Top 3 Reasons There’s No Passion in Your Marriage
When there’s no passion in your marriage, first of all that’s a huge disappointment because that’s a big part of the allure of marriage.
You vowed to love in sickness and in health partly because you felt so irresistible when he made bedroom eyes or swept you up in his arms and told you how beautiful you are. But when that stopped, it made you wonder if maybe you were not attractive anymore, which feels terrible!
Or maybe you thought that this is just what marriage is like. It starts out exciting and then the passion evaporates. You were hoping your marriage would be different, but it’s not, which is so depressing.
Fortunately, those are very likely NOT the reasons there’s no passion in your marriage, based on my experience of helping thousands of women skyrocket the passion in their marriages again.
The passion can come roaring back, and you are not stuck with endless celibacy.
Here’s a countdown of the top 3 reasons there’s no passion in your marriage, which I have seen and experienced myself.
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#3: He Misses Your Joy
If your husband doesn’t seem interested in physical intimacy with you, one question to ponder is: Have you lost your excitement for life?
Have you misplaced your joie de vivre?
Maybe you have been pretty serious lately because you have a lot on your mind. It could be that your responsibilities—like raising kids or raising the bottom line at work or both—are weighing on you. Maybe you’re low on energy because those worthy endeavors take a lot of it. That’s understandable when you’re doing so much!
But if you’re mostly serious or tired and hardly having any fun, that will have a direct impact on physical intimacy.
Why?
Because a big part of the spark between you and your man was fueled by your happiness. Remember how you used to smile and be excited to see him? He misses that, and I bet you do too.
If the look on your face when you see him now says you’re annoyed with him or that you looked right past him when he came home, that’s going to have the opposite effect of igniting passion.
Sure, it used to be easy to get things sizzling. It’s pretty easy to start a fire when you have fuel, air and a spark.
But take one of those things away and there’s no fire. None.
The good news is, you’ve got the power to bring back that spark. It starts with being fun and light because you , which starts with having more fun and laughs.
#2: You’re Helping Him Too Much
What if you DO bring a lot of fun and lightness to the relationship and that’s NOT the reason you’re feeling like all the passion has left the building?
The next question to ask yourself in order to solve the mystery of the missing passion is: Have I been too helpful?
Maybe you helped with his resume or helped him hang up his clothes the right way or helped him with how to communicate with the children. You meant well, of course. You saw a way to improve the situation and you volunteered it.
But that made him see you a smidge less like his lover and a smidge more like his mother, maybe even his smother mother.
I know, it’s unfair! You had the best intentions to help him save money or be more efficient, and that shouldn’t cost you in the bedroom. But your instinct to remind him to eat healthier brought to mind someone else who used to do that: his mom.
Since men just aren’t sexually attracted to their mothers, being helpful lands like cold water instead of the embers of desire you were hoping to ignite.
Consider letting him handle things that are really up to him to handle anyway—even —so you can go back to being the irresistible magnet he fell in love with.
#1: You’re Missing the Biggest Aphrodisiac for Men
The biggest reason I see for marriages lacking passion is one I lived through myself, and boy is it embarrassing.
I did not know about the biggest aphrodisiac on the planet for men. Even if someone had told me that it was respect, I still wouldn’t have understood or known what to do.
I thought I WAS respectful!
Except for the way he dressed and the way he drove and how he was a slob. So really I wasn’t respectful at all, but I didn’t know that I wasn’t. I thought I was doing so much for him, but the subtext was clear to him: I didn’t think he was capable of doing much for himself. At least not the right way.
So instead of bringing the respect that ignites the passion in the bedroom, I was robbing my husband of oxygen on a daily basis.
No wonder he was more interested in reruns of NYPD Blue than he was in making love to me.
But not anymore. Now that I know what respect looks like and I treat him as a competent, capable, strong man who can take care of himself and so many things for our family, the passion is better than ever around here.
The same can happen in your marriage when you rediscover your sense of fun and joy, stop being too helpful and start showing respect for the man you married.
Which one of these will you experiment with today?
3 replies on “Top 3 Reasons There’s No Passion in Your Marriage”
But what to do if you I really do not want passion and he is all passion. I may be a one in a million, but I really don’t like sex. How can I change myself and get a desire (which I simply don’t have) for something I don’t want to fulfill a gigantic need of his?
Marlize, being so different when it comes to the intimacy in your relationship sounds really hard. And tiring! I can imagine the strain this must create. You shouldn’t have to change your desires just to fulfill his.
I admire your openness to change and your desire to fix this disconnect. I would love to get you some coaching support so you can experience compatibility of desires and the right level of passion for you. Join the waitlist for The Ridiculously Happy Wife coaching program here:
https://lauradoyle.org/rhw-waitlist/
Absolutely love all of this insight!! Thank you, thank you