Marriage Advice, Relationship Advice, Tips, and Help ArticlesMarriage Advice, Relationship Advice, Tips, and Help Articles
When your worst fears are confirmed and you find out your husband has cheated, it’s completely devastating.
News of that betrayal likely brings up fury, deep hurt and even hopelessness.
To make things even worse, he may try to deny it or react with hostility at the mere accusation of cheating, even though–or maybe because–he is guilty as charged.
It’s normal to want to punish him so he knows how much he hurt you.
It’s also normal not to know what to do. You don’t want to feel like a fool, and you already do.
Some friends will tell you to leave him as soon as possible, that his crime is unforgivable.
But what if you’re not ready for life as you know it to end?
What if you want to keep your family together?
Here are 4 expert-approved actions to take when your man has cheated.
Yes, he’s a complete jerk and a terrible person right now. You might wonder why anyone would want to stay married to someone like that.
But it’s not always easy to throw away the man you committed to for life in front of God and everybody.
There were a lot of good reasons you married him, and with all that time invested there may be even more reasons to stay with him.
Maybe you don’t want your kids to have a broken home.
Maybe you don’t believe in divorce, or maybe you just don’t want one.
Maybe you still love your husband.
Or maybe, under the mountain of pain you’re feeling, is the inkling that this is all a mistake and the man you truly belong with is deeply confused but the story isn’t over and you can somehow put things right.
Maybe you have faith despite this terrible blow. I admire that.
If the answer to the question “Do I want to stay married to him?” is yes, that doesn’t make you crazy or stupid.
If the answer to the question “Do I want to stay married to him?” is yes, that doesn’t make you crazy or stupid.
It makes you courageous.
If the answer is no, that is also completely understandable. I can see why you feel that way. This is probably not the blog for you, but I wish you well with your divorce and I’m sorry for the pain you’re in and for the loss of your family.
Now that we have that settled, it’s not really settled. The same question will probably come up again tomorrow, more than once.
That’s okay–you can keep asking yourself what you want as a way to stay tuned into your deepest desires so you can follow them.
One woman who repaired her marriage despite her husband’s ongoing affair asked herself if she wanted to stay married to her husband on the day she found out and every day thereafter, until he came back to her 18 months later.
For her the answer was always yes, and today her marriage is stronger than ever.
The point is that you don’t have to decide once and for all.
You can make your choices as you go along, knowing that there will be plenty of ups and downs in your journey.
It’s your indisputable right to change your mind. You’re not trapped in this marriage–you get to choose it every day.
Keep tuning in so you’ll know how you feel and what you want.
Of course you’re hurting and angry and sad! It’s a big deal to find that the ground you’re walking on isn’t as solid as you once believed.
Those excruciating feelings deserve to come out and have their day in the sun, but your husband doesn’t need to be the one who witnesses them.
Write in your journal, tell a bartender or your AA sponsor, your rabbi or priest the whole sad story, or get my free Roadmap.
Your feelings are valid. You’re hurting and you’re human. We all need to be heard and understood–especially you, especially now.
Having some safe outlets will help you avoid blowing up or melting down at your husband.
Your instinct may be that he deserves those blowups and meltdowns.
But it’s not him I’m concerned about right now; it’s you I’m thinking about.
My blowups and meltdowns were a release in the short run but never made me feel better in the long run. I ended up with an emotional hangover and the remorse of knowing I couldn’t take any of it back. I didn’t feel very dignified either.
Even though I wanted to let my husband have it, I didn’t like who I became in those moments, and they never got me closer to the kind of marriage I wanted.
You could also share your feelings with close friends or family, but consider doing so cautiously. When you share the hurtful things your husband has done, often those closest to you, who want to protect you, will say “You should leave him.”
One woman asked her husband to leave only after several friends told her she should, but she came to regret that decision when she realized that what she wanted most was to save her marriage.
I’ve heard from many women who regretted telling their husbands to leave but never from one who regretted letting him stay.
I have also heard from many women who have used the Connection Framework to restore her marriage to playful and passionate after an affair. Even when the cheating husband wasn’t ready to stop. Even though he said he didn’t love her anymore. Even when he insisted he was divorcing her.
These women report their marriages are better than ever and that the cheating does not define their marriage because their connection and commitment are now so strong.
That’s possible for you too. You may feel powerless right now, but so much of what happens in your marriage as a result of this crisis is up to you.
As Norman Vincent Peale wrote, “No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities–always see them, for they’re always there.”
Hi! I’m Laura.
New York Times Bestselling Author
I was the perfect wife–until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned.
I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.
48 replies on “My Husband Cheated on Me”
My fiancee is cheating on me. I don’t know if we should get married. Help me
Bojana, that sounds so heartbreaking. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. I am standing for your vision for your relationship. You are the expert on your life, so only you know what that is.
If you do want to fix your relationship, you’ve come to the right place. My coaches and I have helped thousands of women do just that, even if he’s cheating. We can help you too. Get a coach so you can stop feeling unsure and afraid, and start feeling desired, taken care of and special!
https://lauradoyle.org/rhw-waitlist/
My husband cheated (has been cheating) on me. Probably for years on/off. Devastating to learn, to say the least. Not sure where to go from here
It’s been almost 11 months since I found out about my husband’s affair and that he wanted a divorce. We’ve already been through mediation, and our divorce will be final in March 2020. He refused counseling and gives me very little opportunity to discuss anything except my daughter. His walls are high. When we have to do business together, he does not engage in conversation even when I create small talk and am friendly. He acts like I am not worth his time or space. He isn’t mean—quite civil; he just makes shows me as little interest as possible. We have a 6 year old daughter. It has been difficult to feel so unimportant to this man I love regardless of whether he even likes me or not. To me, he is family, and I choose to love him regardless of the outcome. I just don’t know how to make inroads to some kind of meaningful relationship with him (married or not) with the incredible emotional distance and lack of opportunity for friendship.
I found out my husband was having a 4-5year affair, when I finally found out he said he didn’t know what he wanted. I left. I found out he dumped his affair partner and two months later started a new affair with someone else! We are married 29 years! What is wrong with him? How do you cheat on your wife, dump your mistress and start a new one????
Husband with 3 children having an affair
Laura
My husband confessed he had an affair with a woman from his past now she five months pregnant… How do i start to deal with this issues. Im lost and confused angry and disappointed. How do we move on from this when these a baby involve. He apologized and wants to make things work but im afraid. Where to go from here.
Dear Laura,
I would characterize myself as an emotionally damaged person or not very emotional, but rather calculating. I married a known philanderer, in fact I was his unknowing mistress who he ended up surprisingly leaving his wife for. Obviously the pattern will likely repeat itself in our marriage. We have one special needs son who we both love and adore and fight for daily.
I asked that he keep his affairs to himself and at least hide them well but he is sloppy. I’ve been tracking this one flirtation with a coworker for over a year now. It sucks, I don’t want to leave over it. I’m not even sure if it has manifested yet or it’s still the leading up phase.
I am financially dependent on him. How can I hold on until my son is healthier and able to go to school and I to work? I’m taking 3 to 5 years of playing it cool and hoping he doesn’t divorce for our son’s sake. Emotions aside, how do I play along?
How, if he does leave me, do I go about starting to date again? Where would I meet someone new?
I know I’m thinking long term possibilities but I’d rather be prepared. Thank you.
Dear Laura,
A week ago I found out my husband was having an affair with my cousin while i was in Mexico. While i was over there i felt him different, we would talked everyday but it just wasn’t himself. I would ask several times what’s wrong? Why are you treating me like this? There was just something odd going on, us woman know when something isn’t right. Well the same day i get back i found some Snapchats of them having a convo and right away i confronted him and he admitted that he slept with her 4 times, plus little dates here and there, well i was very disappointed,aggravated, confused, sad. Like why?! I thought to myself what went wrong? We were good. I than confronted them both they apologized and apologized! But I don’t know what to do because as for her i don’t really care for anymore she’s out of my life for sure! & my husband begged for my forgiveness and regrets it because he says he doesn’t want to lose his family and i love him too so i forgave him but it’s still very hard!
Dear Therapist: My Husband Keeps Texting With a Female ‘Work Friend’
He’s lying about it, too. What should I do?
I confronted my husband of almost 18 years about his online affair which has been happening for the past year or so. I knew way before now and let my self believe his lies to TRY and avoid the pain and reality of it all.
This was a choice he made(he hide his relationship status on FB) He went out of his way to friend women from all over the US. Some older and these women recommend other women to be his friend. It’s seems like he gave them a story of being lonely.
Some of these women he comforted… Some he provided emotional support…other he complimited.
Early this year was the last straw when he looked at me with disqust and annoyance.
So I confronted him and NOTHING…
IT wasn’t until I told him I was DONE that he apologized and promised(AGAIN) it would never happen again.
But he refuses to talk about it. I know that during this time (when he was so ingulfed if FB I could of served him with Divorce Papers and he would of just signed them so I’d leave him alone)
It’s been almost 3 months since he deactivated his FB and Instagram account.(he lied about how long he had that account)
I can’t get past the hurt. I don’t know when to believe him or if I even want to.
Part of me wants to stay and the other part says run and don’t look back.
Karmen, SO painful! I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this loss of trust and wondering if your marriage is worth saving when it feels like it’s falling apart. I know you want to be a happy wife. We show women how to fix their marriages without their husbands even knowing what she’s doing so you can stop feeling frustrated, hurt and lonely and start feeling desired, special and taken care of. So get a Laura Doyle certified relationship coach, and in the meantime, register for my free webinar on How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life.
https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
I found out a year ago my husband of 9 years, was cheating on me with a woman we went to church with.. a new church we had just started attending. I confront him and he acted as he was doing nothing wrong… I had already seen and read what exactly was going on. He lied repeatly so I confronted her…. they finally fessed up after a couple of weeks. I was ready to leave the day i found out. He swore he would leave her and he did. We both said we needed to work on things and so for the sake of our 3 kids we have.. but I still can’t get over how much he betrayed me… I thought I wanted to work it out. I never wanted to be a divorcee like my mom.. and I defiantly never wanted my kids to be from a broken home… I have prayed so hard to take away this resentment I have for my husband but it’s still there. I don’t know what to do. And he refuses to go to counseling…
I found out (not from him) that my husband had an affair 4 months after it was over. I had lasted 18 months. He would not talk about it, so I went to her. She told me everything. He swore that he loved me, that she was the only one and wanted to work things out. I believed him because of what the girl had told me….. he loved me, never wanted a divorce, he never said anything bad about me, it was just that we weren’t seeing each other very much. He worked swing shift and I worked night shift. so we decided to work things out. I had a feeling thru those 18 months that something was off and asked him at least 5 times what is going on? Are you seeing someone? He said it was the stress at work. But that gut feeling of something was off never went away. So I started digging. And low and behold I found #2. He said he was terrified to tell me because one was bad enough and that I would for sure leave I knew there were 2. I am now in counseling. I feel like a fool! I do love the person he used to be. He is trying so hard and is back to that person that I fell in love with. But the damage that he has caused. How easy it was for him to lie to my face for not 18 months…. It was 26 months. He had brought them both to our new home. Spent approximately $30K on them (bought one a car, both had his spare bank account debit card, shopping sprees, paid for a condo rental for a vacation for one, and the cash that he handed them). I am afraid that love isn’t enough to fix this. And like I said, he is trying so hard. He never wanted a divorce……but deceiving me for 26 months what did he think was going to happen?
Hello Laura,
My husband told me 4 months ago, a week after we had our daughter, that he loved me but was not in love with me. I was devastated. We have been separated for about 2 months now. Him living with some friends. He says there is no one else. We work for the same company and there are tons of rumors of him being with another co-worker. He denies it. We still ha e contact and hang out occasionally. I wish he would see his daughter more. I’ve read your book the Empowerd Wife. I read your blogs daily. And I’ve watched your seminar. I would love to get a coach because whether or not he’s cheated, I want him back. I’ve been trying really hard to implement the 6 Intamicy Skills. Which seem to be helping a little. I was wondering if you did payments? Or does it have to be all at once. I have a good support group but could use a little extra help. I just want my husband back. I’ve apologized for my mistakes that I’ve made over the years. And I try really hard to not think of the other women. But like today when I hear more rumors it’s very hard.
Bobbie, I love that you’re fighting for your marriage! This must be so painful, but your courage is inspiring. We do have a payment plan, and my team has reached out to you. There is every reason for you to be hopeful.
My husband and I have been married for four years and been together for 9 years. 18 months ago I confessed to me husband that I had been having an emotional affair with someone online in a different country. Things has already ended between this person and I. My husband was of course devastated and didn’t see that coming. We have been working so hard to fix our marriage but a couple months ago I started noticing frightening behaviours. First of all something about my husband just felt different, he wasn’t being himself. A lot of things happened that just didn’t add up. Anyways I ended up finding out that he cheated on me with one of his friends. He doesn’t know that I know yet because I haven’t confronted him about it. I had already asked him many times what was going on because he was spending more time with her than me and texting her all the time(very unlike him) and he constitently said they were just friends. I don’t doubt that at one point they were jiffy friends but I have no idea when it changed from friendship to more. I think I must be crazy because I don’t even feel mad about it. I think deep down I already knew and I have already dealt with the anger and sadness and the hurt. I just want him to tell me the truth so that I can ask my questions and move on with our lives. I’m not here to judge him because how can I judge someone when I also did the same thing. Does it make me crazy for not even feeling mad?
I hurt so much.i look at him and think of him being with someone else and I can barely breathe. I thought he loved me and I never thought he would do what he’s done. How can I get over this rage and this deep sadnesshow can he say it has nothing to do with me and that I didn’t do anything.he takes full responsibility.but why!!!!how do u do that and still love the other person.
My friend suggested I read your blog. Still not sure your blog is the right one for me.
I’m currently 24, been married to my husband for 3.5 years. We have a beautiful almost 2 year old daughter.
I found out he cheated while I was pregnant – not once, not twice – but FOUR times.
The 4th time I was done, I had packed all his stuff waiting for him at the door. He claims he didn’t do it.
Well, we are currently on vacation as a family in another country. I found out his behavior had continued.
I’m tired of being lied to. I’m tired of the hurt. I feel like he has betrayed me at every step. I love this man more than he’ll ever know.
I offered for us to have an open marriage, and the possibility of bringing people in. He flat out said no.
But, I’m also terrified I’m setting a horrible example for my daughter. I don’t want her growing up thinking his behavior is normal and should be tolerated.
I feel like this last time might have finally broken me.
I feel stupid for trying to trust him again. And I don’t know what to do.
My husband and I have been separated for about five months. He left saying that he felt that I was too controlling and that he had lost all faith in our relationship. I read Laura’s books and started implementing the six intimacy skills because I want my marriage back. I noticed some changes in our interactions, and we started talking again. However, a few weeks ago I found out that he’s been having an affair with someone at work and that they had been together since before he left. He doesn’t know that I know. I continued applying the six intimacy skills, but it’s so hard to keep my focus. I keep reading the books and blogs to remember my objective, but it’s so hard not to feel discouraged because he’s giving her the time and attention that I want for me and my kids. When he’s not with her, he talks to me and even flirts, but when he’s with her he goes completely silent. Should I tell him, I know so everything is out? How do I continue to focus if I just want to cry when I remember they are together?
Elizabeth, I’m sorry to hear that your husband left and is having an affair. That is heartbreaking. Your commitment to saving your marriage with the Intimacy Skills is remarkable.
One of my coaches struggled to keep her focus when her husband moved out and was having an affair. She had to choose her marriage and her faith on a daily basis. But as she continued practicing the Intimacy Skills, she attracted him back, and their marriage is now stronger than ever.
I would love to give you more tools to help you maintain your focus, make decisions like whether to tell him you know, and save your marriage. I invite you to my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist.
I am on the fence whether to stay or leave. Mostly l want to stay. My husband and l were very happy for 25 years and then he started to act different. He was distant and cool. Then he stopped going to bed with me till late at night . Then l find he was having sex talk with women on line and actually met one to find she was huge and ugly. My son found out what he was doing and that stopped. He was also watching porn and my son found out. This is in a 3 year span. I forgave and let go. Then l found out he was sleeping with a 23 year old prostatute for several months who happened to be my sons wifes cousin and they found out and told me. I was so broken. He choose to stay but l cryed ,got angry and questioned him and we went for counselling. I was the one who vented and he was suttle and indifferent. He says he loves me very much and tryed to make it work but l blew it with little remarks or respect etc. Two years later he started to pull away and get sarcastic and cool and the sex completely stopped and he started to sleep on the couch. He was going to leave. I was a mess. I was smothering him he said and depended on him for everything. I found your book and read it and started to apply your 6 intamacy skills and 4 months later he moved back to our bed and says he is staying but doesnt want sex or hugs or any intamacy. He can be so nice and then very sarcastic. He just wants to be good friends but do our own thing as well. I miss what we used to have and it gets very hard not to run out when he gets cool and distant. I feel like l am not doing any thing right and it is tuffer when both my parents are very ill and l have to help care for them. I am acting happy and doing things for myself but feel like he only cares about his needs. I am so lost. Why is he being this way. We were so very close for 25 years and have been together for 30.
Nancy, I can see why you’re feeling lost after going through so much hurt and continuing to have so many challenges on your plate. It sounds exhausting.
I hear that, deep down, you want to stay married. I admire your awareness and your profound commitment to your marriage and to learning the Skills.
I still remember how painful it was to be on the fence in my marriage. But I knew I didn’t want to divorce, so I started practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills. They worked quickly for me too, but I found I couldn’t see my own blind spots. When I got the support of other surrendering women, that’s when my marriage transformed into the playful, passionate connection I have today.
I would love to give you the support to have the connection you once had. I’ll show you how to get that intimacy back in my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist.
I really don’t know if I want to stay married. I really have no respect for my husband anymore. We’ve been married 23 years. After having sex with prostitutes 10 years ago and two affairs in the last ten years. The last one being in March and with a woman pretending to be my friend. I’m just numb! I’m not sure I can be intimate with him or even want to. He’s constantly lying to me. But at the same time I don’t want to be divorced. We have 8 children with 5 still at home and the youngest is only 8 years old. I’m at a loss.
Veronica, that sounds incredibly painful. I hear how hard it is to even consider being intimate with him after everything you’ve been through and, at the same time, that you don’t want to be divorced. I really admire your commitment to your marriage and to keeping your family together.
After finding out her husband had been sleeping with prostitutes during their marriage and moved out to be with his mistress, one mom didn’t know if she wanted to stay married either. She was pretty sure she didn’t but continued to practice the 6 Intimacy Skills anyway with the support of her coach. Imagine her surprise when her husband came home and said he was sorry. He missed her. He loved her. As far as I know, he has been faithful ever since, the intimacy restored.
You can keep your family together and inspire your husband to be his best self so you can have the intimacy you deserve. I’ll show you how in my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills.
I see the point in not kicking or screaming at him, it’s just not a healthy way to express feelings at my husband. But I don’t see why not cry at him? He inflicted the most painful pain on me I’ve ever been through, and I’d been through a lot. It doesn’t seem fair that he would have no consequences of it from us, he doesn’t know or understand how much it hurt us, and we just have to pretend its ok and not cry around him? I like several of your articles I’ve read, but anything I’ve read on how you handle affairs, a lot of it makes no sense. There is no personal responsibility for the mans horrible behaviors at all. Yes, we as women have done things leading up to it, but it’s like they just get a “you get off scot free” card for their horrible behavior. I just don’t understand that.
Lorraine. I’m sorry to hear of the pain your husband has inflicted on you. That is devastating. I get the impulse that he deserves to deal with the consequence of what he did. I really admire your vulnerability.
The more I tried to make my husband deal with the consequences of his actions, the more he resisted and just defended his behavior. Pretending didn’t work for me either. Real vulnerability did. I’m actually a fan of crying in front of my husband, depending on where it’s coming from, as this blog post explains. Now that I know how to show vulnerability without being a bottomless pit of need–alongside the other Intimacy Skills–my marriage is playful and passionate again.
I know you can have that too and see your husband take responsibility for his behavior. I’ll show you how in my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills.
Thank you for that article, I had not come across that as of yet. I have listened to the webinar a couple of times.
I don’t and I won’t forgive my ex husband for him cheating on me and bringing a child into my family. I immediately divorced him after 40 years of marriage. I loved more than anyone could live there husband. I gave him everything that a man can desire from his wife. To realize that wasn’t enough for him. He wanted someone younger. Which in return that women left him also. He has tried many times to return to me. I don’t want nothing to do with him. This man has never changed and never will, and I don’t need that man in my life again ever. I’m happy without him. I have to much resentment towards him. Also don’t want to deal with his stupidity.
Lulu, I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been through and that the resentment is still eating at you after what your husband did to you. That sounds painful. I hear that it’s not a fit for you to forgive him. I would feel the same way. I acknowledge you for having the courage to stand for your happiness and the vulnerability to share your hurt.
I remember when I was living in resentment on a daily basis. While my anger made me feel powerful, it was eating away at me and destroying my peace of mind. The 6 Intimacy Skills gave me the tools to deal with my emotions so I could be my best self. Today I get to be truly happy, minus the resentment.
I’d love to support you to become your best self and have a happier future. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how working with a coach would empower you in dealing with the resentment and the aftermath of your divorce.
Thank you for your post. We are almost 3 years post Discovery Day. Devastating… Indescribable. I am here to say that our lives have completely changed from what I envisioned. But I am enjoying this new life too! We laugh a lot together – what??? Yup, we enjoy each other now more than ever. I met your book at about 2 years out and thank you for rewording things I have already been taught thru the Word – in words that encouraged me to remain in that truth. These books helped me heal and restored a joy to our marriage. If a shattered wife can look beyond the pain, decides her husband is WORTH IT anyway – every day – reconciliation is always available in a relationship and I’ll join you in encouraging others that – with hard work and a graceful heart – they too can laugh again.
Karla, thank you for sharing your inspiring experience. I admire you for having the courage and commitment to save your marriage. You have done a remarkable job applying your faith in practicing the Intimacy Skills. You are a beacon of hope!
You sound like a coach. If you’re interested in using your story of hope to empower other women to transform their relationships, I invite you to join me in my mission to end world divorce.
Thanks to the Skills I learned from Laura Doyle’s books and programs, my husband and I are dancing toward reconciliation. It began with knowing “I want my marriage”.
Nowadays he’s talking about wearing his wedding ring, bringing me medicine and went out of his way to bring my choice of soda. He is talking with me a lot lot more. I’m feeling cherished, loved and connected.
The man I married is showing up again and again!
With the Skills, I’ve learned to make self care (meaning things that make me happy with life’s energy) a priority and what respect looks like in action amongst many other things.
Respect isn’t what I thought it was at all. Now I know better. My disrespect most certainly factored into my husband looking for oxygen with another woman. Now I’m listening to him (much like I did while we dated) saying “I hear you” without adding my commentary – and its certainly melted the icy cold war.
About the affair… it may be over. Maybe not. Knowing all the details isn’t my priority. I’m even grateful that I don’t have many details to get caught up in or punish him about. I’ve used the skills and “a wife trumps a mistress every day of the week and twice on Sundays” to focus on my paper to be the trumping wife.
Yes — I still want my marriage and the man who wooed me is returning.
I’m so grateful to Laura for sharing her experiences by writing a book and creating follow up programs with a community of women who are standing for their marriages. I’m a much better version of the woman I’d like to be.
Karla, thank you for sharing your experience. You are amazing! I’m grateful to you for inspiring other women with your story of hope.
Thank you for sharing Karla! I can’t help but feel your a better woman than me as I read your post, being able to not wonder about the details. I love hearing victories and thank you for sharing that!
Karla… you sound so happy.. I need some of that. D-day for me was before Christmas 2021.. we have not separated, we both want to stay married. I acknowledge my part in the breakdown. Did you achieve this by reading the books only or coaching aswell? I can’t afford the coaching at the moment.
Lora, I’m sorry to hear that you too have gone through D-day. I love your accountability and that you’re finding inspiration in other women’s experience. I hear you wondering whether you need more support than you can get from books. You are not alone! I could not do it on my own. If you find that you do need more support, how would it be for you to change “I can’t afford coaching” to “How can I afford coaching?” And get yourself the community that puts you on an amazing path?
Thank for such a consise and helpful post.
I really appreciate it and bookmarked it for the days i just want to pop or feel hurt and lost.
It follows your other posts (and many other similar veined books on how to build strong positive relationships). And the list helps.
I really needed this article. I’m in this same dilemma and have decided that I do want to fix my marriage.
None of my family or friends have told me to divorce him because he’s such a great man.
Well this “highly moral” man has cheated on me, our marriage and our family and friends.
He says he’s not cheating and really wants to be in the marriage and keep our family together. Well that’s great but I don’t really know where to go from here.
Bina, that is devastating to find out that your husband, whom everyone holds in such high regard, cheated on you.
I admire your commitment to saving your marriage.
I remember when I was desperate to save my marriage but didn’t knowing where to go. Everything I tried only seemed to widen our rift. Then I found the 6 Intimacy Skills and finally learned the tools to heal our marriage and make it playful and passionate again.
I would love to give you those tools so you can be desired, cherished and adored. I invite you to my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills.
Last night my worst fears came true.
I confronted both my husband and his mistress. He FINALLY admitted they were having an affair. I tried my best( I think I did well) I asked her to be a women of integrity and step away… am I stupid? I have been told my greatest attribute is also my greatest deficit. She laughed in my face and told me she would step away when my husband asked her to. My husband was like a deer in headlights…She called my home 3 times last night in which I answered again asking her to be a woman of integrity… Apparently she’s not.
Am I crazy to still love this man who shattered my life? God help me.. I DO
Cheryl, I’m so sorry you’re going through this pain. Those confrontations sounds torturous. You are not crazy. It is normal and sane to fight for the man to whom you said “I do.” I have a lot of admiration for you being so committed to your marriage.
I used to wonder whether I were crazy to want to stay with my husband. But I didn’t want to get a divorce. Thank goodness I found the 6 Intimacy Skills, which empowered me to attract him back and have the playful, passionate marriage I had always wanted.
I can’t wait to give you the tools to attract your husband back and get rid of this woman. A wife with the Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress any day of the week and twice on Sundays! I invite you to my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills.
Thank you for this post. Today is exactly one month since he told me he wants a divorce, and two weeks since he revealed that he is having an affair, which was emotional before the request and physical after it. I am reading the Empowered Wife for the third time, and reading the blog posts religiously. I would like to know what it means to choose faith over fear, and how to show that.
Great question, Anneh! I acknowledge you for your remarkable commitment to learning the Intimacy Skills to save your marriage. I hear your desire to choose and convey faith over fear.
I remember when I felt hopeless about my marriage. It took faith to find the courage to practice the 6 Intimacy Skills. I didn’t do it perfectly, and my faith often waned. But as I continued to choose faith to practice the Skills another day, I soon had the intimate marriage I’d always wanted.
I will show you how to choose faith over fear in my book The Empowered Wife. Here’s a free chapter.
I have read the Empowered Wife, and I still don’t understand how to show faith over fear. How can I do that? I’m also struggling with keeping the focus on what I want.
Anneh, first I want to acknowledge you for your commitment. I so admire that you keep showing up, sharing vulnerably here and in the online group, and receiving my support so graciously, whether from my book or webinar. From what I see, you are choosing faith over fear by committing to learning and practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills each day. That is a tremendous act of faith. There is more to it than I can include in my brief reply here, but I have absolute faith that you are well on your way!
Thank you for this post. Recently discovered that my husband has been cheating on me for years. And with a long time friend! It’s time to take action, enough is enough.
Oh Jill, that sounds devastating. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. Kudos to you for being ready to take action. As the wife, you have enormous power to fix your relationship, in my experience. You don’t have to do it alone either. There’s a whole community to inspire and stand for you. This is the perfect time to experience the power of that because the 5-Day Adored Wife Challenge starts Monday! You can join us for FREE at lauradoyle.org/challenge. I hope to see you there, Jill.