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How to Be Feminine and 10x More Attractive

What Your Mom and Grandma Would Have Told You if They’d Known

As a young adult, it made me angry when someone implied that men and women are different because that showed they were prejudiced.

I saw that as the old, unenlightened thinking. I smugly believed I knew the truth: everyone was the same, regardless of gender.

I knew how to be assertive, speak up for my rights, and correct others for their backward thinking.

I was charming like that.

But I didn’t know how to be feminine or even recognize my own astonishing power as a woman.

Looking back, I feel sad for the clueless younger version of me.

I was so hopelessly ignorant of the valuable contributions that I bring to my relationship and to the world as a woman that I tried to avoid seeming feminine.

I equated femininity with weakness.

I was afraid my gifts were repulsive.

Now that I know what it looks like to be feminine, I find there’s such ease, dignity and comfort in it—what a relief! I feel good in my skin when I’m my feminine self.

When I say “feminine,” I don’t mean manipulative or overtly sexual. I’m talking about honoring my feminine spirit, which I’ll explain.

Learning how to be feminine rocked my relationship and my world in the best way I can imagine.

There are no clothes, makeup, or plastic surgery that can come close to having the irresistible magnetism of the feminine spirit in a woman.

Tapping into your own feminine gifts makes you 10x more attractive.

Here’s how:

1. Receive Graciously

Receptivity is the essence of femininity.

I’m going to repeat that, just to make sure you don’t miss it. It’s the key to blowing wide open the whole mystery of how to be feminine.

Receptivity is the essence of femininity.

To be more feminine, be more receptive.

Here’s how: Consider receiving gifts, compliments, and help graciously.

That means if your husband says you look cute when you have bed hair, you say “Thank you” and nothing else. No need to explain that your hair is a mess. He has eyes too, and he doesn’t seem to think that matters. Just receive.

It means if a coworker says, “Do you want some help moving the chairs back?” and you feel guilty because it’s your responsibility, you smile and say only “Thank you.”

Receiving graciously also means that if someone—your man, a friend, a coworker—offers you a present, you receive that too.

Hannah decided to activate her feminine gifts when her new boyfriend, Sam, offered to repair her dilapidated car at his shop. She agreed, even though she was afraid she would owe him something in return.

He also wanted her to drive his expensive luxury car in the meantime. To make it even more uncomfortable for Hannah, he put new tires on her car for free.

It was all Hannah could stand to let him give her so much. She was nervous because she wasn’t used to such generosity, but she was determined to experiment with being feminine by being receptive.

Instead of demanding something in return, Sam was happy and proud that he had been able to help her so much. He seemed intent to find his next mission in service of bettering her life so he could make her beam with happiness again.

She got to feel special and have a roadworthy car, and he got to feel like her hero. Win-win!

Imagine if she had said, “Oh you don’t have to do that” and missed the chance to receive. She would have cheated herself out of the special treatment he wanted to give her, and he would have missed out on feeling proud and heroic. Lose-lose.

2. Women Are Built to Receive

Think of your body as a metaphor. When it comes to sex, you are built to receive. So is your spirit.

Men are fundamentally attracted to the feminine. So the more receptive you are, the more feminine you will be. The more feminine you are, the more attractive you will be.

But it’s not always easy. It wasn’t for me at first.

I found it nearly impossible to be receptive at times. So I rejected lots of gifts, compliments, and help.

I always had my reasons.

I thought I would owe a debt. But that’s not possible—by definition, gifts are free! Same with compliments and offers to help.

Sometimes I was trying to prove I could pull my own weight.

Other times I had another agenda: I didn’t want my husband to buy me flowers because it was a waste of money. I wanted to save money.

Or I felt undeserving, if I’m honest, and vulnerable.

But each time I rejected what was offered to make my life easier and more pleasant, I missed a chance to feel special, to get special treatment.

I missed the chance to feel intimate with the person who was trying to lighten my load or delight me, especially my husband!

3. Poor Receiving Made Me Less Attractive

When my husband discovered he couldn’t make my life sweeter and easier with his efforts because I rejected them for whatever reason, the intimacy suffered.

Today, my priority is to have the intimacy—to choose to be feminine—above my other silly reasons for not receiving. I have good receiving muscles now that I’ve been practicing.

You can start practicing too.

If a man offers to put your bag in the overhead compartment on a plane, say “Thank you.”

If the bagger at the grocery store offers to help you out to the car, consider saying “Thank you.”

If your husband offers to change the comforter cover and you fear he’ll put it on sideways, say only “Thank you.”

If he says you’re beautiful on a day when you don’t feel beautiful, accept his point of view and honor your feminine spirit by saying only “Thank you.”

There’s nothing more feminine than knowing you deserve to be admired, helped, and adored.

How can you flex your receiving muscles this week?  I’d love to hear below.

By Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

New York Times Bestselling Author

I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

56 replies on “How to Be Feminine and 10x More Attractive”

I had difficulty in receiving because I was raised by single powerful mom
I learned that powerful women intemedate men.

What a beautiful article on embracing our femininity . Thank you Laura. Our divine right as Women and mothers is to enjoy our Feminine grace and delight in it. I’m 35 years old and grew up in a generation of women who are trying to harness male attributes. You are a voice of reason in an ocean of chaos !

Once again, thank you Laura for your help!
Yours weekly articles help me a lot. What you say is so true… but I’m just a beginner. It’s hard to become a good wife. So thank you a lot for your weekly help.

What a delight to hear I am finally doing it right! I love receiving compliments, gifts and my husband loves being my hero. This article helps me know at 60 I am finally getting something right! Thank you!

Don’t most gifts come attached with strings?

What if a guy is just doing all this to get into your pants?

I feel like most people expect me to return the favor so I’d rather not accept it in the first place.

Anna, The only strings on gifts are the ones you attach. Regardless of what the intention is, you don’t owe anything when you receive a gift. You’re not responsible for other people’s expectations. It might be fun to experiment with receiving and seeing how it goes.

Really amazing article, its so true accepting gifts allows you as a woman to feel feminine and feel so special.I would love to learn how to build a stronger relationship through long distance relationship. I have been married for one year and waiting for my husband to come to Australia. We have a strong connection but when I get my period I can be so sensitive and say stupid things just really need advice on how to stop myself from being too sensitive. This is my second marraige as my first was abusive and he hurt me badly. Im good now cause I found a real man with a big kind caring and gentle heart.

Sorays, Congratulations on marrying a great guy! That does sound hard waiting so long to be with your husband. I think you might find some inspiration in The Empowered Wife: Six Surprising Secrets for Attracting Your Husband?s Time, Attention, and Affection, if you haven’t read that yet. Or if you want more immediate support, you can schedule a discovery call here:

Laura, I LOVED this and can’t wait to try it. Our tendancy is to say, “Oh no, you don’t have to do that!” So instead of making the person feel useful and appreciated, we make him feel useless and not really needed or appreciated.
Thank you. And thank you for sharing these free tips in addition to your book, which I am reading and love.

I found this point of view interesting for sure! I am just struggling with the idea that the concept of receiving is a feminine attribute… Femininity is not something that is easily defined to me. Accepting gifts and help is a very important lesson for everyone not just women. Women do not need any more help then men do. With that said I do not refuse a door being held for me or help when it is offered. I also will hold doors for men and women and will help men and women if they need it, not because of their gender but because it is the nice thing to do and it makes me feel good to do so…

Emma, I used to struggle with this concept too because I worried it meant I was weak. Women need more help when we’re pregnant or nursing, or with things that require more upper body strength. But we can give a wonderful gift by being receptive, by receiving gifts and help graciously, because, as you say it feels good to give and have something received.

I have never met a man that did anything for me without expexting sex in return. I do believe there are a very few that would help without expectations. I am very leery about men and wanting to help or fix things

Tammmy, I would make a distinction between expecting sex and wanting sex. Were they expecting or just hoping? Some of what you’re describing has to do with your perspecticles. I hear your inner mantra is, “all men just want sex!” But men like to be of service and make you smile, too. If he gives you something or helps you, you don’t owe anything, so what’s to be leery about? It may be part of his attempt to woo you, true, but that doesn’t mean he expects it.

I just finished the book and today I surrender, including control of the finances which I never would have dreamed of giving to him. I cancelled my appointment with the divorce attorney. I’m all in. Fingers crossed I can uphold these principles. Will read through the book every day if needed. Thanks for helping me see my many, many, many disrespectful errors and giving me hope.

Karen, Hooray! Congratulations on having the courage to go all in! Isn’t it a thrill to feel that hope and know that you have the power to make things great again? Let me know how I can support you. You’re doing great so far! Kudos to you, Karen!

Hi laura, my husband is unemployed and doesnt help out around the house either. I work fulltime and do housework and take care of our son and becoming resentful.. ive become resentful n lost respect for him and sick of him playing video games while we sink further in debt and im struggling. What advice do you have? How can i surrender to someone that’s unreliable n doesny have income?

Llena, I got myself in the same boat as you and I still remember how awful it was to be the only breadwinner and getting no help with the housework! It’s awful. But using the 6 Intimacy Skills changed everything and now my husband has a successful business and does lots of housework too. Consider a complimentary discovery call to figure out the best thing you can do for your relationship, your family and your son. You can do that here:

Lovely words. I know exactly what you mean about sometimes feeling undeserving of a compliment, or saying flowers are a waste of money. I have done exactly the same in the past…and it’s a miserable existence. I think that maybe we (females) feel the need to ‘step up to the plate’ constantly and often are much too eager under value ourselves.

It is really simple and I have no idea why our modern day culture wants to blur or even remove the gender line. Ladies, it comes down to one thing, you want a real man, then be a real woman. The more you are a woman, the more you will make him a man! God created him to be what he is and God created you to be what you are…after all you are the most powerful person in his life if you are surrendered. Go ahead compete against him and the kingdom of many will soon be a kingdom of one…you!

Hi, I am enjoying your audio books tremendously. I’m learning so much! Can you address how to decline graciously when you do not want what is being offered? For example, my husband offered to make me a hot drink when I really didn’t want one…
I appreciated his desire, recognized he wanted to give (is that his way of trying to connect at the end of a long day?), I want to be a gracious receiver, but didn’t want the drink. Thank you again.

R, I’m happy to hear you’re enjoying my audio books! With receiving, you can always receive the giver, as in “That is so sweet of you! I feel like a princess with you taking such good care of me. I would love…fill in the blank (i.e. a cold drink, nothing but to sit and be with you, chocolate, water or whatever is true for you). Gracious receiving means you receive the gesture, the thoughtfulness and the connection, but not drinking something you don’t want. I talk more on this topic in my book, Things will Get as Good as You Can Stand.

Brilliant! Laura, did you know that Jewish mysticism actually defines the feminine energy as receiving? I love how you bring it right into our real world.

Oh Laura! You and I could be twins cos you were totally describing ME in this article!!! Lolll
Thank you so much! I needed to hear this like 10 years ago but it’s never too late to start! Thank you thank you!!!

Many TNX for your article … full of educational tips… you know i’ve got married recently and i guess i’m not good at receiving… i can’t understand how can i be an independent girl , and also receiver… i’m generally independent and fierce girl (this features come from my ex-boy friend’s feed backs) and now i have a supportive man as my husband… so i have to be receiver but i don’t wanna lose my independence, too. How? can you help me?

You wrote, “I saw that as the old, unenlightened thinking. I smugly believed I knew the truth: everyone was the same, regardless of gender.”

I wonder why you thought that? It’s counter-intuitive, yet a lot of women seem to have fallen into this mind-set. Any idea who/what implanted these seeds?

The click-bait title really put me off this article, but the content is gold. Thank you 🙂

Hi, Laura, I have been learning so much from your books and articles! What if my husband literally never compliments me or gives me anything. He does help me occasionally and I always joyfully thank him. He use to be very complimentary, but after 22 years I think he just doesn’t see the need. I try to find things to praise him for and compliment his appearance and abilities. Maybe it bothers me because it is my love language, but it’s probably the hardest for him to do! I try to stay attractive for him and have gotten over worrying I’m not petty enough. He might give me one compliment a year. I know it shouldn’t matter that much to me, but if you can give me suggestions I would love it.

I tried this with my husband a while ago, but over time it seemed like he must have felt obliged to keep it up because I wasn’t saying “Oh no I can manage thanks”. He started complaining resentfully about how he had to do things for me, calling me weak and saying I couldn’t cope with life because he “had to” help me with things. I don’t know if I did something wrong or if he just has a different perspective for some reason. Maybe he wants to offer but doesn’t want to have to actually do the thing! I don’t know. Seems like whatever I do is wrong, in lots of different areas of life.

I have always had a problem receiving gifts from men “graciously”. It seems every time I did, there were strings attached. Or I was made to feel “less than” because they were doing for me when I couldn’t do for myself. My dad, of all people, is the absolute worst at this!! I am at a point I refuse to accept any gift from him because I am always made to feel guilty for months afterward. How do you deal with this sort of treatment? It has made me to the point that I do not want any man to do for me because I do not want to be tally marked for being gifted.

I have recently started reading your articles and I just want to say I really enjoy reading them. I hope I can be the wife, my husband deserves. Thank You

Yes I have the same feeling as you were, this write up is just in time. Thank you Laura for what you always is?

So the basic idea here is to take, take, take. Great advice. It’s bad enough we’re living in a materialistic Kardashian age…let’s just go ahead and perpetuate it. SMH.

What about when you want to receive all these things but your husband doesn’t do crap? Ha! I gladly receive a “your beautiful” once a month, if that. I have never received flowers in my entire life from him. He doesn’t start my car in the morning on cold days, or open my doors, or let me order first, or do anything around the house. He does suggest I get in the car after grocery shopping as he puts it away, he will make breakfast, dinner occasionally- again which I GLADLY receive. But I still do not feel feminine. Even intimacy and initiation on his part is so lacking and keeps me totally Unfufilled. What are other ways I can be feminine if I don’t have much to receive from my husband?

I love your books, and am desperately trying to put all the skills to good use. I have a question on MEN receiving. I often offer to do something for my husband to which he replies “no, that’s okay”. For instance, he’ll complain his neck hurts and I might say “I can rub your neck for you”, and he’ll decline. I know it’s not because he doesn’t enjoy it, as in the past I have done it for him and he liked it. Sometimes I wonder if HE doesn’t want to be “beholding” to me. I get the feeling that he doesn’t want me to “get ahead” of him in doing things, ie’ chores around the house, favors, acts of service (his love language, but not mine), etc. Any advice on how to handle those situations. Do I just not offer? I’m trying to be loving & caring when I do, but when he refuses it just makes me feel rejected. Thanks again for your wonderful books!

Dear Laura,
It would be so nice to be intimate with my husband again. I lost feeling with my sexuality. We both seem to be afraid to be vulnerable so we are best friends instead of lovers…! I wish he would persuade me to be intimate but that is not his style. Instead he is waiting for me.

This is absolute and total bull***. You guys disgust me. If we relied solely on what we are given or what we “receive.” We wouldn’t get very far would we? We wouldn’t have very much, would we? Yeah, it’s nice to accept compliments from men but we shouldn’t have our self worth depend on them. Our emotional connection with ourselves shouldn’t be from passing gifts or stares or compliments or some god damn flowers.

Power comes from independence. Power comes from picking yourself up and dusting yourself off. No one is going to give you your wildest dreams. No one is going to give you a happy life on a silver platter. No one is going to give you freedom from illness or grieve or hardship. And your damn well not gonna get any closer to these things if you think it is okay to accept a passive, emotionally submissive role. A role of being pretty and delicate and incapable of closing your own goddamn car door. Or lifting your own goddamn luggage. Or buying your own goddamn flowers.

Femininity is about a specific kind of strength. A strength we are given by being a minority. By being in a position of lesser power by the patriarchy. A strength we are given from the weight of knowing that our ancestors were treated like sexual livestock for centuries.

Femininity is not the princess waiting to be saved. Femininity is not the wild lost little girl waiting to “receive” her freedom. Femininity is going out there and claiming your space in the universe and getting your needs your f***ing self.

Wow. I think your confused as to what’s being said here. Or maybe I am. When allowing or receiving from someone (especially your mate) it’s not that your down playing your own abilities. It’s not getting your rocks off by having someone say good things or do things for you. It’s not about handing over your own personal power or strength. It’s about advancing your inner power and balance by expanding your capabilities. What good is giving if you can’t receive and what good is receiving if you can’t give? It’s like working hard for your financial security yet never ever enjoying that Financial security. Or like cooking an awesome dinner yet not eating it. By accepting compliments or help, you aren’t stating your incapable of meeting those needs for yourself. It’s about allowing assistance because it is being offered. Because you can. Because they can. Because they will. Because you will.

Thanks Laura, I have never considered this, I make excuses for myself, to help me feel stronger so am not seen as vulnerable both from my husband and other people. but the truth is that I suffer and grumble secretly.

Really going to put this into practice and enjoy being me, A female!

I’m practically in tears while reading this. I needed this help so desperately but didn’t realize it. This is truly, TRULY going to change my life. Along with the article about my husband not complimenting me. I can’t tell you thank you enough. THANK YOU!

Thank you for these articles. It sounds like they’re helpful for a lot of women. Unfortunately, I find that they don’t target behaviors that I’m engaging in or beliefs that I have. I do receive my husband’s love and his gifts on the rare occasion when he gives them. (This year he gave me pajama pants for Christmas, and all I said was “Thank you.” I mean, really. Pajama pants.) I don’t criticize his way of showing love to me, when he actually shows it. I don’t criticize anything he does, and for the most part, I never have. But he’s so unaffectionate. I don’t think that he’s attracted to me at all because he never says he is and he almost never touches me. Last night I gave him a hug and he just left his arms at his side until I was done and then he walked away. We weren’t arguing at the time. I felt so dejected.

Omg! I have been way too independent and was raised with always return the favour but with 4 kids (2 with special needs) I thought it was just easier to be independent and rarely rely on others unless I for sure knew how to return the favour. I see how my husband just allowed me to take over (I have a very strong personality). It’s hard not to take over when my husband just expects that now however. He’d prefer to just sit on his phone (games, porn, online affairs) and becomes upset when he feels he needs to do something. He says he’s no longer interested in me. I now understand why he said he loved my energy. It’s hard to be myself and still please him — not clear on this yet

THIS! I grew up in a very masculine, feminine-despising family. All emotions and appeals for help were perceived as THE ENEMY. All of the women in my immediate and extended family, due to the Southern African culture and elephant tribe from which I hail – were masculine and household leaders, who were afforded zero, and I do mean zero room or space to express an ounce of expectations to be wholly, or sufficiently cared for by their husbands. Consequently, as I came of age, having grown up in the West and exposed to a current perspective on how the feminine strength should be expressed, it dawned on me that the constant fiction between my family and I derived from their collective, deep seeded, misogynistic philosophies, emanating especially from THE WOMEN (men). They hated that I was fighting for my femininity. They simply could not comprehend my choice to be extremely well taken care of, to a degree they did not even know existed. A degree they likely wouldn’t, themselves, be able to bear, psychologically, due to the foriegn extent of the concept. Lacking introspective capabilities, all they could do (thus far) is hate it, and attempt to shame me for feeling as good as possible.

Over the last year our relationship has grown strained. He works alot and recently he has withdrawn and stopped calling me. We used to go out for breakfast every Sunday and he called me everyday. I know he is trying to buy a house and get the building inspector to sign off on the occupancy permit. But how do I get home to spend ti.e with me now I only see him once a month at best now it’s been 2 months and he barely calls me and when I try to talk to him about it he says he’s busy at work he drives tractor trailers locally.

Kathy, the rejection is so painful. His withdrawal sounds scary. I know you just want to be a happy wife, but first, you have to fix your relationship and it feels like it’s falling apart. You shouldn’t have to go a month without seeing your man or barely talk.

I still remember how horrible it felt when my husband had withdrawn and I thought my marriage was hopeless. That’s why my coaches and I have helped thousands of women. We can help you too. Get coaching so you can stop feeling hopeless and afraid, and start feeling desired, taken care of and special!

Powerful!! thank you. Just last week my husband asked me if he can vacuum my car. I looked at him for a full 30 seconds before replying to him yes please. The inner struggle of should I or shouldn’t I. Should I surrender to him/accept his help, thank you for this article.

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