009: How to Stop a Controlling Husband

LISTEN TO THE SHOW:

Does your husband tell you how to cut an onion? How to drive? What to wear?

I’m going to show you what you can do if your husband is the controlling one in the relationship and it’s getting on your very last nerve.

It’s no fun to have someone barking orders at you like you’re incompetent or a kitchen elf who should do his bidding.

You’ve calmly asked him to just relax or have gotten upset about it, and he still can’t seem to keep himself from telling you what to do and how to do it.

It gets discouraging. Who wouldn’t be defensive?

If you knew how to get him to stop, you surely would, but nothing seems to work. He just doesn’t get the message. So you struggle along, feeling hurt and angry most of the time.

If he’s always telling you what to do, here’s what it means. And how to Get Him to Stop Before You Smack Him

Here’s what you will hear:

  • The magic of creating a Spouse-Fulfilling Prophecy to make things the way you want them in your relationship.
  • My guest Morvana had recently escaped a destructive relationship and found the man of her dreams, but was puzzled when some of the same patterns from that previous relationship showed up in her new marriage, which seemed to be deteriorating into lots of fighting and cold wars. She made an unpleasant discovery about herself that broke open the whole mystery and started her on a journey to making her relationship safe, sweet and satisfying again.
  • Then I’ll be giving out the award for The Worst Relationship Advice of the Week which so many women have tried and failed to use to get more connection in their relationships. I tried it too. Didn’t work.

FEATURED ON THE SHOW:
Grab your free copy of The Adored Wife Roadmap. It covers common mistakes that everyone seems to be making and lays out the pathway to becoming desired, taken care of and special in your relationship without his conscious effort!

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT:

00:00:02.129 –> 00:00:09.690
Laura Doyle: My guest today is more Vana who was struggling with a lot of arguments in her second marriage.

2
00:00:10.139 –> 00:00:17.789
Laura Doyle: That reminded her in a scary way of a toxic self destructive relationship and marriage that she had just ended.

3
00:00:18.270 –> 00:00:25.350
Laura Doyle: They were arguing, there was tension. She did not know why that was happening or how it would get better. In fact, she thought it might get worse.

4
00:00:26.010 –> 00:00:42.540
Laura Doyle: But instead of getting divorced. She did something completely different. She’s going to share with us today how she not only fixed her relationship. She made it wonderful again. And we’re back. Thank you so much for joining us on the show and being willing to share this story with us.

5
00:00:43.830 –> 00:01:11.970
Morvana Goodman: And it’s my pleasure to share and just how powerful the skills are and how they’ve transformed my life and my marriage. And yeah, so, um, after a divorce I remarried and thought, you know, it’s all about finding the right man And you know, I thought I really felt strongly I’d found a healthy

6
00:01:13.050 –> 00:01:23.160
Morvana Goodman: Partnership and you know this this was the guy of my dreams and and we moved in together. We got married, we moved in together.

7
00:01:23.940 –> 00:01:38.550
Morvana Goodman: And some pattern pattern started to, I guess, develop and it was really confusing. I found myself in arguments with this beautiful man.

8
00:01:39.030 –> 00:01:53.280
Morvana Goodman: In the car and over mobile phone plans and I found myself screaming at him at the beach over something he said that I just took you know took badly.

9
00:01:54.120 –> 00:02:11.100
Morvana Goodman: And just the love, was it was being damaged over and over and over again. And I couldn’t stop this this happening. It just felt so confusing so scary and this

10
00:02:12.480 –> 00:02:20.250
Morvana Goodman: I had a sense that it was the something to do with me that that was damaging the relationship but I

11
00:02:21.330 –> 00:02:24.570
Morvana Goodman: Also wanted to blame him and I wanted to

12
00:02:27.360 –> 00:02:39.300
Morvana Goodman: I thought it was his low self esteem or his negativity or something wrong with him and I blamed and I said we should go to account. You should go to a counselor.

13
00:02:39.720 –> 00:03:00.240
Morvana Goodman: So I was firmly in victim mode. So I really felt like a victim. Again, I felt like this. Again, I’m in this situation where my marriage is going to implode just like just like the first one. And I’ve made a horrible, horrible mistake, and I should have stayed single

14
00:03:01.980 –> 00:03:15.810
Morvana Goodman: But something in me. I guess the the potential I saw the potential in this person and and the way he made me feel when we were dating and

15
00:03:16.530 –> 00:03:37.770
Morvana Goodman: The way he made me feel courageous and like I could do anything that that just and the way I saw him being a father of my children and yeah it for the first time, and he’s the only man that I’ve ever visualized in that way. So,

16
00:03:39.180 –> 00:03:52.320
Morvana Goodman: Yeah, I couldn’t stop thinking about how can I fix this. How can I fix it. That has to be a way that has to be a solution.

17
00:03:53.100 –> 00:04:13.650
Morvana Goodman: And so I just trolled all over the internet for days on end, I’m looking for answers looking for what causes distance in a relationship. What causes Cold War’s you know what causes someone to go in a different room and ignore me. What causes someone to

18
00:04:15.630 –> 00:04:31.980
Morvana Goodman: Argue or feel criticized when I give advice about things. And yeah, and it all kind of boiled down to me finding Laura Doyle’s article, and I think it’s called how control kills the intimacy.

19
00:04:33.900 –> 00:04:40.710
Morvana Goodman: And that article changed my life. It really did is as soon as I read it, I was angry.

20
00:04:41.670 –> 00:04:47.490
Morvana Goodman: You’re angry. Yeah, I was so angry with this article.

21
00:04:49.050 –> 00:04:54.570
Morvana Goodman: And it got me. It got react under my skin. I guess it just kind of made me feel

22
00:04:56.370 –> 00:05:02.460
Morvana Goodman: Finally, it made me look in the mirror at myself and that was uncomfortable.

23
00:05:03.930 –> 00:05:15.540
Morvana Goodman: And I thought, no, I’m no i’m not controlling. I had no idea was controlling and I was in complete denial. When I read the article, I was just like, no, this isn’t me

24
00:05:16.110 –> 00:05:38.520
Morvana Goodman: I’m a sweet person I’m positive. I’m, you know, not controlling and then I just, I kept looking into it. Thankfully, and I read the book and the Empowered wife. And yeah, it just felt like this is exactly what’s happening in my relationship.

25
00:05:40.110 –> 00:05:41.460
Morvana Goodman: All the things in the book.

26
00:05:42.540 –> 00:05:48.780
Morvana Goodman: All the examples, even the mobile phone argument was even in the book like like we’d had like

27
00:05:49.800 –> 00:06:00.240
Morvana Goodman: Myself and Laura Doyle had I’ve had the same argument with with our completely different husbands and I just, it was just mind blowing to read that book and realize

28
00:06:00.750 –> 00:06:09.090
Morvana Goodman: All the things I was doing wrong. And then I just was in floods of tears, for I think weeks after I read that book.

29
00:06:09.900 –> 00:06:18.690
Morvana Goodman: Because I had so much remorse for just not knowing these skills, not knowing that I was squashing my man’s spirit.

30
00:06:19.140 –> 00:06:40.350
Morvana Goodman: Every time I tried to help him and live his life. I was taking something away from him. And that was just so painful to have that revelation and but but so transformative. I just felt. Okay, this is it. I found, I found the answer.

31
00:06:41.430 –> 00:07:01.290
Morvana Goodman: And now I just need to learn everything about it and implement an experiment with this and hopefully I had so much hope when I read the book and found the article so that drove me forward. And yeah, and we’re now.

32
00:07:01.320 –> 00:07:02.640
Laura Doyle: Where did you start doing

33
00:07:03.990 –> 00:07:05.880
Morvana Goodman: Yes, I started with.

34
00:07:07.830 –> 00:07:12.540
Morvana Goodman: Whatever you think so, respect because

35
00:07:13.590 –> 00:07:25.200
Morvana Goodman: It really and I had to do a lot of self care. So probably self care was the first thing that I really had to practice fully and to give

36
00:07:25.230 –> 00:07:25.620
Morvana Goodman: Myself.

37
00:07:25.770 –> 00:07:28.020
Laura Doyle: Any. Did you do that, how did you do self care.

38
00:07:28.530 –> 00:07:39.570
Morvana Goodman: And so I just joined a gym like within a week or two of reading the book and seeing that article in signing up for the portal where all the videos are

39
00:07:40.290 –> 00:07:48.990
Morvana Goodman: Like yeah I can, I can see now just how much energy a marriage takes and to practice the skills that are completely alien to me.

40
00:07:49.470 –> 00:08:02.100
Morvana Goodman: I quickly. I kind of really very much realize I’m going to need a lot of self care. I’m going to need a probably not going to be able to do a full time job and like really nail this like really

41
00:08:03.060 –> 00:08:21.420
Morvana Goodman: Fully transform to save this marriage. So I read juggled my whole life really. And as I was so committed. I just want one wanted to give this my everything so I I started studying

42
00:08:22.860 –> 00:08:38.820
Morvana Goodman: Skills. I went part time. So I did. I cut down to two days a week and then on my days off. I would just relax. I’d watch the trees in the wind blowing in the wind and just do lots of swimming

43
00:08:39.900 –> 00:08:47.880
Morvana Goodman: And then by joining the GMO has taken myself away from the home in the evenings and and not kind of

44
00:08:49.110 –> 00:09:01.440
Morvana Goodman: Being around my husband really kind of a grease gave us some space between each other to have some moments where we missed each other, which

45
00:09:02.250 –> 00:09:10.320
Morvana Goodman: Which I think really helped. And then I started doing my art classes with one of my greatest passion passions.

46
00:09:11.100 –> 00:09:20.610
Morvana Goodman: Is drawing and painting. So I went along to the art classes on a Saturday, and that was three hours of time apart from my husband.

47
00:09:21.000 –> 00:09:40.140
Morvana Goodman: Before that, when we moved in, you never really spent any time apart. So this was quite new and quite a bold and to spend this three hours a week away from him. He was quite shocked. He was nervous, he thought I was going to meet someone on the course. So, you know, he’s very

48
00:09:41.310 –> 00:09:50.280
Morvana Goodman: scared that I was making these bold, you know, very sweeping changes to the to the schedule to our normal everyday life and and

49
00:09:51.960 –> 00:09:53.220
Morvana Goodman: But, um,

50
00:09:54.300 –> 00:09:58.680
Morvana Goodman: I knew there was a higher purpose. I knew that it was worth and

51
00:10:00.000 –> 00:10:16.410
Morvana Goodman: Worth it to keep going and keep doing the self care. And then when I came home, I was able to be relaxed and calm and I was happy for first for the first time in a long time. I was doing something I enjoy. So that really

52
00:10:17.520 –> 00:10:29.460
Morvana Goodman: That really filled me up and like the whole life. I’ve always felt like I didn’t deserve to do the things I enjoy and wash, you know, and I always put my

53
00:10:29.940 –> 00:10:35.220
Morvana Goodman: desires and needs at the bottom of the list and everyone else, you know, would

54
00:10:36.150 –> 00:10:45.900
Morvana Goodman: steamroller me into doing what they wanted to do. And so this is me taking back my power as not just to help my marriage, but as a woman as a

55
00:10:46.590 –> 00:11:00.870
Morvana Goodman: As an individual. I was taking back with the self care and who I was and what I wanted to be as a person because I yeah being an artist and creating things and writing is

56
00:11:01.380 –> 00:11:14.580
Morvana Goodman: My complete passion. It always has been. So I finally dedicated my time to that. And then when I came home from from doing that, those kind of things and swimming and filling myself up with

57
00:11:16.350 –> 00:11:21.030
Morvana Goodman: Happy feelings and when I came home, I had the energy to

58
00:11:22.890 –> 00:11:31.080
Morvana Goodman: Just let go of him, let go of his life. Let go of his decisions. Let go of

59
00:11:32.790 –> 00:11:42.780
Morvana Goodman: All of his problems all of his all the Gordon and all the bad in my husband. So same whatever you think, can I respect your

60
00:11:43.950 –> 00:11:50.550
Morvana Goodman: Opinion, I respect your intelligence. You know what to do. You

61
00:11:51.720 –> 00:12:03.000
Morvana Goodman: Please go ahead and go for whatever you think is right in every situation. And that was every situation. So I just kept saying whatever you think I trust your thinking.

62
00:12:03.510 –> 00:12:17.130
Morvana Goodman: I know you’ll do what’s right for our family and I just was like a record on repeat. Really, I was maybe he’s just going to get sick of this soon and just kind of cutting. So what are you what’s going on with you.

63
00:12:18.360 –> 00:12:21.750
Morvana Goodman: But he didn’t. So that was surprising.

64
00:12:21.960 –> 00:12:23.190
Laura Doyle: How did he respond

65
00:12:23.310 –> 00:12:45.390
Morvana Goodman: Considering all that I was like, you need to you need to change your job and you need to approach your career in a whole different way and you know I, even I even redesigned his LinkedIn profile and for him. And I was like his career manager. I was psycho therapist. I was

66
00:12:46.500 –> 00:12:51.870
Morvana Goodman: I was also his home decor. Managing Director

67
00:12:55.980 –> 00:13:07.110
Morvana Goodman: When I first moved in. I remember this, this great story. Right. So I had, I got some been liners and I dragged my husband to one of his piles of junk.

68
00:13:07.650 –> 00:13:14.310
Morvana Goodman: I would call it. And so he stated that I said junk. But anyway, so I got the liner and I

69
00:13:15.240 –> 00:13:34.080
Morvana Goodman: Got my husband next to me and I’m like right let’s let’s clean this up. Let’s. What is this, and each item was taking each item of the file and asking him what is the purpose of this item. Do you need it, or do you not have you used it in the last few years, or not, right, it’s going

70
00:13:35.370 –> 00:13:37.890
Laura Doyle: To say you say there were some tension in your relationship.

71
00:13:40.260 –> 00:13:41.310
Morvana Goodman: Yeah.

72
00:13:45.180 –> 00:13:46.650
Laura Doyle: Well, who knows.

73
00:13:50.310 –> 00:13:57.090
Morvana Goodman: Yes. So, oh my gosh. So that was kind of the norm before the skills.

74
00:13:59.400 –> 00:14:10.410
Morvana Goodman: And I thought I was being just so helpful. I thought that was what a wife should do I really did. I was genuinely thinking that I was genuinely thinking that that’s

75
00:14:11.850 –> 00:14:13.590
Morvana Goodman: My GT to

76
00:14:14.640 –> 00:14:16.560
Morvana Goodman: babysit him. And, you know,

77
00:14:17.790 –> 00:14:18.570
Laura Doyle: Yeah, I

78
00:14:19.170 –> 00:14:20.880
Laura Doyle: Think that right. I don’t think you’re the only one.

79
00:14:20.940 –> 00:14:27.990
Laura Doyle: Yeah. A lot of us have that expectation that we’re gonna yeah dress him and tell him how to eat and things like

80
00:14:30.210 –> 00:14:35.340
Morvana Goodman: Yeah so respect to his was the first thing that needed a lot of a lot of work.

81
00:14:37.200 –> 00:14:42.450
Morvana Goodman: For me to learn how to respect a man. I mean, I don’t think

82
00:14:43.890 –> 00:14:51.720
Morvana Goodman: You. Yeah, I’ve never, I’ve never really learned that before. So that was all new so and then

83
00:14:53.010 –> 00:15:16.680
Morvana Goodman: relinquishing control was huge for me and and I started to realize I have a lot of control issues. So, because when I think back to my first marriage. The wedding and I wouldn’t even let anyone do my hair because I was so controlling because I just couldn’t stand the thought of someone

84
00:15:18.330 –> 00:15:30.720
Morvana Goodman: Of losing control of the outcome of what my hair would look like on my wedding day and my ex husband’s wife, sorry. My ex husband’s mother was a hairdresser.

85
00:15:32.070 –> 00:15:35.310
Morvana Goodman: She was a, yeah. My mother in law was a hairdresser, and I

86
00:15:37.080 –> 00:15:43.980
Morvana Goodman: You know, for 20 years or something and I I denied her that that joy of

87
00:15:45.750 –> 00:16:01.590
Morvana Goodman: making me look beautiful. On the day and I took that from it and I feel terrible. Now, now I realize it came from fear it came from control. It came from me, not wanting to be to get her and

88
00:16:03.600 –> 00:16:14.820
Morvana Goodman: Very disconnecting she never, I don’t think she ever really gave me for that I could feel a brothers. After that, that the relationship that there’s something missing.

89
00:16:16.170 –> 00:16:30.450
Morvana Goodman: So I really regret that and. But more than that, I in my first marriage. I was too scared to let him manage the finances so I I control that I was too scared to

90
00:16:31.500 –> 00:16:40.110
Morvana Goodman: Let him cook or go grocery shopping, because of course he would forget something important than I needed.

91
00:16:41.130 –> 00:16:46.080
Morvana Goodman: Of course he would. So I controlled all of that and i i

92
00:16:47.130 –> 00:17:01.080
Morvana Goodman: Controlled by even we started buying property and and one time, he said, I’m really, I’m not very good at feeling forms in from that day forward, I filled every single form in for him as if he was a child.

93
00:17:01.620 –> 00:17:23.400
Morvana Goodman: That couldn’t even know fill a form in his yes so no wonder it was toxic, can an unhealthy and the more the more controlling I was of him, the more toxic the relationship. God, and the more he acted out and the more he more aggressive. He was in the more angry. He was and

94
00:17:25.740 –> 00:17:33.390
Morvana Goodman: He just never seemed satisfied I could feel this whole within him. That wasn’t being filled

95
00:17:35.010 –> 00:17:39.360
Morvana Goodman: And I think that that whole was respect.

96
00:17:40.470 –> 00:17:44.970
Morvana Goodman: He desperately wanted me to respect him and I never did.

97
00:17:46.170 –> 00:17:56.130
Morvana Goodman: Which is just awful. So yeah, a lot of a lot of guilt about that looking back, so

98
00:17:57.210 –> 00:18:11.670
Morvana Goodman: But here in this marriage. At least I know now what what a man needs women. Women need to feel loved men need to feel respected just in equal amounts so

99
00:18:13.560 –> 00:18:19.230
Morvana Goodman: Yeah, that’s, that’s a huge shift. For me, it’s been

100
00:18:21.150 –> 00:18:31.350
Morvana Goodman: It’s been amazing to see my husband, my current husband, my view of him was this week person who couldn’t even

101
00:18:32.910 –> 00:18:38.190
Morvana Goodman: Tidy up his own home to someone who’s now been promoted.

102
00:18:39.240 –> 00:18:46.110
Morvana Goodman: Has got a new job now earns twice as much money as as he used to earn

103
00:18:46.680 –> 00:19:08.460
Morvana Goodman: Wow, and it goes out and buys kayaks for for us to have fun with and takes charge of every situation dresses in expensive shirts now and suits and I hear him on the phone to people at work, and he sounds like

104
00:19:09.600 –> 00:19:22.470
Morvana Goodman: He sounds like the chief of the universe is confidence is astronomical now and you just feel he just looks like an alpha male now.

105
00:19:22.770 –> 00:19:26.940
Laura Doyle: Is this the same guy that was so insecure. I mean,

106
00:19:28.500 –> 00:19:41.910
Morvana Goodman: Yeah, yeah, it’s the same guy. It’s the same guy, which doesn’t even make sense to me. It’s even difficult to wrap my head around here. He used to be. And he is now it’s just

107
00:19:45.840 –> 00:19:49.440
Laura Doyle: So we’re Vana, what is your relationship like now.

108
00:19:51.330 –> 00:19:52.860
Morvana Goodman: Oh wow, it’s

109
00:19:54.060 –> 00:20:01.380
Morvana Goodman: It’s so precious on an everyday level. So, I feel, I feel like

110
00:20:03.030 –> 00:20:08.490
Morvana Goodman: We have this emotional safety. That’s so deep that

111
00:20:09.570 –> 00:20:29.820
Morvana Goodman: Just, just last week I was able to share with him one of my darkest secrets from the past and that literally no one, no one else knows my family knows. Nobody else knows the secret and but I was, I felt so safe.

112
00:20:31.650 –> 00:20:34.830
Morvana Goodman: To be vulnerable with him that I was able to share that

113
00:20:36.570 –> 00:20:39.720
Morvana Goodman: Very difficult deep challenging

114
00:20:41.520 –> 00:20:43.260
Morvana Goodman: Secrets my past.

115
00:20:44.640 –> 00:21:02.070
Morvana Goodman: And he was like my hero. He held me in his arms and cried with me and he wanted to protect me. And he just felt I felt so loved in that moment.

116
00:21:03.270 –> 00:21:04.080
Morvana Goodman: And that

117
00:21:06.090 –> 00:21:13.170
Morvana Goodman: Nothing else compares to the love that we we’ve found so yeah

118
00:21:15.870 –> 00:21:16.920
Morvana Goodman: Yeah, it’s

119
00:21:17.490 –> 00:21:22.290
Laura Doyle: It’s moving right. Is this what we all dream Blab will feel loved.

120
00:21:22.950 –> 00:21:30.480
Morvana Goodman: Yeah. Yeah. And I just stare at him at nighttime. And I’m just so in love with him at this point.

121
00:21:31.440 –> 00:21:54.270
Morvana Goodman: And he’s He’ll. He’ll do anything for me like he’s just installed air conditioning in our home, even though he doesn’t really need it himself. He’s, he’s very you know he’s a tough guy. He doesn’t doesn’t mind the heat and but yeah because he knows it will make me happy he’s

122
00:21:55.980 –> 00:22:06.690
Morvana Goodman: He’s, he’s pulled out all the stops to make it comfortable for me and that that just just melts my heart. Yeah.

123
00:22:06.990 –> 00:22:10.440
Morvana Goodman: Yeah melts my heart. It’s just

124
00:22:12.360 –> 00:22:15.390
Laura Doyle: Worried about the toxic arguments, fine.

125
00:22:15.420 –> 00:22:22.140
Morvana Goodman: No, no. I said, Nana and none of that happens, and there’s

126
00:22:23.250 –> 00:22:27.000
Morvana Goodman: Not even a single moment where we’re in conflict.

127
00:22:27.930 –> 00:22:28.620
Morvana Goodman: Really

128
00:22:28.980 –> 00:22:31.620
Laura Doyle: Yeah, it’s quite extraordinary. Right. I think every

129
00:22:32.370 –> 00:22:33.930
Morvana Goodman: Religion has its

130
00:22:34.620 –> 00:22:37.440
Laura Doyle: Challenges right there’s no big green at all.

131
00:22:38.130 –> 00:22:53.010
Morvana Goodman: Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, caused by by him. And it’s interesting, and the, the only cause of the arguments, even in the past is something I realized it was all me.

132
00:22:53.730 –> 00:23:06.720
Morvana Goodman: And it was all me controlling you know whether or not we had two spoons in the cutlery drawer and whether or not we had net curtains or

133
00:23:07.620 –> 00:23:21.090
Morvana Goodman: You know all the arguments started with me trying to control something out of some sort of fear that I wasn’t going to get what I wanted, or I wasn’t going to be taken care of, or I wasn’t

134
00:23:22.470 –> 00:23:45.030
Morvana Goodman: He was going to do what I fear the most. And that that’s he’s going to not love me the way I need it. So my defense was always control for that if I control this then. He’ll. He’ll love me. He’ll take care of me if I try, you know, try and

135
00:23:46.230 –> 00:23:48.510
Morvana Goodman: Argue or create

136
00:23:50.580 –> 00:23:57.450
Morvana Goodman: A conversation about logic about why he should why he should care that’s that’s what I used to do.

137
00:23:58.470 –> 00:24:01.110
Morvana Goodman: And it just always got me the opposite result.

138
00:24:02.160 –> 00:24:07.440
Morvana Goodman: So infuriating. Yeah, yeah. Just so infuriating.

139
00:24:08.640 –> 00:24:11.430
Morvana Goodman: Didn’t didn’t never, never worked never work.

140
00:24:11.610 –> 00:24:17.430
Laura Doyle: If you could go back in time and talk to yourself from the bad old days with these arguments. Yeah.

141
00:24:17.490 –> 00:24:19.830
Morvana Goodman: What do you know now what would you tell yourself.

142
00:24:20.940 –> 00:24:23.190
Morvana Goodman: Um, I would say.

143
00:24:25.470 –> 00:24:27.420
Morvana Goodman: Marriage is

144
00:24:29.490 –> 00:24:31.050
Morvana Goodman: It’s the greatest

145
00:24:32.130 –> 00:24:42.990
Morvana Goodman: Um, we’ve Vila of insecurities and I’d say to myself, it’s, it’s a mirror so you whatever you

146
00:24:44.730 –> 00:24:58.110
Morvana Goodman: Embody whatever you show up as in the relationship and whoever you become in that relationship is a mirror for him and he will reflect that back to you.

147
00:25:00.390 –> 00:25:06.180
Morvana Goodman: And the only way to create a healthy environment is to

148
00:25:07.470 –> 00:25:28.200
Morvana Goodman: Make sure your mirror is as clean as possible and you’re the best version of yourself. And I don’t think there’s anything on the planet more than marriage that that forces you to look in in the mirror and to be the mirror and to become your best self.

149
00:25:30.600 –> 00:25:40.920
Laura Doyle: And whit whit kind of a tip, would you give to a woman is who’s listening right now and thinking I’m having those toxic fights were having those arguments. My husband seems insecure and I want

150
00:25:41.610 –> 00:25:52.200
Laura Doyle: The kind of relationship, Marvin is describing where he would do anything for me just wants me to be happy. He seems competent here is so much more than he did before, where should she start

151
00:25:54.450 –> 00:25:55.110
Morvana Goodman: Um,

152
00:25:57.840 –> 00:25:59.820
Morvana Goodman: I think the power of

153
00:26:01.860 –> 00:26:02.340
Morvana Goodman: It’s

154
00:26:04.830 –> 00:26:12.690
Morvana Goodman: It’s really taking personal responsibility for who you are in the relationship and

155
00:26:13.740 –> 00:26:17.250
Morvana Goodman: You know you can sit there and blame.

156
00:26:18.360 –> 00:26:19.140
Morvana Goodman: Them.

157
00:26:20.430 –> 00:26:22.890
Morvana Goodman: Until the rest for the rest of your life.

158
00:26:24.090 –> 00:26:30.420
Morvana Goodman: And it won’t fix anything and won’t fix anything. And the only

159
00:26:31.470 –> 00:26:40.500
Morvana Goodman: Way that you can bring about change is not not by telling them what to do, not by teaching them, not by

160
00:26:41.640 –> 00:26:55.170
Morvana Goodman: guiding them in the right direction and none of that works and and the only way to to bring happiness it see it into a marriage is to

161
00:26:59.970 –> 00:27:05.250
Morvana Goodman: To figure out how you can be your own person and figure out how you can

162
00:27:07.680 –> 00:27:14.010
Morvana Goodman: Find the good in him and find what what you find.

163
00:27:15.180 –> 00:27:21.810
Morvana Goodman: Desirable about him. What you find positive about that person and grow and grow that

164
00:27:22.920 –> 00:27:24.720
Morvana Goodman: In a really dedicated way.

165
00:27:26.490 –> 00:27:27.060
Morvana Goodman: Yeah.

166
00:27:27.840 –> 00:27:29.580
Laura Doyle: This work means a lot to you, doesn’t it.

167
00:27:30.390 –> 00:27:32.010
Morvana Goodman: Yeah. Yes.

168
00:27:32.460 –> 00:27:33.840
Laura Doyle: And so, and how

169
00:27:34.950 –> 00:27:35.460
Laura Doyle: Go ahead.

170
00:27:36.480 –> 00:27:38.550
Morvana Goodman: Yeah, it means the world to me. I just want

171
00:27:39.780 –> 00:27:51.480
Morvana Goodman: I want everyone to feel like they can come on this journey and i’m i’m fix themselves that it’s it’s healing your healing yourself.

172
00:27:52.890 –> 00:28:06.990
Morvana Goodman: That. But the beauty, the beauty of that is that you that healing has a ripple effect on everyone around you and that’s a beautiful gift to give everyone, everyone in your life.

173
00:28:08.820 –> 00:28:10.410
Morvana Goodman: What if you

174
00:28:10.440 –> 00:28:17.610
Morvana Goodman: genuinely love the people around. Gee, why wouldn’t you want to give them that gifts and yourself a gift.

175
00:28:18.960 –> 00:28:20.010
Laura Doyle: Yes, and you have

176
00:28:21.120 –> 00:28:32.730
Laura Doyle: Made a big investment in your training and development in this area and you, you are a graduate of coach training and how has that changed you.

177
00:28:36.000 –> 00:28:36.600
Morvana Goodman: Mmm.

178
00:28:37.620 –> 00:28:38.100
Morvana Goodman: Hmm.

179
00:28:41.610 –> 00:28:51.180
Morvana Goodman: I think that the courage training made me peel away even more layers of my self. So the layers of

180
00:28:52.290 –> 00:28:55.260
Morvana Goodman: Of being a victim, the layers of of

181
00:28:56.580 –> 00:28:57.240
Morvana Goodman: Being

182
00:28:58.860 –> 00:29:07.770
Morvana Goodman: blaming everybody else for my problems and the layers of control that I developed in order to survive.

183
00:29:08.910 –> 00:29:22.620
Morvana Goodman: And the layers of mistrust, like I just found so much in my behavior that demonstrated. I just didn’t trust men in particular, in fact, you know, I have, you know, even women.

184
00:29:24.030 –> 00:29:44.850
Morvana Goodman: It to a certain extent and and that those trust issues really work. I had no clue. They were there. I had no idea that I had those issues until I started to become a coach, and I started to dive deeper into practicing the skills.

185
00:29:45.870 –> 00:30:09.150
Morvana Goodman: And the intent behind the skills and getting into that mindset of letting go of someone’s influence over my life and allowing them to take lead be the leader and and and having that grace and trust to get out of their way, which is

186
00:30:10.200 –> 00:30:19.680
Morvana Goodman: Is very hard for me to do after 25 years of surviving on my own. I’m really a survivor of

187
00:30:21.450 –> 00:30:27.420
Morvana Goodman: Adversity and I was very used to being the driver of my own car and

188
00:30:28.770 –> 00:30:29.490
Morvana Goodman: I’m

189
00:30:30.630 –> 00:30:31.800
Morvana Goodman: Controlling

190
00:30:33.090 –> 00:30:47.550
Morvana Goodman: My destiny and and to get married and hand over that destiny and trust someone else to manage and be the leader of of mine and his life has been

191
00:30:49.950 –> 00:31:07.290
Morvana Goodman: Wow, I just phenomenal and game changer for me so freeing I just feel free now instead of so stressed and overwhelmed. I feel like as a whole room full of freedom around me wherever I go.

192
00:31:08.580 –> 00:31:10.020
Laura Doyle: Because everything you’d be saying that

193
00:31:10.500 –> 00:31:21.510
Morvana Goodman: No, I want all. Wow. Not at all. None of this was expected out, it just everything came as a surprise to me all the way through.

194
00:31:22.560 –> 00:31:38.250
Morvana Goodman: From start to finish and it’s still I still am surprised every day, just the value that you get as a human being out of just focusing on improving yourself and

195
00:31:39.870 –> 00:31:43.800
Morvana Goodman: And and then all the value you get back from

196
00:31:46.320 –> 00:31:57.480
Morvana Goodman: The gifts and the compliments and the help and the support that you receive as a result of becoming a new person is just like just the most amazing recognition.

197
00:31:58.770 –> 00:32:11.970
Morvana Goodman: And just all wrapped up in a bow and just given to you in return for the hard work. So that’s kind of where I’m where I’m at now, which is a beautiful place to be. It’s, it’s useful. Oh.

198
00:32:12.000 –> 00:32:21.180
Laura Doyle: We’re Vana thank you so much for coming on and sharing this amazing story of transformation of being in a second marriage that was breaking down to

199
00:32:22.290 –> 00:32:32.520
Laura Doyle: Not, not only saving that measurably fixing it, but making it into something beautiful that everyone would want. I think you probably inspired a lot of women today. Oh, I hope so.


AAAND, REMEMBER TO SIGN UP FOR MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP.

One more thing, if you want to hang out with me and lots of other women who care about having amazing relationships, be sure to click here to join my FREE private Facebook group.