How I Changed My Family’s Legacy of Divorce to One of Strong, Happy Marriage
By Carol, Empowered Wife
I come from generations of divorce. It seemed that was to be the destiny of my 26-year marriage as well.
Raising three children, self-employment, financial challenges and stress all put tremendous pressure on my husband and me, and our relationship was beaten down.
I resented the lack of partnership from him and felt very alone raising our children. The economy drop hurt our finances severely, and my fears consumed me—something he didn’t know how to handle.
When I expressed my fear, he heard only criticism and we were off to the races, not understanding one another on any level. I tried to fix things, but my control hurt our marriage and pushed him away. I lacked the tools to navigate these marital challenges.
I had no clue that a few simple skills could help me end the cycle of divorce in my family.
My husband and I had been separated five months when I found Laura Doyle online. I began studying and went to the Cherished for Life Weekend. I was empowered as a woman to surrender control and grow into a better version of myself, which brought out the best in my husband too.
We began to heal.
The first thing I learned was how important it was to take care of myself again, as raising children and working so much had drained me and left me unclear of who Carol was anymore. I had always prioritized everyone else before myself, and that wasn’t working for me or serving my family.
I learned that when my cup is full, I can more easily handle the ups and downs of life. My joy returned as I practiced self-care and focused on the only thing I could control: me.
I was empowered to choose love and faith over fear and to implement the Six Intimacy Skills™. My husband and I reunited two months later. Today, he is my hero again.
Just last night he came home and installed the mirror I’ve been wanting. I know he was tired after a long day’s work, yet he still wanted to make me happy.
He now does laundry and cooking–anything he can to pitch in and help–not to mention rubbing my feet on the couch. I love that, almost as much as I do us dancing and laughing together in the kitchen!
Laura gave me the skills to rebuild our relationship and bring out the best in my man—and begin healing my family as well. I can now help mold the next generation with positive relationship skills by modeling a new legacy: strong marriage and family.
As I’ve learned to shift away from negativity and fear, I have realized that so much has to do with the stories we tell.
Interestingly, while half of my heritage has generations of divorce, the other side has generations of long-term marriage. In fact, my paternal grandparents were married 71 years. I now choose to claim that legacy.
And so I begin this introduction again…
I come from a legacy of committed marriage. And I am committed to empowering other women to learn the Intimacy Skills to heal their families of the impact of stress, financial struggles, anger and resentment. Together we can turn even the most hopeless relationship into a marriage where you feel the love and closeness you felt when you were newly wed.
After all, isn’t that what we all deserve?
5 replies on “How I Changed My Family’s Legacy of Divorce to One of Strong, Happy Marriage”
Hi
I am so glad you turned your dead marriage into a playful one. Laura Doyle is truly an inspiration. My husband and I have been married for one year now and it has a been a rock and roll.. because of family (in laws) and because of our personal issues we have fought bad. As a result he turned cold towards me and we even thought of separation.. but my problem is even when I practise the 6 intimacy skills, I fall into my old habits after a few days itself, this has happened many times.. and now I am fearful that whether I have lost all hope,. Will my husband ever love me the same way again?
I have a question for you: If my husband is already separated and I am told based upon his salary I should request child support which is three times what he is giving me, should I pursue that. He is not willing at the moment to reconcile. He says he is waiting to hear from a mediator. Is there any hope or anything I can do on my part. I have read your book and in the middle of it. He stopped seeing a counsellor went vacation by himself and told me that was it when he came back. He is hurt over the past and won’t let go. Any hope?
Thank you Laura Doyle. I agree!
What a wonderful testimony! I relate to this. My husband is self employed and I am a sahm to 4 kids. Self-care has been one of the best things for my husband and kids. I used to feel guilty about it but not anymore.
Beautifully written! I find my most important part of self care is getting enough sleep! Everything looks better in the morning. Life gets hectic, and its often hard to get enough sleep.