Coach Ruchi

Sitting on the floor of our bedroom, hurt, upset and confused, we both wondered why it all seemed so hard.

I wondered why the marriage I had desired and envisioned growing up was so out of reach. Was I destined to be unhappy, lonely, and overwhelmed, only to spend my life feeling disconnected from my husband?

How did we get here?

Where do we go from here?

Like most teen girls, I had spent years imagining what it would be like to be in love and have a husband.

We were introduced in January, engaged in June, and got married in December of the same year. He checked so many of my boxes. I was so excited to have someone to do life with, travel with, romance with!

I wanted us to do everything together and did not understand the importance of having our own space and time to do what brought us joy individually. I thought myself a great catch because I was raised with strong cultural and spiritual values. I respected his family, I loved to cook, I managed our home, and I worked full-time.

How lucky is he, I thought!

Very quickly, however, I lost myself by either giving up doing what I loved in order to spend time with him, or forcing him to do my favorite things—regardless of whether he enjoyed them or not. I struggled to embrace our differences and saw them as issues to nag him about.

On the surface, everything looked perfect, but we were faced with some big challenges early on in our marriage that had me gripped with fear for our future.

I was extremely controlling about many things and often insisted on having the last word in our conversations—particularly when it came to parenting, cultural/spiritual values, and our finances. I had no idea how that was chipping away at our intimacy and connection.

All I felt was an increasing disconnection from him.

He stopped sharing his thoughts and opinions with me.

I would tell him to be more romantic and often complained about how lucky he was that he did not have to work too hard to woo me.

Imagine my shock when I still wasn’t getting what I wanted or needed from him!

As life went on, I became an overtired, resentful, and a prickly martyr wife and mother. I believed he was responsible for that!

I was determined to turn things around.

In all honesty, I was looking for ways to change my husband so we could be happier together.

My search eventually led me to Laura Doyle’s book The Empowered Wife. The title talks about attracting “your husband’s time, attention and affection”—EXACTLY what I was craving in our relationship.

Reading her book was such an eye-opening, humbling experience. I was thrilled to know there was hope for me to single-handedly change the dynamic and restore the peace, playfulness, and intimacy in my relationship.

I first restored respect through a Laura Doyle apology for my contribution to our breakdown.

This alone softened the tension.

I then slowly began to experiment with each of the Six Intimacy Skills™.

I experimented with hearing and respecting his thoughts and opinions, without contradicting or correcting him. I started to trust him to be the expert in his own life and in his parenting of our children. I began to focus on all the ways he showed love and support, instead of focusing on what was missing.

Within a couple of weeks, I noticed things shifting between us. As I continued to participate in the community and fumbled my way with the Skills, things became peaceful between us.

At one point my husband even said this was the best thing I could have done for us.

Initially, I decided to skip self-care because I was more interested in working the Skills that would change the interactions between my husband and me.

It took me a while to finally accept the indispensable first Skill of self-care. This was the key to unlocking the magic of consistency with all the other Skills, and to our continued transformation.

For the first time in years, I was now thinking about and doing the things that brought me joy. I was slowly reconnecting with myself and discovering new things about myself as I explored different self-care activities to add to my list.

Learning and practicing each of these Skills with the support of a coach and a community not only helped me transform my marriage, it has also been my best self-improvement journey. I was so inspired by my transformation and the support and safety provided by the coaches and other like-minded women that I decided to become a permanent part of this community by becoming a Laura Doyle Relationship Coach.

When I was hurting and feeling disconnected in my relationship, the Connection Framework provided a judgement-free, supportive, and safe space so I could create and experience my vision of a peaceful, playful and passionate relationship.

I am glad I did not have to do that alone!

I am passionate about introducing the Six Intimacy Skills for women to turn to when experiencing challenges in their relationships—to know that they are not alone.

I am excited to join Laura Doyle in her mission to end world divorce.

Today, my heart is filled with appreciation and gratitude for all that my husband does to fulfill my desires and lighten my load around the house. He is so generous and thoughtful, buying me gifts and spending time researching office chairs or laptops to get me the best ones. He surprises me with my favorite snacks and desserts when he is out grocery shopping.

He plans our family trips and makes me feel so taken care of and loved. We laugh together and he enjoys spending time connecting with me.

I admire his parenting, his masculine leadership, and his thoughtfulness.

My marriage miracle continues to unfold, and things are the BEST they have ever been! I am so grateful that our kids get to witness a peaceful, playful marriage with parents who share a mutual love and respect, thanks to the Six Intimacy Skills, support of a coach, and community of like-minded women.