The Art of Self-Care
Megan Askew
As a stay at home mom of two children, I am pretty good at putting them first and myself last. It seemed that being the best mom and wife were, at one time, my only priorities. I lived for my children and my husband, my entire life revolved around them for over ten years. It wasn’t until I stopped homeschooling and both of my children were in school that I realized how seldom I thought about my own needs. I had focused so much time and energy on them that I had lost myself in the process. It seemed that overnight my world had shifted and my role in it was unclear. If I wasn’t busy living and doing for my children and my husband, what was I actually here for?
In the book The Surrendered Wife, author Laura Doyle recommends doing three things every day for your own pleasure. Self-care, as it’s called, is apparently a very important first step in building and creating a close, intimate relationship. I wasn’t convinced that doing something that made me happy every day would impact my relationship with my kids or my husband, or help me figure out where I wanted my life to go now that I finally had the chance to think about it.
It turns out that I am really terrible at taking care of myself. I find tremendous joy and happiness doing for others- always knowing exactly what they needed at any given moment in any circumstance. How did I not know how to make me happy? I began to notice my down time, and committed to do something that made me happy when I had a chance. I devoured books. I drank coffee on my porch and watched the birds play. I taught my dogs some new tricks. I walked the river and through forest trails. I taught myself how to grow a thriving garden. Gradually, I began to see Megan again. I grew to know this person inside whom I neglected and ignored for too many years. I noticed my days seemed brighter, my energy levels were much higher, and I was not as easily stressed out by daily life.
Admittedly, I have only been practicing self-care for a few months, and I am constantly reminding myself to take the time or make the time. It seems that I do well for a few days, then fall off into my old habits again. It is only when I find myself feeling cranky or snippy with my kids or my husband that I take a step back, and realize that I have neglected myself. Now I notice when I am lacking in self-care almost immediately, and it goes a long way in helping me see the benefit of taking care of me. I am not only a better me when I take care of myself, I am also a better mom and wife, which is something the whole family benefits from.
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5 replies on “The Art of Self-Care”
I have both of your books and have practiced self care and it feels great except my husband gets mad because I’m leaving the house so much to get Massages, shopping, or to hang out with a friend. When I invite him he says no he prefers to watch TV all day. I go anyway but come home to an arguement and many accusations of cheating even if I show him receipts and take pictures of where I go. I dont feel so great anymore. What would you suggest in this situation?
Monique, Sorry to hear about the difficulties in your marriage. Good for you for making sure you get your self-care! Sometimes people are uncomfortable with change and they try to re-create the bad old conversations because they are familiar. I’d love to see you get some support. You can apply for a complimentary discovery call to determine your best move in your marriage here:
https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching/
Thank you! It’s hard to take time for yourself. I am a stay at home mom and I homeschool. Would I change that? No. But, I agree that taking time for yourself is difficult…because your “job” is 24/7. I try to have a quiet time each day, but hobbies and interests are difficult I am new to the idea of a surrendered wife, but look forward to learning more and growing!
Hi I just resonated with this SO much! I am stay at home mother and have been for over 10 years. I find I neglect myself way too much. To top it all off my youngest is severely autistic, nonverbal. I do my best but really need done help in finding myself again!
Lee
Hello Lee,
Being a stay at home mom can be difficult and challenging, even in the best of circumstances. While you may be faced with countless tasks and limited time, I still encourage you to take some time, even if its just a few minutes, to nurture yourself. Remember that you can’t be the best that you can be if you do not take care of yourself, too!If you would like further coaching or need some encouragement, click here https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching to book your free Discovery Session!