Tammy

Laura Doyle Relationship Coach

How an Internet Search Engine Changed My Marriage

After 22 years, I finally realized that my marriage was broken.

The path that had led me here was rocky, tortuous, and painful. I’d often sit on the edge of my bed struggling to figure out what I was doing wrong. I always wanted something from my husband that he refused to give me. I watched him do things for other people and couldn’t understand why he didn’t do the same for me.

My frustration led me to become a highly critical wife. My criticism was a daily occurrence in which I told my husband about everything he was doing wrong.

As he became more distant, even my criticism seemed to fall from him. This was the loneliest point in my marriage. Eventually we both started considering divorce.

I didn’t want a divorce, but I felt disconnected from my husband. I started to see that he wanted something from me also. But I didn’t feel that I could give him anything, as I was drained from struggling for so many years. I was full of resentment.

Then, one day, I had a glimpse of intimacy.

He put his hands upon my face and kissed me. I was paralyzed with emotion when I realized that this was what I had been looking for.

The next day I went on an internet search engine and typed in “How to have more intimacy with your husband.” Laura Doyle and the Surrendered Wife blog appeared.

I couldn’t believe how much of myself I saw in everything that Laura talked about, including her description of a controlling and disrespectful wife. Oh boy, that was me! I decided to try some of the tips that Laura offered. I watched a free webinar and immediately signed up for access to the VIP program.

This was the beginning of a journey back to myself.

Self-Care was the very first Intimacy Skill I learned about. I decided to give myself three self-care activities each and every day. I began with simple things, like listening to music that I had not heard for a long time. I started to make sure that I always had enough sleep. I took long bubble baths.

I quickly realized that there were so many things I had stopped doing so long ago that I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d done them. My list of activities that made me happy grew every day.

After one week, I was amazed at how much calmer and more relaxed I felt. For the first time in years, I was able to take a really deep breath and release it slowly. I felt the tension melt from my body. Even today, self-care is my go-to Skill when I start to feel tense, nervous, or anxious.

My husband seemed to notice the change and began to encourage me in my self-care. He also started taking me out to dinner or for a drive in the country. We started to connect, and I felt like we were dating again.

After learning about the power of gratitude from that module in the training, I challenged myself to practice a month of gratitude. I told my husband three things that I appreciated about him every single day. For the first time in many years, I told him what a wonderful provider he was. I also wrote down everything I could think of to be grateful for the entire month, and gratitude soon became my daily habit.

I was amazed at the immediate results! Miraculously, the resentment that I had carried for so many years disappeared in only a few days.

I signed up for private coaching and eventually decided to become a coach so that I could learn even more about the 6 Intimacy Skills™. I developed greater understanding of how to apply them in my life and marriage. Having a private coach and coach training with Laura was the best investment that I have ever made for my marriage–and for myself.

I feel like I am on my second marriage to the same man. My first marriage was full of struggles, pain, negative emotion, and unhappiness. I gave my husband criticism, control, and resentment. He gave me distance, anger, and mistrust.

Where we once had constant fights, we now have peace. Where there was loneliness, connection is now ever present.

My second marriage, to the same man, is full of joy, intimacy, connection, and harmony. I give my husband respect, gratitude, and space. He gives me connection, kindness, and fulfills my desires in a manner that makes me feel cherished.

For example, last week I said, “I would love to go to a comedy show.” (It is winter here–I need to laugh!) He bought tickets to go see a famous comedian an hour later.

He also bought a camper for “us,” which I was sad we didn’t use once last summer. I recently said I would love to put the camper up north for the summer. He has been looking for spots and said he would take me up north in March to pick one. All I have to do is drive up, and the camper will be sitting there waiting for me. No work involved.

He pretty much gives me every desire I express. Getting Chanel No. 5 at Christmas was amazing–not so much because of the perfume but because he remembered me saying I wanted it over two years ago. I had forgotten that I even asked for it! Guess that was a really pure desire without expectation.

I really don’t know where my marriage would be if I hadn’t discovered the 6 Intimacy Skills the day that I searched the Internet for an answer. I am happy, and my husband is happy. We are happy together.

The Skills have become such an integral part of my life that I cannot imagine life without them!

Now I am committed to empowering other women to discover what I did when I learned about the Intimacy Skills and incorporated them into my life. I hope to share my experience and knowledge with other women so that they too can have the marriage that they have always dreamed of by being loved, cherished and adored, just as Laura describes.