Dianne

A Heart Full of Hope

I loved being a wife and mother. Family, home… that was my happy place!
I had a wonderful husband and felt loved, cherished and desired.

Well, until I didn’t!

My husband had a serious accident, spent months in hospital, then underwent many operations. After the last operation, he became someone I didn’t recognize. He changed from the kind, loving, gentle and humble man he used to be.

I had never cried so much in my life nor felt so much pain. I was there when he had the accident, moved the children to the city for the months he was in hospital so he wouldn’t be alone. I took on all the things he couldn’t do, as well as supporting and caring for him during his recovery.

I couldn’t understand the changes in him, although I knew that trauma and loss had a lot to do with them. I definitely didn’t understand why the man who had loved me for thirty years now seemed to almost hate me.

I grieved for the lost connection and intimacy and for the lovely close, deep friendship we used to have. I tried reaching out to his doctor and our church but ended up feeling more hurt. I felt like a single parent trying to make our home life as normal as I could, as safe as I could. I was exhausted and heartbroken and felt so alone.

I knew who my husband had been and I held onto hope, believing that the kind, gentle man who I had loved for thirty years and who had loved me was still there somewhere.

I found Laura’s book The Surrendered Wife but struggled to see how it applied to me, as it was my husband who had become controlling.

The section on filling yourself up, taking care of yourself and being responsible for your own happiness resonated with me. But how could I be happy when my husband was making my life miserable?

As I read, I began to see that I had been feeling more and more like a victim, quite hopeless and helpless in being able to change my situation. I had tried everything I could think of and felt that there was nothing left to try, but there was. Laura’s book seemed to call out to me: “STOP!!! Stop trying, stop working so hard, stop exhausting yourself.”

Her words were reminding me of something I had long forgotten to do: look after myself, care for myself and, most of all, be responsible for my own happiness!

I began with self-care and found that this really did seem to help.

I could see the Six Intimacy Skills™ working even though I couldn’t explain how. The less I said, the less I tried, the more my husband seemed to relax and be nice. It became clear that the more I focused on myself the calmer things became. I also realized how much better I coped when I was taking care of myself.

I was still feeling that roller coaster in motion, faced with hurtful words from my husband. I realized that, even though things were a lot better and calmer, I was still very unhappy and that this roller coaster of calm then volatile wasn’t healthy for us. I needed this damaging cycle to change.

I made the decision that day to do whatever it took to live my life as my best self and happily, no matter what was happening around me or what my husband did. I had no idea what that would mean or look like but did know deep down that it included Laura Doyle and the Intimacy Skills. I could see how these Skills worked even with my tentative attempts to implement them.

I went away and spent a few days immersing myself in reading Laura’s books, listening to podcasts and pampering myself with self-care. When I came home I was 100% committed to changing ME! I knew that I couldn’t change my husband—I had tried! I focused on myself. I wanted my marriage to be beautiful, as it once had been, but knew I couldn’t work on our marriage; I could only work on me.

I also knew I couldn’t do it alone. I had tried that and it wasn’t enough. I needed support and accountability, so I signed up for Relationship Coach Training. After all, I had said I would do whatever it takes to live the rest of my life as my best, happiest self!

My husband seemed to sense a different aura about me, a different focus, and I was definitely more relaxed, focusing now only on myself. He started to seek me out, started to open up more instead of shutting me out.

We even had a wonderful romantic moment in the paddock, inspired by my attempts to be a little fun and flirty by pinching his derrière. This was incredible, as there had been little to no intimacy for six months.

It was at that moment that I felt so much hope that this was the start of our healing.

I cannot believe how far we have come in such a short time. My kind, gentle, amazing husband is back, and our relationship is healing as we grow closer each day. It is wonderful seeing him laugh and smile again.

Ten months ago he didn’t want anything to do with me.

And here he was surprising me with a romantic getaway. He had remembered a desire I had shared to stay at this very extravagant hotel. As he pulled up in the Mercedes he had recently bought me and as he saw the surprise and delight on my face, he smiled such a big and loving smile. I realized that my husband was “home” and how much he delights in seeing me happy.

I felt like a princess!

Training to be a coach has been absolutely incredible, life changing, marriage saving and an amazing self-discovery, self-improvement journey. I have so much gratitude for Laura, the coaches and this amazing community.

I had lost myself through our struggles and have found the Skills and training invaluable in discovering my desires and in recovering not only my dignity but also my beautiful marriage, which is growing deeper and richer every day.

I have learned that there is help for hurting women in a beautiful community that stands with you and for you and your marriage without judgement but with incredible encouragement and love. It is rare and incredibly special to find a place where you can be so vulnerable, authentic, safe and have all the support you need to live life as your best self.

My heart’s desire is for no woman to struggle alone.

I have a deeper respect and appreciation for my husband, his role as a father and husband and his masculinity. I can now celebrate who he is⸺all Man! And leave him on his paper to be my husband and our children’s father in a role only he can do and only he knows how to do. He truly doesn’t need my help.

I am proud to be a surrendered woman and wife, and I have never felt more empowered, more loved nor more feminine.