Julie

Laura Doyle Relationship Coach

How I Attracted My Husband–Again

I was single into my 30s and could not believe that I had not met “the one” yet. On a business trip, I stumbled across a book in the Atlanta airport bookstore with the subtitle “How to Attract and Marry the Man Who’s Right for You.”

The book was The Surrendered Single by Laura Doyle, and I read it cover to cover the same day. I was shocked to realize that I was the reason I was still single in my early 30s!

Months later, I went on my first and only blind date. I remembered Laura Doyle suggesting that I open myself up to new possibilities since the must-have’s list I carried around was not serving me. But he had several things on my never-in-a-million-years list! He was a divorced single father raising two kids alone.

Of course, we fell in love almost instantly, getting married a year later. The first couple years were blissful. I was still a working girl, with plenty of money and freedom and no opinions on how he disciplined his children.

After the birth of our first baby, however, I suddenly had a ton of opinions and the need for control. I had never been so afraid in my whole life!

Add in another baby, my mother’s terminal cancer diagnosis, my career departure, and the near loss of our third child at birth, and now you have a recipe for disaster.

I was so afraid, sad, and overwhelmed at the end of each day. I was dealing with toddlers, my mom’s chemo, the loss of my working identity, and our income drop. At night, I would hide in our bonus room and watch taped Oprah episodes back to back.

My husband kept saying, “I miss you. I am not having any fun. I am not happy.” I overlooked all of these red flags because I was so focused on my own misery.

I dismissed my husband and thought that he had no idea what I was dealing with all day and that he was so selfish. At least he got to shower, get dressed, and go out the door every morning. At least he got to go out to lunch with friends at work. I no longer did anything for myself.

My husband would call me in the middle of the afternoon to check in and see how I was doing, and I’d rail, “Quit calling me! You always seem to call me in the one hour that I get to lie down when the baby is sleeping, and you are always waking me up.”

Fighting became the norm. Transparency subsided.

I still did not pick up on the fact that I could be contributing to the problems in my marriage. I was faithful, loyal, and, by the way, now staying home and raising our five children. Where was my medal? I had nothing to apologize for as far as I was concerned.

I was waiting for him to change so I could feel better!

We used to do everything together, and now my husband was finding activities that did not interest me and expanding his friend group, which did not include me.

Out of sheer desperation, I found myself at Barnes & Noble wandering over to the relationship section in search of a miracle. The book now titled The Empowered Wife practically jumped off the shelf and into my hands.

I started reading it right there in the aisle and could not put it down. It seemed so familiar. I realized that this was my old friend Laura Doyle–the author responsible for my landing my husband in the first place! With The Surrendered Single, Laura had helped me to be my best single self, when my husband found me irresistible!

I was so sad and ashamed when I finished reading Laura’s new book. The 6 Intimacy Skills™ that she teaches seem so obvious, but I’d been struggling with over a decade of complaining and a lifetime of conditioning. I lacked appreciation and was locked in the blame game, focusing on everything that was going wrong and never on what was going right!

I came out of our bedroom crying and told my husband how sorry I was for everything and that I now recognized that most of our issues were my fault.

It was the first look of relief that I had seen on his face in years.

After highlighting everything in the book and taking great notes, I knew that it would not be enough. I looked into private coaching with a Laura Doyle certified relationship coach. My husband and I had already been through a year of marital counseling and things were not getting better, so I knew that was not the answer.

After a Discovery Call with the Laura Doyle organization, I went to my husband and expressed a desire to make the coaching investment for me become a more respectful wife.

Coaching was a hefty expense when we were saving for a new home and had four kids in private school. But I knew that I would not be able to decipher when I was being disrespectful on my own and that I would need guidance if I wanted to implement these Skills as a lifestyle.

Coaching was the first thing I had done for just me in years.

Laura Doyle private coaching was a game changer! I kept a journal of every disagreement, fight, or unhappy moment in my marriage, and my coach would listen, empathize, and highlight when I may have been disrespectful, emasculating, or hurtful. My fear and need to control were often hidden. It took a trained surrendered coach to help me recognize them.

After my private coaching was completed a year later, I would start to backslide into my old controlling ways and I missed talking with my coach. So, I decided to become a certified coach by training with Laura Doyle personally!

I had witnessed so many marriages around me ending in divorce, all because of a lack of marital education. These were smart women, just like me, who had been given the wrong handbook on how to have a happy marriage. I know that I could have avoided so much pain if I’d had better awareness from the beginning.

I now know that I am responsible for my own happiness and self-care, and I am committed to being a safe, vulnerable place for my family to come to.

My personal goal is to advance Laura Doyle’s quest to end worldwide divorce! I want to bring the 6 Intimacy Skills to women when they are young and in the good times of their relationships so they have a safety net that they can count on when life gets real–because it will!