Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach

From Roommates to Loving Connection

I have experienced the family pain and heartache of divorce. I wanted to remarry and never go through a divorce again, not just for me but for my children.

So this time, I would pick the perfect guy!

I met him through online dating. He was handsome and kind and smart, and we had a lot in common. He was good to my kids and really was my biggest cheerleader in all areas of my life. But I was still so unsure. I broke up with him many times, always pointing to something that wasn’t just the way I wanted it.

Finally, I took a leap of faith. I loved this man and knew he loved me, and I would hope for the best.

I thought that I could change in him some of the things that I wanted to be different. I gave “helpful” suggestions like how to hold my hand and how to give hugs. I had no idea that what I was doing was control. I wanted to be happy and I would be if he would do, say and act the way I wanted!

Over the next few years, things began to deteriorate. I became depressed and exhausted from struggling to get him to meet my needs to be happy.

Even vacations became strained. I just couldn’t seem to relax and accept him or his way of doing things. Soon our sexual intimacy waned, and not even that was enough to make me feel loved and connected.

He started to spend most evenings in another room working or watching TV while I went to bed alone. I was so so sad and lonely. I didn’t understand how the man who said he loved me didn’t want to come to bed with me. I longed for intimacy and connection.

We spent most weekends doing projects or spending time with our combined six adult kids and several grandkids. I began to opt out of the fun things he liked to do, and he didn’t seem to want to do the things I liked to do.

We were slowly and surely becoming roommates.

I could see that we were really good at everything in our day to day lives except for intimacy. I tried to be okay with being roommates and would say to myself, well this is just what happens. We didn’t argue or fight much unless I brought something up, usually around the lack of intimacy, so it was a tenuous surface peace with lots of unhappiness underneath.

While googling “sexless marriage,” I came across one of Laura Doyle’s books. I read it and realized I had been doing so many things backwards, sideways and upside down! It became obvious that I was not doing what was effective or what would build safety and connection. I might have something to do with the distance in the bedroom.

I remember the first time I said “whatever you think.” My husband looked at me funny, as if I had spoken another language! I smiled and repeated it to him, and I meant it.

What a relief to not have to manage another person. It wasn’t on my paper.

I thought I was doing well with the 6 Intimacy Skills™, but I had lots of slips and failures, and I needed more help. I requested a free Discovery Call and decided to enroll in Diamond Private Coaching.

Things improved even faster, and I started to feel so much better. I had the tools that I could practice, and I was doing it for ME!

I loved that my coach had my back and wanted the best life possible for me. She gave me so much hope and inspiration. I wanted to create happiness and peace for myself and to accept my man for who he was.

Things slowly eased up, with less tension, less sadness and depression for me.

On our anniversary trip I let go of all control and sat back and received. We had so much fun, and I felt so happy and connected! He commented several times how fun it was to see me so relaxed and trusting him to plan and implement an amazing trip.

I was seeing that the Skills let me be me and him be him, and we could enjoy each other so much more.

I decided to take my training to the next level by joining Laura Doyle Relationship Coach Training because I wanted to share these wonderful Skills with other women struggling as I had been. Coach Training helped me to fine-tune what worked and kept me on track.

My husband now comes to bed almost every night with me, and I love that I don’t lie in bed lonely and missing him anymore. We enjoy each other like never before, not even when we were dating. The tension has flowed away as I have practiced these Skills.

I am not perfect at them and I have grace for that. The connection bank account is so full that it’s not a huge setback but a small blip when I slip back into criticism, complaining or control. I can catch myself now when those Triple C’s slip in, apologize for my part and get right back to the connection I had always longed for.

Every day I am reminded that the Skills are the key to having a more loving connection with my husband and in all my relationships.