Geert and Heidi
Our marriage was a typical one with ups and downs but the “downs” became bigger and bigger. It became so bad that we were starting to talk about separation. But then my wife saw a program on TV that really changed our lives. The program was about the Surrendered Wife, and after my wife watched it, we watched it together. She decided to order your book and try to change. At first
I was afraid because I thought that she would become too submissive (I don’t find that very attractive), but little did I know. Five years later we have a fantastic relationship. I’ve always known that my wife was great but thanks to your books, she really found herself. I’ve changed as well (less impatient, less explosive) I’ve never felt so much like a man before. Today, during breakfast, we talked about you and how you changed our life completely and decided to thank you.
We wish you a long, happy and healthy life.
Just wanted to thank you for all you do!! Your lessons have saved my life 🙂 there is so much more peace in our lives!!
Natalie – Cheshire, England
I’m sure you get plenty of long letters along the lines of ‘you saved my marriage’ so I’m just going to attach an image of a text exchange between my husband and I after I received flowers at work for the first time in years with a card attached that simply said wife points bonus allocation.
P.S. You saved my marriage. Thank you. x
I saved my struggling marriage 13 years ago by implementing your six intimacy skills. My husband and I just celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary and now my girlfriends, daughters and daughter in law are implementing the secret to having a passionate peaceful relationship too! It’s so rewarding to pass along these skills to the women in my life, and to the many women who reach out to us all around the world. I am so grateful for your six skills and for the honor it is to also be one of your coaches. Thank you!
Hi there, I have to say I balked at the title at first, thinking it would be horrible like The Rules or something, but I was eating my internal words after reading the dust jacket. It’s almost embarrassing to admit, but I was close to tears at least twice in the first three chapters because it was like looking in a mirror reflecting all my faults and how I wasn’t the person I wanted to be. I’m now genuinely looking forward to my partner getting home tomorrow because instead of worrying he’ll mess up my carefully ordered household I’ve spent a fortnight creating, I’ll be enjoying his company -which I’ve missed so much more than I care about whether the floor is clean. Thanks, it’s truly been an unexpected revelation.
Thanks so much! I bought your book when my now husband and I were partners in the early stages of our relationship and we were struggling with a power issue. I was very much in control in my first marriage. My now husband was having none of it and one of the reasons I fell in love with him was because he was his own person. Your book helped so much. Many friends have said ‘How could you read a book like that where you surrender yourself?’ But, it isn’t like that at all. I’m a successful novelist. I’m also in a fabulous relationship where I recognize my husband as a person who is different to me. I learned a lot from your book. Thank you so much for that. I almost lost the best relationship of my life. You helped save that.
Laura, you are so generous with your teaching, I keep telling more women about you. I just ordered 2 more books to give away yesterday!! Keep up the great work of reuniting women with their husbands in loving respect.
I am 33 years old and live in sunny Johannesburg, South Africa. I have a beautiful 20 month old son and a wonderful husband. We have been together for nearly 8 years and married for 3. We have a very volatile marriage, and I related to your book like it was me in all those pages! My goodness what an eyeopener! After reading the book once my marriage changed, and my husband even commented on how good things were. I must be honest I ‘lapsed’ somewhat about 3 months ago and have started reading the book (aka my bible) once more. Only a chapter in and I can see the changes within myself and intern in my marriage. Thank you for your wonderful words of wisdom and help that you have given me and I am sure so many others. Don’t get me wrong I would still like to murder my husband sometimes, but my marriage has been saved!
Thank you Thank you Thank you!
Thank you so much Laura. Looking back on my year, I remember when I first read your book. The Surrendered Wife, It gave me the courage to live the life I was wanting in spite of what other people said, and do what made me happy. Surrendering the finance of my home was really hard because I was raised to the contrary. Now I see how happy and acomplished my Husband feels when he provides for our family and manages our income. I even get more gifts. LOL
Excerpt from The Happy Wives Club, by Fawn Weaver
“The author of The Surrendered Wife, Laura Doyle, is a feminist who learned the hard way that feminism in the workplace may be a good thing, but bringing that attitude home is a recipe for disaster. Men and women are wired differently, and when two cars come to an intersection, one must yield or both will crash. Any friend I have who tells me about challenges she’s having with her husband, I buy her this book. I’ve even given it as a wedding gift.
I can’t completely explain the phenomenon, nor will I attempt to try, but something magical happens when women read The Surrendered Wife. For starters, the author prescribes that a woman not tell her husband she’s reading the book. And yet somehow, each woman to whom I’ve given the book testifies that after she read it, she found her husband had changed for the better. The high value of giving up control and relying on our God-given gift of influence–something women have in abundance, especially in comparison to most of our male counterparts–is one of the most insightful lessons in the book. Striving to remain vulnerable and admitting when you’re hurt is such a simple thing in concept, but Doyle does a great job in reminding us why so many strong women fail to do it. With the slight tweaks and adjustments the author suggests based on her own bumpy road to happily ever after, every girlfriend to whom I’ve given the book has said her marriage immediately turned the corner…for the better.”
I wanted to sincerely thank you for this training program. Although I am still a work in progress, the principles have definitely increased peace and intimacy in my home and have helped me work towards being a better mate.
Laura, The Empowered Wife is amazing. I enjoyed it very much and have been putting it into practice. It works!
Laura, I hope this email finds you well. I wanted to write and tell you thank you again for the program. My relationship is the best it has ever been now and I have been married 10 years! These past few months have truly been the best of my relationship. There has been so much peace and happiness in my home I can’t believe it. When I think about how I used to be versus how I am now I am just so lucky to have found you guys when I did. Without the program I was headed for a disaster. The program has honestly saved me and my marriage and made us very happy and the envy of everyone we know. Of course I am still working every day to be a better spouse but I am truly happy and oh so grateful to have such a wonderful, thoughtful husband who I finally really learned strives every day to make me happy. I want you to know that things have really sunk in over the last few weeks and the results have truly been amazing. The program has changed my outlook on relationships forever and I feel I definitely have a blue print for relationship success that no one offers anywhere else.
The new book is great. I too can relate to the counseling and how it didn’t work out well at all and the why is explained in so many great examples. I am not expecting that counseling be any part of what must occur for Pete and I to live together again. Even that feels freeing. 🙂 I read your blog post about an affair and WOW it just answered all the pieces I hadn’t yet assimilated. I have so much hope and also peace most of the time. I can almost always believe that I really do have more “power” than the mistress and the part I saw today that they wouldn’t have picked a married man if they had Skills. Yes!!!! I am so grateful that you called me to include me (which convinced me) to come to the Retreat. Learning to respect and pay attention to my paper… oh it’s changed everything for me and that was only some 3 months ago. I am so very happy and grateful.
“Laura, I have been surrendering in my second marriage with amazing results! Never thought it could be so good however we got into a very bad patch when my husband wanted his mother to live with us. She came for a week and he won’t make alternative arrangements for her. She could love someone else but he won’t even talk about it. I didn’t handle it well as it put such a strain on me and our relationship. My husband and I were so angry, he slept in the other bedroom. That exact day, you sent me an email about the passion shift. I know the techniques perfectly but was stuck. I bought the in line audio and listened. I took notes but was so scared how to get back on track. You gave me the confidence to get in touch with myself and my feminine ways. After sleeping in separate rooms, I woke up and realized that however bad things were or may end up, I knew that I needed a ‘hug’. I just quietly went into the kitchen and asked for a hug. My husband was a bit confused but men are men and he wanted to be kind to me. Well it has been a few days now and it has been prefect again. He bought me an exercise bike I had wanted. He told me that he will hire a cleaner and he keeps telling me how ‘delicious’ I am. Well, his mother is still with us but he spoke to her this morning and I believe he will work it out. I, on the other hand will continue to be vulnerable and respectful as I see the miracle of the Passion Shift. Thank you.
It’s liberates one from the shackles of control and into the mindset of freedom. Laura Doyle this is what your work has done for me.
Rachel Bevan Hoffman
Thank you for your The Empowered Wife book. Wow it has made a huge positive impact on my marriage. One big positive side effect apart from improving our marriage: my kids have almost completely stopped fighting with each other. Thanks again for your work!
Laura, I just wanted to share my story by way of a thank you.
I’ve been married 9 years and for the past few it’s been miserable. Two years ago my husband stopped having sex with me and a year ago told me there was nothing he could or would do about his lack of desire.
I felt heartbroken and distraught. I found myself in a miserable situation and I didn’t know how to get out of the cycle. I wrote notes in my diary asking for an answer. I prayed about it all the time knowing that marriage shouldn’t be this miserable. We talked sometimes about it but the last conversation ended with him saying he couldn’t live like this. Nor could I but I didn’t know how to make things better.
We talked about counselling but we knew most counselling ends in divorce and we didn’t want that. I didn’t know where to go. I honestly thought God wasn’t listening and was making me pay for making a poor choice of husband. But then God more than answered my prayers.
I read something about your book. I ordered it with nothing to lose. I read it cover to cover on day one. On day three I read it again and on day five I read it with a highlighter pen and note book. On day 8 my marriage was saved.
One month later and we are like a different couple. I respect him love and admire him. He is doing all he can to make me happy and I’m making myself happy trying to work on self care. Unbelievably we’ve even had sex which I can tell you is something of a miracle.
I truly thank God that he delivered this book to me. That my heart was open to your words of wisdom. We were at the point of living the rest of our lives in a loveless marriage. You have changed everything. Thank you.
Your newest book has been a marriage saver and I have not even finished it yet! Everyday I jot something else down or put something into effect or try it out as soon as I learn a new rule. It is just amazing. I cannot thank you enough for your skill and dedication to helping marriages! Thank you, thank you.
Laura, I ordered the book, The Empowered Wife to help a friend. Her Christian counselor suggested she read it. I have been helping her along so I wanted to read it along with her. I have always loved reading books on relationships. I loved the book. I am buying one for my daughter and daughter in law.
Funny thing is, I have a wonderful strong marriage for 35 years, and I already do a lot of the things you mention in the book. I have been catching myself the last few days seeing if I can improve how I am saying things to be in “My” best interest 🙂
The book brought to light a memory of something that proves your beliefs. My husband very seldom ever offered or asked if I needed spending money for my wallet in the past. It wasn’t that important because I could go to the ATM myself. Of course then I have to worry or feel guilty. He offered me money one day, and I said to him, ” When you hand me money it makes me feel so taken care of and loved”. Sine that moment years ago every two weeks or so my husband hands me money or leaves it on my dresser!!! 🙂
Thank you for championing marriages!!
Laura, I just wanted to thank you for taking your courage and effort to write your books. I’ve read 3 of them & most recently Surrendered Wife & The Empowered Wife have really opened my eyes, saved my marriage, (although it’s been a brutal look in the mirror), and revealed to me just how controlled I’ve been by fear. It’s encouraged me to take an honest look at all aspects of my life, from marriage to pursuing the career I’ve been to afraid to & even to take a more open look at God and try to take Him out of the “box” I was raised to believe He’s in. I’ve realized I always see him as a disapproving Father & operate from that fear. So it’s been a very real transforming time in my life.
Laura, I loved this article! And your book is the best investment I’ve made in my life, its really helped me transform my marriage. Thank you Laura!
Laura, Ok, so I watched the webinar (before I read the book), and began practicing some of the techniques…..that was about 1-2 weeks ago, and I was very skeptical. As I stated before, my husband and I have lived apart throughout most of our marriage–I’ve seen him a total of 3 weeks in the past 2 years. In the past 6 months, he has initiated a conversation with me ONCE. Our marriage was really on the rocks. Since I began applying the lessons learned in your book & webinar, my husband now calls me DAILY…and sometimes 3 or 4 times a day! Thank you so much
This book is a life-changer (at least for me). Finished First We The Empowered Wife (same author) and wanted to read more. Glad I did!
“Surrendered” in this case doesn’t mean “subjugated.” It means something that would make sense to anyone who’s been through a Twelve-Step program (and many who haven’t). It means to surrender inappropriate control: in other words control over other people’s stuff. Now this isn’t a new concept by any means, but this author actually goes into practical ways to DO what she advises.
For anyone who’s ever been abused control is big issue! Just being told, “don’t be so controlling” is both frustrating and shaming – nor does it get good results! On the other hand, being given actual scripts and actions to replace the fear – and, hence, the control – is affirming.
Laura Doyle has been there and writes with compassion, humor and a straight forward style. I find myself alternately yelling at the book and laughing myself silly at it. In all that the “Ah hah!” moments are all but constant. Doyle recognizes and empathizes with the fear that underlies all control (both female and male). She gets me laughing at myself, which, of course, lowers barriers and allows seemingly impossible changes to happen quickly… really quickly!
The other thing that’s so healing is that she illustrates situation after situation in which control is rearing its ugly head in ways that most of us with control issues don’t even see… until we “hear” our words coming out of another woman’s mouth or see the reaction in someone else’s husband that we’ve seen in our own. This has not only helped me to see incredibly subtle ways that I’m still in another person’s “stuff” but has also helped me to see many subtle ways in which my husband is still [trying] to control me; ways that he’s not even recognizing in himself. Rather than make me angry, it’s given me the tools and ability to shrug it off and do something affirming for myself in those situations – without further triggering *his* fear/control response.
All in all, I’d have to say this book is a literal answer to prayer for me.
I am the hare and my husband is the tortoise. This has caused me YEARS of frustration, feeling like things just weren’t getting done fast enough (in my opinion). One of Laura Doyle’s skills is to relinquish control. I have accomplished this, for the most part, by using LOADS of duct tape and TONS of self care. Also, I had to shift to gratitude which has helped keep my focus off of what my husband ISN’t doing. I have been in the SWEW program for 7 months now and I have seen a dramatic improvement with my husband (and myself; I am more peaceful). He has become less lethargic and actively engages me more than he has since we were first together. I still have to be careful when I am having “expectations” because they will cause me to revert to controlling, etc. When I feel this happening, I disengage from the situation and go do self care. Works wonders!!
Laura Doyle you saved my marriage because I was teachable and applied your skills … we are stronger and happier for it and my husband is making preparations to join our little boy and i in Australia soon. We threw away the divorce decree that was already filed in court awaiting a court date…. but God put me on a path and led me miraculously to lead to your free webinar on relinquishing control …. and now..with your SWEW Program. we are headed for marital bliss, putting in the hard work but it starts with my self care and me getting rid of the control allowing him to just love me now for me…. thank you Laura Doyle for your wisdom and helping so many women who are teachable.
Laura, YOU have made all the difference in the world in my relationship. My cousin told me about your books and I have read 3 of them in a matter of days. I have recommended them to many friends and they have noticed a change in their relationship. You are amazing and will keep recommending your books to end divorce! Thank you.
Laura, Thank you so much for what you taught me yesterday. I was able to see that I was way too controlling. I practiced relinquishing control and my husband noticed it. He was pleasantly surprised and he absolutely loved it. He told me he felt appreciated, he was able to sleep better last night. We even got intimate this morning before he left to go to work which rarely happened. Thank you for helping me to save my marriage.
Laura, I’ve been doing the skills since January. I’ve seen wonderful progress. We’ve been married 36 years, my husband’s infidelity caught me so off guard, then was like trauma, followed by bad advice from marriage counselor…..I’m very, very impressed with the intimacy skills and how much they have helped even in this situation. We repaired a lot of damage quickly, even were intimate again after a long while. I don’t try to change him like I used to. I’ve tried many things. Doing your work gives me more peace and happiness and lightness than I’ve had in a long time. I see these skills creating miracles. I would love to be doing something to make this world a better place, help people avoid pain and have joy again, end world divorce, and feel like I was doing something that really matters. I think I’d like to be one of your coaches. I believe in your work, and I admire your wisdom, energy and commitment. You have created something that is truly amazing. Thank you so very much.
Laura,, I just finished Empowered Wives season 1 episode 6….relate. I will try to rough draft my situation. I divorced my husband of 20 years and moved to Florida in 2003. He came here in 2004 and left 2005. He came back here in 2013 with his dying mother. He is still here would not go back. He was homeless(working) for a couple years. Then he started working at my job(we are truck drivers) and asked to rent a room. We’ve been roomates for 7 months now. He has his own room. He had a melt down one day and I left and came back, and begged him to go back to Ohio because I just couldn’t deal with the disrespect. I told the Lord I couldn’t keep being nice to him, he would have to give me a reason….then a couple days later I heard you on the radio…I was like…”Did I write a book in my sleep?” You were talking about before the skills. I ordered your book and OH MY the atmosphere in my house has totally changed. He is wondering what is up? I wrote him a note apologizing for ALL the times I disrespected him, I was going to wait until I saw him, but not one more day with the frogs. I tell him I am now rethinking in like 3D, so I give him 3D moments every day. I told him, thank you for the steering wheel cover he bought me for Christmas 30 years ago, (family joke) I told him I am sorry that I missed the fact that he was taking care of me….SOOO summary I am applying your skills backwards….and maybe!!! I am so thankful for your book and have been so humbled. I also am trying to get everyone to read your book. Thank you sooo much for you!!! I will stop now because I think I’ve said wayyy to much already.
Laura Doyle is a miracle worker! Miracles happen using these skills. Just six months ago, my marriage was in shambles, and my husband and I were in a constant cold war. But in just four months of SWEW, the support of my SWEW sisters, and coaching from my incredible coach my marriage has come back to life and is getting stronger every day. I’m so grateful. It truly is a miracle.
Laura, I have and read all your books. You have been wonderful for me. I am almost 83 young and have two men friends. I have tried everything you write and they both love to be with me. I don’t know how things will go, but I am grateful that one, in particular says – You trust me, respect me, and I am so happy to be with you. And you never yell at me. I told him: Why should I yell at such a wonderful man. Thank you again.
I am out of town for business and just texted my husband that I love and miss him. Usually he just responds with the “Love you too” but now I get much much more. I just can’t believe that less than a year ago he had asked me for a divorce and now he is expressing his feelings to me that he hates sleeping alone. I just can not thank Laura Doyle enough for these life changing skills!
Laura, I wanted to thank you for putting on the Cherished for Life retreat. I felt so regenerated and empowered to try things newly in my life and my relationship!
I’m a working mom with a full schedule and almost every weekend booked with activities. But I’m so glad that I took the time this weekend to invest in myself and my family. Coming home after the retreat, I was filled with joy and love for the men in my life – including my little guy.
During the retreat, I was struck with how much I try to take care of everything myself. My self-reliance makes me feel powerful. However, it also causes me to squeeze out other people – especially the men – in my life. During one of the breaks, I called my son’s dad (my ex-husband) and told him how much I appreciate that I can rely on him this weekend. I also told him that I’m lucky my son has an amazing dad. It was a nice moment and I could hear in his voice that he was fulfilled when he replied “Thank you for making me a Daddy.”
That’s been one of the best shifts since the retreat – being someone who is still powerful and can now graciously receive. I even give my son opportunities to be my hero, like zip the back of my dress. One time he got mad that I zipped it myself!
I know it’s just the beginning of this journey. It’s been life changing and I’m forever grateful for the difference this work has made in my family. Thanks.
Thanks for writing your book, Laura, it saved our marriage! Well, that, and you sharing some hard truths about vulnerability during our phone calls! I can never thank you enough!
Thank you for being the beautiful person you are. Thank you for exploring, studying and then inspiring and coaching others. I am a true example that the work you teach is real and magical at the same time. I now know and understand that having a happy life is fully in my control. Peace comes from within. I am proud that I learned and am still learning through my challenges and I am so happy to have a caring, loving, helpful husband. Best wishes for your continued success.
I saw Laura Doyle on dateline (or some show like that) about 15 years ago. I went online to take her test and failed miserably! I bought the book the next day and the rest is history. I love my man more and more every day. I have reread it a few times over the years and bought more books to give them to friends and family. Scott and I have been married for almost 27 years! I am incredibly grateful for The Surrendered Wife!
I agreed to try being generous with my gratitude for one week. Every day, I found three things to thank Zack for. Halfway through the week I discovered another fringe benefit to my behavior when Zack pleasantly surprised me by saying, ‘You’ve really taught me that we need to appreciate each other more. I want to thank you for making dinner tonight.’ That was something I always wanted to hear from him; that he appreciated what I did. I just loved it! But maybe even more importantly, expressing my gratitude every day also made me appreciate him more. He really does a lot for me that I take for granted.
I was finally ready to let go of control and really allow myself to be vulnerable…. I discovered The Surrendered Wife in a bookstore about ten years ago. Seemed so random, but little did I know how drastically Laura’s Six Intimacy Skills would change my life. I fell in love with Laura’s work right away and regularly referred to her material over and over through the years. I believed in Laura’s book and principals so much that I decided to join her Intimacy Skills Coach Training. The training was powerful! Not only did I learn more, I really saw transformation in my relationship with my husband! My husband and I have been married fifteen years this past June and are more in love than ever!
“Respect” says Laura “is what men want most of all”. I felt so betrayed by my husband not doing the things I thought he should do. What exactly was I supposed to respect when he couldn’t even get his socks into the laundry basket? I’d committed to the program; I was going to do the exercises as assigned. I felt like the biggest liar; surely he would see through me? I simply mouthed some of Laura’s suggestions: “thank-you for going to work every day” “thank you for coming home every night” “thank you for breathing on your own” (OK, I made that one up, but that’s how ridiculous this exercise felt to me) The words felt like sawdust in my mouth. Apparently those same words were like a healing balm for his heart. I weep now to think how tolerant he was of me, when I so strongly felt the opposite was true.
The change was immediate.
Funny thing, I was challenged by the name of your book when I first saw it….I couldn’t help reading it out of curiosity…it totally changed my life and my perspective. After many years of failed attempts at mainstream counseling etc. – this made sense and it stuck. I treasure my book to this day and would buy one for every woman I know if I could. My hubby still sends me little love notes “just because” ….I am so lucky. A very heartfelt “thank you” for having the courage to think outside the box and share it with the rest of us.
Before reading this book, it was a very cold war in my home. I spent a lot of time at work and with my children, mostly leaving my husband as an outsider, which forced us even farther apart. I tried every tool, book, trick, and even manipulation to try to get my husband to reengage with me and our five children. But when I read The Surrendered Wife, I began the process of being true to myself and focus on what it was to be feminine. I focused on self-care very heavily, something that had been missing for years. At first, there was no change in my relationship with my husband, but I did notice a big change in myself. As I worked through and applied the principals of The Intimacy Skills, eventually our marriage began to change. However, it wasn’t until I truly became vulnerable to my husband that finally our relationship began to blossom into a marriage again. Now, after 30 years of marriage, we are happier and more connected than ever!
I can’t say thank you enough for helping me to save my marriage! I first read your book The Surrendered Wife seven years ago, right before I got married. My soon-to-be mother-in-law gave it to me, and though I read it, I didn’t try too hard to apply it to my marriage.
Fast forward six years into my marriage and I was ready to check out. I grew to feel my husband was more like a roommate; I was resentful of “having to do everything” in our relationship and felt like my husband was my 3rd child. When my mother-in-law came to visit us, I took her up on her offer to give me private weekly coaching. It made sense as she is your senior coach, and at this point I figured I’d try anything, even taking advice from my mother-in-law!
I’m proud to say that the coaching made an immediate difference. I was so excited to keep up the positive work that I enrolled in your Intimacy and Peace program. The video modules were great – except I skipped the one on financial intimacy. Well lo and behold, a few months later after a big fight about money, I surrendered our finances and never looked back!
Now, I am so thrilled to be one of your coach trainees and to make a difference for other women and their marriages. I do not want to begin to imagine what my marriage would be like if it wasn’t for all of the support and knowledge you and Kathy have offered to me. I owe the success of my marriage to you!!
I spoke to my coach today and just wanted to say thankyou again for recommending her. I think she is absolutely wonderful and I love talking with her. It is helping so much to have a coach and I’m starting to see a real change in my marriage. Doing the program without a coach would not have worked for me, so thanks for pointing me in the right direction. I too feel like I have a new husband, even though I am not 100% confident with the intimacy skills. Saying “I hear you” is a bit clumsy for me but in the past when my husband said something I didn’t like or didn’t agree with I would just say nothing. So now
saying ‘I hear you’ feels very strange, but I think he likes it. He even said ‘I hear you’ to me the other day. I face each day now with a growing confidence and instead of wanting my husband to be away from me, I want him near so I can keep practicing. It’s such fun!
Hi Laura, I would like to say a big thank you to the almighty and you for all of your advice and teaching on how to be a Surrendered Wife. I stumbled on your book on the internet when desperately looking for help on how to save my marriage. I decided to buy your book and since then, I’ve begun practicing surrendering. I was amazed on the drastic great turn around effect it had on my marriage. Things are now different. I am happy and with my peace now, though my man still get on my nerve sometimes.
“I’ve already bought your first book and have put things into practice. One of the main areas of change has been the finances!! My husband has finally started to put a plan together to move us within the next 4 years! Keep up the good work – you’ve saved another marriage” – thank you xxx Rachel
Update – husband is starting a new job in a week’s time earning loads more money!!! He has really stepped up since controlling the finances and me not nit picking. I’m so proud of him!
Michelle, Dorr, Mi
“When I first started using the principles I was shocked at the change in response from my husband. The changes in response moved me to learn more. The difference in one month was incredible, we went from separated almost divorced to living together enjoying each other.”
Every time I think that things have gotten as good as they’re going to get, something happens to show me that they can get even better, as long as I keep practicing the skills I’ve learned here. Thanks again.
I Love, love, love Laura’s program too. My marriage and my happiness have turned around. I am amazed and so grateful.
I thought you might like to hear this. I suggested the “Surrendered Wife” book (as I have to many women over the past few years since you recommended it to me) to my sister-in-law. They’ve been married around 20 years or so and we got talking about some of the issues the book addresses. I really sensed she needed to read what was in the book. She tracked down the book and is reading it. I got this wonderful text from her last night…
“Thank you so much for suggesting the book! It is already changing our marriage for the better!!! Tonight Tommy asked me where I came from and what did I do with his wife lol. He said it in a jokingly, complimentary way. I am only on chapter seven! I had no idea how much I was crushing him. Good stuff!!”
That just makes me happy!
Hi Laura hope you are good, I’ve been reading your book the Surrendered Wife & I totally swear by it every women should read this before and while being married, since I’ve been reading it I’ve been implementing what I’ve read and it has totally changed me as a person, I’m so much happier and my relationship marriage everything is so much better thank you so much for writing the book, may you succeed.
Hey Laura – I used your ‘whatever you think’ principle yesterday when he was talking to me about whether he should spend £690 on getting the air conditioning in the car fixed or not!
I must have said it around 5 times and just said whatever you think with regards to getting it done and also how we would pay for it. He decided in the end not to so my fears he would zero out the account were not real! Your new book is excellent thanks so much.
I have been married 30 years and have been a surrendered wife for 1-1/2 years. I have participated in the Intimacy and Peace program, the Surrendered Wife/Empowered Woman program, and had private coaching since last Sept. Using all the resources that Laura offers has totally transformed our marriage. For about 25 years of our marriage there was no physical relationship, no intimate conversation, no compliments, no time spent doing fun things together. We were just roommates that ran a business together. Then I found Laura!!!! I started using the skills and things started changing immediately. Now we are like newlyweds. Now we are intimate and do things together. My husband compliments me and tells me how much he loves me everyday. I have the marriage I always dreamed of. It has actually changed every aspect of my life, including taking care of myself now. I could go on and on. I can’t thank Laura enough for what she has taught me along with my coach, Sheri.
I just tried to help myself out of a 25 year marriage. Thank you Laura for the tools I so needed, my new relationship is totally different than my failed marriage. We are both so happy and in love!
Laura, Thank you for your friendship! Today I went to Barnes and Noble and bought your book for a second time! Things had not been going so good lately with my husband of almost 31 years. I guess you know why. Yep, I kept wanting to talk about our relationship- Some of the most precious years we had were when I was surrendering. I am going to do what I should have been doing all along……respecting him, unconditionally! Thank you for your book!
Dear Laura, I followed ur advice in ‘Surrendered Wife ‘to keep quiet and watch/observe my husband making his own decisions. I also verbally praise and share with him that I trust and respect his decisions. He has become more relaxed; shares and talks with me more now. I am so grateful u have experimented with and shared ur reports. Practising your advice has given my husband and I greater levels of peace and intimacy in our daily lives.
Your books have truly been a blessing to my life! When I was single, I read “The Surrendered Single” and I also shared it with my girlfriends. We all are now married with children and we’ve read “The Surrendered Wife” and also “The Empowered Wife.” I’ve been where all of the other ladies have been at some point in my marriage.
Ladies, I truly can say that although you feel your situations are helpless, you absolutely have way more power in YOUR marriage than you think you do. I used to complain that my husband was a mess, but guess what…he was MY mess. I chose him.
By focusing on my own happiness and the happiness of my children, I became the woman God created me to be. I started my own business, I attracted friendships with other women who were like-minded and uplifting and, most importantly, I grew. My entire frame of mind changed for the better. My attitude was simple, “I matter. I deserve love. I am loveable. I will be good to myself.” When I changed, my children changed. My husband changed. My LIFE changed!
I stopped having the desire to complain about how disrespectful my husband was and I focused on being thankful for all that I had and all that was happening in my life. My marriage was not transformed overnight but it didn’t take long.
Ladies, you know that once we start working out, fixing our hair different, dressing nice, wearing a smile on our face and letting little things slide we become noticeable to everyone around us.
The first thought in your man’s head will be, “What is going on with her?!” The principles in Laura’s book are like Weight Watchers. They work when you work the program. Laura wouldn’t say this, but I’m going to…don’t question the steps until you try them. Asking all of these “what if” scenarios is a waste of time. I’ve dealt with everything in my marriage and it still hasn’t ended. Why? Because I took BACK my power. YOU are POWERFUL.
If you don’t like the atmosphere in your home and in your marriage, then change it! Stop looking for your man to make the first move because he won’t. Stop questioning the process. Take back your power. If you need encouragement and you’re afraid the steps won’t work, then I suggest you get in a quiet place and encourage yourself, fake it until you make it and most importantly KEEP IT MOVING.
If things don’t improve right away and your man is still acting crazy and unresponsive SO WHAT?! Like my daddy always said, “One monkey won’t stop a show.” Your man will come around.
To be honest, he’ll probably observe you at first to see if your new personality is a permanent change or just some type of temporary mood. The changes may make him nervous. Keep at it!
You’re a WOMAN. You can do ANYTHING. And remember, you’re not going through your situation in your marriage just for the sake of going through it. You’re going through it so that one day, you can help another woman save her marriage one day. You don’t know how many other women are watching how you conduct yourself in your marriage because they are dealing with issues in their marriage and they need guidance. “Each one teach one.”
If you want your marriage and you want to see a permanent change in your man, then try the skills. If you’re afraid to try the skills, then ask yourself why you are afraid and if needed, attempt them at another time when you are ready. But please don’t discredit the principles if you haven’t even given them a chance.
In May 2016 I was lucky enough to have found you on the web when I was searching for coaches and relationships. My marriage was about to end and I was desperate and there you were. I bought your book, and devoured every word and then signed up for SWEW, taking part in the 6 months with you and all the wonderful women.
First, my marriage did not end, and I want to thank you and all your amazing knowledge and tools that you passed on to us for that. I did the work, and continue, and when things are not going to well, I immediately know what is up, and it is me not practicing gratitude and being all over his page. So I am now able to navigate the waters, and am enjoying my marriage.
Thank you so much. I know what a difference your work made in my life and then multiplied my all the women you work with, you have made a big impact on the world.
I’m glad you had the courage to follow your heart, you inspire me to do the same.
I only remember strife and tension and upset and fights for most of our Christmases together. This year (and I knew this would happen) we had a peaceful, wonderful, amazing, thoughtful, happy Christmas. I found Laura Doyle’s book The Empowered Wife” at my local library just a few weeks ago. After 18 years of marriage and 17 pf those years in counseling, I was SO READY to find a real solution to our constant “difficult” relationship. It has been just over 2 weeks and I am a convert. I have NO TROUBLE whatsoever implementing the 6 intimacy skills, as they make a lot of sense, have instant pay offs and are plain and simple. For all those years in counseling I had to do all kinds of exercises that were supposed to make me a better person. The opposite happened. I became an increasingly horrible woman instead. Feeling frustrated and not getting what I was supposed to get from the dialoging, self-loving, stopping my anger, and the list goes on. I just could not master any of it. It felt so pointless. And my husband never became a better husband either.
Your book has turned me into the person I was meant to be all along, but being a child of a divorce, I had NO IDEA what it took to be a good wife. Turns out it is SUPER SIMPLE. I am so very grateful for you, Laura. I almost want to say you are my hero, but you are not. You are MY BEST FRIEND!!!!
THANK you with my eyes full of tears….
I have also been on the same mission as you for almost 2 decades: to end world divorce, albeit in my own small little way. Every time yet another friend filed for divorce I knew it was a mistake. I knew there’s got to be an answer out there. I knew I should not divorce my own husband (though for a year we threatened each other with that). You say almost exactly what I was telling myself: he IS a good man, he doesn’t drink or do drugs or have affairs, and there is a good guy in there for sure. Just like there is a good woman inside of me. And she has emerged and I have demonstrated already several times that I don’t need to make a scene and berate my lover, and you have showed me how. Why didn’t my previous well-meaning counselors tell me any of this???
EVERYTHING is good now. Never mind the few times that I felt anger. I applied one of the skills and didn’t need to talk it over for hours with him. It works, I have regained my dignity, he is pulling his weight more than ever before. He is a great dad and husband. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!
P.S. I am still hoping for more one-on-one time (including sex), but have faith that with consistently implementing the skills, I will get that too! M.S.
Laura, I came across your book ‘Surrendered Wife’ a couple of years ago, and fell in love with the book. Each word in there is so true.
Laura and all the coaches, I wanted to give you an update on me. Last night my husband opened up to me like he hasn’t in a long long time. He told me he missed me at home and that dating sucks. He said I am the only one for him and that he wants us to be together again so we can grow old together like we promised in our marriage vows. He apologized for his part of what happened. He wants to make it right. He asked me to sit next to him on the couch and we cuddled. He said “this is what I miss” and kissed the top of my head.
I wanted to thank all of you for your loving support and kind words of advice. You really have a wonderful thing going with this community. I can’t wait to see you all again at the next Cherished for Life Weekend!!
Hi Laura…just made it through a day just littered with opportunities to hurt my husband by disrespecting him. I’ve been following the Surrendered Wife principles for a few years and it has changed my life…my husband couldn’t be more wonderful to me. But there are still times where the “control demoness” wants to have her say..and I have to keep my mouth closed. I recently gave up control of the finances over to my capable husband. Not easy for me but it feels good to let it go. Thank you Laura for giving all of us the gift of learning how to love and respect our men…and watching them blossom into the strong loving leaders they are meant to be. I love you Laura! You are awesome!
A friend introduced me to your work. I immediately bought your book and started listening to it and implementing the 6 intimacy skills. My husband and I have been together for 18 years (married for 15) and we married at the age of 21. Although we are incredibly compatible, we’ve struggled for the past few years and had some dramatic ups and downs. I felt that he was a workaholic and was neglecting me and our boys. I was feeling so lonely at times. It got to the point where I was using the “D” word and threatening him frequently. Things seemed to be hopeless to me and I just didn’t feel loved or appreciated. I missed the sweetness we had in our relationship and couldn’t find a way to bring it back. Everything I tried seemed to make it worse or make no impact at all.
When I listened to your book it all made complete sense. I come from a line of strong willed women and we know best of course. 🙂 I realized the mistakes I had been making for years. I’ve always known I had a great man, but I had been disrespecting him and bossing him around thinking I was only being “helpful”. I now realize that it all stems from fear.
I started practicing the skills and I could not believe how quickly things started to change. My sweet man is back and he is now gifting time to me and the boys. He looks at me the way he used to and I am getting warm hugs, slaps on my rear and kisses more often. The harmony and peace have returned to our household. We appreciate each other more. And the best part is that I feel calmer and more at peace knowing I don’t have to control him or tell him how to do things on his paper. I also have taken ownership over my pleasure through self-care and that has helped my attitude so much.
I told my friend about you, she also started seeing changes instantly and now we meet every other week to brag about our husbands and share our successes. The positivity is contagious!
These skills seem to be almost magical!!
I think you are amazing and I just want to thank you for doing what you do. I have tears in my eyes because I am so happy to have my marriage back and I can’t believe how close it got to the point of no return. The advice you give in your book is invaluable. Thank you for reminding me that I really do have a good guy and for giving me hope, joy and peace again. I’m really very very happy. Thank you thank you thank you! With so much gratitude.
Laura, I want to start by saying a huge, heartfelt THANK YOU to you. I can’t tell you what a gift it has been being introduced and implementing your carefully constructed and proven skills into my life. I was fortunate enough to be introduced to the Surrendered approach and the Six Intimacy Skills earlier this year at a course I took in Israel led by one of your wonderful trained coaches.
Since the course, I have continued working with my coach to really implement the skills into my life. I’m elated to mention that it made it possible for a wonderful man to enter my life. I am fully aware that it was a result of everything I’ve learned and implemented from your graciously shared wisdom.
Before this entered my life, I was dating plenty of guys, giving few of them a good chance and/or severely trying to control things. It’s as clear as day to me now what the mindset for a loving, fulfilling relationship is. I can’t help but cringe when I think of things I used to do, but I find comfort in the fact that I have awareness now and there’s no going back! Sure, like you say, it doesn’t mean things are always going to be perfect but the comfort is in the fact that there’s always an answer.
I absolutely love your books, and almost see them as a bible for my relationship. It’s personally wonderful for me to incorporate your teachings together with my Jewish religious beliefs as I see them always clearly complementing one another.
I hope that in the future after I have more practice of the skills, to train with you so that I can help spreading this gift to other women around the world. Many sincere thanks and admiration.
I want you and your staff to know how wonderful I think you and your program and books are. I have learned so much, and you have helped me become a vigorous defender of marriage. Friends have received copies of your book, Empowered Wife (love it!) and I have mentioned it dozens of times so far on social media.
One reason I so strongly encourage people to use your wonderful ideas is because I am, unfortunately, one of the women who learned too late. I could have made my husband happy, but I had no idea how. Thank you again, Laura. Divorce causes so, so much unhappiness, and it is so often unnecessary, if people only have the right tools to make their marriage work. I really believe your work is helping save many, many people, including innocent children, from that unhappiness. Keep up the awesome work!