Coach Britt

My husband has always been incredibly romantic.  From the beginning, he called me his “princess” and often spoiled me with little gestures, like randomly giving me money and saying it was “Just because you’re cute.”  Our friends affectionately called it my “cute money” and said we were the cutest couple they knew.  He’d leave sweet “I miss you” notes under my pillow, sprayed with his cologne, whenever he had to travel for work. 

He was always thinking about me, always making sure I felt loved and appreciated, and spending as much time with me as possible.

Before we had children, we were inseparable.  We worked together, came home during lunch for soup and sandwiches, watched reruns of Northern Exposure, and almost always “fooled around” before heading back to work.  Weeknights were spent going for walks, cooking dinners together, and having endless conversations about our hopes, dreams, and everything in between.  Friday nights were spent having drinks together with our colleagues after work. 

Our relationship was effortless.

After our first daughter was born, we made the decision that I would put my career on hold to focus on raising our family.  At first, we were still a great team.  We took turns with late-night feedings and enjoyed alternating sleep-ins on weekends. 

As time went on, things started to change.  My husband’s career flourished, bringing in more money and recognition, and also more hours away from home.  While he was thriving, I was struggling with my sense of self-worth… no raises, no promotions, and no more “cute money.” 

Our time together, which once felt effortless, began feeling strained.

I buried myself in managing our home, our children, and our finances and began sharing my “expertise” on how best to do everything.  Unfortunately, my helpful advice was usually met with indifference or the occasional reminder that my husband already had a mother. 

I really wanted to be the best wife and mom.  To me, that meant sacrificing.  I thought being willing to sacrifice for my girls and my husband was the ultimate act of showing my love for them.  I willingly sacrificed my friends and hobbies, only to find myself feeling jealous when my husband still made time for socializing, golfing, and pursuing his interests.  I lost touch with the woman I used to be—the fun and passionate woman my husband had fallen in love with. 

I had become a sad, insecure, and lonely martyr. 

Our daily lunches, walks, and Friday night drinks gradually disappeared.  The more I tried to reminisce about the past with my husband, reminding him of the way things used to be (the way HE used to be), the more distant he became.  I felt like our time together was a chore for him and I was last on his list.  The lonelier I felt, the more I mentally blamed him. 

I knew we could be happy again if only he’d choose to spend more time with me like he used to.  I was laser focused on everything missing and what he wasn’t doing. 

I waited with bated breath every day for updates of what was going on in his world, making mental notes of every detail.  When I noticed a growing closeness between my husband and a mutual friend/female colleague, my insecurity grew.  Admittedly, at that time, he was still trying to connect with me by sharing about his day—describing lunches, after-work drinks with friends, funny things that happened, but all I could focus on was how it used to be ME sharing all these experiences with him. 

I was consumed by the fear of being replaced.  I started questioning him regularly and sharing my worries, but that just created more distance between us. 

Our marriage had transitioned from openness/connection to interrogation/avoidance.

There was definitely a storm brewing in our marriage, and it was symbolized perfectly by a rare tornado that touched down near our home.  What I remember most is that was the day I stumbled onto a painful realization of how far apart we had drifted. 

The tornado served as an ominous warning that our marriage was in serious trouble.

I found and read Laura Doyle’s book First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors (now titled The Empowered Wife) shortly after that tornado in 2017, but I was in such an angry and resentful space that I put it aside in frustration.  I believed fixing our marriage was something we should both want and choose to do together.  Instead, we continued doing and fighting over the same things until eventually our once beautiful marriage was damaged to the point of separation.   

It was during our separation in June 2023 that I found Laura Doyle, again, when I came across her book The Empowered Wife.  I began reading, believing my husband was to blame for the breakdown in our marriage.  As I read on, my tear-stained face revealed an uncomfortable truth.  I had done EVERYTHING wrong!

I called my husband and apologized for all the ways I had hurt him.  I heard the emotion in his voice when he thanked me and said, “Do you realize this is the first time you’ve accepted ANY responsibility for our breakdown?”

We both cried.  From that day on, I committed myself to being accountable, expressing gratitude, and being respectful.  I didn’t realize how unappreciated my husband had felt until he told me I expressed more gratitude to him in the past two months of separation than I had our entire marriage!

I found and joined the online group Ridiculously Happy Wives, hired a coach, and eventually signed up for Relationship Coach Certification, all to keep myself accountable. I learned what it really means to be respectful and the freedom that comes from relinquishing control and trusting others as the experts of their own lives. 

Being a student of the Six Intimacy Skills™ helped shine a light on the things I’d been missing and misunderstanding about myself and our marriage.  It gave me the courage to learn how to be my best self and be accountable when I make mistakes. 

As I learned and applied the Intimacy Skills, my husband began showing up for me in ways he hadn’t in years!  He even surprised me by building a dream patio for me just because he knew how much I would love it.  While separated! 

Thanks to the Intimacy Skills, my husband is home and our marriage/family is whole again!  There’s so much laughter and connection!  The playfulness and passion that had gone missing are back and better than before!  My husband not only treats me like his princess again, he shows up as my hero in every way possible!  If it needs to be built, lifted, fixed, or solved, my husband has it handled! 

He’s always looking for ways to lighten my load, make my life easier, and spoil me… from preparing all our family meals, doing the dishes, pampering me with baths, making the bed, taking me on dates, and bringing me beautiful fresh flowers regularly!  He told me I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him and shows me every day in big and small ways how much he loves me. 

The disappointment, resentment, distrust, and separation that once plagued our marriage have been replaced with so much love, connection, affection, and respect. 

We just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this year, and for me it’s not only a celebration of our love and commitment to each other and our family, it’s a celebration of my personal transformation.

I no longer wear a martyr coat.  I’ve learned I’m responsible for my own happiness, so I make time for myself every day!  I lean into relinquishing control with our daughters and respect their autonomy, which has created even stronger bonds between us.  Our 17-year-old daughter continually chooses ME as her concert buddy because we have so much fun together, and recently she thanked me for trusting her, supporting her, and showing her how important our relationship is to me. 

I get to work every day with our 22-year-old old daughter, who said she thinks the Intimacy Skills should be “required learning” after seeing the difference they’ve made in our lives.  She told me she’s so proud of me and all I’ve accomplished and that working with me is her favorite thing about her job!

The skills I’ve learned from Laura Doyle not only saved my marriage and made it magical again, they’ve empowered me to become the wife, mother, and woman I always wanted to be.  A woman filled with gratitude, full of life, and living her happily ever after with the same man she fell in love with over 25 years ago. 

I never imagined my life could be this amazing, and it just keeps getting better and better!

It’s my deepest desire to support and empower women struggling in their relationships so they can create the same closeness, connection, and intimacy in their relationships and live their happily-ever-after too!