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What Keeps You from Being Your Best Self

How to Improve Without Having to Work So Hard

You can be standing in a crowd of thousands and still feel like the only person on the planet.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re married or single–loneliness can hit hard in the midst of the busiest seasons.

Nothing can make you feel more isolated and insignificant than feeling like no one gets you–like no one understands the thoughts going through your head and the weight sitting on your shoulders.

Being lonely is not conducive to growing and becoming your best self, but sometimes it’s not easy to find the community that can support you having the breakthrough you’re aching for.

Maybe it’s just finding the time for a heartfelt conversation with a friend who really gets you.

Maybe it’s discovering a mentor or coach who can offer the wisdom you want.

Maybe it’s breaking out of your comfort zone in order to meet some new faces–faces who will cheer you on and maybe even become your friends.

Here are 5 ways being in the right community makes it easier than ever to be your best self.

1. You Stop Feeling Like You’re Clueless

It is so easy to feel like no one is going through what I’m going through.

And it’s not always easy to meet people with common experiences, but when it happens it sure feels sweet.

Just hearing someone else tell your story that you thought was a secret can save years of therapy.

That’s one of the things I love about the community that we’ve created around here; as one person shares her problem, it gives all of us permission to say, “Same!”

It’s a lot easier to admit that you’re struggling with feeling like your husband doesn’t spend any time with you after someone else says it first.

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Sometimes there’s this unspoken “Holy Cow! You’re going through that too?”

That’s a pretty good sign that I’m not going to lose status in the tribe because I admitted something that I thought was shameful or embarrassing.

Just hearing from other women who are describing the same situation you’re in–the one where you thought you were the only one–is such a relief.

Since she’s got the same challenge, then it must mean it’s actually challenging and you’re not just a hopeless case.

It’s validation that this human experience is crazy sometimes.

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2. You’re the Sum of the Top Five People You Spend Time With

We humans are a social breed. We tend to do what we see other humans doing, positive or negative.

Being around people who are growing and improving themselves and who understand your drive for personal development means you’re more likely to grow and improve yourself. You’re more likely to feel inspired when you see others breaking the old habits in favor of a way that serves them better.

Plus, one of the things I get from the tribe I spend time with is that they call on me to be my best self.

I try to hide out sometimes, I admit it. But they’re not having it.

They reflect back to me what they see and stand for my greatness and expect the best of me, which feels pretty amazing.

We all are better off when we feel seen, supported and called to be the best version of ourselves.

3. You Have Someone Else to Learn From

It’s incredible what I learn from other women. It’s changed my whole life completely for the better.

Some taught me who I am as a woman, and some knew how to help me have a great relationship, and others remind me where I’ve been and what matters.

Having friends who are in your same season of life definitely has its benefits. But what if you were intentional about making some friends that were in different seasons? What would you learn from those friends?

Think of your age as the level that you’re on in the video game of life. Wouldn’t it be great to learn from women who are ahead of you in the video game of life? And what about getting some reminders from the women who are behind you, too?

One thing I can tell you about being on level 49 is that it’s clear that talking to the other players has made me more successful.

4. You Have Built-In Cheerleaders

Letting people in means letting them see both the good and the bad in your life.

While friends have permission to challenge you and hold you accountable, they also have the privilege of cheering you on and celebrating your breakthroughs. What a joy!

Nobody can cheer for you unless they see what you’re doing. They can’t see what you’re doing unless you let them see by sharing it.

If you’re not cheering for anybody or getting cheered for now, I promise it will make you excel in ways you hadn’t imagined you could.

It also makes day-to-day life a lot more fun.

5. Community Reminds You That You Never Have to Do Life Alone.

Despite the ache of loneliness that likes to pull at our thoughts and soul from time to time, community offers us the safety and assurance that we’re not alone.

Even in the darkest moments, friends have the ability to remind you of possibilities and hope.

They remind you you’re loved and known and not forgotten.

Sometimes I long for solitude, but even the peace I feel in my alone-time springs partly from the inner strength that comes with being part of a circle that knows me and loves me anyway.

By Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

New York Times Bestselling Author

I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.