My Husband Ignores Me
Around here, the TV seemed to be the main problem.
If I could just get rid of the TV, I would get a lot more of my husband’s attention–or so I believed.
Other women report that their husbands play video games incessantly, or work 117 hours a week, or have poker games every night.
Sometimes it’s surfing or golf or helping his mother.
Either way, she never gets his time and attention.
It’s lonely and frustrating.
But there’s plenty you, as a wife, can do to change this situation, and you’ll both be happier for it.
Here’s how to inspire your man to pay attention to you.
Not just dutifully, but because he’s drawn to you and can’t resist you. He’ll seek out your company.
Contents
1. Follow His Lead
If he’s watching sports, it might be tempting to tell him to stop, or even to turn off the TV. My idea was to throw ours off of a cliff.
But instead, consider following his lead.
I don’t mean that you should sit with him and watch sports too–I mean that you should find something to do that makes you feel just as happy.
When you find yourself thinking he’s lazy, consider it a reminder that it’s okay to be lazy sometimes–and kick back yourself.
If you’re thinking, “But I can’t because of the kids and work and laundry!”
That’s just what I thought, too! I believed that if I goofed off as much as he did, everything would fall apart.
I was the self-appointed martyr who had to keep everything together.
2. Examine Your Words
And part of keeping it together was telling him how long he had been watching TV…and letting him know it was time to turn it off and get off the couch.
Yes, I really said embarrassing things like that.
It gets worse, actually.
I also said that he shouldn’t be watching so much TV because it was bad for him.
In other words, I was an unpleasant toothache of a wife.
Imagine you have the choice to spend time watching TV, or spend time with a toothache. Which would you choose?
Well, exactly.
My husband was ignoring me because I had become resistible.
A big part of my resistibility was control. I was often telling him what to do and how to do it.
As in, “You could unload the dishwasher since you’re just sitting around.”
And then, if he did unload the dishwasher–which was pretty rare in those days–I would give him instructions like, “That goes with the mixing bowls, not the cereal bowls.”
And then I would say, “How many resumes did you send out today? None? Well what DID you do today?”
Even a supermodel would start to seem pretty unattractive by this point.
The issue wasn’t that TV was so gripping to my husband. He wasn’t so much ignoring me as soothing himself with the TV.
My husband was married to a porcupine, and whenever he interacted with me he was getting pricked.
3. Relinquish Inappropriate Control
What made me so painful to be around was my incessant attempts to control him.
I might as well have been screaming, “You’re not very smart or capable!”
Nothing ruins the intimacy faster than control.
But here’s the good news: when I relinquished inappropriate control of him, he wanted to hang with me again.
When I first started relinquishing inappropriate control, I felt like a complete mess most of the time.
I was so scared! Which makes sense, because the root of the urge to control is fear. So every time I told him what to do, it was because I was afraid.
Afraid I would have to work harder, pay more, wait longer, drive in traffic or be lonely if I didn’t control things.
When I decided to stop indulging my fear and choose my faith instead, I wasn’t very good at it at first.
I would start to say something controlling, then stop mid-sentence and try to cover it up by pointing to something shiny.
Other times, just not saying anything controlling led me to feel like I had nothing to say to him. I felt like a mute.
4. Remember to Chill
But my husband didn’t seem to notice my struggles or my silence. Or if he did, it didn’t bother him a bit.
Quite the opposite. He was smiling more, talking more and—check this out!—seeking out my company.
I remember coming home one memorable day, and his face lit up when he saw me.
That felt so good!
In other words, when I stopped controlling, he stopped ignoring me.
I had the key the whole time, but didn’t realize it.
My husband wasn’t rejecting me–he was just trying to avoid being stabbed by my porcupine barbs.
When I got soft again, he was right there, ready to snuggle up to me and talk about his day.
Right now, he’s sitting next to me even though I’m writing my blog. He just wants to be nearby.
Sometimes, my husband still watches TV, but not that often. And when he does, it’s my reminder.
Hey, time to chill.
53 replies on “My Husband Ignores Me”
Seems like a sci fi robot wife! Welcome to Laura Doyle!
……..this CANNOT be real or 2019…….Holy cow.
The message you are sending is that of a fundamentalist imam in Somalia. Stop treating women like blow-up dolls and men like apes.
Have you not heard of this modern day Stepford wife? Now you know who she is!
I don’t expect posting this will make a difference but feel the need to vent I guess. Have been married going on 37 years, 6 kids, I have a successful career and he gets to be a stay at home dad ( we have a 12 years old still at home). Despite all this I crave time with him. I still love home very much and am so attracted to him. I think the problem is pot. He has always smoked it but now he can “vape”. It is better for his health but he can do it in the house, every few minutes if he wants to. I think he is just smoking his life way. He has limited interest in sex and “indulges” about once a week and that is when he can tell I am getting frustrated. The last time it was clear it was a “pity” exercise. I am ht/wt proportionate, take care of my self and try to be attractive and do things for him to make him feel good. In fact our last sexual encounter was oral sex for him. I just feel like he prefers to get loaded, sit in a chair and play video games. Valentines day was yesterday and I see all these ladies at work with flowers and red and pink gifts from their SO and I came home after working hard and he heated up a can of chilli and it was on the stove to dip up. Is this my life for the next 20 years? I am too old to contemplate starting over and yet this is so unfulfilling and disappointing.
I love my husband but i feel so lonely and frustrated. We have always been living together but since we got engaged he doesn’t have time for me anymore. He spends HOURS on his phone watching videos, reading stories, i can walk around in sexy lingerie in front of him he does not notice me. We used to have cuddles in bed every morning and every night, we don’t have cuddles anymore. I work all day, clean, cook, etc, he is still on his phone. I try to ask him questions or engage in a converdation with him, but he is still on his phone and doesn not even acknowledge me, if he realizes i said something he gets up and while replying to my answer he walks out and our conversation finishes. BUT he will talk to any stranger and make new friends and spend time with anybody esle than me. I have been waiting for a date night for a year, i am so upset…
I’m 38 and my husband is 56 we been married over a year. It was a wonderful exciting relationship in the beginning. But 2 months after we got married he completely ignored me watching tv never making eye contact no fore play just do the deed only when he is in the mood. We work together but don’t talk hardly. He isolated me from any friends I had and when we get home he watches tv and never glances my way. Its so frustrating for me I have tried to tell him how I feel neglected but he says we are fine. My biggest pet peeve with him is he can laugh and talk and have a great conversation with any male or female stranger and we never hardly talk it’s seems such a strain for him with me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated from anyone
OF COURSE we’re controlling. If I didn’t control things in the household it would look like a third world dump in no time. He is disorderly, ok that’s my job–keep order; but he should be a partner and do things too. The problem is HE CAN’T SEE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, indeed he couldn’t care less! So I have to make lists. If I didn’t I’d live in pigsty, miserable.
Thank you, these are helpful. I am having trouble applying them in all cases though…What if my husband ignores me when I have to go on a trip? I am not sure how to practice these skills then. If I send him messages, he often seems to ignore them. It makes me feel like he doesn’t care or is upset with me for traveling, even if it was necessary.
My husband is avoiding emotional intimacy, he really has a wall up and won’t let anybody in. I’ve had done a lot, practice the intimacy skills but I still feel rejected. We went on a date night last night and it was painfully awkward, felt so uncomfortable. He would not say a word and told me he has nothing to say to me. I felt so bad that I basically gave up all effort. I don’t think I want to do another date night with him anymore.
Nancy, I’m sorry to hear that your husband has a wall up and your date night was so uncomfortable. I can see why you’d want to give up and not go through that again after feeling rejected. I admire you for your commitment your marriage and the Intimacy Skills. When there was a wall in my marriage, I didn’t know what to do. The 6 Intimacy Skills were such a sea change for me that I needed support to help me apply them effectively. Once I got the support to learn to do that, the rejection I felt was replaced with feeling cherished, desired and adored. I know you can have that too, and I’d love to give you the support to get you there. I invite you to try the 5-Day Get Cherished Challenge at http://getcherished.com
So is what your saying is I should let him do whatever he wants and not make any complain or suggestion, that it’s ok for him to play video games for 7 hours a day, spend hundreds of dollars on said video games when bills are not yet paid, not pick up his dirty clothes and put things away in wrong places, or just not put them away at all (which is my situation) and say diddley squat? Even if this does get me his attention back, I’ll be resentful because I’m still the only one cleaning and taking adult responsibility in the house and we both work. I’ve read two of your books and I believe in some of the concepts but I’m still struggling with come ideas. Would the above situating ion I described become my life?
Angela, that sounds so frustrating and lonely. I admire your commitment to your marriage and your courage reaching out to me, taking the risk I might suggest this should be your lot! I remember feeling afraid that showing my husband respect would mean I had to accept behavior that was unacceptable to me. I’ve been delighted to find that instead of compounding that behavior, practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills has resulted in getting more of what I want–more time together, more help around the house, more of him handling the finances responsibly, and more of him wanting to please me and take care of me in every way. That is what I want for you! If it can happen for me, I know it can happen for you too! To empower you with tools beyond not complaining or suggesting, I invite you to take the 5-Day Get Cherished Challenge
at http://getcherished.com
Wow Laura, I love this response. It is so empowering as many conflicts have come out of me pushing for closeness. I am a therapist and at some point when I have more money from my newly empowered husband 😉 I would love to become trained under you. I would also love to take CEUs by you. I’m amazed at the gems you have discovered and are sharing. I’m sharing them with everyone I know!
Re-written with correct spelling..made some errors due to being so tired with a sick baby..
Hi Laura, I hope you are able to help me with the question I have as I was excited after searching through facebook and the blog posts to find the proper place to write it ?
I LOVE your work. I have read Surrendered Wife and am almost done The Empowered Wife. I am using the 6 intimacy skills and seeing changes already. It’s been less than a month. The other day I sent an email to 20 of my married friends and mentors suggesting your work over of any marriage book or transformative marriage retreat I have been to. I do a lot of work on myself. I have found your work to be the best. …
My question..I have a very sweet, kind, helpful, patient husband. He is feeling less controlled by me and coming towards me emotionally as I focus on saying “Whatever you think”- which was my big problem area before. I would always try and improve or give suggestions to better him/his situation.
He hates his job. He comes home mad and upset that he has this job and embarrassed that he doesn’t make a lot. It puts a negative spin on our evening and hinders our connection. In the mornings,he is distant- preoccupied with the thought of going to a job he hates.
Our weekends are in many ways our re-connection time and where I can really use the skills more.
I have asked him to pay more attention to me, be more emotional attentive in the morning and more connected in the evening. No changes. I’m not sure how to use the ouch phrase here with this daily challenge or to say “I want…”…when I have already in different words let him know what I’m needing but his job frustration really takes over his moods during the week. He has tried for over a year to find a different job. Our biggest source of conflict so far in our marriage by the way was me telling him to change jobs from job #1 which he loved to a job with better hours for our family. He did. Then he chose a job with no health insurance and I wanted to be a stay at home mom so I asked/majorly encouraged/controlled him to get this current job he hates with insurance and better hours but he is miserable and cant find another job in over a year.
How do you suggest I approach this?
Rachel, Congratulations on having the courage to use the Intimacy Skills in your marriage, and on creating the emotional safety for him to come towards you emotionally. I know what that takes and I admire that! Thanks also for sharing my work! I consider you part of my mission to end world divorce now.
I remember the days when my husband was at the job I controlled him into getting and was miserable in and it was tough! Asking my husband to pay more attention to me never worked for me either. That was very discouraging.
Sounds like you have a great guy, and now that you have the Intimacy Skills you’re also going to have an amazing marriage. They can be a little tricky to implement all by yourself, which is why I created a worldwide community–well, mostly for myself and then also because I thought it would come in handy for other women too. I suggest you check out this free webinar called How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You’ll find it so valuable.
https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
Thank you Laura!! So nice of you to respond. I watched and gained so much from the webinar specifically about doing what makes me happy, communicating my pure desire and honoring my husbands thinking. There is a piece that is unclear to me.
I have a desire for my husband to be more emotional attentive and vulnerable in the morning and evenings during the week. I have learned from you that expressing this to him would feel like criticism so I will try and stop that.
I learned that it is good to honor and express this desire to a like-minded friend which I’ve done.
Is there a way I could find a pure desire here such as …I want to eye gaze on the couch now or will that mainly feel not as special since its not coming straight from him?
Is my desire for more emotional expressiveness from my husband only able to be achieved as a wonderful consequence of the newfound respect? Can I communicate this desire to him – to have more emotional closeness between us if I’m not saying “you”?
Thank you a million.
Rachel, I so relate to your desire, and I can tell you that it never worked for me to express a desire for more emotional closeness between us. That doesn’t mean you won’t get your eye gazing and more than you’re probably even imagining right now–you will as you implement the Intimacy Skills, including respect. The fastest way to where you want to go is to have lots of support with implementing the skills, which are so very different than my old habits, and probably yours as well. There are good things ahead as you focus on practicing the Intimacy Skills!
When I ask my guy to do activities with me, he often does not say yes or no. He will point out why he shouldn’t go. Then he most often doesn’t go. I’m confused what to do. I could stop asking but then I would always be going to my activities by myself. Yet I’m expected to go to all of his invites. Not very fair. Am I asking him in an incorrect manner? What is with this game?
Janis, It sounds pretty irritating to me! I wouldn’t like that either. I remember a time around here when my husband made excuses to not spend time with me, and it was very hurtful. The good news is that this problem is solvable with the Six Intimacy Skills, which restore the connection so that these kinds of interactions don’t feel so frustrating. I go into more detail on my free webinar on How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life here:
https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
If he invited her to something that she does not want to go to because it would cause her to feel uncomfortable, could she say “I can’t” because it’s on her paper and would interfere with her self care?
Angela, I acknowledge you for being such a devoted student of the 6 Intimacy Skills! I trust that every woman is the expert on her own life, and I absolutely support her showing vulnerability.
My Husband Had an emotional affair with some one he knew over 40 years ago, We have been married for 33 years, I have kicked him out when I found he had sent her a pear bracelet. Now we are separated he has not apologized
For this and I really don’t know what to do, every time we talk he is always trying to get me to argue with him but I do not take the bait. I have started to show him gratitude, he is still grumpy. I really don’t know what to do ? I have also been a stay at home wife for 33 years worked on an off through out the years.
Mitzie, I’m sorry to hear about the emotional affair, the separation and that your husband is so contentious with you. Sounds heartbreaking! Sounds like you are already practicing the Intimacy Skills, which is great! Your relationship can recover and heal and be better than it’s been in a long time if you continue and get some support. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to connect with one of my coaches and uncover the best move for your marriage. You can do that here:
https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching/
So as I read this blog I was wondering what to do in my situation. My husband is a normally depressed man and does take Zoloft. I do not bug him at all about playing his games all evening when he gets off, or whether he does the yard work or help out at home. If I know he has a day of I will say hey do you mind mowing the lawn. If he doesn’t get to it I do not complain. I will eventually do it since we rent and have committed to take care of the yard. He doesn’t really talk about how he feels and when he does it isn’t much. He has told me before it makes it hard when I want him to talk ( and always ask him what is wrong) as he doesn’t like to and if he ever does want to he will do it when he is ready. We view things differently in that aspect. I feel if you trust and love a person you share with them. That we are here to support each other as a couple. He feels he doesn’t need to give me more to worry about and that not telling me his struggles it helps. That it is selfish to do so. Plus he doesn’t want me to think he is whiny. I know that coming home and playing games is a way to un-whined and to disconnect. It s hard to not feel bad when that is all he wants to do. He doesn’t ever want to go out and do stuff(which I do not complain about) or even do other things at home.
Marie, I’m sorry to hear how lonely and dark things are in your marriage right now. Sounds really hard. I still remember trying to get my husband to talk about things and not getting very far with that either. Husbands don’t seem to respond well to that, in my experience. It sounds like you are doing a great job with letting him be himself!
As far as him being depressed, uou might this blog valuable:
http://lauradoyle.org/blog/depressed-husband/
I’d also love to see you get your hands on the Six Intimacy Skills, which are in the book The Empowered Wife. You can read a free chapter here:
http://getcherished.com
Laura, I have read The Surrendered Wife years ago, and years ago I left the book in strategic spots for my wife to read, but she has resisted to this day. She is very confident and headstrong, and whenever I bring issues up she gets very defensive and overreacts. I used to pay the bills, but got tired of her looking over my shoulder and questioning me, so she now pays them. I used to have initiative, but find that its better to be passive to avoid conflict. I have resigned myself to suck it up and just deal with a strained and unhappy marriage until my 8 and 12 year old kids are grown…
Greg, Yikes! Sounds really hard. I’m so sorry. You could be describing me from years ago. I have an idea for you though. I have a new book that’s a little easier to give to your wife than The Surrendered Wife. She might be more receptive to it. I wrote a blog for husbands with tips on how to give it to their wives. You can read it here:
http://lauradoyle.org/blog/how-to-get-your-wife-to-sto
This article got my attention it provides good information however I need more for my situation.
I feel my husband ignores me but I see him trying. However he’s the one controlling, clean this way, put dishes in the dishwasher this way, did apply for this job that job did you follow up on on on he goes. Always telling me what I do better.
I watch sports with do what he likes for fun.
Intimacy seems to have gone out the window along with romance. We spend a lot time together but not talking.
I’m struggling and we only 14 months in.
Cherry, It’s no fun to get bossed around all the time like that. Not very conducive to romance or intimacy! I can see why you don’t like that one bit. I wouldn’t either. And I hear you that you need more–that makes complete sense. I hate to see anyone struggling because I struggled for so long just because I didn’t have the right information. I put all the right information in my book, The Empowered Wife. You’ll find it very valuable. You can read a free chapter of here:
http://getcherished.com
Your very lucky. Your husband seems smart and easily motivated. Mine is not. I have tried to be nice to him and give him a foot rub/nap/tv time all in the same day only for him to ignore me and not notice that I didn’t question his thoughts and suggestions (I always ignore or undermine his input because usually it makes me work harder in the end) and I overhauled the living room only for him to say..”Is that really going to work?” I was so livid and I let him have it and I told him that if I can “act” nice he can :act” with me and request time to spend time with me and go on a date once and awhile. WHY do we have to do ALL the work. This is my go around for years NOTHING helps. He is still the most unromantic person I know. Possible because he never was to begin with….I think you need a disclosure stating that if he NEVER was he NEVER will be. My expectations that he will be romantic goes out the door because he never was at a point in our relationship….once we got married all that went out the door. Some men are like that I guess, unfortunately the one I am dealing with is.
Rena, I’m sorry to hear your husband is so inattentive. I so relate to the pain and loneliness of that. It’s awful.
You had good reasons for marrying him, and whatever those were they are still in him, just like with me and my husband. You’re feeling pretty hopeless right now that you’ll ever get what you deserve in your relationship, and I felt the exact same way, but I see every reason to be hopeful that you can get a completely different and much better response from him. You are the expert on your own life so you know what’s best for you, but perhaps you could experiment with using The Six Intimacy Skills to see what happens. If you don’t have them yet, they are laid out step-by-step in my book, The Empowered Wife, which you can read a free chapter of here:
http://getcherished.com
My husband works long hours. Some of it isn’t strictly speaking necessary…he loves his work and is consumed by it. It’s hard on me, having him gone so many hours. I try my best not to nag him about it. But what really drives me nuts is when he sends me messages in the middle of the day talking about some work issue…either wanting to brag about how he handled something, or complaining about some problem. This makes me want to scream. Does he think I’m his colleague? Why does he need me to be involved in his work life? Isn’t it enough that I’m being patient about his long hours, now he’s making me think about his job in the middle of my day??
Sharon, It sounds like a very lonely marriage for sure! Sorry to hear. I wouldn’t like it if my husband was always working either.
It sounds like it’s a sore spot when your husband wants to talk shop with you, but it may be his way of trying to connect with you. Have you read The Empowered Wife? I’d love for you to get your hands on The 6 Intimacy Skills and experiment with using them in your relationship. You’d find it so valuable! You can read a free chapter here:
http://getcherished.com
Laura and Sharon,
I have exact opposite problem…and i need insight…
I would LOVE to be in Sharons shoes where my husband contacts me during the day to connect through discussing work issues. He also is consumed by his work, his performance there and recognition are everything to him.
HOWEVER, that is where i would love to be in Sharons shoes- mine discusses his work with his FEMALE COWORKER who he gets along with.
He doesnt call me or text me AT ALL. Nor doed he share anything about work ever since she started working there a few months ago.
I feel left out, not needed and wondering what else might be going i dont know about between them.
So my advice to Sharon- enjoy your husband reaching out to you like that. TRUST ME, you dont want to be in my spot.
Laura, i have a questioN
Regarding this…
Its been turturing me for months now, ever since this woman started working there…My husband insists, there is nothing for me to worry about, they only exchange texts about work. They dont text often. Why does he not share anything with me aboutwork?
That workplace causes him alot of stress. I would love to be his confidant instead of her…Her presence in our lives causes me great deal of stress and anxiety. My husband insists he is not attracted to her, and is getting upset and frustrated with me ” assuming the worst of him”.
Why then is he so withdrawn?
PS. Except this issue with work and this coworker, we are doing good. I love practicing the Skills ( obviously relinquishing control with this situation is ny challenge…).
I follow all of the advice in this article Laura. I always admire my husband, tell him he is strong, capable, sexy…How can i get him all to myself? I feel unwanted and unneeded when he turns to her and not me to talk about his work…..thank you Laura..
I have read all of your books…i would love a coach too but cant afford that right now…..This w
NB, I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling shut out about your husband’s work, and jealous of his co-worker. I would feel disappointed too in your situation. I’m happy to hear that you’re practicing the Intimacy Skills and that it’s helping overall. I hear that you would like some support and the coaching is out of the budget right now. Consider attending my free webinar on How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register here:
https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
Great post! I have a quick question. If you have kids, and no one to watch them, how do you get your own time? I would LOVE to do that, it is a great idea and would make me feel less stressed, and would appreciate tips. My husband doesn’t want to watch them alone (he says it interferes with his down time, which he takes a lot of) and I’d love to just be able to go for a walk, or get a pedicure, or SOMETHING, and alone- I don’t like that he expects me to take our children with us so he can have his break.
Basically, how do I get my alone time if he yells when I announce I need a small break and will be leaving them for 30 minutes?
Jennifer, Yikes that sounds exhausting! I can see why you want that 30 minute break for yourself. I get it that your husband needs his down time too, so that is tough. Is there a teenager in the neighborhood who would appreciate a little extra cash? Or another mom to trade with? Is there a family member nearby?
Also, if you have time to listen to or read The Empowered Wife, it’s got some specific instructions for inspiring your husband to want to support you getting your self care. You can read a free chapter here:
http://getcherished.com
What if your husband genuinely loves to play games and doesn’t do it just to escape. I tried not saying anything for a while about it and nothing changed after a few months I asked him and he said those days were really nice. I could play as long as I want and you wouldn’t say anything. I felt relieved that I could play games at that time. He also says this is how he grew up, bonded with people he always loved playing games and always will love it. What do I do?
Muge, I hear that it gets lonely for your when your husband is gaming all day, and I can see why you feel that way! On the other hand, I can see why your husband enjoys his gaming time too. I applaud you for letting him do that without saying anything negative about it. That might be his self-care. What do you like to do that brings you joy?
For me, the key to feeling a lot less lonely was to tend to my own happiness. That’s when my husband found me irresistible again. This will make more sense if you read the free chapter from The Empowered Wife, which you can do here:
http://getcherished.com
I think once summer is over and it starts to get cold and cuddly weather I’m going to follow my bf’s lead and really chill.
Laura…
As a husband and follower of your work, this is spot on. I have offered your books and blog to my wife of 24 years, and even the free counseling session with your team. But she is unwilling to consider your counsel, or even read the work. After 20 years of this behind-the-scenes emotional abuse including sexual starvation, I have sadly and very reluctantly filed for divorce.
Thanks again…and I often post your work on Facebook to our followers, most of whom are Christians. 🙂
Marc
Hi Marc.
I could just imagine your frustration, however as a wife I realise that though in some cases interventions work, With Laura’s material, you have to be ready with an open mind to accept these principles. It’s a total paradigm shift for many of us. A married girlfriend told me about the Surrendered Wife years before I even attempted to look into it and I still wasn’t ready until I read The Empowered Wife and I was staring divorce in the face. So maybe your wife is not there yet, but maybe instead of giving up, focus on your self care and you try the 6 intimacy skills instead.
All the best
Ayesha, I agree that I wasn’t ready until I was ready either! Congratulations on being willing to return to the material even though it didn’t speak to you the first time. I admire that.
Hey Marc,
I agree. I wish this was compulsory in schools and taught to marriage counsellors, etc. So much pain and divorce would be ended. How do we get this out there more!!
This article explains me exactly! Thank you so much for the input!
That all makes since. I am trying to be patient.
Hi Alice. I am also trying to be patient and it helps to be mindful of what we are trying to do i.e. make a habit out of doing the good behavior of the Skills. I find that I forget, it’s back to the same old behavior from me. It’s not good to be a porcupine. Both books helped to make me more aware and I find I need to read them over and over which helps.
Great post. Simple, and to the point!
So what would I do in a situation where my husband is constantly on his phone, playing game of war all the time?
April, Sorry to hear your husband is not very present because he’s on his phone. Sounds lonely. I still remember how that felt. I would love to see you get your hands on The Six Intimacy Skills and see how he responds to you then. Have you read or listened to The Empowered Wife? You’d find it so valuable! You can get a free chapter here:
http://getcherished.com
Any tips on how to help him not ignore his children? They aren’t controlling, they just want to play. Seems like the phone is always more interesting to him…
Rose, That’s so hard to see your kids missing out on their dad’s attention! I hear many reports of the dad showing up in a big way when the wife gets and practices The Six Intimacy Skills. It’s not right, it’s not fair, but sometimes the tension with the adults splashes onto the kids. You can find the master keys to intimacy and connection in my book The Empowered Wife. Read a free chapter here:
http://getcherished.com