How to Get Your Husband to Want a Baby
It’s so normal for you to want a baby. And then another, and even another.
Maybe your heart yearns for enough babies to form your own basketball team–or even a baseball team.
But what if your husband isn’t on board? What if he thinks you already have enough kids?
What if he doesn’t even want one child?
One husband told his wife they needed to work on their marriage before they’d be ready to conceive.
To his wife that sounded the same as “We’re never having a baby,” which made her wonder about the benefit of being married at all, since she had always wanted a family.
But just because he’s shaking his head now doesn’t mean he won’t get behind the idea of growing your family.
There are a few simple things you can do to make him much more open to the idea.
Here’s how you can inspire your man to say yes to a bundle of joy.
Contents
1. Get Happy
If you’re often exhausted, overwhelmed, depressed or otherwise unhappy, your husband may see the prospect of a new, tiny family member as too burdensome because he’s already having a hard time keeping you happy.
To paraphrase George Michaels, if his best isn’t good enough then how can it be good enough for two?
He gets a lot of his own sense of success from knowing you’re thriving and delighted. In my experience, all husbands do.
If he sees you laughing and smiling, he feels proud. When you’re stressed and complaining, he feels stressed and tired too.
And he may think (because you may have said it) that you have too much to do already.
If the problem seems to be that you’re overburdened, a baby is not going to make sense to him. That’s more burden–not less.
He wants you to be happy again. He thinks it’s his job. When that goes missing, he feels overwhelmed.
But of course the only person who can make you happy is you.
If you’re laughing at the slapstick comedy that is your home life instead of yelling or nagging, he’s going to have an easier time understanding the draw of extending the family.
If you’re singing and smiling most of the time, he’s going to feel relieved and see more possibility for a bright future. Including a near future with a bundle of joy.
If it’s a baby you want, figure out how to delight yourself every day.
2. Appreciate Him
Alicia got the heartbreaking news that she and her husband could not conceive.
Undeterred, she quickly hatched a new plan.
She told her husband, “I think we should adopt!” But he didn’t seem to think it was such a good idea.
Frustrated, she tried to persuade him of all the positives: They would be able to skip pregnancy and delivery and just bring home their child, giving an unwanted baby a good home.
Her husband changed the subject.
When she told me about her challenge getting the baby she wanted, she was feeling hopeless.
“He just seems to shut down whenever I say the word ‘baby,’” she told me.
From what Alicia shared, I had a feeling her husband was not feeling very appreciated.
In singlemindedly seeking maternity, she had stopped appreciating him and all that they had together.
She was constantly talking about the baby he couldn’t give her.
When Alicia realized that, she decided to express her gratitude for her husband.
She told him, “As much as I want a baby, if I never get one, I’m just so grateful to have you as my husband. Having a baby would be icing on the cake of getting to spend all of my days with you.”
It was a moving moment for them both.
The next day, her husband brought home adoption paperwork.
True story.
3. Express Your Desires in a Way that Inspires
Alicia’s husband might have also been more receptive to her being so family minded if she had said what she wanted in an inspiring way.
At first, she was telling her husband what to think, and that never works, in my experience.
My husband doesn’t like when I argue with his thinking or try to persuade him with logic.
So even though it’s as tempting as devouring a freshly baked cookie to indulge in the Great Baby Debate, consider sticking to your desires instead of arguing with his thinking.
He may be right that it isn’t the best time to conceive while you’re still nursing or he’s changing jobs, for example.
But if that doesn’t change your desire, then you can simply honor yourself without contradicting him by saying, “I hear you. And I would love another baby.”
After acknowledging how much she valued her husband, all Alicia needed to say was, “I would love to adopt a baby.”
It wouldn’t have been a demand, even though she wanted that child with all her heart.
Her husband couldn’t wait to grant her heart’s desire once she said it that way.
That’s how inspired he was.
4. Affirm His Fathering
What if your husband is too harsh with the kids or loses his temper with them or lets them eat cereal out of the box in their pajamas when you’re gone?
That’s something I hear a lot from moms–that their husbands don’t parent the same way as them. At all!
It’s easy to start thinking you’re the better, more conscientious parent. You might think he needs some help knowing how to be a good dad.
It’s only logical to want to give him some helpful suggestions.
What I discovered the hard way is that “helpful” in wife language equals “critical” in husband language.
My husband got defensive when I tried to help him improve and started to avoid me so he wouldn’t have to hear about all the ways I knew better than him.
I thought I was subtle. He thought I was insufferable.
Looking back, now I can see why.
Maybe you’ve done the same thing with your husband in the area of his fathering.
You didn’t mean to be critical, but that’s how he heard it when you told him to be careful when he was throwing the kids in the air.
The less he feels successful as a dad, the less appealing it is for him to want to take on another kid.
If you have kids, finding the things you admire about your husband’s parenting and acknowledging them does wonders for turning that around.
If you don’t have kids yet, admiring how he interacts with tiny relatives or friends’ kids or letting him know how much you appreciate how patient and tender he is with you will go a long way toward opening up a possibility that wasn’t there before.
If he knows that you think he’s an amazing dad (or will be), he’s going to feel more inclined to take on another child.
Especially if he knows that saying yes to a baby will make his wife ridiculously happy.
38 replies on “How to Get Your Husband to Want a Baby”
This problem and how I had stopped seeing and loving both him and me was what almost destryed us. I even found out he was cheating. But when I started implementing the 6 intimacy skills, it all changed. We are now in our 5th year of marriage, more connected than evwr and finally taking the necessarry steps towards starting a family after 5 years of infertility. And all I had to do was to remember I am a person and he is one aswell, not only this imagined child one day. Thank you so much
Agate, you are so welcome. Congratulations on turning around such a painful situation and transforming your marriage singlehandedly! I’m so excited for you and can’t wait to stay tuned as you start your family using the Intimacy Skills!
I have been wanting to start a family for a long while now, but my Fiancé/Husband doesn’t believe we should, until we are stable. Stable jobs( Navy and Army), living together, and have money. I have the insurance, though. However, unlike most women, my capability to concieve, is half as much of a chance to happen. And, I have a shortened time span, to when I’m able to get pregnant. What should I do? Should I do what he says, and wait til the clock runs out? Or should I find someone else to give me what I wish for? Help me!????????????????
Sha, that’s rough! How frustrating that you’re so clear on what you want yet he’s not on board. Sounds lonely too. I can see why you’re on the fence. I remember when my desires did not inspire my man, which was scary. That’s why my coaches and I have helped so many women fix their relationships even when her vision seems hopeless. We can help you too! Get a coach so you can stop wasting time and start feeling supported and honoring your desires with the man you want! Join the waitlist for The Ridiculously Happy Wife coaching program here: lauradoyle.org/rhw-waitlist
Hello Laura,
My husband and I have been together for 18 years, married for 10. We both are very driven in our careers but we are both highly anxious people (I was recently diagnosed with panic disorder and he is OCD). We both love and care for each other deeply but its very hard to talk to him about having a child. I am an only child and he comes from a much larger family so for me, even having one child would be somewhat of a miracle given my anxiety and current age. I am really feeling the urge to expand our family and him and I are seeing a couples counsellor to deal with our anxiety but things are moving so so slow. I fear that by the time we both come to the conclusion we want (and can manage) a child, it will be too late.
Do you have any advice?
Thank you for your time.
Jenn
Jen, I love that you are so clear on your desire to expand your family. It sounds worrisome seeing such slow progress, so I can see why you’re fearful. You shouldn’t have to deal with feeling anxious about that on top of everything else.
I remember feeling stuck and afraid, and it was lousy. That’s why my coaches and I have helped over 15,000 women create the relationships they’d always wanted. We can help you too.
Get a coach so you can stop feeling afraid and uncertain and have that miracle! Join the waitlist for The Ridiculously Happy Wife coaching program here:
lauradoyle.org/rhw-waitlist
This is kinda helpful, but I’m not convinced that it will help me. My husband was upfront about only wanting one when we first started dating, and up until now I’ve been fine with it. We had our one, and he got his vasectomy shortly after, and life went on. I had a horrible delivery and was scared of doing it again, but now that I’ve recovered emotionally I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to have another. I’m trying to figure out how to get my husband at least thinking about it because I know we wouldn’t be ready for at least another year or two.
Joy,
Thanks for sharing what’s going on. That sounds hard. I admire your vulnerability and hear your desire around wanting transformation.
My students have fixed their marriages in similar situations (and worse!) and become happy wives.
I know it seems hopeless right now, but when you get the right structure and support, there’s every reason to be hopeful. I invite you to put your name on the waitlist for my Ridiculously Happy Wife program.
I thought this was super helpful. For me I tend to be all about baby and what I want without realizing what my husband needs in order to feel confident in having another baby. This was a great reminder, so thank you!
My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. I am in my mid 30s now and he is 40, however we both feel much younger. I have a 9 to 5 and like what i do, make decent enough money, he is NOT a 9 – 5 guy and has a very different career path for himself. As with many other creatives, he has had a very, VERY slow start to his career. I am not sure if what he wants will ever happen, but he can still make decent money with what he does now if he does it full time. I am ready to start a family and scared that i am running out of time. He is reluctant to this idea due to his career and finances, however understands that time is ticking. We tried talking about this and he says that if i want this and want to be happy i should just leave him. But i explain that he is my happiness and i want a baby with him. We are stuck in this limbo land. We both love eachother, but having trouble trying to navigate through this. Also note that he never thought he wanted to be married at all and was very and still is shocked at the fact that we are together after so many years. I feel scared and alone, most of my friends are on baby #2 and im still stuck and so terrified that i am out of time for kids. Need advice.
Mine doesn’t want the responsibility and she wants to be the two of us. I want a baby but I love be him so much. I wish he would change his mind
I feel like I’m at a crossroads in my relationship. We’ve been together for 6 years, I’m in my mid-30’s, he’s late-30’s, we don’t have any children. I am ready to start to a family and have mentioned this to him a few times, most recently I said simply “I want to have a baby with you”. He got angry at me and said if I want that in the near future then I should leave the relationship and go after it because he isn’t in that place right now because he is focused on work. I was so hurt, he then said maybe down the track we can see what happens. We have talked before about ‘one day’ starting a family. But that’s all it ever is, ‘one day’. He said earlier in the relationship that he wants children with me but now I can’t even bring it up in conversation without him blowing up. I’m feeling resentful because I worry I’m being led on. I love him very much and want nothing more than to have a family with him but I am finding myself starting to feel ‘checked out’ of the relationship because my vision of having a family with him seems so distant, or like it may never happen. I don’t know what to do. I’m wondering if maybe he is trying to tell me that he doesn’t want that anymore. I’d never forgive myself if I let my chance to have children pass me by but on the other side I’m willing to compromise if we can come up with some sort of plan or timeline. I feel so stuck and scared. My biggest fear in life is that I will miss my chance to have a family.
Hi, i have read this article more than once and conclude that you are right. I am 46 years and my husband 52. We have been married 2 years, this is my first marriage, i have never had any children, this is his second and he has 3 kids between the ages of 18 to 22 who live with their mom. He is definitely not enthusiastic about having a child as the divorce meant that financially he had to start over and we dont have our own home as yet. I will have to admit that i am not the happiest wife, sometimes tired, grumpy and in need of a better social life for myself, he has asked and remarked more than once that i seem to have no passion for anything and do i like to do anything? i admit i could do better. I consider our ages and i am 4 years shy of 50 and i am almost on the brink of giving up hope, besides i know that having a baby wont make me happier or fulfilled, that is an inside job, i want to do better for myself. I know if i stay the way i am he will never change yet i believe that i be a great mom.
Hi there, I finally got married after 4.5yrs. Both of us had kids and our blended family is now 7. The kids ages are 8,8, 9,10.,14..yet I want to have a child of our own. His kids live w their mom and my 2 are home w us. The 14 yr. Old lives in another state. I really still want children but he says it’s enough with the ones we have and he feels like he would be replacing his kids somehow. I feel so hurt. Dont know how to work thru this we are both 45 but my heart still desires a baby of our own. I’m so confused and I’m struggling with this. Any advice.
Hi, I am literally in the same boat you were when you wrote this. He has two kids and I have one and I want one together and he worries about his age and his two girls who live with their mother and I’m super hurt. It’s been 1 year and half and I’m not past it and my desire grows stronger. How did things turn out for you ?
I can see why you’re hurt, your desire only growing stronger. Him not being on the same page sounds so disappointing.
I remember the days when I couldn’t get my husband to support my desires and how hurt I felt. That was before I found the 6 Intimacy Skills, which work together so he’s now my hero. I want that for you too! Here are all 6 Intimacy Skills so you too can turn this around.
Thanks Laura for these ideas. I know this thread is from a while ago but it resonates. My husband who has always been overly-enthusiastic about having babies (it was in his proposal, our vows, literally a topic that came up every single day practically, all of our friends tease us for “wanting a football team!”) is suddenly saying he doesn’t want one right now.
We’d been waiting with abated breath for May, to start the baby-making…I had some PAP smear health scares that needed time/examination. Anyway, we get to May, and he suddenly says “no, maybe next year.” Given, on top of the health scare, these past couple months have been rough on us. He is switching jobs in a very competitive, high-stress tech industry where there’s a lot of quiet negotiation needed. On top of it, we are new homeowners and newlyweds (almost a year). We both work full-time in upper level careers and are fairly secure financially (minus the new home and job switching which of course is always risky). Everything has been going wonderfully until 2 months ago. He was unfairly rude to me, so I snapped back, a fight started where we unloaded every negative, hurtful insult you can possibly imagine… and we’ve been having fights ever since. Exhausting. We regretted “the big fight” immediately but it didn’t change the fact that there were these emotional wounds we’d ripped open on each other. Trying to find our way back to center. We’ve reached a tentative place of healing but in the meantime he’s reverting back to wanting to go to the bar and get drunk, he wants to watch sports with “the guys” incessantly, he’s still churlish, and wanting to put a hold on kids. Says he wants to “enjoy just being married” for now, “I don’t know what I want right now, I’m so lost and overwhelmed” and “there’s just too much going on, between work and our fights…” I appreciate that he’s communicated this to me, however, all of our friends are now having their 1st or even 2nd babies; I am nearly 30 and want to get the ball rolling. I am also concerned that “the guys” he wants to hang with are his few bachelor friends. Out of all of our friends, most of whom are husbands or fathers, why is he hanging with that crowd? Furthermore, I have always been very upfront in what I want and working hard to get it…a trait he once adored…and suddenly I feel like he resents me for that, calling me “pushy” and “a princess who gets whatever she wants.” I don’t feel that’s fair, but then again…well, like I said, I am not ashamed that I have always been direct in my goals and in obtaining them. I am an extremely hard worker, have a strong sense of self, and am very devoted to everything I engage in. I am trying to support him, but between his negativity and the fear that he may not want what I want…it eats at me. He doesn’t want to see a counselor or consider marriage counseling (“we’re not that bad! Geez!”)
My grandma (who is my parent, I lost both parents young) says to “give it time,” and “do you really want to have a baby right now, given all the fighting you’ve been doing these past few months?” She says to “be patient, it’s just work, he voiced everything that concerns him,” and “it’ll be what it’ll be,” but I am just wondering from a counseling perspective…is he just stringing me along now? Is work stress/our fights really enough to be playing this heavily on his mind? Or are we just trudging toward the “end line” and not able to make this work? I think I know the answer to these questions, but I have anxiety and would love to know your thoughts from an outsider’s perspective.
Hi I have been with my husband for 10 years now I lost our son when I was 5 months pregnant in 2013 when I went into preterm labor. I have been asking him for another child ever since. He said he wants another child but he is scared. Here is the reason why when I become pregnant the first time we did not plan it and he was not excited at the time. My mom called to congratulate us and when she asked to speak to him he was talking very low and not sounding excited my mom told him I know you are going to be there and help out with the baby he said yes then she talked some more said and bye and hung up the phone. He took what she said the wrong way and thinks my mom will treat him mean once I become pregnant again and that has been his excuse for not giving me another baby. My mom is one of the sweetest ladies know. She loves him and always tells him that. How can I get him to understand that my mom will not treat him mean when I become pregnant again. Because we have been together 10 years I don’t want to just walk away. I am 31 he is 35
Prestina, that is devastating. I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through and can see why it’s scary to broach this sensitive subject. I really admire your beautiful vulnerability.
Sometimes my desires are scary too. It took courage to admit to myself I wanted a TV show, much less to say it out loud to someone else (which then made it happen)! But as a surrendering woman, I know that my desires are my husband’s north star. No matter what challenges stand in the way, I’m often surprised by the solutions he finds in his eagerness to fulfill my desires.
I’ll bet that, deep down, your husband wants to make you happy and fulfill your desires too. I’d love to empower you to express your desires in a way that inspires–and to practice the other Intimacy Skills in a way that supports your vision. I invite you to my upcoming Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills. You can register for free at https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
I am happy because of reading this sentence “the only person who can make you happy is you”. I am happy because I am quite capable and good at all other things and if I set my mind to it and can do anything I want to. I just wasn’t making it a priority in my life “to make myself happy”. It was a priority for me to find fault in anything and everything (as usually a teacher’s professional deformation). And I am a pro at that – finding faults and correcting them. Who would have known that I shouldn’t, right? But since everything and everybody has faults I found myself feeling extremely depressed and fed up with all the freaking faults and blemishes. I haven’t had such a great grin on my face for a long time and I feel uplifted because I will make myself happy and I will be the best in this, since nobody else can be 😛
Up till now I was always looking for somebody else to make something cool and astonishing to make me feel good. People have done a lot of things for me but I could always find fault in their good deeds or their personality and that diminished my happiness. This time I will create happiness for myself and I will be darn better than everybody else.
I just have a big problem saying what I want and saying it in a good way. I usually say it very hesitantly and quietly or I make it sound like an order. I need a lot of help with that part. Giving praise and appreciation when you’re used to making critical remarks isn’t that easy.
Inna, I am so excited for you! I totally relate to everything you describe and remember how unhappy that left me feeling. I love your commitment to making yourself happy! Saying what I wanted was hard for me too, which left others guessing how to please me–and never getting it right. The 6 Intimacy Skills have helped me get in touch with and express my desires, giving my husband the chance to be my hero. I’ll give you more support with that in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
Thank you so much for your reply Laura. I wish I could afford the complimentary call.
We were heading very much in a spiritual/Godly direction together (due to me expressing my desires) but tonight he announced he is going in a direction that seems to leave me staying at home with our children..again..and travelling (which I expressed I would like to do as a family) with a male friend (who had sex with the same female as HE was emotionally (?) initimate with btw) and involves staying away from home..I feel it’s just time to call it a day before I get hurt again ???? we’ve come such a long way too since I’ve started implementing your 6 intimacy skills but I feel I’m heading for sorrow if I agree to this..he says he’s not been as excited about anything in such a long time..I get that..but don’t know how to react ???? I feel angry and disappointed atm as he didn’t consider my/our feelings 1st..he already feels that vibe from me but I’ve kept quiet and went to bed..I’m dreading my reaction tomorrow, as I feel so hurt..but he was on top of the world! ????
AP, I’m sorry to hear about this about-face after things started going so well for you. Ouch, that sounds very hurtful. I love your authenticity. I’m impressed that your commitment to expressing your desires created such a spiritual transformation. I remember how empowering it felt when one change would produce clear results in my marriage. Then, when I started practicing all 6 Intimacy Skills in unison, that really inspired my husband to want to fulfill my desires! Based on the wins you’ve already experienced, I can only imagine what kind of intimacy you would experience once you are empowered to practice all the Skills–starting with your husband wanting to make you feel safe and protected, not hurt. By the way, the discovery call is free, so there’s no pressure to make an investment. You are not alone. We are here to support you!
Hi Laura, my problem is with wishing to be married..after 19 years together! I expressed my desire for this in a letter of appreciation/gratitude to him that I wrote over a year ago on valentine’s day..he loved the letter. However, recently I’d heard that he has joked with friends about my desire to be married to him & did this infront of them directly to me..I was very hurt..forgot to say “ouch” and said I’d changed my mind and felt I was too old to get married now..it was my birthday..he said he didn’t want to marry either. He came home that night with a card with “happy birthday wife” on it and how he knows how to choose a great wife written inside..part of me wanted to throw it at him lol but I received it gratefully. He sees me as his wife and doesnt feel the need to marry me..I feel differently..I’ve been tempted to express how hurt I feel and that I lied about my feelings just to put a stop to being made to feel like a public fool anymore..but not sure if that’s the right thing to do..please could you advise me as I’ve been feeling very low about it..in private. Our relationship/family life is sooo much better than it was thanks to your books Laura..could never thank you enough 🙂
You’re welcome, AP. That is an ouch! I love how you’ve already made such progress in your relationship and family life. It sounds like you’ve been really committed to practicing the Intimacy Skills, especially expressing your gratitude and desire and receiving so graciously! I admire that. One of my clients was feeling sad and hopeless because her boyfriend was adamant he would never remarry. She persevered in practicing the Intimacy Skills anyway, and he popped the question! They are now happily married. That’s the norm around here–when we learn the Skills, our men are eager to please! I hear that this is very important to you, and I’d love to see you get some support in fulfilling your vision. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how getting the support of a coach would fit for you. You can apply here: https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching.
Once again women are the ones who are bad. Ecause all men are outstanding creatures. Well, I call ********. Men are full of flaws. But no one calls them out for it. And if someone dares to do so everyone cries feminist. Men are lazy, immature and not willing to bear any kind of responsibility. Men use women for pleasure but forget to repay the women. They forget Women too deserve respect and appreciation. And no one calls them out on it. But I do. I raise my boys to be respectful to women, to appreciate all they receive from their women and that they are equal.
Ida, I get that you’ve had a different experience. My experience learning about the husbands of the thousands of women I’ve coached validates my own experience with my husband: men want to respect, please, and thank us. I acknowledge you for raising those kind of men!
Ida, I hear you because I thought that way too. Then, thanks to Laura, I realized that I don’t want to play victim of my life anymore and the only person I can change is myself. Everybody is full of flaws but everybody has great great qualities too and I chose gratitude on what I did have and then, my whole perspective shifted. I am just talking about my own experience, of course, it changed my life and happiness.
Thank you, Laura!
You’re welcome, Pam! I love your perspective! Hearing the way you describe your experience, you strike me as a future coach. If that strikes a chord in you, I invite you to check out https://lauradoyle.org/become-a-coach/
Laura – along the lines of Angela’s question, what if you don’t want kids at all but he does? What if you both thought you’d want kids when you got married – but as you got older and got to know yourself better, you changed your mind but he didn’t? What if it’s not about money or support from your employer or a big enough house – you have all these, but you just don’t want to be a mom because you’re happy with your life the way it is? But he isn’t happy and badly wants to be a dad? Is there any hope in this situation, or should you consider splitting up to give him the chance to have kids with someone else? Thanks!
No Kids, thanks for the great question. I hear you wondering if there’s hope when you and your husband differ on whether to have kids. I love how clear you are about what you want. I admire you for taking the time to get to know yourself better, as I know it takes courage to change your mind. You are actually in a great place to create more intimacy in your marriage! I have a free webinar coming up that you will help you put those pieces together. It’s called How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
What if the situation is flipped? My husband (and his parents) are pushing for us to start a family, but I feel unsafe and insecure given our current financial and living sotuation. We live in a small apartment, have no savings and my husband spends money at the same speed he breaths air. I am not yet established in my career enough where I know they would have me back if I got pregnant, and personally I want a house before we start a family. I find myself thinking about how much I’m trying to control, but I’m stressed already. Adding a child would only make me much more crazy fearful and stressed. I know that all of that stress would be bad for the baby while I am carrying him or her. And as a side bar, it would make it harder to get a house and become financial secure.
Angela, I hear that you feel unsafe and insecure about the prospect of having a child right now. Kudos on being clear about how you feel and what you want, regardless of outside pressure. I know that your vision of having a house for your family is possible! I have a free webinar that you will find so valuable to help you get there. It’s called How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
Dear, Laura, oh my, yes, our feminine desires &powers are truly formidable! Thank you for the constant reminder of this in your work! Powerful enough to cause husbands to get on board with a much-desired real life baby!
Using the 6 Skills, my loving husband & the father of our children has agreed to try for baby four! Whoo hoo!
I will definitely keep this article in mind if I decide I really do desire a volleyball ball team 😉 Which I may!
Thank you so much Laura for these encouraging words& this article. I love reason #1! Hooray for getting HAPPY 😉
Blessings,
Mrs. Family-Loving Mama
My dilemma is a little different – I’m already pregnant (newly-so, about 5 weeks,) but having a hard time trying to figure out how/when to tell him. We have 9 children (one from a previous relationship a few years before I met him) and I’m not necessarily worried that he’ll be upset (I became pregnant last summer, right after we got back together after being separated for a month-ish, and he was totally ok with it – even though I ended up having a miscarriage) but he is a very self-centered and often mean person. I want the announcement to be a happy one, but I’m not even sleeping in bed with him currently because I can’t stand being around his anger. It erupts at the drop of a hat and he’s incredibly mean and hurtful with his words. He called me retarded and a moron the other night, and he never apologizes or shows remorse for what he says. We’ve been married almost 15 years, and I’m about ready to give up honestly. I have read “First Kill all the marriage counselors” and applied what I learned, but I feel like it doesn’t give you the tools to deal with his anger when he’s in the middle of losing it. I don’t want to raise another child with him, the way I feel right now. I’d rather get a job and try to figure this out on my own at this point. My dream is to have a marriage where we’re both on the same page, and working together for the same goals, but right now I feel like he hates me and he (literally) blames me for everything wrong with our marriage. *sigh*
Buttafly, congratulations on your pregnancy! It sounds hurtful to be called those names and to be with someone who’s being mean and unapologetic. Especially with another little one on the way, I would love to see you in a mutually supportive marriage where you’re on the same page. I love your vision, and you can create that! I hear that you’re losing hope of whether that’s possible with your husband because of his anger. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to help you decide whether to raise this child with him and how to deal with his anger. You can apply here: https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching
Laura, I normally agree with you but not this time. The topic of children, having more or none at all, is one where no matter how surrendered a wife is, she can’t expect to change the husband’s mind. I married a man that told me up front that he didn’t want children and I ended up wasting 8 precious childbearing years, not to mention, the pain of being with a man I couldn’t completely accept. I’m pretty sure that not even in my most surrendered attitude he could have changed his mind because he wasn’t willing to take on a huge responsibility like fatherhood for the next 18-21 years.
Jen, I get that you had a different experience, and I’m sorry to hear you went through though this pain for years. I would hate for any woman to waste her childbearing years. In my experience working with thousands of women, men want to please–especially a woman who is happy, full of gratitude, and relinquishing control by expressing her desires in a way that inspires.