Coach Anna

How I Got My Marriage Out of a Ditch Using the Skills

One summer, my husband arrived at our holiday home in Spain and told me he was “done.” After 22 years together, I thought we were just in another rough patch. I never imagined he had already moved on.

We had endured the loss of our second son at birth, the near destruction of our business, the threat of bankruptcy and home schooling during lockdown. I put it down to my husband having a midlife crisis and thought he would “snap out of it.”

I felt overwhelmed and disconnected, not just from my husband, but from myself. With three sons, including a pair of energetic twins, life had become a whirlwind of activities, leaving me exhausted and resentful.

Communication had broken down, expectations ran high, and my husband began seeking solace in outside interests and new friends.

As a mother of three boys, every day felt like a race against time. The twins, with their boundless energy and constant curiosity, demanded my full attention while my eldest son needed guidance and support. By the end of the day, I was physically drained and emotionally spent. My husband, always wonderful and supportive, tried his best to help, but it never felt like enough. I began to resent him, expecting him to understand my needs without ever clearly communicating them. 

For the first year I tried every single book, course and therapy idea you could name. I even had a male relationship coach tell me that I was a lost cause who would keep on going from idea until idea until finally I realised my marriage was over.

It took me a whole twelve miserable and exhausting months to find Laura Doyle. 

By now my husband was living separately and distancing himself emotionally and physically.

I had the gift of desperation so I dived right into the Six Intimacy Skills™. I joined the Ridiculously Happy Wives group coaching and got a Laura Doyle private coach. I expressed a desire to join  , and my husband was my Hero and agreed.

I figured I might as well have the most dignified Divorce there ever was and become the best version of myself in the process.

I realised that in my quest to be the perfect mother and wife, I had lost sight of how to nurture my marriage. I was expecting too much from my husband, hoping he would fill the gaps without ever expressing what I truly needed. It was time to take a step back, reflect, and make a conscious effort to change.

One of the hardest things for me was to relinquish control. As a mother, I was used to managing every detail of our household. Letting go and trusting my husband to handle things his way was a challenge. But when I did, I saw a significant change in our dynamic. He felt more valued and appreciated, and I felt less burdened. We started working together as a team, each respecting the other’s contributions.

Respecting my husband in general was another crucial skill. I realised that my constant nagging and criticism were eroding his confidence and our intimacy. By focusing on his positive qualities and expressing gratitude for his efforts, I was able to foster a more supportive and loving environment. This shift in perspective made a world of difference in how we interacted with each other.

Learning to receive graciously was a game-changer. I had always prided myself on being self-sufficient, but this often left me feeling isolated. Allowing my husband to take care of me and accepting his help graciously created a deeper bond between us. It showed him that I valued his support and that I was willing to let him be my partner in every sense.

Expressing gratitude became a daily practice. I began to notice and appreciate the little things my husband did, from helping with the boys to making me a cup of coffee. These gestures, though small, added up to a profound sense of connection and appreciation. By focusing on the positives, I was able to shift the energy in our relationship from one of criticism to one of love and gratitude.