Mary

Finding My Sparkle

A few years ago I found myself afraid of my son’s choices and deeply questioning whether I had failed him and how I could possibly help him. Little did I know then that helping myself was the change that would transform everyone in my life.

When I was nine my brother, ten years my senior, tragically committed suicide. The horrific grief and guilt I felt completely changed me. I lost my sparkle and became a girl and later a woman fixated on pleasing and helping everyone around me out of fear.

I got married my senior year of high school with a child on the way, and I grew up way too fast. Despite a lot of wonderful memories, I can’t forget how we quickly turned from lovers to enemies from added stress and disagreements. I was very lonely and resentful during these fights, and I really felt that my husband needed to change so that I could be happy!

Years later, we hopelessly lost our precious eleven-year-old daughter after a two-year battle with cancer. The extreme grief and bitter anguish we both went through brought my husband and I closer, so much so that we began spending all of our time together. I didn’t know it then, but I had a lot of expectations of his time and found myself very lonely, resentful and upset if he planned anything without me.

I was obsessed with his choices, a familiar pattern from when I’d lost my brother years ago. I felt responsible for helping or teaching my husband—to which he responded by furiously digging in his heels. This caused many fights and lonely, sleepless nights.

One night my husband angrily mentioned separating! I felt shocked, hurt and so very scared! I also felt completely alone with this painful and embarrassing situation.

So I secretly began researching “how to fix your marriage” and came upon Laura Doyle. I felt so much hope that there was a woman who felt just like me, and I no longer felt alone.

I began with self-care, which I found very difficult. I was so used to pleasing, helping and fixing everyone that I truly didn’t know what made me happy. Furthermore, I placed my happiness in my husband’s hands and found myself doing things he loved to do, to please him and so I wouldn’t be alone. I scheduled my self-care around his so I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to be with him. Then I’d feel resentful when he went out spontaneously and I was left alone because I hadn’t prioritized myself.

Now when I’m feeling peaceful and happy, I know that I’m honoring my feelings and desires.

I also immersed myself in gratitude and sadly learned that I felt entitled with my husband. So I began showing appreciation for every little thing that he did for me, and it truly changed my heart and my attitude.

This made such a beautiful difference in our relationship! He’s always told me “I’d do anything for you,” yet I didn’t see and couldn’t hear what he was saying, as I was so focused on my lack or his faults! Gratitude has allowed me to see how amazing my husband has always been, and it also brought out the very happy, positive and pleasable woman he married.

Through the Six Intimacy Skills™ I was encouraged to trust in my husband’s capabilities and to have faith over fear. This new awareness and mindset slowly provided me with a very peaceful and comforting relief. Bit by bit, this weight was lifted from my shoulders as I began finding evidence that he was capable and regaining the belief and trust I had once felt.

This change within me allowed my husband to be fully present with his decisions like never before! I proudly watched his confidence rise, my attraction in him increase and my dignity be restored.

These Skills have also increased my knowledge of and level of respect and trust for my son’s capabilities, and he has made me so incredibly proud. Most importantly, he’s made himself very proud too! We now have the most loving, heartfelt and respectful relationship, for which I feel incredibly grateful.

Enrolling in Relationship Coach Training was the best gift I had ever given myself! I just knew that keeping the Skills fresh in my heart, mind and soul was my best chance at achieving the relationship of my dreams, where I could be loved for who I am, not for who I’m trying to be.

For my recent birthday, my husband planned such a beautiful day from absolute start to finish, filled with everything I love to do. He didn’t allow me to lift a finger and I truly felt like a princess! He arranged a beautiful whale watching picnic on the beach with wine and sushi. It dawned on me at that I was getting the picnic I had expressed a desire for four months ago. I never dreamed my picnic would be on the beach watching whales!

We returned home from our romantic dinner to fireworks. What an incredible ending to such a beautiful day. Days and even months later, I find myself reminiscing and bringing up this very thoughtful loving gesture, with so much gratitude.

I will feel forever grateful and blessed for finding Laura and the Six Intimacy Skills. These tools have brought the sparkle back into my heart, my relationships and my life! I feel so delighted and truly blessed for all of my transformations, and I’d be sincerely honored to be able to help other women find their sparkle and transform their lives too