can I ever make him feel comfortable talking about anything else.

My husband told me he no longer loves me. He has been having an emotional affair for over a year with his child’s mother. He said he is moving out after Christmas. Is there hope in trying any of those tactics or just give up his mind is made. We have been married 17 years.

Hello Laura,
I have been married for 8 years now and the last three has ever been a complete nightmare. My husband started a fling with his ex-supervisors daughter who just so happened to have a fling with his friend before him! My husband seemed to like her and they have been together ever since. She lives in another country but he frecuently would go see her with the pretext of visiting his family back home. I found out later that the relationship has been going on and off for three years now. Our relationship has been the same. He left , then came back but it was more him in one room me in another then I moved to another state , because we had agreed to him potentially moving. Before moving while separated and together he will never stop wanting to be intimate with me he always wanted to but he would never sleep in the same room with me. After moving I broke things off because the other woman was just positing and bragging about their relationship on social media. Once I broke that off he still has kept in touch with me and the kids and is financially supportive still. He still pays most of my bills and has not stopped wanting to speak to me. Even with all the evidence I have shown him he still denies he has a relationship with her although he has presented her to his parents. This is frustrating and confusing. Any advise will be appreciated. God bless.

My husband and I had some problems and were in the process of buying a new house. I guess I kind of freaked out and went out one night and messed around with someone. I later told him about it and he kicked me out. After I had already started looking for a place he begged and pleaded that I not leave. I felt I needed to so I could work things out on my own to better us. This was in June, I told him I would move back in December that was my deadline. Though out the course we did not have much intimacy but once a month. I was very harsh with my words and even made him sign a separation agreement as I was afraid he would leave me I wanted to make sure myself and our 3 kids were okay. I did sleep with someone else but also found out he had done the same twice. Also a week after I moved out he had went on a blind date and stayed the night with the girl. Then he has been continuiously lying to me. I finally moved back in November and we went to buy a new car. He suggested I get the loan myself but was willing to cosign if I needed. The whole time I found out he was talking to some girl he had slept with back in September. After I moved back in he told me he was done, didn’t love me and things had been over for him for a long time. I then find out he has been talking to some girl for a month. The same time frame when he told me he wasn’t in love with me and he won’t kiss me or touch me or anything. I have been trying very hard, but i only seem to cry and get angry when I talk to him because I want our marriage to work I want to save us, but he doesn’t want to. I suggested counseling and he said no. I don’t know what to do at this point, I just want to save my family. I understand the trust is gone, but he just keeps telling me he wants to be my friend and then last week he went to talk to a lawyer about filing. Please help!

Dear Laura, My husband recently left and I found out he’s living with another women, we are still talking and still meeting up and being intimate I feel like the other women in my marriage I justvdont know what to do at this point I love him so much. I am reading your book now and trying to take your advice. I think he’s just going through a midlife crisis at this point. We have not always had the best relationship because of my past I am a recovering addict and am now 16mths clean but he says things in our past he just can’t seem to get over. I just don’t know what to do. I am using your technics I just want my marriage back. I love him so much, I just don’t understand why he would stay with me through all that and leave now that I’m doing so well. I want my marriage back. I miss my husband so much.

Joanna, congratulations on your recovery. That is devastating for your husband to leave and move in with someone else. I admire your beautiful vulnerability and your commitment to your marriage.

In my experience, a wife with the Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress any day of the week and twice on Sundays. Again and again, I see wives attracting their husbands back as the other woman disappears.

You too can get your marriage back. I’ll show you how in my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at

Hi Laura. My partner of 9 years and husband of 2 years had a 5 month affair that I discovered on his phone 7 weeks ago. There’s been a lot of tears, tantrums and coming and going, but essentially he left for his parents about a month ago. He has text his woman since and admits to having strong feelings for her (love) which he is trying to deal with. He has been diagnosed wth depression and anxiety and is currently handling that. He has been a better father than he ever was since this happened and nothing is too much bother with regards to childcare. He told me two weeks ago that he can’t imagine coming home as he can’t be who I need him to be, which devastated me. After he anger and pain subsided I started researching on various blogs and changed my tactic. I told him he was right to put a stop to this, and that our relationship was never going to recover with such pressure. I told him my interest in the other woman has gone and that I didn’t have any intention of contacting her, she knows what he’s done. I’ve joined a gym, been planning nights out and concentrated on me and my kids, trouble is we don’t fall into the one of two categories. He isn’t begging to come home and he hasn’t took the ppportunity to be with her. He says a relationship with her isn’t even on his mind at the moment. Obviously he hasn’t said it never will which hurts, but I haven’t told him that. He’s going out with friends from work tomorrow, and told me he swears she won’t be there or is meeting her, and will update me with pics, none of which I asked for. He also wants to meet for breakfast on Saturday morning with our children. I don’t know whether to go as I’m dead certain on setting boundaries and seeming like I’m strong and dealing with it. My question is, do you see these as positive signs? If he truly is working on himself and soul searching, should I see this as a positive move to meet him? Not talk about the relationship and just be my usual happy self? And what would you do in the near future? Any information would be greatly appreciated

Hopeful, I’m sorry to hear about your husband having an affair and leaving. That is devastating.

I admire your commitment to focusing on your happiness and showing up as the goddess of fun and light rather than having to have a state of the union talk. I hear lots of good signs that are indeed hopeful!

I was taken aback when my husband retreated from me. I thought I was being a good wife, until I found the 6 Intimacy Skills. Then I learned how to attract him back and have the playful, passionate marriage I’d always wanted.

You too can attract your husband back and reconcile your family. I’ll share what to do during a separation in my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at

Hi Laura,
10 years ago I cheated on my husband. He was not there for me and after had admitted to not being there for me. Still wrong. Should not have done it and am forever remorseful. So in the meantime, I feel our relationship has grown and actually become stronger. Our sex life… AMAZING. We get along extremely well. Perfect couple. (Trying to make this short as possible). Dated 10 years, will be Married 22 years in December 9. October 7, he tells me he can’t get past the infidelity and thinks about it every year at this time…. I didn’t know this. October 14, tells me he is moving out. Has an apartment since November 1, has stayed the night there twice and will tonight and tomorrow night (being tomorrow is Thanksgiving and won’t be here, of course). He has not totally moved out yet but will be. Anyway, says he is not happy and has not been for a long time. (News to me!) we just came back from a week in Vegas in August. Making plans for our future (retirement, etc) and he is not happy?? I’m so confused. He has an extremely stressful job and I know this. I think he is stressed, depressed and probably going through a mid life crisis (age 48). I know I have no choice but to let him go and hope and pray that his distance gives him time to miss me, miss us and our two teenage girls. This sucks and I don’t know what to do. I want my husband back. I want our life the way it was. I want my family reunited. Please help.

Patti, I can see why you’re confused! That is a shock to hear your husband is moving out after you’ve been getting along so well and living it up together. Your vulnerability is beautiful, as is your commitment to your marriage.

I was confused when my husband was unhappy even though I believed I was doing everything I could to be a good wife. The 6 Intimacy Skills gave me the tools to attract him back and make our marriage more playful and passionate than ever.

You too can save your marriage! I’ll show you how in my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at

Hi Laura – im in a desperate situation. Im on my 2nd marriage, we’ve been married only for 3 years. 8 weeks ago my husband went on a school reunion and met a woman he’d not seen for 30 years, says he’s been in love with her since he was 13 and within a week he was gone to be with her, and still is. He’s been messaging me daily saying he loves me, im the most beautiful woman in the world etc but then retracts and claims he never said those things. How can this be? Our marriage was so fine before that reunion, although I believe a week or so beforehand there was some flirty texting going on.

Ive seen him for 2 seperate hours in 2 months, only about 4-5 phone calls and everything else has been done by text. Ive had no proper closure and am desperate for some help/advice

Hello laura

My husband left me for someone else
We been together for 19 years and married for 10 years we have 6 beautiful kids together and i miss him so much so does the kids
I really want him back we need him
Its been 6 weeks now since he left i found out about the other women a week before he left and that week he kept saying im the one he wants to be with he loves me and still in love with me then the night he left his still contacting her so i lost it and we fought and he left been gone since
Thru the 6 weeks his says his happy and that were done his moved on
I really need help to get my family back together

Melissa, I’m so sorry to hear about your husband leaving you and your children. That is devastating. I admire your beautiful vulnerability and commitment to your marriage.

I remember how hopeless I felt when my husband had retreated from me. The 6 Intimacy Skills taught me how to attract him back so I could be desired, cherished and adored.

You can get your man back and your family back together. I’ll show you how in my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at

Hi Laura, my husband left me 2 months ago accusing me of having an affair with my co-worker. He always leaving me every long weekend going to another province of the country looking a place to transfer to. One day, i went out with my co-worker but with some of his friends, and i slept over my co-worker’s house, but i swear nothing happened. He keeps on insisting that something happened, that it’s impossible nothing happened when i slept in my co-worker’s house. But that’s the truth. I couldn’t let him believe, so left me. But he still keeps on texting me and calling me up. He said he still loves me but right now he has full of angers and could’t take out from his mind that night i slept with my co-worker’s house. But i swear to God nothing really happened between me and my co-worker. What can i do? How can i make him come back?
Before he left me, he was reallt planning to leave me, that’s why he went to different places without letting me know where was it. Until one day, i’ve decided to go out with my co-worker and his friends. And because of that, he accused me of having an affair with that man. How can i removed that from his mind? He’s accusing me of something that isn’t true.

Hello Laura.

My ex broke up with me 2 months ago after 9 years. He says loves me more than anything, but says he has lost his feelings for me and that scares him because he has been so sure of his feelings for me all the years we have been together. He need space to feel if he misses me and if there is feelings for me.He’s moved out and I am giving him space. He says he don’t want to give me any hope, but if we in the end of all this can be a family that’s what he wants (we have a 2 year old daughter). I guess our problems started after we had our daugther, and after he got a new job 2 years ago and was/is much away from home.

We have almost had any contact lately, just regarding our child.
But yesterday he suddenly sent me a text asking if we could meet for lunch to talk about how I was doing (i’ve been struggling with my mental health for some months), talk about our child and so on.
We met and ended up talking for 2 hours and nothing about what he said we was going to talk about. We talked about everyday things. Almost like we was sitting at home around our kitchen table. And when we said goodbye I said to him that we did not talk about the things we where supposed to talk about. And than he suggesed we could talk about it the next time. He said that we could meet up once a week to talk, because we needed to be in contact. One of our struggles was communication. And I have been working on my communicstion skills in therapy. I have been making many positive changes theese last couple of months and he has said to others thst he sees it.

I am wondering how do I use theese meetings to start to communicate and reconnect with him emotionally?

Merethe, I’m sorry to hear about the breakup of your longterm relationship. I admire you for showing respect and for your commitment to keeping your family together.

When my husband retreated from me, I had zero communication skills–at least none that fostered connection. The 6 Intimacy Skills gave me the tools to communicate in a way that attracted him back so I could have the playful, passionate marriage I always wanted.

It’s a great sign that your man is initiating more contact. I’ll show you how to take advantage of those opportunities to reconnect emotionally in my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at

Dear ms Laura .. I just came across your blog when googling how to get my husband back after he has left me .. we have been married for 18 years and together for 20. We have 3 kids together and both our boys are grown and moved out . It has just been me , my husband and my daughter living at home and things have seemed quite peaceful . We have fallen into routines . I have been a stay at home mom for 15 yrs and I take care of the house , kids , cook all that good stuff . He is an owner of 2 businesses and works hard every day . I make sure when he comes home he doesn’t have to lift a finger . I make his drink when he comes in the door and wait on him for any need he has . He just recently sat me down one Saturday morning about 3 weeks ago and told me he wasn’t happy , hasn’t been in a long time and loves me but isint “in Love” with me anymore . He packed up all his personal belonging and left me and my daughter .. he is paying all our bills and giving me money that I need .. he still wants to be friends which is very hard because I want to cry every time I look at him . It has only been 3 weeks since he left and he is already starting the filing of the divorce papers . I hate that and don’t understand why after 20 yrs he is in such a hurry to divorce me . He swears there is no one else that he is seeing but I can’t help to have a sick feeling that that might be what is going on .. but he says he doesn’t want anyone … wants to be alone and sure doesn’t want another woman to cause him problems .. I have never been the type of wife to gripe a lot and always let him have his “guy time” and now I see maybe it was too much time away from me .. but I have always been left at home with the kids , to take care of and entertain. I love my husband with all my heart and I am just so broken right now . I want him back more than anything and I have been staying in church and praying hard about it , but I don’t know if I should give up hope and just try to move on like he wants or do I just keep trying to win him back ??? Please help me with some advice .. after 20 years I don’t want to lose him .. he’s my other half and my forever .. my heart is shattered and I want my little family back together . Even his own parents don’t understand why he is doing this .. it’s the hardest thing I have ever had to go thru and I have lost both my parents . It’s almost like mourning a death but he’s still out there walking around trying to find happiness by himself . ????

Jenny, I’m so sorry to hear about your husband leaving without warning, especially after you have been such a devoted wife. That is devastating. Your vulnerability is beautiful, and my heart goes out to you.

One client’s husband moved out abruptly. She was devastated but remained committed to practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills. He came back home and started telling her he loves her many times a day and holding her tighter than ever.

You too can save your marriage. I’ll show you how to restore the respect and love in your home in my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at

If you act happy while he is out doing what he wants with who knows who. Doesn’t that make him feel like you are better off without him?

Carol, I get that it’s scary to risk him thinking you’re better off without him with your happiness. I appreciate your vulnerability and admire your commitment to your relationship.

The 6 Intimacy Skills seemed counterintuitive to me too. They were so different from how I’d always done things. But the old way pushed my husband away, whereas this approach makes it so he can’t stay away!

I would love to give you the tools to attract your man back too. I’ll show you how in my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at

Hello Mrs. Laura, about a month ago my ex fiancé and I split up during a fight at our third couples counseling session. I could tell the counselor sucked but the unimaginable happened, the counselor actually told my fiancé to leave me. He validated my fiancé’s emotions and then my fiance felt this was a sign we are not meant to be together. We have been together six years and have a beautiful five year old son and a ten year old daughter from my previous marriage. My son and daughter are devastated, I am devastated. We decided to go to counseling because we wanted to work through frustrations of respecting each other and each others families. It’s funny because I absolutely adore my ex fiancé and he feels I have a lack of respect for him. I admit I can have a pretty bad temper when fired up and I had every intention of trying to fix it so I did not lose him. He himself began insulting me. I felt we both had a lot to work on. But losing him was not an option I just did not and do not know how to fix it. He left a month ago and just moved to his own place. I sent him a text message telling him how sorry I am everything happened the way it did and that I loved him no matter what and always will. I got no response only a text message on Halloween saying to “be careful with the little ones”. I do not know what to do, I do not want to lose him. We have always worked through things before and I am lost now.

I listened to your webinar last night and it was encouraging, I wish I would of read about you before we separated. Maybe I wouldn’t be in this position now. He left and it is as if he just forgot about me. Do you really believe there is hope for us?

Jennifer, I’m sorry to hear about your fiancé leaving you at the counselor’s behest, when you were just trying to work things out. That is devastating. I admire your commitment to your relationship and family.

Marriage counseling only made things worse in my relationship too. Then I found the 6 Intimacy Skills and finally got the tools to attract him back to me. Now I have the playful, passionate marriage I’d always wanted.

There is hope for you to get him back and reunite your family. I’ll show you what to do in my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at

Hi Laura, This is Baviya. Actually mine is a love marriage. Me and my husband love each other and got married with parents’ permission with some mess in it. 1 year we were together only. But I used to fight with him for small things like your parents are not treating me well, you are not picking my calls like that. But our intimacy and other things were awesome. But on one fine day I told him to go out of the house in anger when he was talking to his mother. They dislike me. They came and took his son away from me and they applied for divorce as well. Now am away from my husband. It’s been 5 months I met him last. Now also we are talking to each without our parents’ knowledge. And he is telling that it’s good to be apart. Than being together and losing you it’s not difficult for me to watch how you’re like that. Is that any chance for me to live with my husband? I want my husband back and am sooo stressed… Please give me some ideas.

Baviya, I’m sorry to hear about your husband leaving and saying he wants to stay apart. That does sound stressful. I love your vulnerability and your commitment to your marriage.

I used to say horrible things to my husband in anger. Even when he was under the same roof, it was as if he wasn’t there because we had no connection. Then I found the 6 Intimacy Skills, which attracted him back to me. Now I have the playful, passionate marriage I’d always wanted.

You can save your marriage. What your husband is saying now that you’ve reconnected is a good sign. I’ll show you what to do when he has moved out in my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at

Hi Laura,
My husband left 3 weeks ago after i found out about two women he had been with at work. The most recent a 23 year old student. Obviously i was devastated at the time. 4 days later he started flirting with me and complimenting me, needless to say i as shocked! Since then we have continued to flirt on and off both in person and via text. I do feel like i am getting mixed messages from him as sometimes he tells me he loves me but then tells me he doesnt know if he wants to come home. Im not sure how to handle the situation! Im trying to back off and not pressure him, is that the right thing to do? Also it is his birthday soo , should i make an effort with this? Buy him something nice like i normally do? Im finding hard to know what to do!

Michelle, that is devastating and shocking to get such mixed messages from your husband! I admire you for having the courage and faith to relinquish control. Your commitment to saving your marriage is amazing.

When I learned about the 6 Intimacy Skills after my husband had retreated from me, I was confused what to do because this approach was so different from my controlling default. Fortunately, I had the support of other surrendering women to help me know how to apply the Intimacy Skills to what I was going through. As a result, I got the playful, passionate marriage I’d always wanted.

I’d love to give you more support to attract your husband back home and have the faithful marriage you deserve. I invite you to my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at

I gave into my ex husbands demands for divorce after he hit midlife crisis following several big life changes (career change, loss of friend, our eldest child relocating countries and my chronic illness and depression). We’d been married 18 years, together 21. He sought comfort in an emotional affair with 2 women while working overseas and when I discovered it I lost the plot. His drinking was becoming an issue over the years and as he hid smoking and online behaviour from me, I felt betrayed. He broke up with me by email of all things and refused to come home at first. I was bewildered as I did not know there were issues prior to the emotional affairs being uncovered. As he worked away from home for the required separation time, our divorce went straight through and was completed in 2 months in June. He visits our teen every few months and has him over at his parents house. I do still love him. Our insecurities meant we pushed eachother’s buttons at the time of divorce. I have been working through some of my issues and desire a reconciliation/new beginning with him. If he has not already committed to another woman (which he has not), is there still hope? I am planning on purchasing your books and because I recently finished up at work to care for my child, currently have no income with which to invest in coaching but would consider saving if it would be appropriate given our finalised divorce.

Elle, I’m sorry to hear about the divorce and everything else you’ve been through. That is devastating. Especially when you still love him! I admire how open, willing and committed you are to saving your relationship.

One of my clients acquiesced to her husband’s demand for a divorce. She practiced the 6 Intimacy Skills with him throughout the process. Though the papers were signed, they stayed together. No one knows she’s actually living with her boyfriend, and their relationship is more playful and passionate than before.

As long as your man is not married to someone else, you have the power to reconcile with him too. I’ll give you the tools to get started in my upcoming Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills. You can register for free at

Hello again Laura. I hope you don’t mind me contacting you again, but you are so attentive to all the women on this article so I keep returning for support. The truth is that since my husband left me and our 5 yo daughter for someone else, I have become increasingly negative towards him. It brings out a nasty side to me where I insult the other woman who he is now planning on moving in with. I say the most awful things. I’m sure this all comes from anxiety and worry that this is really happening, he really isn’t going to change his mind. I have filed for divorce for financial security for myself and my daughter but I still love my husband despite his awful actions. Also it has extended to his family who he said are glad he left me although I think he lied there and has basically lied about me to them to validate his decision. I can’t seem to initiate the intamacy skills. I feel compelled to be horrible to him as I feel so betrayed and also I go into fight mode for my daughters sake as he has denied her of a loving family life we always wanted. Is it too late for us? Thanks again for listening and reading your continued support of all these women gives me real strength.

LW, I admire your vulnerability and your awareness of the fear behind your actions. I love your commitment to seeking support, especially at such a painful time when your family is coming apart.

I remember when my desire for intimacy wasn’t enough. I felt compelled to speak my mind and didn’t feel very dignified. Knowing what I could do differently wasn’t enough; I needed support to put the 6 Intimacy Skills into practice and to see my own blind spots. Once I got that support, everything changed, and my marriage became magical.

It is not too late to save your marriage. I would love to give you the support to empower you to do that before taking further action on a divorce I’m hearing you don’t want. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how working with a coach would fit for you. You can apply at

Me and my husband separated in June 2015 (it was me that left as I had a bit of a breakdown). He asked me what he could do to get me back and I asked for time to get myself straight and he agreed. Since then he’s been with other women (a couple of them are just slightly older than his daughter!). When I felt ready to speak to him, I told him I still love him with all my heart and I was ready to give our marriage another try. He then said he’d moved on and wanted a divorce. Since he said that we’ve spent two nights together and things got physical. Since then we got on fantastically and while I was on a night out with my stepdaughter I told him he would never meet anyone who would live him like I do and he agreed! But since then he won’t talk to me, my stepdaughter doesn’t talk to me, and I feel so confused and angry as I feel I was used for sex and he did it because he knew I would go with him because of how I feel. We have 2 girls together and the youngest (aged 13) is desperate for us to get back together. My parents want me to get the divorce and forget about him. I don’t want a divorce but he is adamant that this is the only way it’s going to go. I know he still has feelings for me but I just don’t know which warmly to go. It’s not like I haven’t had offers from other guys, I’ve had several but I’ve refused them all because they are not him. Help! How on earth do I get him back or am I destined to be alone and lonely for the rest of my life. I’m 44 and he’s 42 and the last 2 years have been hell without him. I’ve even considered just ending it all but I have my kids and they keep me going. Do I have a chance of getting him back or should I just give up on ever being happy again?

Diane, it sounds really painful to feel you were used on top of your husband being adamant about getting divorced. I acknowledge you for your vulnerability, which is so attractive.

You are not alone. Many of my clients’ husbands have insisted they were leaving and nothing the wife did would change his mind. Then the wives found the 6 Intimacy Skills and got some support to learn how to implement them in their situation. These women not only saved their marriages but became cherished, desired and adored. One husband says he doesn’t know what he was thinking when he kept saying how adamant he was.

You can be the next surrendered wife to save your marriage. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how working with a coach would fit for you. The call alone will bring you clarity. You can apply here:

Thanks Laura but I’m currently not working as I have a disability and wouldn’t be able to afford it. ????

Diane, I hear your commitment to getting the support to empower you to save your marriage, and I want to acknowledge you. I’m sorry to hear that private coaching is not a fit for you financially right now. I have other coaching packages to fit different budgets. You can also learn the 6 Intimacy Skills from my book The Empowered Wife. Here’s a free chapter:

My husband says he fell out of love with me 7 months ago, that our marriage was dead. At didn’t realize it at the time but he as right. We were simply living as roommates. I didn’t realize how unhappy regarding what was missing until it was too late (we hadn’t had sex in over a year and he has a very high drive which I always knew about). After he realized he no longer loved me, he actively pursued an affair with a women he sees at work daily. The affair is extremely intense!!!!! He temporarily broke it off for a week because he knew I still loved him and he wanted to “try” for us, but after only 5 days, he came to the conclusion that as much as he wanted to, he just simply could not get the love back. That he had reached the point of no return and our marriage simply had too much baggage and damage. I believe deep down he would love for us to have a happy marriage but he has no interest in trying or opening up his heart to it because he owner believe his love for me could ever come back. He is hot and heavy in the affair and has NO PLANS to end it and he will stay in it until/if/when it dies.
I desperately want him back and the marriage we deserve but I’m feeling like I’m clinging to false hope. We still love together “as friends” for the sake of our 3 younger children. That is our current agreed upon arrangement. My husband’s thinking is very black and white and once his mind is made up, that’s usually it. We’ve been “married” 13 years although he feels most of those years were not good (at least as far as sex and affection goes). I don’t want to be mislead about chances of repairing this marriage if it is unlikely it can be saved….Any thoughts? I’ve already been utilizing many of the strategies since I learned of the affair at end of July, which has been going on full force since end of May (so about 4 full months now).

Sara, I’m sorry to hear that your husband seems determined to end your marriage and stay with another woman. That is devastating. I hear how committed you are to saving your marriage and really admire you.

I firmly believe that a wife with the Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress any day of the week and twice on Sundays! Because that’s what I see over and over, even when the husband claims that his mind is made up. One husband said he was “intractable,” that nothing his wife did would change his mind. Today, he says he doesn’t know what he was thinking because he’s so grateful for her.

I know you can have that too. I’d love to help you deepen your practice of the Intimacy Skills to attract him back. I invite you to my upcoming Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills. You can register for free at

Hi Laura
This time last year my husband was accused of something he didn’t do. It’s had such an impact on us. I was pregnant at time..stood by him 100% and never doubted him. He went into depression..he got into debt and over course of 6 month he pushed me away, no intimacy and he had some very dark times. I had my son 7 month ago. We also have a 5 year old. A few weeks after out son was born he moved out..said he no longer is in love with me and he has lived with his mum since. I was heartbroken, but the Kids kept me going and the thought that this wasnt really him
.3 months passed and we rarely spoke and if we did he insisted it was over. Then out the blue 3 month after he left..he turned up at my house crying. He misses me, us as a family..he can’t see out of the hole he’s in etc. For the following 3 month I’ve helped him, been there, spent time as a family..really got on, flirted, had amazing sex etc. We were really rebuidling things. Then he started to feel down again..things from last year surfaced and he’s back to square one. Says he’s tried with me and it didnt work and thats that. But we were getting on amazingly. I feel like we be fine back to first splitting again. He said he wants space..time with kids and sort his head out but when he does he doesn’t think there’s a future for us still as it’s now been a year of depression n were too far apart. I don’t get it..i don’t get how we can be getting on romantically so well for last 3 months after everything n now i feel worthless and not good enough all over again. I don’t get how he can want to be in my life so much n not feel love for me..i haven’t heard him say he loves me for a year now..even recently when more or less back together but living separate. Do I accept this is the end? Thanks

Lisa, that is a shock to have your husband call it quits again after you stayed by his side throughout his depression and things were looking up. I so admire your commitment to your marriage.

One of my clients had a depressed husband, who left her. That’s when she discovered the Intimacy Skills. Not only did she get her husband back from his mistress, his depression lifted. I see the same thing happen again and again–the wife focusing on her happiness and becoming her best self inspires her husband to do the same.

Lisa, you too can save your marriage and reconcile your family. I’ll give you some tools to do that in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Hi i have been married to my husband for nearly 9 years he for a year up to date developed a bad drug habit n things got a bit out of control, the day he confessed to me i told him i need a bit of space to get my head round things, so his mum to help n she insisted he went n stayed with her my understanding it would only be for a few days, therefore i was glad he was safe n maybe she n i could work together to help him! This was soo not the case his family has turned it around in his head that i threw him out n he keeps verbally attacking me saying i threw him out, its been now six months and he wont return home he has been going out every weekend drink smoking cannabis and become really distant and vindictive towards me saying and acting like not himself, and it has only come to light that his family members have been playing a big part in manipulating him and turning him against me i have three kids and now i hear his mother is trying to get in his head encouraging him to meet someone else n that he should consider trying to get my kids from me, he sounds just like his family he has even stopped wearing his wedding ring! I have tried communicating n reaching out to him but its like i dont recongnise him anymore! He dosent sound the same or look the same! Im at a lost and dont know what to do now anymore i have nothing but been loyal and focused on my kids through all this and i havent done any off what he keeps accusing me off! Even his relationship with the kids is really changed! Im really worried about him and all the manipulation and what he’s turning himself into he was such a loving devoted father and husband! Please help im at a loss.

Dims, I’m sorry to hear about all the struggles you’ve been going through as a wife and mother dealing with your husband’s drug use and conflict with your in-laws. It sounds like you married a good man, and I admire you for wanting to do everything you can to keep your family together.

I have seen many happy endings even when addiction is involved, as I recently shared in my blog. As long as you and your children are safe, I believe you can turn things around too and reconcile your family.

I love your openness to trying a new approach and invite you to my upcoming webinar, where I talk about what to do when he has moved out: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Hi Laura,
On 08/05/2017 my husband stated that he felt a disconnect with me and that he wanted a divorce. He stated that he had been trying to make things work for both of us. He says that he is talking to someone else but they are just talking and nothing more. I find it hard to believe. I moved out and he comes around but he says that he is confused at this moment. I try talking to him and cry my and ask him to figure out how to fix this. But he says he wants to be happy. Please help. I know he loves me. 20 yrs and not ready to quit.

Josey, I’m so sorry to hear that your husband said he wants a divorce and is talking to someone else. That is devastating. I admire your commitment and your beautiful vulnerability in reaching out for help.

I thought my only choices were divorce or being stuck in an unhappy marriage, and I didn’t know how to fix it. The 6 Intimacy Skills attracted my husband back to me and made our marriage more playful and passionate than ever.

I know you can get your husband back and both be happy again. I’d love to give you the support to save your marriage. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how working with a coach would fit for you. The call alone will bring you clarity. You can apply here:

I have been with my husband for almost 13 years 7 of which we were married. Four years ago my husband said he wanted a divorce and I begged and pleaded with him not to. After a month of him telling me that I needed to leave and to leave our son with him I filed for a divorce myself and moved in with my mother in law with our son who was 4 at the time. I found out shortly later that my husband was having an affair with a neighbor who was initially my friend and a parent of one of my sons friend. When I moved in with my mother in law this made my husband so angry and now even after 4 years he refuses to have a relationship with his mom calling her my new mom. We went to counseling for a short time but it didn’t help as he didn’t want to put any effort into it. After a year of being separated I moved back home with our son and brand new daughter who obviously was conceived during our separation. After moving back home I withdrew the divorce and shortly after that my husband continued his affair. I stayed with him for a year and a half while he continued his affair and at one point my husband forced me to send our children to his mistress house while we both worked. A few months after that he filed for a divorced and got me kicked out of the house. I got a good lawyer who was able to turn everything around and I got back in the house and got child support from him and was forced to live with his mistress. After two months of being separated he begged me to work on the marriage and to come back home and I agreed. Now I feel like we are falling into the same trap and he is starting his affair back up and now she is watching my son again and I’m taking our daughter to his moms house but I feel that will end soon. My husband and I are still intimate at night and I feel so disrespected by this man. I love him and I want this marriage to work but I don’t know where to start. The divorce is on hold for now and I feel there might be some chance at saving our marriage but I feel so lost. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Melissa, what you’re going through sounds so painful, with this woman watching your child on top of everything else. I can see why you’re feeling lost. I hear that you want to make things work but don’t know how. I really admire your commitment to your marriage and your remarkable vulnerability.

You are not alone. Many women have come through my doors wanting to save their marriages when their husband was still sleeping with another woman. As hard as it is for them to choose faith over fear, when they learn the 6 Intimacy Skills, what I see time and time again is that the wife attracts him back home, and the mistress is out of the picture. A wife with the Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress any day of the week and twice on Sundays!

You too can get back the fidelity, love and respect you deserve. I’ll show you where to start in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Dear Laura,
I’ve read your books, “surrendered wife” and “first kill….” and I have also watched your webinar a few times.
My husband moved out 7months ago after 20years together. I think he is still involved with the woman whom he had an affair with when moving out and he seems to be set on his path….
We still see eachother regularly because of our two young boys. I’m trying to apply the skills that I’ve learnt and although it’s killing me at times we are getting on well at the moment.
….but I feel like I should/could be doing more! As we are separated, would you advice to read ‘surrender single’?

Kristina, I’m sorry to hear about your husband moving out. That is devastating. I admire how committed you are to practicing the Intimacy Skills to save your marriage. I hear a lot of hope in you practicing the Skills every time you see him!

Adding The Surrendered Single to your reading list wouldn’t hurt, as many married women read it to bring back the dating days and flirt with their husbands. But I invite you to continue focusing on the 6 Intimacy Skills for married women, as I outline in The Empowered Wife (the updated version of First Kill All the Marriage Counselors).

I would love to give you more support to get your husband back. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how working with a coach would fit for you. You will find this call alone so valuable. You can apply here:

Hi Laura, I would love to get my husband back. He has been living with this woman whom he calls his wife. 1 1/2 ago I discovered that he was cheating on me and I confronted him. He moved out and has been with her ever since. I filed for divorce and his paycheck has been garnished for child support. I know he feels disrespected by this. Do I stop the garnishment in hops of getting him back? I probably can survive if I get a second job?? We have a trial scheduled, but I would love to stop it. Any advise? Is there any hope of getting him back? We have 3 kids together.

May, that is devastating that your husband moved out after cheating on you and now calls someone else his wife. I admire you for considering stopping the garnishment to restore respect and for your powerful desire to get your husband back.

Many of my thousands of clients started practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills after an affair and separation. With women who are as committed to the Skills as you are, I see the same result again and again: They attract their husband back and the marriage becomes more playful and passionate than before. Sometimes even after a divorce!

You can get your husband back and reunite your family too. I’ll show you how in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Hi Laura.

I was married 23 years (together 30) when I found out my ex-husband was having an affair, and it wasn’t his first one. Our relationship had dwindled because I didn’t have a sexual relationship, and I know that translated into him feeling unloved, disrespected, etc. We tried marriage counseling for several months post-disclosure, but I smothered him during this time. I had to know his every move, and he hated it. I was trying to show him that he had to be transparent to regain my trust. He left, filed for divorce eight months later, and 13 months later it was final. I told him repeatedly that I didn’t want a divorce, and that I thought we could get past all of this. Fast forward, he’s remarried to a woman 10 years younger, and he has a four-year old child now. The child is the apple of his eye. He knew the new wife only four months when they married. I truly think that he was looking for a baby momma, but I don’t know that for a fact. She also is very successful financially, even more so than he is. It took me a very long time to get past the divorce. I never got angry, but I was extremely hurt. Now it’s been seven years since the divorce. He’s always in my thoughts. I saw him at a party Saturday night. He was avoiding me, and I decided that there was no reason to not be on speaking terms. I welcomed him to the party, and a 30-minute discussion ensued. It was awkward at first, but I think it lightened up after some time passed. Seeing and talking to him only confirmed that I’m still in love with him and that I want him back. How in the world do I go about this after time has lapsed, and he has a new life?

Jackie, I’m sorry to hear how much pain you’ve been through having to go through infidelity and divorce when you didn’t want to. It sounds heartbreaking to still be in love with your ex-husband years later when he has started a new life. I admire you for showing such beautiful vulnerability.

The thousands of women I’ve worked with have been in every stage of relationship, whether single, married, separated or divorced. When they commit to learning and practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills, even when divorced, I see them manifest their vision of becoming cherished, desired and adored.

There is hope for you too. I invite you to my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Hello Laura,

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We got married after only knowing each other for 1 month. My husband got really sick a few months after that, and then he got into addiction problem for a few years. Throughout our marriage, we had a lot of other issues that were never really solved completely. We were very immature and didn’t know how to communicate our needs to the other. We fought a lot, sex life wasn’t great. He’s dissatisfied with his life, and I’m stressed most of the time due to the marriage and school.

A few weeks ago, my husband told me that he wanted a divorce, and he’s at the point where there’s no turning back. We stay in the same house but in different rooms now, because I only have 3 months left until graduation. I still love my husband and want to give it a chance. However, he doesn’t want to work on it anymore. He said he’s been thinking about it for few years now. He scared to make the decision because he thinks I have a lot of good qualities that he might not be able to find in other girls. We don’t really talk anymore. The situation really bothers me a lot whenever I have time to think about it. It broke my heart every time i read the texts that he sent me when we first dated.

I’m thinking about moving out. It makes me sad when I see him every day and we don’t talk like before. What should I do in this situation? Is there a slim chance that my husband might change his mind if I move out? He doesn’t really want to talk or listen to anybody even his best friends, or family.

From different sources, I know there is a “lagging period” when the other person starts thinking about their partner after she moves out. It’s the stage when he hasn’t had any exciting things like he thought yet, and started missing her. There is a no contact rule during this period. I wonder if this might work for my case. In some ways, I feel like my husband 100% committed to his decision.

Thank you!

Ivy, I’m sorry to hear that your husband wants a divorce. That is devastating. I admire your vulnerability and commitment to your marriage.

I remember when moving out seemed like my best option. I didn’t know what else to do. Then I found the 6 Intimacy Skills, which empowered me to attract my husband back. I got the playful, passionate marriage I’d always wanted–without either of us having to leave.

If I can do it, I know you can get back those sweet dating days too! I will show you how to save your marriage in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Laura, without any communication, how does it work? When he comes home, he just goes to his own room, and I stay in mine. He’s planing to get a travel job where he’ll stay at one facility for 3 months. He gets to travel, gets paid more, be free and do whatever he wants. Everything seems so promising to him right now compared to stay and try to work things out. He’s also been texting this girl from work a lot and this makes me crazy, even though I know that we’re separated. 🙁

Thanks for the great question, Ivy. I hear how painful it is to be isolated from your husband and have no communication, on top of him texting this girl.

Many women have discovered the 6 Intimacy Skills after their husband had moved out, limiting their interaction. Knowing what to do or say when they do communicate creates more opportunities for interaction and for applying the Intimacy Skills effectively. What I see again and again is that, even after a separation, she does attract him back.

It sounds like you may want more support to empower you to do that. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how working with a coach would fit for you. The call alone will bring you clarity. You can apply here:

Hi laura,

I and husband were so friendly and we married together before one and hour year , stayed for a year. he had some problem with his family members and he fouhgt with me because of them and finally left me. now we are staying apart for more than 6 months. but he says he does not want me and he dont like to get back to me. but i dont understand , why these thinks happening in our life. he says he dont like to be a part of my life. and i love him badly, i cant stay without him. i need him back. but he is not picking up my phone and all his friends are not helping me to get him back to me. could you suggest me something please…????????

Rani, thank you for your beautiful vulnerability. I hear how painful it is that your husband left and says he doesn’t want to come back. I admire your commitment to your marriage.

I understand what it’s like for family conflict to cause a rift in your marriage. I used to suspect my mother-in-law of doing that in my marriage, and I feared we were headed for divorce. The 6 Intimacy Skills empowered me to attract my husband back and make peace in the family. Now I have the playful, passionate marriage I always wanted.

If I can do it, you can too! I would love to empower you to know exactly what to say and do to get your husband back. I talk about that in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Laura .I am married to a traditional Hindu boy.our marriage only lasted for 2months.we loved eachother and married.and now he hates me because ,I hated his mom who always use to shout at me.i told him let’s live separate so he got angry on me.and I felt depressed when he said he doesn’t want me anymore I even tried to kill myself..and he got angry on me for that also..and now he is not talking to me ..he left me.i need help.coz I love him a lot…

Hi Laura,
My husband left me about a month ago. He ha a number of reasons such as he couldn’t handle the stress of our fiances, my teenage boys are lazy, we live in the house that I had with my 1st husband and it would never be ours ( I told him many times that I would sell it), the proper needs too much work, he’s coming between me and my kids, we’re opposites- I’m a Christian ,church every Sunday, tea totaller and he’s not. He has so many excuses for leaving but us arguing and fighting isn’t among them because we rarely do. The problem I have with your advice is thar he moved back to his hometown 10 hrs away, so it’s impossible for me to put any of it into practice. He doesnt answer my calls and rarely rarely answers my texts unless it’s really important. I’m heartbroken and still very much in love with him. He told me when he left that he does love me and worries about me, but can’t live like this. So what do I do now to reach him and get him to come back?

Roxanne, I’m sorry to hear that your husband left and has not been responsive to your attempts to communicate. This sounds heartbreaking. I admire your vulnerability and your commitment to your marriage.

Many women have come to me with this challenge: how to practice the 6 Intimacy Skills when they are separated and have minimal contact with their husbands. They have found that being selective about what they say when they do send a text or leave a message by applying the Intimacy Skills in every little encounter creates the opportunity for more interaction. One client was going through divorce proceedings and could practice the Skills with her husband only at the attorney’s office. Another continued to practice them even after her divorce. Both saved their marriages.

If they can do it, you can too! I’ll show you how in my upcoming webinar, where I address how to get him back when you’re currently separated. You can register for free at

My husband divorced me after a great love story ended with marriage and two beautiful boys. the most reason of argument because of his x wife and his adult kids who didn’t want that marriage to success and they did. I was really a good wife who takes care of her husband and helps him every time when he needs assistance taking care of house the kids loyal to him deprive my self from having fun just to make sure I ma there for my family. after 10 years of marriage he divorced me cuz he said we can communicate and this marriage cant survive but I am pretty sure there are many are talking into his mind. I still do love and cares about him I begged him to back fro the kids sake but he refused. although he has a lot of mistakes and crazy mood but i am ok with that.

Gtaie, I’m so sorry to hear that your husband divorced you, especially after what a devoted wife you were. That is devastating. I admire your commitment to him and your beautiful vulnerability.

Many women find the 6 Intimacy Skills after a separation. One continued practicing them even after her divorce and got her husband back. Now that he has moved back in, no one knows she’s actually living with her “boyfriend”!

If so many other women can become cherished, desired and adored, I know you can too. I’ll show you how in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Hi again Laura. I got in touch a few weeks ago about my husband leaving me and our 5 year old daughter for someone else. I had a great Skype call with coach Bonnie which has given me lots to think about and I’m reading empowered wife at the moment. I’m on holiday with my daughter at the moment and the conversations with my husband have not gone well. I feel so angry and always take a negative turn in our phone calls. I will be home in a few days and I need the strength to adopt the 6 skills. He is still seeing this other woman. I stupidly checked her social media and she changed her status to in a relationship with her friends seeming to high five her on her victory. It sent me wild and my husband got both barrels from me. I shouldn’t have looked and I’m embarrassed that I’ve let her get to me, I’m better than that. X

LW, I’m glad to hear your discovery call with Bonnie was insightful, and I acknowledge you for your commitment and willingness! It sounds so hard that your husband is still seeing this woman. I’m sorry you had to see that on social media. I would be angry too!

I know you’ve already had some great wins since you started practicing the Intimacy Skills. I always say that a wife with the Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress any day of the week and twice on Sundays because that’s what I see over and over. With your commitment, I know you will get your husband back too.

To give you the strength to persevere, I invite you to try the 5-Day Get Cherished Challenge at And I would love to see you at in California next month if you want to jet across the pond to join many women who share in your struggle and learn the Skills with me!

I’ve filed for divorce. Through all of this the difficulty will always be the fact that I’m a parent and my daughter will always be my primary concern. I can’t adopt certain skills that aren’t appropriate in a situation that involves a child. I will always protect her. My husband is still seeing or at least communicating with the other woman which I find disgusting and a huge betrayal to my daughter not only me. This fact makes it very difficult for me to stay civil and welcoming to him all the time. It is true however that he responds better when I’m nice and thankful for his help and I’m not dragging up problem after problem. I’m so fearful of him starting a new life with this woman that I need to secure a future for our daughter and I as soon as possible therefore divorce seems the best option. He is in no rush to get a divorce but I think that’s more financial and I think his emotions to me will harden and he won’t be so supporting to us. I think I’m just having a bad day, but I think he’s made up his mind. Thanks for all your help x

LW, thank you for sharing so vulnerably. I get that your responsibility to protect and provide for your daughter comes first. I acknowledge you for being such a loving mother. It is scary to think your husband will harden and won’t support you.

I hear how hard it is to choose faith over fear when he appears to have made up his mind. One client kept struggling with that after her husband left her and their two children to be with his mistress. She decided divorce would be the best option but continued practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills for herself. Her husband came back to her, told her he missed her and loved her, and he apologized.

I’m privileged to witness women who have the courage to practice these Skills even when it’s scary and to see them reunite their families and become cherished, desired and adored. I invite you to see what happens when you experiment with the 6 Intimacy Skills. What do you have to lose? You can get them from my book The Empowered Wife. Here’s a free chapter:

Thanks very much! I have the book and continue to learn from it. Today I found all the information needed (passports ID etc) for him and the other woman to rent a property together. Rental agreements also. He assured me there was no relationship but I knew he was lying. He has been telling me what he think I want to hear to make it less hard for him. To make it look like what he has done is so shameful. He does say he doesn’t know what he’s doing and perhaps he is having some sort of crisis but again I can’t believe anything he says. He’s prepared to make that big commitment to someone else. I feel I can’t do anymore to fight for my family. X

LW, that sounds so painful to have found that your husband is preparing to rent with another woman. This must be exhausting, and I can see why you’re feeling you can’t do anymore to fight for your family. I acknowledge you for your commitment to continuing to learn the Intimacy Skills, regardless of what he’s doing.

One client was devastated when her husband said he was moving out. He said he was intractable and nothing she did would change his mind. She continued to practice the Intimacy Skills anyway. Now he thanks her for being such a wonderful, committed wife and says something was wrong with him when he wanted to leave. He even takes supplements to ensure his continued mental health. I wrote an article about some other husbands who moved back home after what appears to have been a midlife crisis. I would love for you to take a look!.

I know that you too will be surprised by what happens as you continue to experiment with the Intimacy Skills. I would love to support you in any way I can.

Thanks again for your positive feedback. So today I feel I have to really commit to making some changes in my life. After 8 weeks of this nightmare I need a positive change to occur. He needs to see me at my best. I’m still trying to manipulate his thoughts and emotions and that clearly isn’t working. Can these skills really work? I’m going to really try to adopt them and be consistent. I change day to day from reasonable person to desperate manipulative person trying to control his emotions and decisions. I must make the effort to give out family a chance. I’m just so confused and hurt that he could actually do what he’s done. I’d never do it to my daughter or husband. X

LW, I would feel so confused and hurt too. What you’re going through is so painful. I admire you for wanting to recommit to practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills to be your best self and truly relinquish control.

One client thought she was practicing the Skills, until her husband left. With the support of her private coach, she deepened her practice of the Skills–especially relinquishing control, letting go of her expectations and manipulation–and within a month her husband came home. He embraced her and expressed his affection more than he ever had before.

I remember your enthusiasm when you discovered the Skills and started seeing results so quickly, and I can’t wait for you to see the Skills work for you as you practice them consistently. I would love to give you the support to help you do that, if it’s a fit for you.

Hi Laura, I’ve recently read your books and they are amazing I wish I’d read them earlier. My husband left me 2 months ago and appears to be having a midlife crisis of sorts. We have been together 22 years and married 12 years. I have been trying to implement the 6 intimacy skills but this is difficult when he will only communicate occasionally via email and only about practical issues. The problem I am finding is that I think relinquishing control and being more vunerable are actually freaking him out because his crisis is being fuelled by a need to run away from responsibilities, the last thing he needs is a wife that needs his help with anything. He usually took care of the finances but I’ve had to take them over since he left. I’m so confused as we used to have an amazing marriage, fantastic sex life and were very intimate. The crisis seemed to come on overnight and I didn’t see it coming. Have you any advice on how I can proceed? Thank you

Rebecca, I’m sorry to hear that your husband left you. I can see why you’re feeling confused when your marriage seemed so strong. I acknowledge you for your commitment to your marriage, practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills and being vulnerable, even when it’s hard! I struggled to practice those Skills too, especially when the changes in me initially threw my husband for a loop. I resolved to stay on my paper rather than focus on his response and to stay the course, and ultimately the 6 Intimacy Skills brought me greater intimacy and the playful, passionate marriage I’d always wanted. I know you can have that too! I’ll give you more tools in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Rebecca, I’m sorry to hear that your husband left you. I can see why you’re feeling confused when your marriage seemed so strong. I acknowledge you for your commitment to your marriage, practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills and being vulnerable, even when it’s hard! I struggled to practice those Skills too, especially when the changes in me initially threw my husband for a loop. I resolved to stay on my paper rather than focus on his response and to stay the course, and ultimately the 6 Intimacy Skills brought me greater intimacy and the playful, passionate marriage I’d always wanted. I know you can have that too! I share more tools for when a husband leaves in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Hi Laura, thought I’d give you a quick update – I’ve been trying to carry on using the Intimacy Skills in my emails to my husband and low and behold he came to visit me yesterday to fix my Wifi for me! He stayed for an hour and we were able to have normal conversation for the first time in 3 months, it felt like old times and by using the skills it felt like I was able to very quickly get him to start talking to me in a really friendly open way. I made sure he knew how thankful I was for coming to help me out and I was very respectful and encouraging when he told me about all his plans to go travelling next year (which inside are scaring me somewhat!). He also held my hand and looked at me lovingly before he left, which is the first physical contact we’ve had in 3 months! I don’t want to get my hopes up but I feel this is a big step forwards. I’m going to carry on implementing the skills as best I can and see where it takes me….

Rebecca, I’m thrilled to hear that you’re seeing a change in your marriage! It’s been less than two weeks, and it sounds like you’re already attracting him back. I can see why when you’re being so respectful and receiving his help, attention and affection so graciously and gratefully!

I also acknowledge you for letting go of expectations. In my experience, this is just the beginning of getting your husband back and healing your marriage so you can be cherished, desired and adored. To build on your win, I invite you to try the 5-Day Get Cherished Challenge at

Thanks for the update. I’m eager to hear the next one!

Thanks Laura, I’ll start the 5-day challenge today and I’ll keep you up to date with developments 🙂

Hi Laura, thought I’d give you another update – last weekend my husband decided he wants to try working towards reconciliation!! I am overjoyed ???? He has confessed he has been suffering from depression for the last 6 months and has been in a very dark place. He is now beginning to feel better and is hoping somehow we might be able to reconcile, although he has no idea how to even begin to put things right. I’ve been desperately trying to stick to the intimacy skills but I’ve found it hard to completely relinquish control because he has come across as being fragile and needy. This I now realise hasn’t helped as he’s backed off a little and has demonstrated behaviours I now recognise as rightly so being resistant to my actions, so I’m ‘back on my own page’ again and although I will be strong for him I will make sure he is in control of his own decisions. I think we are at the start of a very long journey and he has a fair way to go before he is feeling well again, but I feel much better equipped having read your book. I’m reading and re reading it regularly at the moment! I’ll keep you posted…

Rebecca, this is such a great WIN! I acknowledge you for having the courage and commitment to practice the Intimacy Skills and am thrilled to hear that your husband now says he wants to reconcile. I love your awareness and your desire to relinquish inappropriate control and stay on your own paper. I’m glad you’re feeling empowered! I’m eager to hear how it goes as you continue to practice the Skills.

Hi Laura, thought I’d give you another update… So basically my husband is still undecided about getting back together, he is still very conflicted about what he wants for himself in the future. We meet up every week or two, spend nights together in hotels, have amazing sex and very close intimacy, but then when we are in public he can’t show any signs of intimacy or affection and he admits he is giving me mixed messages and doesn’t want to get my hopes up. I have been trying so hard to be the ‘goddess of fun and light’ and enjoy his company, he seems to enjoy spending time with me and he is always the one to initiate meeting up. Recently I’ve been going through a health scare and my husband has been keen to be there for me and support me – I have been practising my intimacy skills and I have been very receptive and grateful to receive his support. However, because of this health scare I am currently finding it hard to to keep a lid on my emotions as truly I want him to be by my side supporting me as my husband and not just a friend with benefits. He’s the one person I wish was there to hold me at night when I feel scared yet he can’t seem to bring himself to even hug me when I’m upset. Whilst he is aware I want to get back together I feel scared to express my desires because I don’t want to feel like I’m pressurising him into making a decision, he has even said that if someone were to ask him at this moment in time if we should get back together then the answer would be no. As a result I am left confused and hurt, or am I just expecting too much too soon from him after his recovery from depression? Or am I just letting him have his cake and eat it? xxx

Rebecca, I admire you for your commitment to being such a goddess of fun and light and for receiving your husband’s attention and affection so graciously. I can also see why you’re feeling hurt and confused by the mixed messages.

Many of my clients get mixed messages while transforming their marriages. It is confusing to know whether to continue being intimate when they do not want to be friends with benefits. Getting the support of experienced surrendered wives brings clarity on how to practice the Intimacy Skills. As these women choose faith over fear by getting that support and continuing to practice the Skills, those mixed messages invariably turn to messages of love.

I know that’s possible for you too. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how working with a coach would fit for you. The call alone will bring you clarity. You can apply here:

Thank you Laura, I’ll take a look at the link as a complementary call would be really useful.

Since my last post my husband has been incredibly supportive through my health scare (fortunately all is ok phew!) and he was by my side throughout. We have also had some more in depth talks at his request not mine as I’ve waited for him to want to talk. He says he doesn’t know where we can go from here, the status quo of meeting up every week or so isn’t sustainable long term but he feels moving back in together might stop him from being motivated enough to carry on doing all the new things he is now enjoying. I suggested we don’t have to make it a permanent arrangement and could try an open ended 6 month trial to see how it works and he didn’t say no to this suggestion. I’ve tried hard to keep the conversation positive, especially when sometimes he feels hopeless about our situation. I keep what you say about women being the keepers on the relationship in the back of my mind and I’m hoping he will lean towards me if I stay positive. I’ll keep you updated…

Hi Laura I wrote a while ago and the situation is still very much the same. When talking with kids it is polite but nothing else. I have been smiling , getting happy and using key phrases whatever you think and I hear you. He actually said he should stop going on about work when I said I hear you. I said no I really hear you. However he has not spoken once if missing me or wanting to get back together. I am feeling that this man is just happy with a life without me. Where to from here and how long can it take? Should I apologies for the past? I did when he originally left but have not since. I am grateful and say thank you when he picks up kids but just don’t know if this relationship is so far gone for him?

Nadine, I love how you’re being a goddess of fun and light, relinquishing control, showing respect and expressing gratitude. That sounds very attractive! I hear that, despite your efforts, you’re not getting results as quickly as you would like. For me, I needed support to know which of the 6 Intimacy Skills to implement in each situation, including how to restore respect. That ongoing support has empowered me to become cherished, desired and adored. If I can do it, you can too! Most women report seeing changes within two weeks learning the Intimacy Skills. It sounds like your situation deserves a longer conversation than my brief replies here. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how getting more support would fit for you. The call alone will give you clarity. You can apply here:

Hi Laura,
First I thank you for your time in reading my story. I have seen some of your videos Empowering wife on Amazon video. My husband and I have been married for 18 years. We have three girls ages 12,9, and 4. To the world we always seemed like the couple that had it all. God has blessed us with a good life until all stated caving in. At the end of 2013 I discovered he was a porn addict. He had hid it very well and I was never suspicious until I caught him one day in the bathroom with his phone while he thought I was asleep. He felt ashamed and said he did it because he didn’t find me attractive and our sex life was pretty bad. He said he would stop. I was naive enough to think it was that simple. I read some books and we improved our sex life somewhat. Fast forward to 2015 I found out he was having an affair with a co-worker. He fessed up decided to stay and we started marriage counseling. I thought things were getting better but in March 2016 He left the house saying he was going to his “parents to think” long story short. He had an apartment and had continued the affair all this time. When he left he said he wanted a divorce. It has been 16 months now. He has not moved in with the other woman but obviously has not returned home either. He is just paralyzed. I see he is in a depression. There is no movement one way or another. He still provides financially for all of us. He says he goes to therapy but refuses to deal with the porn issue which I believe has led to the affair. The affair continues. Thankfully my daughters have been spared don’t know of her and have not met her. I have been through a wide range of emotions from anger, sadness to now with a lot of faith and prayer more at peace knowing that the only person I can change is me. I will admit this is an exhausting situation. I do love him and want to restore our marriage but feel I may be in a losing battle with both the addiction and the affair. Yet he hasn’t filed for divorce. I am trying some of your strategies but I am so tired of his double life. I do go to therapy and I work on myself as best I can with three kids. Prayer and exersise help. Please advise. He does seem to respond to my niceness but some days I just want to throw in the towel

Carmen, I’m sorry to hear about what you have been through. That sounds very painful, and I admire you for your commitment to your marriage and your awareness in having the courage to focus on changing yourself. I can see why you feel hopeless at times. So many women who have come to me during a separation struggle with that. Yet what I see again and again is that their courage in persevering with the 6 Intimacy Skills brings him back home. If they can do it, I know you can save your marriage and reconcile your family too. I invite you to my upcoming webinar, where I talk about what to do after he leaves: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Laura this is so inspiring and gives me hope. He started seeing someone and some days, like today, I can’t stand one more second the situation. We had our share of problems in the past but lately I felt we were stable. Does every relationship get back and better than ever with the skills? I really really want to believe that but I don’t know if mine can.

Ellie, that is the ending I see again and again–that women committed to practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills attract their men back home. That’s why I say a wife with the Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress any day of the week and twice on Sundays. What I also see again and again is the fear that my situation is different. I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through and that you’re in pain. I admire you for being so committed that you have the courage to try a new approach, even when it’s scary. I would love to empower you with more support. I invite you to my upcoming webinar, where I talk about what to do after he leaves: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Laura, I need your help please. My first marriage was extremely abusive and I ended up leaving. I gave my first husband my heart and after being beaten and mentally and emotionally abused as well I had to do everything I could after that to protect myself. I met and married my second husband 5 years ago. He has been nothing but wonderful to me. Not without his own faults (he did sleep with another woman about 4 years ago), but he genuinely loves and cares for me. I have acted completely selfish in order to avoid ever letting him know that he can hurt me. I have always tried to keep him at arm’s length. I was never truly comfortable letting him in. Over the past 5 years, I have cheated on him with four different men. I haven’t slept with any of them, but I have flirted, kissed, and messed around with them. I read your book the surrendered wife and I am putting everything into practice. I have stopped trying to control everything (as my mother has done her entire marriage, I sadly followed her example). My husband says that he is truly trying to come back to me and he hasn’t called it quits yet but he says he doesn’t see how he can ever truly see me in a positive light again as his wife. He just doesn’t know how to get past the pain and see me as his wife again. Please help me. I am addressing all of my issues from my previous marriage and I will not disappoint him if he stays. I am currently deployed to Iraq and as you can imagine the distance is not helping. He says that he is not making a decision until I come home (which will be sometime in November). Please help and show me what I need to give/show my husband to keep him around.

Amber, I’m so sorry to hear about all the pain you have been through. I admire you for escaping your abusive past and acknowledge you for your vulnerability, awareness, and commitment to turning around your marriage. When I was on the brink of divorce, I was afraid I had made too many mistakes to heal my marriage. But the 6 Intimacy Skills brought healing and grace, empowering me to create the playful, passionate marriage I’d always wanted. You can attract your husband back and feel cherished, desired and adored. I’ll show you how in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Thank you Laura. I read your book and it was absolutely amazing. I also just purchased your SWEW VIP program because I enjoyed your book so much. I starting putting the principles in your book to practice and I almost instantly noticed a difference, however, my husband has now backed off again and is going the other direction even though I’m continuing to practice what I read in your book. I’m definitely feeling confused but I’m definitely going to continue trying. I’m looking forward to going through the modules in your program.

Amber, congratulations on joining SWEW! I acknowledge you for your commitment to your marriage and to practicing the Intimacy Skills. I can see why you’re feeling confused that he has backed off after you noticed improvement when you started SWEW. I felt confused in the beginning too, and so did my husband. He loved the changes in me but was skeptical about whether the new me was here to stay, so he tried to bait me back into old behaviors. Fortunately, I had the support to apply the Skills effectively then too, and I got back the man I married. With your commitment, I know that you will too! I’d love to give you more support in person. I invite you to the Cherished for Life Weekend this Fall:

I seriously need help…we’ve been together for 17yrs, in Feb last yr he sold our house. Since then we’ve lived apart. He said he’d try the whole time but didn’t make much effort. I did. Still am. He told me at Easter that we sre through for good & wanted a divorce but I’m desperate to stop it. Yet even though she’s sticking to his guns, he has said things, indicated things, comments, remarks, bit of jealousy which says to me its not that he really wants. I know he has trust issues due to me venting to guys to understand men’s minds. He never used to talk, never communicated deeply and stuck his head into his Xbox and doing his own thing instead. He thought I was cheating on him even though I never have. Hes the love of my life, soulmate and other half as he even admitted to me AFTER all the rubbish we went through. It was no influence from me so I know it was from his heart and he meant it. Personally I think its because we’ve been apart so long now and he thinks I’m up to something when I’m not. All I do is what I promised him and fight for us. I want him back so bad. I cry like a baby, sobbing every day. Miss him so much. He’ll talk about anything but us. Must be something I can do.

Kim, I’m sorry to hear that you’re in such pain after your husband said he’s through and is not making an effort or willing to talk about it. That is devastating. I remember feeling hurt and hopeless when my efforts to attract my husband back all seemed to drive him further away. Then I found the 6 Intimacy Skills, which brought back the man I married and made our marriage playful and passionate. There is something you can do to have that too! I’ll give you the tools to save your marriage in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

I left a comment last week. My husband and I dated 8 yrs and then got married, we have been married 8 1/2 yrs so = 16 1/2 yrs. weve had our ups and downs. When we got together my daughter from a previous marriage was 1. We had our son together when my daughter was a little over 2. I was his 1st marriage, 1st and only babies mother. Long story short, 3 wks ago my husband called me to tell me that he had been seeing a 23 yr old for 2 mths and that while I was at work he had moved a lot of his things out. The past 4 days he has called me 3 times and 2 of those times he told me he loved me. He said he wants to talk to me. The female cusses at him a lot and is very controlling. he stays with her at her friends home, uses her car and she pays for everything. She will not let him be alone with our kids because that would mean that he has to talk to me alone. My husband and I have not seen each other face to face yet to even talk about anything that has happened. I want my husband to see our kids but I don’t want them around her because she is immature, cusses, sales pot, and is mean to my husband. last week he said he would go back home and she hit herself and punched a door and threw her phone. I think he may want away from her, so what do I say when he calls? Of course I want him back

Mindy, thank you for your vulnerability in sharing about your husband moving out so abruptly. This sounds very painful, and I admire your commitment to your marriage. When things got ugly in my marriage, I thought there was no real solution–either staying in a loveless marriage or divorce. But the 6 Intimacy Skills got my affectionate, attentive husband back and made him eager to please me. I want that for you too! I know there is hope for saving your marriage and getting your family back together. I’ll show you how in my upcoming webinar, “How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life,” including tools to use when he calls. You can register for free at

Hi, a new U.K. Reader here! Husband of 6 years this Sunday, (been together for 16 years) said he doesn’t feel the same about me anymore and that he’s been unhappy for a while. I’ve never questioned my marriage until 3 weeks ago when he was distant, dismissive and had little attention in my direction. I confronted him. He was shocked that he was admitting it but it all came out. He said he doesn’t think his feelings can change. We have a 5 year old daughter who is the light of our lives. We have not had an intimate relationship for years. In fact I have pretty much 0 libido, but I always thought it would return. It was almost a standing joke between us. I have put our daughter above everything, I’m very protective of her (she’s and only child and was premature so spent a month in NICU). I know I’ve not given him much of a romantic life but our partnership and solidness was amazing. I do not want our marriage to end. We were all over each other in the beginning with him very much pursuing me. Perhaps I’ve been too *itchy or nagging him too much over the years. I do not want to accept it’s over. I loved reading this article and I’m desperate to try it. LW

Update – my husband came home to take our daughter to a party. She wanted both of us to go but halfway through I said I had arranged tobesomewhere and thanked him for staying with our daughter. It surprised him. Later in the day we had another conversation where he looked completely uncomfortable throughout. I stayed calm and apologised for areas of our marriage that I recognised were affected by my actions or attitude. He says he is miserable all the time and he has felt like this for a couple of years, especially after the birth of our 5 year old daughter. This hurts so bad but I stayed calm. He said he does not want to try and ensures there is no one else. He then left the home after the conversation got a little prickly. I felt bad for him and called him to apologise for getting angry and that I thought he should talk to someone about depression etc. He was surprisingly open to this and said he’d spoken to a friend about it. He said he didn’t want to give me false hope but he was certainly more positive. I’m going to use your advice as I’m not ready to give up.

LW, I’m excited to hear that the Intimacy Skills are working for you already! I acknowledge you for restoring respect by apologizing for being disrespectful, not taking the bait when he looked uncomfortable and using duct tape–and for expressing gratitude. I’m so glad to hear you’re feeling more hopeful. This is just the beginning!

Update – I contacted a friends of ours to talk to my husband. Our friend couldn’t believe he wanted to leave. He took my husband away to chat to him. Hours later they both returned and my husband revealed he had met someone else. I still had my suspicions. Incredibly hurt! After a while i thought all was lost and that was it but I said this is your home and I want you to come home. My daughter and I need this solid fantastic man back that I know he is. He said he was ashamed but I think we may have had a little breakthrough. He admitted he didn’t know what he was doing. He gone back to his friends tonight but wants to talk to me in the morning?????

LW, I’m sorry to hear he met someone but happy you’re having a breakthrough nonetheless! I acknowledge you for choosing faith over fear. You are in the right place. This sounds like the perfect opportunity to start practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills! Have you had a chance to check out the webinar yet?

He has gone, it’s seemed easy for him to leave me, his daughter. Last night was the first time he didn’t come home and it hurt like mad. I wanted to text him call him, follow him but know I have no right to. I feel devastated and want this situation to change. He is back tonight. I feel so much pain that I’m not sure how to use your advice but I need this to go friendly. I need him.
Thanks for listening – LW

LW, my heart goes out to you. I would feel devastated too. It’s great news that he came back the next night and that you have an unshakable commitment to saving your marriage. I’ve worked with thousands of women, many already separated, who learned the 6 Intimacy Skills to become cherished, desired and adored. With your commitment, I know that can happen for you too. Your situation warrants a longer conversation than my brief reply here. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how working with a coach would fit for you. You can apply at In the meantime, have you had a chance to watch the webinar I recommended? That will jumpstart your practice of the Intimacy Skills in these interactions with your husband.

Thanks, the difficulty I find is getting through this when you’re a mum. My 5 year old is so important my biggest worry is breaking down in front of her. I’m having days filled with anger towards him.

LW, I hear you. From what you’ve been sharing, I’d be angry too, and of course I can understand why you want to be strong for your daughter. I really want to acknowledge you for keeping all these plates in the air, being so committed to saving your marriage and being a good mum while you’re at it. I would love to offer you more support during this challenging time and to empower you with the tools to reconcile your family. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how working with a coach would fit for you. The call alone will bring you clarity. You can apply here:

Welcome, LW! I’m sorry to hear about this turn in your marriage. That is devastating, especially after you thought things were so solid. I really admire your vulnerability and commitment. I remember how sad and alone I felt when things fell apart early in my marriage, much to my bewilderment since I thought I was a good wife. The 6 Intimacy Skills brought back my husband’s attention and affection, giving me a playful, passionate marriage. Having witnessed the Intimacy Skills work for thousands of women, I’m here to tell you there is hope! I’ll give you the tools to get back the man who wooed you in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

My husband said he didn’t know how he felt about me on the 29/5. And in the next 3 weeks moved from the bedroom to the spare room to the parents. I did all the things begging etc. he said he want his freedom. We have a 2 and a 5year old and he had been previously married with 3 kids. We had been happy but since having babies I have become anxious and was controlling which I now recognise. He has been happy to go out partying with his mates saying he loves his life. I am heartbroken but have been reading your books trying to change. He is still seeing the kids but it feels like I am talking to a complete stranger about the weather. I have followed your advice from this blog but am at a loss because I think he wants no part in our marriage and am Devestated. I live in Aus and not sure what I should do? Should I tell him I miss him? I have apologised for being disrespectful and controlling he said thank you. I am trying not to be a fence sitter but it feels like he is long gone.

Nadia, I get that it feels hopeless right now. Yet I know there is hope because I’ve seen the Intimacy Skills turn things around for thousands of women, many of them not speaking, already in divorce proceedings or already divorced. I love your commitment to showing more vulnerability by telling him you miss him!

Laura my husband said he needed space on 29/5 he didn’t know how he felt about me. Over the next month he moved from the bedroom to the spare room to moving out completely. I did all the things you shouldn’t and have been trying to clean up my side of the street after reading your books. He has been seeing the kids regularly and has been talking to me pleasantly about the things in his life, work, football and how he is. My question is what do I do from here? It’s all very friendly and no intimate conversations or anything about wanting to change the relationship back in too a married couple. I miss him terribly and realise I had become that wife who had no self care, and barked orders. This is his 2nd marriage and previous wife was also very controlling. I fear that this is why he wants no part in even trying to work it out. We have been married 11 years and together 14years with a 2 and 4 year old. I live in Aus. Just wanting advice on where to from here, is he willing to change and how to I get from the platonic standstill relationship we currently have? I find being vulnerable hard…

Nadine, that must be so hard for your husband to move out, especially with two young children. I really admire your awareness and commitment to cleaning up your side of the street. Shifting to being vulnerable and attracting my husband back to me was hard for me too. I had been barking orders and not getting self-care for so long! Practicing all 6 Intimacy Skills gave me the tools to make my marriage playful and passionate. It sounds like you’ve already come a long way, and I know you can get him back. I’ll explain where to go from here in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Me and my bf are living together for about 2 years. We have known each other for ten years and were on and off for years before we decided we missed each other too much. So we decided to stay together. It was fun and passionate but also grueling. Most becasue we are different people. I am expressive while he got comm issues. He is lazy and I snapped. I lost my temper and slapped him once. We fought a lot but I consistently decided to get myself better and eventually get the relationship better. We called each other husband and wife we were that close. But somewhere down the line he decided this was not working out. Then months of back and forth but even on the smallest argument he brought “becasue I don’t feel it” angle even though when we are fine he is gentle. But doesn’t make any efforts anymore. We don’t do much together. In last fight he hurt me and said I force him to sleep next to me so I threw his bed in other room. I have made up my mind to move on if he is not going to love me and show comittment but I also know how crushed I am feeling. I really do love and believe he does too.
I don’t know if he has been flirting with other women but I find myself thinking about it. Now we are sleeping alone and I am trying to live without any drama and being strong quiet and respectful but being happy in front of him is the hard part. The moment I see him my chest feel heavy and I want to go to my room and cry and cry. I don’t know if we can ever get back to the ‘us’ we were. But I am just venting out here. I wish there was a magic pill I could pop to erase him from my mind completely. Or some pill I would make him pop to make him remember he loved me.

Andy, I can see why you’re feeling crushed. I admire you for being so committed to restoring respect and being the Girl of Fun and Light in spite of the sadness and heaviness you’re feeling. I remember when my relationship was in trouble, my temper had been in full gear, and it seemed only magic would fix things. I know that pretending to be happy when I wasn’t didn’t work for me. But the power of all 6 Intimacy Skills to get us back to where we were has truly felt magical. If I can do it, you can get back to being the “us” you were too. I’ll show you how in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

I have been with my husband for 20yrs, the last couple has been a little rocky. We sleep seperarate visiting each other once in a while then back off in our own beds. I am running all the time with sports so i don’t cook that is always a argument. I talk to him like he’s a kid he is just messy and always on a nerve and i always tell him he just needs to go. Well he finally did, i came home from a sporting activity and he was packing 1st i laughed it off like yea right your not going anywhere we have been together for 20yrs but yes, yes he did he left and i found out which he still denies he is back with his kids mom from 25yrs ago. They were never married she hated him and he hated her they never spoke i was always the one that had to speak for the both of them but while at his sons house she was there now mind you she is a really nasty woman and put him through hell the 20yrs we have been together but she has offerd to drop all the child support back pay. I have completely lost my mind and have done nothing but tell him how sorry i am for being a horrible wife and when is he coming back home. All he says is he don’t know what to do that he loves me but all the stuff i have said to him hurts. Still denies being with the woman but i actually seen him with my own eyes there and seen some text messages. At this point i feel like WHY would he leave me for her? She is on hud, welfare, food stamps on dis ability cause she is a very large woman and cannot work and i am a independent woman, make really good money, been at my job for 17yrs, nice looking what does she have over him? Is it the back child support, is he really in love with her? How did this happen i really just want my husband home and i told him i would be a better wife, I don’t know what to do? Is there hope?

Kim, that sounds devastating. I love your vulnerability and accountability and your commitment to saving your marriage. You are in the right place! So many women discover the 6 Intimacy Skills because they want to be better wives but don’t know how. When they are as committed as you are, I see the same outcome again and again: they get their husbands back–even after a separation, even when he had a mistress. So I know there is hope for your marriage too. I would love to give you the tools to get your husband to come home. Please check out my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Hi Laura

My husband and I were married for 14 years, together for 15 and I left him 2 years ago. I quickly realised that I had made a massive mistake and tried to go back but other people told me he no longer needed me so I didn’t bother and we spent a year fighting over our youngest as the older child wants nothing to do with him.

I finally plucked up the courage to tell him I am still in love with him and he told me he had moved on and had a new girlfriend. They have since split up when she went back to her husband (she used him in a big way).

Since then we have spent 2 nights together but 3 weeks ago he told me he wants a divorce even though he knows how I feel.

I feel like I have lost everything worth anything to me.

Can I get him back?

Is there any hope?

Diane, I’m sorry to hear that your husband said he wants a divorce. I hear your sense of loss and how painful it is. I remember when my marriage felt hopeless. I had made so many mistakes and was full of regret. Practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills attracted my husband back and made my marriage more playful and passionate than ever. Yes, there is hope! You can get him back. I’ll share what to do in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at

Thanks Laura

I’ve registered for the webinar.

It’s so sad when 2 out our 3 kids want us back together and I want that too but he’s so stubborn.

He blows hit and cold and I don’t know which way to go so hopefully the webinar will help.

I’ll be honest I didn’t treat him right for the last 6 months before I left but to be honest I felt unloved and unwanted as he was out every night either working out with his friends so he didn’t help with the house, kids or anything.

I know he has ptsd but I couldn’t keep blaming that for everything and started blaming myself so I left.

I’ve spent the time apart working on myself and making me a better me and I know where I went wrong but he just can’t or won’t see that because every time we speak he brings up the fact that I left which then upsets me.

Hoping the webinar will help xxx

Diane, that sounds so difficult. I admire your commitment to your marriage and to reuniting your family. I love your awareness and how you’re focusing on your part and on becoming the best version of yourself. I also love hearing that you have hope. I have lots of hope for you too! I’m eager to hear how practicing the Intimacy Skills transforms your marriage.

After reading so many stories similar to mine I hope you can help me.
My husband left 18 months ago, wasn’t happy, met someone else she makes him happy, he calls her an escape. He doesn’t know if he loves her. She takes him places they do things we planned to do, they’re going to NYC, for his 40th that was our plan together (we’re in the UK) he says he can do what he wants so he will.
We have 4 kids. He tells me daily he loves me, he comes home almost every day to see the kids but always wants my attention to talk to him, he hugs me, he kisses me, he always text me and Calls me throughout the day.
He is also very angry and short tempered person.
I miss him he misses me, he told me to accept the situation and move on. I haven’t taken my ring off, he has as I don’t believe it is over. I am starting to concentrate on me and my kids but I have tried everything, albeit all the wrong things emotions, lavish with gifts etc. We don’t have sex anymore he says he can’t do it. But he sometimes comes home in the night and gets in to bed with me. I truly believe he will be back but I don’t know what to do.

Sarah, I’m sorry to hear that your husband left you. That is devastating. I admire you for being so committed and vulnerable in coming here for support. I remember feeling bewildered when everything I was doing to try to attract my husband back failed. Then I started practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills, and our marriage became more intimate than ever–in every way! It’s great news that your husband is already showing you affection, giving you attention and telling you he loves you every day. I know you can get him back and reunite your family. I’d love to give you the tools to help you do that. I have a free webinar coming up called “How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life.” You can register for it here:

Sarah, I’m sorry to hear that your husband left you. That is devastating. I admire you for being so committed and vulnerable in coming here for support. I remember feeling bewildered when everything I was doing to try to attract my husband back failed. Then I started practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills, and our marriage became more peaceful and intimate than ever–in every way! It’s great news that your husband is already showing you affection, giving you attention and telling you he loves you every day. I know you can get him back and reunite your family. I’d love to give you the tools to help you do that. I have a free webinar coming up called “How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life.” You can register for it here:

Hello Laura,
My situation is so much like yours, I wasn’t a good wife! I have always been a perfectionist and with OCD, you can imagine what life is like! My husband and I married for the first time in our late 40’s. I had been in different relationships my entire life, unlike my husband who had a few but never lasted more than a couple months. He was so different from anyone that I had met, and after awhile, I just felt like I had known from forever!
After getting married, it was like a train wreck! Just started having problems immediately! We had bought a new home and there were problems and I concentrated on making it beautiful, painting, etc. Plus all the landscaping I did!! It’s beautiful but unfortunately, that wasn’t important to him.
I have a disability and don’t work but he has a great job, and we have no money worries! I didn’t realize it at first, but my husband confided in his parents in everything!! His parents were come for a visit and I would see him leering at me, say mean things, etc. but my husband never defended me. As you can guess, this caused a lot of problems. Since marrying, I lost my brother, dad, aunt, and best friend next door, plus pets!!! My husband grew up Catholic and has a problem sharing his feelings, etc. In essence, I became angry, bitter, and depressed!
He suggested counseling in 2011, and I fought it but eventually went! I felt like it was all me, and that made it worse! Plus, they suggested I have individual counseling due to anxiety and depression. We were married in 2010 so this shows how things went downhill fast for us! Both of us didn’t know how to communicate which made things worse.
After 6 months of marriage, I was saying I wanted a divorce because I felt so hopeless and defeated with him being so closed up! I made a ton of mistakes, and I realize that now! His parents turned against me!
I also found out my husband was addicted to porn a couple weeks before my dad died and later in counseling that he is what is called a “functional alcoholic.”
Marriage counseling didn’t help us at all, and in fact, the counselor at one time stated why didn’t I watch porn with him!! Throughout our counseling, she would say that we love each other and we can work it out, and so on. There was an incident in 2016, where I called 911 because he had an argument and he was blasting his music for over an hour. I just wanted someone to tell him to stop but they sent deputies out, said the music was so loud, they could hear it down the road!!
After that incident, he said we were done!! That was over a year ago! He has tried to buy a place and it fell through, rent a home but with his 3 big dogs, no deal! He has purchased some land but is waiting for a small trailer to be put on his property.
In the meantime, he sleeps in the same bed, wears his ring, hugs and kisses me, and even had sex!! He says he loves me but not like before, and that last year he finally was done and when he’s done there is no turning back!!
Not sure he this can be saved but I still love him!!

Rosie, thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your story. That’s heartbreaking for your marriage to go to pieces in a matter of months. I admire your commitment to your marriage in spite of everything. I totally relate to what you’ve gone through, having gone from marrying the perfect guy to dragging him to counseling. Then I found the 6 Intimacy Skills, which brought back the man I married and gave me the playful, passionate marriage I have today. You CAN save your marriage. I have a free webinar coming up that will teach you how. It’s called How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here:

Thanks Laura, I appreciate your advice! I forgot to mention that my counselor and marriage counselor for over a year had said we belonged together, that they had seen couples and knew when it wasn’t going to work and so forth!! After we had the argument last year and he decided we were done, I went back to our marriage counselor alone and told her what happened, etc. then she says that we needed to divorce!!! I had told her about his drinking but apparently since he drinks daily and didn’t fall down drunk or act drunk, I had never assumed he was an alcoholic…… would I, I don’t drink!!! To further confuse me, my individual counselor told me the same thing, it is best to divorce!!! Both of them knew he drank but they said, they didn’t know he drank on a daily basis……….I thought I had told both of them that, sure I did! I have always been upfront with everything in my life, in fact, my husband said that was one of the things he admired about me, I tell the truth even when it hurts! To say the least, it was crazy and confusing!!! I mean, here I spend over a year in marriage counseling and individual for a bit longer and now I should divorce him!! I still see my individual counselor and she tells me that he cares for me but wants to be by himself!! She stresses that I need to make a life for myself! That if I stayed with a person like him, then she would conclude that I had a lot more problems!!

Yikes, I’m sorry to hear about your experience with your counselor and marriage counselor. That sounds distressing to receive such conflicting advice on top of what you’ve already been going through with your husband! I remember feeling so frustrated when marriage counseling only deepened the rift between my husband and me. I’m grateful to have found Intimacy Skills that work, without feeling like work! My new TV series, Empowered Wives, features a counselor named Janice (episode 12) courageous enough to find another way to save her marriage. It’s free if you’re an Amazon Prime member, or with a free 1-month trial of Prime, at


Thank you so much. I just finished your book surrendered wife. Im about to start reading empowered wife now. I am also going to check out those episodes to, Again thank you for your support and a listening ear.

Hello Laura,
I wrote you about a week ago above. Update: the last day that he brought the kids home he did stay for dinner before he went back home. I did not bring up anything of the past or try to talk about our relationship.I watched your webinar yesterday that touched on what is written in your book the surrendered wife. I would Love, Love love to purchase that but am not in a position since im on unemployment currently and going to school full-time. But am trying to save for it. My ex calls me every day since the dinner to talk to the kids in the morning and then after will ask for me and talk to me, tell me about his night working at the hospital. I have not been saying much just listening, offering encouragement, giving comploments and saying thank you when the occasion calls for it. Before we split up this last time this is what we did. Im glad this portion is back. He will also text me occasionally during the day when he gets up and on his way to work at night (again like it was before we split up). He still keeps his distance in the way of flirting, being playful he won’t even try to hug me. I guess what I’m asking for is some advice if he’s just really trying to be my friend or civil for the kids or if he still cares and if there’s a chance.

Lori, I’m hearing that there’s a strong chance of saving your marriage! Him staying for dinner, calling you and the kids daily, and texting you are great signs! It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job showing respect and expressing gratitude. I hear that it’s still hard to have hope. I once felt that my husband’s kindnesses were out of obligation. Since I started practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills, my relationship has become one of genuine playfulness and passion. I know that’s waiting for you too, especially given your commitment to learning the Skills! I hear that you would love to join the program and need a bit of time to do that. In the meantime, I invite you to watch my TV series Empowered Wives. It’s free if you’re an Amazon Prime member, or with a free 1-month trial of Prime, at Check out episodes 6 (“Margee”) and 15 (“Rae”), both about women using the Skills to get their men back.


Although I am not married, I have been with my spouse 11 years and have 2 young children together 6 & 9. Of the 11 years the last 4 have been very rocky, we have had 3 major break up and stopped living together 2 out of the 3 split ups. This last two happened in November 2016 which sent me moving back home and him staying behind in the current town where we lived previously (3hrs away). He works in the hospital down there and cant seem to get transfered up here. So he comes up on his days off which is 9 days working then 5 days off (every other week).We decided we would try to work it out (mostly me pushing for it) and he said he needed to rebuild from friends. I didnt see how we could start as friends or trying to be friends again, how do you only be friends with someone you love so much. I still agreed to it, only to find myself unhappy wanting more and pushing more which caused us to fight a lot which always led to him saying he didnt want to fight anymore and he was done and me apologizing and begging and crying for him to stay and just love me. He would eventually give in but nothing was resolved he seemed distance no affection or love just the occasional nights we would sleep with each other when he would come up. This last fight he said he cant take it anymore he’s done and he isnt changing his mind anymore, we arent good for each other and how we are only good for a while and it all blows up. We use to be so good with each other, inseparable, in sync, talked hours about nothing, cuddled on the couch together…it seems like such a lifetime ago that it was that way. I just want that back. He likes to tell me how people change and he isnt the same person anymore, that he loves me the best he can and im not happy with it, well of course not since I am aware of what he is capable of. He also likes to tell me how i have ruined everything he loved or loves to do and i complain and am never happy about anything so he no longer does anything with me or includes me. He wont let me redeem myself on any of it. I dont know what happen or where it all fell apart. There are other underlining issues such as me hanging out with an ex who actually enjoyed my company for a while and him hanging out with a co-worker at work who he felt connected with. I no longer hang out with ex and havent for some time and he no longer hangs with her since she is about to have a baby. No sexual relations was exchange on either side but still ruined the trust between us that was 4 years ago for me and his encounter was in October of 2016 right before our blow up in November which was partially why we split. So here I am again, about week and half ago he called it quits. I am scared this is for real this time. He doesnt want to talk about it anymore and he came and got the kids this last weekend and left and stayed at his relatives with the kids, he has never done that before. This time it feels different and permanent on his part. Help what do I do. I read some books by an outside author but im not sure about it and stumbled across your book the surendered wife. I am currently still reading that one. I will never stop loving him nor give up on him or our family or so I feel now. Is there any hope?

Lori, I hear that you are scared. That sounds so painful. I still remember when my marriage felt hopeless and divorce seemed the only option. Practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills gave me back the playful, affectionate relationship we used to have when we were dating. You can get back to the way things used to be with your man too. I think your situation deserves a fuller discussion than my brief response here. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how you can get more support to save your relationship. You can apply here:

Hi Laura, my husband separated from me 6 months ago and we live in a different countryside each other and we’re living like that for a year before the split. 4 children who are with me. He calls me every day. He is seeing a younger woman. I want him back even though my friends say I shouldn’t bother. He told me it was because he enjoyed living alone which I am really angry about as a) wouldn’t we all, b) what about the commitment to his children and c) why is he with someone else who I’m told is ” likely ” to move in.
Am I wasting my time????

Sarah, that sounds so painful, and I’m in awe of your vulnerability and commitment to your marriage. The husband of one of my clients left to be with his mistress in another country. The wife continued practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills anyway. Within weeks, he came back to her and said, “I love you. I miss you. I’m sorry.” Based on my experience working with the many others whose husbands have left for another woman, a wife with the Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress any day. You are not alone. You are not wasting your time. You can get your husband back. I’ll tell you more in my upcoming free webinar, How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here:

Hey. I’ve been with my husband 7 years, 4 years married. We have a beautiful 4 year old who was born 3 months early but perfect now, and I’m 19 weeks pregnant with our 2nd. I took him for granted, always thinking he’d be here but he found someone else. I asked him to leave 2 weeks ago because I couldn’t stand the emotional affair he was having with a co worker. And as soon as I did that, he moved to his dad’s place, until he gets out of jail, moved her in and started a physical affair. I want him back so badly I can’t stand it. I cannot move on. I want to be happy but it’s so hard. Idk if any of these steps will help me get him back. She’s using low blows on Facebook and I can’t make myself stop looking at her crap. I want her gone. He says she loves her. Loves me but not in live with me. It’s going to be his responsibility to help me during the end of the pregnancy but idk if u can hold on that long to hope he comes home. This girl has an extremely bad reputation and doesn’t have custody of her child. I think she’s using jim for a place to stay and he likes the freedom of being on his own, at his old home place where he wants to be, with this girl who has nothing holding her back who works the same shift hours, and doing what he wants. I hope he gets this **** out of his system this summer and comes home.

Oh Heather, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this pain, especially during the otherwise joyous time of your pregnancy. Your vulnerability is beautiful. I admire you for reaching out for support here. In my experience working with thousands of women, a wife with the Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress any day. With your commitment and willingness, I know you can get him back. I’d love to empower you with tools not only to save your marriage but to make it better than ever. I invite you to my upcoming free webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it at

Hi ladies,
It feels like my life is absolutely ruined. I married my husband on 3Rd September 2016, after a three year relationship. last Monday he woke up hugged me and told me he doesn’t love me anymore, but he promised to try and make things work. On the following day he was certain there were no feelings left. So bizarre as there were no indications at all, very happy and full of love couple.He was even telling me a few days prior to the conversation that my ovulation is due and we need to try again for a baby. For the past year he’s been suffering with anxiety and I am not sure if his feelings have something to deal with it or the anxiety messed up his feelings. He’s always been an achiever and chased goals and although he is only 26 yo he has achieved a lot. My heart hurts wen I hear him say there is no hope and even if later he realised that he’s made a mistake he won’t come back as he broke my heart. I am pretty desperate and really need a piece of advice.
Thank you!

Adi, what a shock to hear this announcement without warning. I’m so sorry for the hurt you’re going through. I admire your vulnerability and courage in sharing this and reaching out for support. My husband has a psychological disorder too, so I know that can come with extra challenges. I started practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills anyway and, to my surprise, he turned back into the man who had wooed me. I know that is possible for you too! I have a free webinar coming up that will give you tools to save your marriage. It’s called How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it at

Hi Laura,
12 days ago my husband said he was done with me. Said he has been unhappy and loves me but isn’t in love with me. We are still living together but he sleeps in the basement by his choice. I’ve know he has been speaking to a coworker and hanging out with them. 2 days later he finally confessed he’s been sleeping with her for weeks and wasn’t debating not even telling me. We have been together 11 years and married almost 3 in June and we have 2 children 7 & 3. 3 days ago took his wedding ring off which was a hit to the heart. He is still sleeping with this girl who he says he didn’t even want to be with. He told me lastnight I could make dinner and he would watch a show I suggested together as friends. I am absolutely crushed. There are days I feel hopeless and days I feel confident. Is there still hope I can get my husband back and bring those feelings of love back? I am at a loss regardless of how happy I’ve looked to him the past few days.

Ashley, I’m so sorry to hear that your husband has been unfaithful and is calling it quits. That is heartbreaking. I once felt hopeless in my marriage too. The 6 Intimacy Skills have turned that around to give me the playful, passionate relationship I have today. There is absolutely hope for you! I have no doubt you can get your husband back and have an even stronger marriage than before. I would love to see you get some support to help you do that. I have a free webinar coming up called How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here:

Dear Laura,

I want to thank you for helping me change my marriage from falling apart to the way it is now. I’m so lucky to find your books and your blog. In the first year of my marriage, because of my controlling and always angry attitude (what a freak i was), my husband had an emotional affair and told me he wanted a divorce. Then all that anger and control freakness turned to sadness and vulnerability. I asked him to wait for a couple of months and lets see how it’s gonna turn out. In the meantime, i bumped into your books online (thank you god) and read them, seeing how big of a freak i was. It was so hard to endure the pain of being cheated on, so whenever I felt tired of it, I wrote under this blog, seeking support, and you or your fellow coaches always answered. It’s been almost 2 years since the breakdown, and now we have one of the most stable, peaceful and loving relationship among all the couples i know. I had a surgery lately, and he has been taking care of me, doing all the work at home, saying he loves me and kissing me all the time. We are just like when we first started dating. I never imagined we would be like this after 5 years of being together. Thank you again for making my life so good!


Bahar, your story is so inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing how you’ve turned your marriage around. I love hearing how well you’re being taken care of and adored! I have a feeling you would make an amazing coach. You can check that out at

I’ve been seperated almost a yr from my husband. today I felt what’s the point he’s already seeing other women and one has his interest. but after reading this I feel hopeful. I can’t let 13 years go down the drain without a fight and you’re right he’s my husband not theirs. thanks again

Dee, it sounds like you have been through such pain and hopelessness this past year. I acknowledge you for regaining hope for saving your marriage! If you’re still married, then YOU are still the wife, and a wife with Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress any day! I’d love to see you get support, which would make a huge difference. You could start by attending the Cherished for Life Weekend in New Jersey coming up on the 28th. I have witnessed so many miracles in situations like yours, and you’ll hear some of the miracle stories there. If they can do it, you can too! Why not take the leap? You can get details here:

OMG it’s working!!!!!

By the grace of God, your books, and another wonderful marriage blog, my husband and I are staying together after his affair. I was so devastated and hurt. I could not eat, could not sleep….. I thought he wanted a divorce. (That’s my female brain jumping to conclusions). The first couple of nights after finding everything out, I was demanding for details, and basically yelled and screamed at him – it was ugly. The next day, I came home from work early and our kids were not home. I just told him I loved him, that yelling at him was pointless, that I wanted to be on his side. I said “what happened to us?”, with the clear explanation that I knew something was gravely wrong in our marriage prior to the affair. We both talked and cried, turns out he actually did not want to split up, he just didn’t know how to get my attention. I have had serious control issues, and some depression and low self-esteem. Seducing him? Looking hot? Not nagging? Are you kidding me, but I tried it. And it was scary as hell, but it works. We are 20 years in, almost 21. I don’t want a stale, boring marriage like we’ve been living for the past decade. I want a real relationship and I want to be cherished. So, I’m upping the respect for my man and it’s a go. Thank you for your perspectives, I hear and see myself in your writing in every way, it’s been very eye-opening. Thank you.

Lori, thank you so much for sharing this amazing win and how you’re saving your marriage! I hear a lot of accountability and also admire your commitment to relinquishing control and showing respect. I love how you’ve gotten in touch with your desire for a real relationship so it can be better than ever!

Hi, please help me!
My husband decided he wanted a divorce and shocked me with the filling. He closed every possible doors for communication, he stayed out of the house and slept at his work place even at nights, he wouldn’t answer my calls/texts or would respond with lots of anger. I wanted to avoid divorce, but the more I begged, the less it helped. I ended up not responding to divorce and had the case enter default judjment. I couldn’t believe that he would go through with it all the way, but he did. The whole process took 8 months, now we are divorced for 5 months.
Right after it was finilized, when I was thinking of new strategies to have him back, someone came forward and said my husband has been seeing a woman for couple of months and they are together. I was devastated, each time when I asked him before, he got mad and said “no” and I believed him. I confronted him, first he denied but finally he admitted, I was so mad being betrayed and manipulated. I missed him every single day, and I focused on myself and short commings, crying to sleep while he was enjoying his time with a woman that has no moral ( she is not yet divorced, and when they dated my husband was married)
he never showed that he missed me, what he remembers from 5 years of marriage is only the negative parts. I recently got a text that he is sorry for his shotcomings and regrets them now. I offered to start anew and get to know one another again, but he refused. He said it expired, it’s dead. He claimed he has no true love or genuine feelings for me, he “had” it in the past.
I truely love and miss him with all my heart, not say how it hurts me everyday when I remember I have no chance.

Shay, that is devastating. Thank you for your beautiful vulnerability in sharing your hurt. Yes, you can get your husband back using the Six Intimacy Skills. In my experience working with women whose husbands come back from such situations, you too can start anew and be cherished, desired and adored. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to explore how getting support from a coach would help you do that. Here is the application: You can do this!

Hi There,

Me and My husband have been married for 8 months together for 2 years. I have a son from a pervious relationship ( very abusive ) ( never had any counselling either to deal with the pas ) When I met my husband I was really happy. Before our wedding i had two outburst of anger, not really remember what have happened. only bits, Alcohol was involved. However we got married and moved to new city. everything was ok. at the beginning , I had little anger outburst due to financial trouble and my husband was going out / i would then try to stop him. Around October last year I started feeling very low. I have been drinking more and more .Once even to the point I have lost my consciousness.I have noticed my husband changed as well, we started distancing ourself from each other. Him more than me. During Xmas we were even thinking of having a baby. but later after new year my husband decided he doesn’t want to have kids any more. then we I started feeling lower and lower. Eventually after my birthday in February at the beginning of my husband said he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. But we tried to give it a go for a month. During that time my sister came to visit. We went out for food and had few drinks not much. We got home and I told my sister that I am very low , going to the dr but not feeling like I get up in the morning. My sister Said as she usually do ‘pick your **** together ‘ This was the last think I wanted to hear , and we had a row. Which end you with me losing my ****. I was in a complete melt down. shouting. I really felt like hurting myself. after that my husband left. He is saying that he can’t live in abusive relationship. He has been gone 3 weeks now, he says he doesn’t love me. That he loves my son and wants to be in his life. I realised that something is wrong with me, My husband says that is almost like I am taking all my past anger on him. that I am a bully. He say that at night I would look at him, or kick him while I was a sleep. Or wake up and just look at him. I don’t remember that.He say he will help me with the therapy but we won’t be together on the other side of this. That he is afraid of my another outburst. I feel really depressed and regretful. I feel sorry for what I have done , did I turn to be and abuser ? did my past abusive relationship changed me to one ? how can I over come this , and get my husband back , who says he hasn’t got trust for me and there is no chance for us, is there a way for me to get him back? I am seeking professional help to find out what is with me, I am hoping this is just temporary. But I really hate myself now and Really want my husband to forgive me , start trusting me again, and fall back in love with me again. How can I fix this mess ??

Urszula, my heart goes out to you when I hear how you have been hurting. I admire you for being so accountable. I remember how it felt to lose my dignity because of how I was behaving. I love that you have a clear vision of what you want and I can’t wait for you to get there! You can have your husband fall in love with you again, like I did. I know that I could not turn my marriage around alone. I would love to see you get support too. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see if working with a coach would fit for you. You can apply here:


My husband of 10 years resently left me for an other woman. We have two children, a boy 7 years old, and a girl 1 year old. He says that he has thought of leaving me for several years, and that he has never been passionately in love with me. He says that he has only loved me as a friend for years. We have had our share of problems, especially in our sexlife. But I thought that the love between us was strong and real. I am so hurt, and I feel like our entire life together has been a lie. Why would he want to have a second child with me, if he didn’t love me?? Our daughter was only 8 months old when he told me he was in love with another woman.

Is there any chance to win him back or should I just move on?

Debora, I hear that what you’re going through is so painful. There is absolutely hope of winning him back. In fact, this could be the breakdown before the breakthrough. I have a free webinar that you will find so valuable. It’s called How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here: You are not alone, Debora. You can do this!

Whaaaa? Really? This is insane. Sorry, Laura Doyle. Sounds like your advice came out of the 1950’s Betty Crocker Good Wife Guide. Ugh!

Hi, my husband and I separated at the end of Nov last year. 3 weeks later I find out he’s with someone else and spent Christmas with her. I knew about her before but he said he didn’t have feelings for anyone else which was a lie. I saw a message from her on his Fitbit saying telling him that she was awesome and he’d be lucky to have her! I was devastated and was in a very dark place and then in the new year I realised I had to make myself happy. I’d given all my time, love and energy to my husband and totally neglected myself. He was everything to me. He said he just didn’t feel the same way about me anymore and he hated how I would never talk to him about how I was feeling. I realise now that this must’ve been very hard for him as it showed a lack of respect on my part. I wasn’t the innocent party in this separation at all but the way he treated me when he left was horrible. I didn’t recognise the man I married at all. I didn’t communicate with him whilst I got myself happy, purely for selfish reasons and I’m pleased to say I’m nearly there. I’ve just got my own place, lost 35 pounds and feel like I’m finally getting back on track. My husband got back in contact with me last week as he found out about my father being very unwell. We were messaging each other, laughing at each other’s jokes and he sent a couple of pictures of himself (normal pictures) which I thought was strange as I hadn’t asked for any. He told me he’s lost a bit of weight too. I know he is still seeing this other girl and is planning to go to Australia with her at the end of the year. This upsets me very much as we had a holiday to Florida booked this year but cancelled it because we’d separated. I want my husband back. I want us to go back to how we were before I was depressed – I married him because I knew he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I still believe we can. I have your book, First Kill All Marriage Councellors and I am teaching myself the Intimacy Skills. The other girl is a lot younger than me so I feel like I’ve got competition but I miss my husband terribly and need him more than ever with my father being ill. Do you think I could get this to work? Sorry I’ve really rambled on ?

Erica, It feels awful to be lied to like that and then to have him be with another woman, and a younger one to boot! Devastating. I love that you naturally did the first Intimacy Skill of making yourself happy in response. You can absolutely save your marriage and make it monogamous again. Sounds like your husband may already be realizing he made a mistake in leaving you. It helps so much to be part of a community of women who are on the same path. I’d love to see you have that support. I invite you to start with this free webinar on How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life:

Thank you for replying Laura ? I didn’t really know what to do when it all happened but I came across your book and website, both of which are helping more and more with every step I take.
I have good days and bad days – seeing pictures on social media of them together so happy and in love is heartbreaking. It feels like a kick in the teeth and that he’s saying ‘ha ha – this is how it should be!’ That’s the relationship I should be having with my husband, not her!
I think he still wants me to want him, even though he’s with someone else. I’m still very close with his family too and his mother always gets emotional whenever she says goodbye to me which is upsetting for us both.
I’m trying to work out a way to get to your Cherished For Life weekend as well, even though I live in the U.K. so fingers crossed!

Erica, I admire your courage and commitment to do what’s in your power to revitalize your marriage despite the pain you’re in! I’ve found that it’s been so worth it to take this journey. I hope we get to meet in person at the Cherished for Life Weekend.

Hello Laura,
My husband has now asked for a divorce and I really don’t know what to do. He said he will sort it and pay for it. I’ve told him I don’t want any of this but he just comes back and says that he didn’t make me happy and that I deserve someone better than him. Who is he to decide that? He made me happy – I just wasn’t happy with myself and didn’t want to go out or do anything. I met up with him a couple of weeks ago and all my feelings came flooding back. He really doesn’t seem happy at all but it could be because he was talking to me and not his girlfriend. Am I really wasting my time with all of this?

Erica, I’m sorry to hear that your husband is asking for divorce and seeing another woman. Ouch. My heart goes out to you. I acknowledge you for your awareness and reconnecting with your feelings and especially for your commitment to stay married. I admire your courage and vulnerability in reaching out for support. I remember wondering whether I was wasting time making an effort with my husband. I’m so glad I persevered and found the 6 Intimacy Skills so I could start making an effort that actually worked. The Intimacy Skills saved my marriage and made it passionate and playful. I want that for you too, and I know it’s waiting for you! I have a free webinar coming up that you will find so valuable. It’s called How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it at

Hi Laura

I hope you have some advice for me. I will try and make a long story short.
In separated from my husband almost 5 years ago. During the beginning he tried very hard to get me to take him back. We have an 11 year old daughter
 I refused to take him back because the reaso8that we separated were still there and he was doing nothing to change. Then he started seeing someone. I was not aware. Then I started noticing chang9in him so naturally I started falling in love again.  We began being intimate once again. It was then he told me that he was seeing skme9and it was getting serious. He was confuses and didn’t know what to do. He eventually owed on with her. During the whole year of their relationship our intimacy didn’t stop and then I got pregnant. He told her and she kicked him out. He came back home and me and my daughter were over the moon happy. We were a family. He was hole for 3 months and then the girlfriend was contacting him and they got back together. She has many restrictions on him. He can’t come to my house without his brother other mother because she doesn’t trust us alone. I have a 4 month old and an 11 year old that he barely sees. He calls me everyday in secret. He knows I love him. He knows I want my husband back. I truly don’t forsee that relationship lasting a lifetime and I know that my husband and I will eventually have our happily ever after. But I would like to know what your opinion is. He has told me to move on and date. He doesn’t want me to but he said that it would make me lesa sad. I told him that though I may be sad I don’t cry everyday anymore. I am happy
 I have my days…sure. But I am learning to let go because I know that his future is with me and the kids.

Nat, I’m impressed with your amazing commitment and courage to stand for your relationship in such a challenging situation! I agree completely–his future is with you, his wife, and the kids! No question. A wife with Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress every day of the week and twice on Sundays. She sounds VERY controlling! And we know that gets old fast, especially when your real life with your wife and kids is waiting for you. Congratulations on finding your happiness despite the circumstances, and bringing your conviction and patience. I’d love to see you get some support. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see about working with a coach. You can do that here:

Hi, me and my husband have been together for 25 years and married for 14 years. 3 weeks back during a fight he indicated it is over. Take note we did fight a lot. I always accused him of cheating whilst knowing he is not. We also have a long history of problems during our school years. We have 2 girls 5 and 13. I have been a total mess these past 3 weeks by crying, begging, apologising and all the wrong stuff. He is sleeping in the tv room and does not come home after work. I have tried to seduce him but he refuse saying he feels nothing for me. He indicated that i kept him from living his life and killed him emotionally. I am desperate as i love him truely and do not want to loose him. Please help.

Annette, I’m sorry to hear about the stressful situation you’re in with your husband. I hear that you want to save your relationship and I admire that you’re so committed and that you came here for help. I’m confident that you can revitalize your marriage and make it better than it’s been for a long time! We are here to support you in getting loved and cherished and adored! I know that may sound crazy right now, but it’s very possible for you from what you’ve shared with me here. I’m not sure if you have the Six Intimacy Skills yet, but if not, that’s the first thing to do. Get your hands on the book, The Empowered Wife, which lays them out step-by-step. You can read a free chapter here:

Laura, my husband and I have been married for almost 13 years, together for almost 19. Last year I found out he was having an affair with a coworker and it just about killed me. During this time I realized he is having a midlife crisis and he decided to get sober as he is an alcoholic. I decided to stand by him through it all. There’s been so much back and forth with him leaving to his parents, coming back and then going again. He stopped seeing her for a while but just 2 weeks ago I found them at a hotel together and I lost it completely. Went home threw his things on the front lawn and he said so when do you want me to sign the divorce papers. That’s just it though, I don’t want a divorce. I love him and through this have realized that there are so many things I have done wrong in our relationship. I did your free webinar and bought your book The Surrendered Wife last night and it has opened my eyes to so much. I want our marriage to be healthy and happy. I want to work through all of this but since throwing his things out I have not responded to his texts or calls. His first text was the I’m so sorry you didn’t deserve any of this. I don’t know if I can ever make it right. Then I went away for a couple of days and he put a tracker on my phone because I wouldn’t answer his calls. He texted and told me to drive home safely because he does care even if I don’t think so. Finally I decided I wanted my house keys and extra car key back from him, I was still in anger mode. I asked his mom to please relay the message and he wouldn’t do anything until I talked or texted him. So I sent an angry text telling him to give me my keys back. He said I could have the house keys but he wouldn’t give my extra car key back until he changed the ownership of it to my name. I don’t understand why. Also, he’s still seeing this other woman. Has gotten them a hotel room for the past two weekends. This is killing me. I don’t know what to do. I want to put your advice to use but we haven’t spoken since the last angry texts and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I want our marriage back, I want my husband back, not the person he has become through this midlife crisis affair. I take full responsibility for my mistakes in our marriage. I understand why he did what he did but now let’s fix it. Just how though? I signed up for the call already and am hoping to hear from someone soon. I need to know if I should contact him or wait for him to contact me. I don’t know how to navigate any of this. It still feels like a bad dream!!! Help please!

Jennifer, I can see why you feel like you’re in a bad dream that you just want to wake up from, and it sounds like you are having the breakdown before the breakthrough. I know it’s painful and heartbreaking to be in this situation, but you can turn it all around and make your marriage healthy and happy again. I can relate to feeling like I had my eyes opened when I learned what I know now about nurturing an intimate relationship. If I can turn my marriage around with the Intimacy Skills, and thousands of women all over the world can too, then why not you? I’d love for you to get support, which was crucial for me. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see if working with one of my coaches is right for you. You can do that here:

Thanks Laura

I do ask myself if our marriage can be saved and if I will ever be able to trust him.
As for confusing well it is. I wonder if he knows what he want.

He did say to me that he can’t come and see our daughter swimming when I am there because the OW made him feel uncomfortable to do so at the beginning. I told him if that the kind of woman he want not only in his life but our daughter life.
Now he saying he is fighting that feeling of uncomfort. Told him it shouldn’t be there inevitable the first place. Because of the way she made him feel at the beginning it’s in printed in him.
Anyway because of the way thing has been between them they went out to talk yesterday. Then he texts me to say his lies are her big problem.
So I ask if he told her about him texting me,thinking that would have been a good time to tell her, and he said no he didn’t and he will carry on texting and hidding it.
Saying that she also hidding the fact she been contacting me.
I did told him she did not what she said. He said he didn’t know nothing about it.
Now one could ask what kind of relationship they have if they hid things and still lie. Or why would he still do that???
Is he trying to convince himself he did the right thing?
I also pointed out that since he’s been with her he hardly if at all see his friends and family. I have more contact with his dad and brother than he does.
I also said he change to a arrogant and selfish person. To which he reply he is trying to be him again.
I don’t know why he still want me in is life. I don’t understand why he said he would be lost without me in it. Or why he call me his best friend and soulmate. I always thought were words you say to a partner.
As for her when she texts it’s because she got a feeling he lied to her and try to find out the truth. Told her not to involve me and why should I help her to save her relationship,her words, with my husband? To which she reply that I should move on. What is she trying to do by involving me???

Anyway when they got back and she went for shower he started texting me again. J don’t understand why.

Lex, It definitely is confusing behavior! But once you get your hands on the Six Intimacy Skills you’ll be able to make sense of it and revitalize your marriage. The OW is definitely going to do herself in with that kind of control! And that’s the outcome I’m standing for–to see your family restored and for her to be the one to move on. You have more power than you realize to make that happen. We’re here to support you in that outcome.

Maybe u can give me some insight.
I don’t know anymore.
My husband left in August for the OW.
Since then he has been calling and texting me. Hidding it from the OW.
He also talked to me about them. Like they are having problems. Since he’s been with her he changed into a arrogant and selfish man. Also lots of anger.
When we talk he said he is hoping to get somewhere and he is hoping that the hurt and cheating was worth it. Not that it is just hoping.
He still doesn’t want to talk divorce saying he is not ready and that he need to get to safe ground with ow before we can talk.
He also like I said texts me and hidding it.
In those texts he call me his best friend and soulmate. That he can’t let me say goodbye because I mean a lot to him and something will be missing in him. That he would be lost without me in his life.
Any ideas what that mean?
Now he also over use the word friend.
U r my friend. That what friend do. Etc….is he trying to convince himself that it all I am???
He also still lies to ow or hid other things.
For example we do have a daughter and he came to see one evening but didnt tell ow. When I ask why he said because she is in a bad mood and would lead to a argument??
Same on Sunday when he come to pick up daughter we talked and he always hid or come up with a lies to her as what took him so long.

Please help I am at lost. He always portrait her as jealous and insecure to me why??
He also said that at some time he feel like he can’t come see daughter because I am there and ow won’t like it.

I need help
My daughter is suffering. And I am really confused as the why of all this.
And yes i wonder if they will last??

Lex, The whole thing sounds incredibly confusing and painful, but I think you’re intuition is telling you that they won’t last as a couple and I completely agree! She clearly does not have Intimacy Skills or she would not have picked someone else’s husband to have a relationship with. A wife with Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress every day of the week and twice on Saturday. Your husband is not at his best right now, that’s for sure. But people need love the most when they deserve it the least. I hear you wanting to save your family and I admire your courage and commitment even with his big betrayal. This can be the breakdown before the breakthrough to revitalizing your relationship and making it better than ever. I know an amazing group of women doing the same thing, and you would fit right in. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see if working with one of my coaches would be right for you. I’d love to see you get some support. You can do that here:

So, I’m reading your book The Empowered Wife and am about half way through. My husband had a 6 month affair. It’s been over for 6 months and we’ve been in counseling and ibmve been doing lots of reading on affair recovery. Haven’t been very successful as he has moved out for a week or so. So, I definitely have a problem with being controlling. He calls it manipulative and passive aggressive.
I’ve just been trying to fix the marriage. I know he still loves me, but he is emotionally not available to me anymore. His eyes seem empty? He also has a serious problem with anxiety, having panic attacks, yelling at people he works with. Etc. he is losing it. He tends to be the saver, tidy, a little OCD. In other words, our roles are a little reversed. E says he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. He says he has nothing to give.
For the last couple of days when I’ve seen for a few minutes when he picks up the kids or something, I’ve tried to be chipper, respectful, positive, smiling. I want my marriage to work! These seem like good principles for marriage. I truly want to be respectfu! But sometimes I think I may be disrespectful and I don’t realize it!?! I only have a few minutes i am here and there to try to do these things. I can call him or text him. But I also don’t want him to feel pressure if I am pursuing him??? I don’t want to push him away any farther.

Braveenough, I love your commitment to your marriage and your willingness to look at what you can do to bring back the connection even while you’re in this very painful situation. You are brave! I admire that. You can definitely save your marriage, but I would love to see you have support. My wish for you would be to have a private coach to walk you through the steps to reconnecting and making your relationship magical again. You’ve got the right information, you have the commitment and the courage and now you just need a guide. You have the power to make your marriage work better than it has in a long time.
I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call here:

Hi Laura,

I Loved your 14 ways to get your husband back. My husband of 12 years wants to separate to find his happiness. He know nothing is wrong with our marriage but he is just not happy. I am so devastated and heart broken and don’t know what to do…

Heartbroken, I’m sorry to hear you’re going through such a difficult situation in your marriage. I know it seems very dark right now, but I also know that you as the wife have so much power to make this marriage great again. It’s not too late. I would love to see you get your hands on the Six Intimacy Skills, which I spell out step-by-step in my book/audiobook The Empowered Wife. You can read a free chapter here:

Heartbroken, Reach out to us if there’s anything we can do to support you. That’s what we’re here for.

Thank you Laura. He moved out today and he had asked me to bring the kids to his place to show them around and where he will be living. We came home and all the children started to sob and I ended up crying all night. I don’t know where to start. I think he wants the relationship to be amicable so we could have family dinner time to time and see me time to time but I am afraid that if I keep it too easy for him to have us over whenever he needs to see us or let him drop by my place when he wants to drop in to see the kids that he might get too comfortable about being separated and it may become a long term and on the other hand I don’t want to restrict him too much because I don’t want him becoming too distant and ends up leaving long term…

Do I need to buy the audio book or is it same book as The Empowered Wife..

Thank you so much for being so supportive.

Heartbroken, I know it can be tricky to navigate this. See if the book (same as the audiobook) resonates with you. I’m positive you can save your marriage and make it great again from what you’ve shared. When you’re ready, I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see if working with one of my coaches is right for you. You can do that here:

Thanks Laura. Which book should I get? The Empowered Wife or the Surrendered wife?

Heartbroken, Either one will be great, but I’m leaning toward The Empowered Wife for you. You can read free chapters of each if you click on the books heading on this website.

Hie Laura, av been married for 5yrs and the problem in my marriage is financial issues, everytime I suggest on money issues it’s a problem even my own salary, i don’t have a kid and he has one with one of her girlfriend he is 5 months now, it’s difficult for me bcoz he send money to the mother secretly and meet the girl,we are still 2getha how can be a surrendered wife, plz help

Tendai, That does sound incredibly difficult! I’m sorry to hear that’s what you’re going through. I wouldn’t like that either, however, there’s a reason he’s still with his wife and not his baby mama. I’d love to see you get your hands on the 6 Intimacy Skills and see what’s possible for your relationship. You can read about or listen to them in the book/audiobook The Empowered Wife. There’s a free chapter posted here:

Hi Laura
I’ve been married for 2 years now.. but my husband has now decided to get divorce. We live separately and also he refuses to take my calls or even to see me. I miss him I want to go back to him. Moreover, my in-laws too want the same. They are doing their every possible move for me not to talk to him. How can I get back to him he is so adamant.. also, he loves listens more to his family.. plz help me how to get back to him..

Prachi, I’m so sorry to hear about your separation and the difficulties of communicating with your husband. Sounds painful and frustrating! I’d love to see you get your hands on the Six Intimacy Skills and then get a coach to help you revitalize your marriage and attract your husband back to you. Even though it seems impossible now, there is still hope. I invite you to attend my free webinar, How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life, which you can register for here:

Laura, I’ve just found your website as I’m desperately looking for hope for my situation.

I found out just before Christmas that my husband has been having an affair with someone I know a little bit but not well. He said it was about 3 months and that he loves her and she loves him and they wanted to be together. I told him to leave if that was the case, which suprised him. We have 2 foster children and he wanted to be home for Christmas to give them a great Christmas. I agreed on the condition that he had no contact with her in that time and that he slept in our bed as I would be trying to win him back. He agreed to all this. On Christmas Day he was getting really anxious that he didn’t know if she was ok so I allowed him to text her and he got no response. Then just before he was leaving after Christmas I allowed him to call her and she had basically buried her head in the sand, hadn’t told anyone she was seeing him etc. She gave him the run around and he went and talked to her and it was all sorted and they were moving on with the relationship. He left just after New Year but the following day she had ended it as she couldn’t stand the guilt. He came home and we tried again. After a couple of weeks, though, he says he loves me but not like he should and he wanted to leave the marriage. I always knew he would contact her again and he did. They agreed to try again but the day after he left home last weekend (again) she was messing him about (again). I was unaware of all this but was getting texts from him saying he did still love me and had never meant to hurt me and thanking me for not giving up on him. Apparently he then gave her an ultimatum and she is now totally committed to the relationship. We still have contact cos of the kids as he will look after them while I’m working and he wants to remain friends with me. He has said that these are non-negotiable and would end their relationship if she put up a fight. I love my husband to bits and wasn’t aware we had problems, although my focus did go towards the kids a bit too much. I’m sure he loves me and so are other people as if they have seen us together in the last 6 weeks and didn’t know the situation they thought we were totally in love and really happy. The kids have no clue about all this and think he is working away. There is no talk of divorce and, although he has taken his wedding ring off he has put it on his other hand. I really think he is in the midst of some sort of emotional problem and I really want to save our marriage.