Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach
Happily Ever After
Once upon a time, there was a princess who finally found her prince, fell in love, and got married. The problem was that the princess forgot her grace and her own pleasure. She cared so much about the prince that her life became all about him.
The princess, so very caring, thought she was helping the prince with her suggestions because she believed her way was the only and right way.
Still, all seemed fine until the princess gave her prince two heirs. The princess controlled everything and did everything her way around the castle and with the heirs. More and more exhausted, angry, and resentful, the princess died, and a shrew took her place.
Face to face with the wicked shrew, the prince withdrew. Being intimate with the shrew was a hardship. The prince’s usual laments, “You don’t let me be a father so I don’t feel comfortable at home. You don’t respect me so I cannot be myself. It’s always your way or no way…” now became “I cannot live with you anymore–we’d better divorce. I am going to go and we will stay in touch for the kids. I won’t let them down, but I can’t do this anymore.”
So many nights the shrew spent crying, filled with needless emotional turmoil. The prince would wait until she was asleep to come up to their room.
One day she was walking in a garden and, whispering to the flowers, she asked for a solution, a way out, for she was desperate. She then came across the blog article “Are You Controlling?” which led her down a trail of crumbs to find her fairy godmother Laura Doyle and her book The Empowered Wife.
Finally, all her prayers were answered. The veil was lifted from her eyes.
The first thing the shrew did was offer a grand apology for all the years she had been disrespectful, which had been their entire marriage. The prince didn’t get it, but she just apologized anyway.
The shrew then disappeared to revive the princess. When the princess returned, she was empowered. Now that she had the magical tools to save her marriage, she took it from the brink of divorce to creating a culture of love, respect, and intimacy.
Changing her controlling, disrespectful brain patterns took a lot of intention, which was hard but so worth it. It’s no wonder her fairy godmother says that the Six Intimacy Skills™ are the best self-improvement project she could undertake.
That princess was me, of course. I had never really understood that being “helpful” was actually making me like my husband’s mother and not cherished like his lover, which I so wanted. I learned what being a respectful wife means.
When I go back to my old controlling ways, I know I can always restore the peace with an apology. As a recovering control addict, I have more time to worry about myself, which was daunting in the beginning, but now I love that I get to be responsible for my happiness, for me and only me.
Growing up, I used to fight the idea that men and women are different. “No,” I objected, “we are the same–I can do what every man can do and I can do it better.” That fighting against nature and life never really served me, just the opposite. I carried the world on my shoulders. Instead of working with my husband as a team or allowing him to support me, I wanted to show them that I could do it better and all on my own, and that was just so lonely.
I still remember the days wondering why I had married him if it only meant more work for me with the house and kids and always having to please them first. I remember my internal questions of “Why can’t a relationship be like it was in the beginning and stay in the honeymoon stage? Are all relationships made to end? Do we stay together just because of the kids or to maintain the status quo?”
These questions have disappeared. With the Skills, I learned to be softer and to be a true woman, putting myself first and finding that my husband now also just wants to make me happy.
I used to complain to my husband that he didn’t help me with the kids, that I couldn’t travel on my own like he did, that I couldn’t go out with my friends like he did, that I didn’t have the same freedoms he did. I started using magical prophecy phrases like “I love that you support me in all that I want to do, and I love that we are a team with the kids.”
With lots of fairy magic dust, these prophecies are now realities.
Just today he went ahead and ordered lunch so I could do some self-care in peace while he eats with the kids, and later he will take them bike riding so I can work in a quiet house.
The other day he sat down with my youngest to work on his math homework. He always used to bait me about it, saying that our son was too young to be doing that work. Now he just helps and I praise him for all the help he gives me.
He also helps me clean the house and the kitchen, which never, ever used to happen.
I remember being exhausted, resentful and overwhelmed because I thought I had to do everything by myself if I wanted it done right. Now I know I can ask for help and receive that help even if it’s different from what I expected. When my husband first wanted to go grocery shopping to lighten my load, I received it and praised him even though I thought he’d bought too many sweets for the kids. I know now I want to look at the bigger picture of all he is doing for me.
Whereas I used to feel so lonely for his company, now I actually enjoy when my husband is out because it’s my time for special self-care, like taking a long bath and watching too many episodes of my favorite series. The funny thing is now he is calling me and asking if he can come home or if I need more time to recharge! And I always express what I want, whether I would love more solitude or not.
With the quarantine, my husband is home all the time, finding me and following me around the house. It makes me laugh that he wants to be with me all the time. It doesn’t matter if I am cooking or working–he is around and finds ways to kiss me and touch me.
Him going from wanting a divorce and not touching me or talking to me to being all over me all the time is a 360-degree change.
This marriage now is really beyond my imagination.
I realized the Skills are not for my husband–they are for me. This is the most amazing self-improvement I have ever undertaken and has changed all of my relationships. The troubled relationship I had with my mom is now peaceful and rewarding, and my dad is always finding ways to please me and his grandkids. Even my relationship with my in-laws has improved tremendously. Instead of being prickly and defensive toward them, I see how they care for our family and can even hear a heart message behind what I thought was my father-in-law’s aggressiveness.
I couldn´t be more grateful for the intimate marriage and relationships I have now. The Skills have made me such a confident woman. I only wish I had found them sooner. I remember so vividly how it was before the Skills that I am bound never to forget them.
I can honestly say that fairy tales are real and that I will love and live happily ever after with my king and my family.
Laura and I want to help you rediscover the intimacy, passion and peace in your marriage. Click here to apply for your FREE Discovery call.