012: How to Be Feminine and be 10X More Attractive


As a young adult, it made me angry when someone implied that men and women are different because that showed they were prejudiced.

I saw that as the old, unenlightened thinking. I smugly believed I knew the truth: everyone was the same, regardless of gender.

But I didn’t know how to be feminine or even recognize my own astonishing power as a woman.

I equated femininity with weakness.

Now that I know what it looks like to be feminine, I find there’s such ease, dignity and comfort in it—what a relief! I feel good in my skin when I’m my feminine self.

When I say “feminine,” I don’t mean manipulative or overtly sexual. I’m talking about honoring my feminine spirit, which I’ll explain.

Learning how to be feminine rocked my relationship and my world in the best way I can imagine.

  • Today I’m revealing what your mom and your grandma would have told you about what it means to be feminine if they had known.
  • My guest Angela’s husband was angry, controlling and distant and she was depressed and numb dreading the prospect of living the rest of her life in such an unfulfilling marriage. She decided to conduct an experiment and today her relaxed husband showers her with attention, gifts and help. She’s going to explain what she did to make that happen.

The Worst Relationship Advice of the Week goes to a common suggestion you hear to make sure you get treated well in a relationship but it backfires big time!


00:00:03.149 –> 00:00:13.740
Laura Doyle: My guest Angela’s husband was angry, controlling and distant and she was depressed and numb dreading the prospect of living the rest of her life in such an unfulfilling marriage.

00:00:14.280 –> 00:00:27.690
Laura Doyle: She decided to conduct an experiment. And today, her relaxed husband showers her with attention gifts and help. She’s going to explain what she did to make that happen. Angela. Welcome to the Empowered wife podcast.

00:00:27.930 –> 00:00:31.110
Angela Butcher: Thank you. Thanks, Laura. Thanks for having me. Yeah.

00:00:31.140 –> 00:00:38.400
Laura Doyle: I’m excited for everyone to hear your story. So take us back to the battle days will. What was it like in your relationship.

00:00:39.990 –> 00:00:46.770
Angela Butcher: It was very hostile and I never felt like I could get my point of view across to my husband and

00:00:48.060 –> 00:00:49.290
Angela Butcher: You know, we had quite a

00:00:50.910 –> 00:00:57.630
Angela Butcher: Quite an argumentative relationship and I just didn’t realize I didn’t know why. And

00:00:59.520 –> 00:01:04.890
Angela Butcher: So it was very frustrating for me and very depressing and like you say,

00:01:06.090 –> 00:01:19.530
Angela Butcher: I was just, I wasn’t the divorcing type. So I was sort of resigned to living in a measurable marriage for the rest of my life. So, yeah. And that was very sad and depressing for me. Yeah.

00:01:20.880 –> 00:01:24.480
Laura Doyle: And so where kinds of things have you done to try to fix this.

00:01:25.590 –> 00:01:34.830
Angela Butcher: So one of the first things that I found with the intimacy skills was the skill of her speak that really resonated with me and

00:01:36.390 –> 00:01:43.860
Angela Butcher: You know, I decided that I would try the skill of respect for a whole week and just experiment with it and

00:01:44.730 –> 00:01:53.550
Angela Butcher: So what I did or did not do was criticize my husband instruct him more comment on everything that he said all the time.

00:01:54.240 –> 00:02:13.050
Angela Butcher: And I decided to consciously abstain from this, for I was awake and I have to say, Laura, that it was very, very difficult because it was a habit for me a very automatic habit. So I had to be quite conscious of what I was saying and not saying and

00:02:14.340 –> 00:02:31.860
Angela Butcher: Wow, who, by the end of the week, my husband looks so different. He just looked happy he knocked relaxed. We were laughing in the kitchen. We were having some fun together. And yeah, I was, I was really shocked to your work because

00:02:33.030 –> 00:02:37.080
Angela Butcher: It’s just wow my critical words hip just

00:02:38.160 –> 00:02:42.390
Angela Butcher: You know, it was made that was kind of ruining our marriage change.

00:02:44.400 –> 00:02:48.480
Angela Butcher: Wow, it’s just correct see him happy. And I felt so much more happy and

00:02:49.890 –> 00:02:59.370
Angela Butcher: And I just realized that nobody had ever taught me how to be respectful in my relationship. And it was quite an epiphany for me and

00:03:00.570 –> 00:03:02.670
Angela Butcher: The start of a new beginning in our relationship.

00:03:04.860 –> 00:03:19.860
Laura Doyle: Wow. I love this story. And I think there’s like two pieces to what you’re sharing with us. One is like you saying no one ever taught you. So you just didn’t know what respect look like it you probably heard about respect that it was important to be respectful.

00:03:21.870 –> 00:03:28.440
Angela Butcher: That right yeah and I always thought I was being respectful. I actually thought it was being helpful and

00:03:28.830 –> 00:03:39.930
Angela Butcher: Giving my husband advice and being a little critical. I thought that was been helpful and respectful. So that was quite a shock to me to realize that that type of

00:03:40.890 –> 00:03:56.340
Angela Butcher: Behavior was actually hurting our relationship and not being respectful. So it was like, yes, like people had said you should be respectful in your marriage, but it was like a blind spot to me how to actually be respectful, so

00:03:57.450 –> 00:04:13.050
Angela Butcher: It was like it was like an epiphany and it just, it was so revolutionary, you know, it just gave me a lot of power to know that I can turn my relationship around by starting to practice that skill of respect.

00:04:14.760 –> 00:04:20.160
Laura Doyle: So I love that and you and you mentioned how hard it was for you. And I remember it was very hard for me as well.

00:04:20.580 –> 00:04:37.560
Laura Doyle: In the beginning, so that’s the second pieces one piece is knowing the second piece is being able to get yourself to do it. And so you were able to do it for an entire week. You mentioned it was difficult. Like, how did you get yourself to change so quickly. And, you know, how did that work.

00:04:38.850 –> 00:04:44.700
Angela Butcher: Well, my relationship was in such a bad state and also such pain.

00:04:48.090 –> 00:04:50.610
Angela Butcher: Like I had to do something and

00:04:51.960 –> 00:05:02.850
Angela Butcher: So I just I just became very conscious of. Yeah, I just, I kind of like I had to do what because I had to do something. And so

00:05:03.870 –> 00:05:10.080
Angela Butcher: Yeah, just every morning I thought. Right. And I sort of gave myself a little chick, you know,

00:05:11.610 –> 00:05:13.050
Angela Butcher: Put some duct tape on

00:05:14.070 –> 00:05:23.670
Angela Butcher: If your husband and noisy and any kind of way. Just don’t say anything, just put that duct tape on and that’s what I keep saying to myself, all day and

00:05:24.330 –> 00:05:39.930
Angela Butcher: All three of those days and and like I said it was really difficult to do. And I have to be conscious and there were so many times when I wanted to say something and it was in those moments that I’ve just was like, you know, duct tape and

00:05:41.250 –> 00:05:46.950
Angela Butcher: It was quite amazing what showed up when I wasn’t saying things all the time.

00:05:49.080 –> 00:05:52.260
Laura Doyle: So was there a moment, we thought, well, this is, this is really working.

00:05:54.150 –> 00:06:01.620
Angela Butcher: Yeah, well, I’m you know after me sort of notice and and I’d met my husband was looking a lot more relaxed and happy.

00:06:03.960 –> 00:06:17.010
Angela Butcher: With me during this skill when he didn’t know that I was doing the skills. He didn’t not read this book. And at the end of the week. We went to my husband’s sorry my son’s cricket photos. My family and I just went along, and

00:06:18.090 –> 00:06:20.100
Angela Butcher: And then my husband. I have heard

00:06:21.450 –> 00:06:24.240
Angela Butcher: One of the other fathers saying to my husband.

00:06:25.920 –> 00:06:31.650
Angela Butcher: Mike, what happened to you. It looks like you’ve been to Fiji for a week.

00:06:32.670 –> 00:06:46.800
Angela Butcher: And implying that he’d gone on been on holiday for a week and I thought, Wow, this is really working. And I’ve got to do something about these skills. I’ve got to start practicing been continuously

00:06:48.750 –> 00:06:55.560
Laura Doyle: Yeah. So how did you, how did you do that, what did you do this to start practicing them continuously

00:06:57.060 –> 00:06:59.640
Angela Butcher: Well, one of the things I did do was

00:07:01.890 –> 00:07:05.400
Angela Butcher: I guess, get a coach and

00:07:06.960 –> 00:07:23.040
Angela Butcher: Start to surround myself with some woman who were committed to having a fantastic marriage, having a great marriage and working through these Lord valuable skills and that really helped me having that support from other woman.

00:07:24.270 –> 00:07:27.090
Angela Butcher: reading through the material and

00:07:28.380 –> 00:07:29.550
Angela Butcher: Just every morning.

00:07:30.750 –> 00:07:35.340
Angela Butcher: Having a little goal of what skill I would work on today and

00:07:36.780 –> 00:07:40.230
Angela Butcher: In a five. I got stuck on getting some coaching about it so

00:07:41.460 –> 00:07:47.730
Angela Butcher: And that really helped me having the support of other woman and having a coach, so

00:07:48.780 –> 00:07:56.640
Laura Doyle: I love that. Because it, it sounds pretty hard even. It’s just, you know, a week when you were initially experimenting, but sounds pretty hard to just

00:07:57.240 –> 00:08:11.640
Laura Doyle: Not say other things that you’re thinking about every day like as a mere mortal woman like I don’t know how how long we could keep that that up. Did you ever feel like you were just sort of sucking it up or kind of like sacrificing yourself.

00:08:12.450 –> 00:08:14.340
Angela Butcher: I did. I did. But

00:08:15.600 –> 00:08:19.860
Angela Butcher: What actually happened was, even though I sacrifice myself.

00:08:21.480 –> 00:08:25.830
Angela Butcher: Um, what actually showed up was this other sort of magical things like

00:08:26.910 –> 00:08:31.740
Angela Butcher: Any really lovely conversation with my son, my husband and his sons or

00:08:32.940 –> 00:08:35.550
Angela Butcher: A really lovely compliment from my husband.

00:08:37.020 –> 00:08:41.160
Angela Butcher: That he might he seemed out of the blue, because I was

00:08:42.270 –> 00:08:43.530
Angela Butcher: You know, using duct tape.

00:08:44.700 –> 00:08:49.830
Angela Butcher: And so even though I sucked it up and I really wanted to say and

00:08:51.210 –> 00:08:54.750
Angela Butcher: In because I should be able to have the right to say whatever I want.

00:08:56.430 –> 00:09:02.040
Angela Butcher: Actually abstaining from that sort of critical sort of talking and

00:09:03.240 –> 00:09:13.950
Angela Butcher: That kind of fantasy just allowing some silence on my part actually allowed these little miracles or big miracles to me to sort of show up.

00:09:14.610 –> 00:09:26.760
Angela Butcher: All over the place, so it was actually really worth it was actually with me swallowing my pride swallowing my and, you know, wanting to be right about something.

00:09:27.900 –> 00:09:34.020
Angela Butcher: Because these other little miracles. These other little beautiful conversations started to open up. So, yeah.

00:09:34.410 –> 00:09:46.260
Laura Doyle: It was no longer worth the price of admission. It sounds like it was to, you could see the value of bringing their respect and it became more important to you. It sounds like

00:09:46.680 –> 00:10:03.060
Angela Butcher: Yeah, exactly, or a year that just there was a lot more intimacy and and a lot more peace and our family because of it with my husband and he was my family. So I was just so grateful for. I’m so grateful for that haven’t learned that skill.

00:10:04.260 –> 00:10:07.110
Laura Doyle: And so what’s your relationship like now, Angela.

00:10:08.340 –> 00:10:23.640
Angela Butcher: I relationship. Now it’s just very more romantic and we do a lot more things to give my husband shares with me a lot more about his and his feelings and that never really happened in the past.

00:10:24.450 –> 00:10:43.920
Angela Butcher: And I apologize, a lot more if I slip up and I hear him apologize, into which was something that never happened in the past, and we just in January, have a lot more love and peace and intimacy and our marriage and I feel so, so happy and

00:10:45.930 –> 00:11:02.430
Angela Butcher: Now that now that I’m the person that can create a beautiful relationship and I don’t have to expect or blame my husband anymore. I know that I’m the one who can create this beautiful relationship and that gives me a lot of happiness in long power. Yeah.

00:11:02.970 –> 00:11:18.270
Laura Doyle: I love that. So, um, what, what would you say to yourself, if you could go back in time and and talk to the Angela that didn’t realize she just didn’t know that she was causing strife in her marriage.

00:11:18.840 –> 00:11:26.340
Angela Butcher: And so if I could tell myself then what I know now is you know that trying to be helpful to my husband.

00:11:27.360 –> 00:11:42.750
Angela Butcher: By instructing him criticizing him commenting on most things that my husband was actually being really nagging in disrespectful. One is really hurting your marriage. And I would just try the best that I could do not do them.

00:11:44.910 –> 00:11:48.570
Laura Doyle: And is your husband still controlling an angry.

00:11:49.890 –> 00:11:53.940
Angela Butcher: I’m from time to time, but that just because I

00:11:55.770 –> 00:12:02.940
Angela Butcher: Just type it. So very quickly, it’s just it’s momentary. It’s not something that lasts all day.

00:12:05.760 –> 00:12:24.630
Angela Butcher: And yeah, it’s just because I know he’s, he’s a modal human being, just like myself and you saw those those moments are very quick, very fleeting. They don’t hang around all day or or week it’s just all at momentary so it’s fantastic. Yeah.

00:12:25.440 –> 00:12:31.740
Laura Doyle: And so this was so life changing for you. You actually decided to take your studies further

00:12:32.610 –> 00:12:35.460
Angela Butcher: Yes, it was so life changing. I mean,

00:12:37.020 –> 00:12:43.860
Angela Butcher: For me, my marriage was so important and for so many years. I thought I was a failure with my marriage, it just

00:12:45.090 –> 00:12:46.530
Angela Butcher: I felt isolated.

00:12:47.820 –> 00:12:48.930
Angela Butcher: I felt lonely.

00:12:51.780 –> 00:12:55.620
Angela Butcher: And it was it was such a revelation to

00:12:57.690 –> 00:13:01.170
Angela Butcher: You know, I just couldn’t didn’t think I can do anything about it and

00:13:03.330 –> 00:13:14.430
Angela Butcher: To have the skills have just changed my life. I can walk out my door and say, I’ve got a happy marriage. Now I don’t have a perfect marriage, but I have a happy marriage and I’m contained. I’m happy.

00:13:15.510 –> 00:13:17.280
Angela Butcher: With what happens in my house.

00:13:19.410 –> 00:13:23.850
Angela Butcher: With my husband and you know our peaceful

00:13:24.900 –> 00:13:26.970
Angela Butcher: Relationship and

00:13:28.230 –> 00:13:30.450
Angela Butcher: That that just as revolutionary for me.

00:13:31.830 –> 00:13:33.690
Angela Butcher: I’m so glad that I found the skills.

00:13:35.160 –> 00:13:36.750
Angela Butcher: Your skills, no right and

00:13:38.160 –> 00:13:48.900
Angela Butcher: It’s just changed my life. So much for the beta i don’t feel depressed anymore. I’m a really happy person. And if I’m not happy. I know just how to get back

00:13:50.310 –> 00:14:02.100
Angela Butcher: To being the happy person that I can be. And it’s all through your skills, Laura. So it’s just amazing, amazing and so

00:14:02.160 –> 00:14:05.310
Laura Doyle: And now you’re a coach and you help other women.

00:14:05.730 –> 00:14:10.440
Angela Butcher: I do, I do. And I just, yeah, I love supporting woman in there.

00:14:12.000 –> 00:14:15.840
Angela Butcher: You know, wanting to have the relationship that of the dreams and

00:14:16.920 –> 00:14:20.070
Angela Butcher: And I really love doing it. So yeah.

00:14:21.540 –> 00:14:36.840
Laura Doyle: So give us a tip. So if there’s a woman as a woman listening, who’s also feeling depressed, and maybe that there’s nothing she can do to fix her marriage and that it’s going to be a long life, what’s your, what’s your tip for her.

00:14:39.210 –> 00:14:45.990
Angela Butcher: Well, I’d say, I’m happy to look at Laura’s book and

00:14:47.670 –> 00:14:48.930
Angela Butcher: Give us a call.

00:14:50.430 –> 00:14:52.980
Angela Butcher: Have a talk and save what we can

00:14:54.210 –> 00:14:56.370
Angela Butcher: We can do for you.

00:14:57.600 –> 00:14:59.310
Angela Butcher: And yeah.

00:15:01.050 –> 00:15:05.220
Angela Butcher: I just, I really recommend having a look at these skills.

00:15:06.390 –> 00:15:10.620
Angela Butcher: Because as I say they transform my marriage they transform me and

00:15:12.210 –> 00:15:15.360
Angela Butcher: That’s what I really recommend. So it’s putting

00:15:15.750 –> 00:15:29.100
Laura Doyle: It almost sounds like a moral imperative for you to be able to share this because of the difference. It’s made for you and I just love that. I mean, these are these are difficult things to talk about and share about and yet you’re very

00:15:30.150 –> 00:15:36.330
Laura Doyle: Forthcoming and authentic with us and what why is it important to you, Angela. Why would you do that.

00:15:38.040 –> 00:15:43.560
Angela Butcher: Um, well, if I could help you know help one woman or one marriage.

00:15:45.510 –> 00:16:00.090
Angela Butcher: You know, help one woman who may be hurting out the or stuck or just feeling like they’re a failure in the marriage. If I can have one woman experience Pepin us

00:16:02.280 –> 00:16:05.430
Angela Butcher: A sense of empowerment and the area, then

00:16:07.020 –> 00:16:15.990
Angela Butcher: I just would love to do that. I would love to have woman if they wish transfer transform the marriage, like I’ve been able to do

00:16:17.550 –> 00:16:18.510
Angela Butcher: So that’s why be

00:16:20.760 –> 00:16:30.840
Laura Doyle: So inspiring Angela very moving. Thank you so much for your, your honesty with us. Your vulnerability your courage and sharing your story. It’s just beautiful.

00:16:31.710 –> 00:16:33.180
Angela Butcher: Welcome, Laura. Thank you.


One more thing, if you want to hang out with me and lots of other women who care about having amazing relationships, be sure to click here to join my FREE private Facebook group.