Will the Intimacy Skills Work for You?

Will the Intimacy Skills™ Work for You?

7 Ways Women Say They Knew They’d Turned a Corner

If your relationship feels unbearably hard and hopeless right now, that tells me you’re probably very hurt, and you’ve been getting hurt for a long time now.

You just want that to stop–the way you’d want to stop hitting your head with a hammer.

When you’re feeling that hurt, it’s hard to see possibilities. The only rational thing to do is raise the drawbridge and put on your armor for battle.

If all your recent interactions with your significant other have been antagonistic, then it seems logical to expect the bloodshed to continue.

But past performance is no indication of future results in relationships, especially if you get the element of surprise on your side.

Here’s what happened when real women like you surprised their husbands:

When I say they surprised their husbands, I mean that women just like you, who felt just as hurt and hopeless, practiced the Six Intimacy Skills™.

I asked these women to report how they knew the Intimacy Skills were working for them. Here’s what they told me, in their own words:

1. They Got More Affection

I knew it was working when he offered to buy me a present and I didn’t refuse, and he held my hand the rest of the trip.
— Marta

My husband will now just come and sit by me on the sofa and hold my hand.
— Charlotte

I knew it was working when, instead of facing away from me, he began to roll over in bed, wrap his arm around me and pull me tightly to him–like a child does to a teddy bear. I had become his comfort, his soft place to land at the end of a hard day.
— Kate

2. They Got to Relax More

My husband, kids and I are on vacation at the beach. Right now, at this very moment, he’s playing whiffle ball with the teen boys and I’m sitting on my beach chair reading a book and drinking wine. He just took a break from whiffle ball, came over to me, leaned in and kissed me and told me he loved me and asked how I was. Before the Intimacy Skills, I know I’d be here in my chair angry with him about something, but the anger, resentment and loneliness are gone. We’ve been married 18 years now, and we’re truly falling in love with each other all over again.
— Meghan

3. They Got More Compliments

I knew the Intimacy Skills were working when my husband, who has verbally complimented me about five times since we’ve been married in spite of many requests from me to do so, told me last weekend without any prompting that I looked really pretty when we were at his work function. That’s a huge win. These Skills have changed my marriage more in several months than in all my many years of nagging and complaining.
–Benita

My husband and I have been married 7 years, and due to his work he spends a lot of time overseas. The Skills have created an unbreakable bond between us, where each reunion is like a honeymoon. He tells me regularly I am his best friend and confidant–the best wife in the world. He goes out of his way to keep me close, no matter where he is. I’m truly blessed and grateful for learning the Skills before we married.
— Willow

4. They Got Better Husbands

I knew the Intimacy Skills were working when my husband started giving up things I had nagged about constantly.

First he gave up hard liquor, which was causing him to make bad choices. One day he just said, “I’m thinking of giving up Fireball, etc. and just drinking beer. ” My response was, “Whatever you think, babe.”

Then next, he had started smoking weed at 50 years old as part of his midlife crisis and announced one day, “I’m thinking of giving it up.” Again, “Whatever you think, babe.”

Lastly, he said, “I think I’m gonna start hanging out with married men my own age rather than partying with 21-year-old kids to make myself feel young. Again, same response from me.

Today, I looked him in the eyes and said, “I couldn’t be happier than I am right now. The amount of respect I have for you right now is not even measurable in words. You are everything I have dreamed of in a husband.”

Because I have stayed on my own paper and followed the Skills, he has made decisions to change things on his own!
— Darla

5. They Got What They’d Always Wanted

I knew the Skills were working when I said to my husband, “I want to have a nice vacation this year,” and he booked a great vacation for the kids and us at the beach. This was after almost 3 years being in a crisis and him wanting to get out of the house. The Skills helped me become aware of the things I was doing wrong!!!
— Therese

I knew the Skills were working when I made peace with expressing desires I didn’t think I could have. I expressed many times how much having a cat would make me happy, even though we had agreed that we didn’t feel right getting one because we couldn’t make a long-term commitment to being in this country.

Did that stop him? Nope. On my birthday I opened a printed piece of paper with a picture of a cat on it and a note telling me he had arranged for us to look after someone else’s cat for three weeks! I was so moved by his creative way of fulfilling my desire. Now the cat comes to stay with us whenever her owners go on holiday.
— Bethany

I know the Skills are working because when I first met my fiancé I told him I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, I wanted a farm, and I wanted a house with a nice kitchen. He has made each one come true by his own choice.
— Lilah

6. They Felt Empowered

I knew it was working (and this is a month into it) when my boyfriend thanked me for not critiquing him and leaving him (in his words) nasty voicemails and emails about us not spending enough time together when he’s had his teenage sons with him most of the summer, has moved and is working especially hard in his business!

We’ve been having the nicest, most peaceful times together lately. The big change is inside of me. Changing my attitude, my perceptions and seeing him with gratitude have made me fall in love again.

He is 65 and I am 63, so you’re never too old. Wish I’d learned these things 40 years ago!
— Jeannie

7. They Felt Hopeful

Shortly after starting SWEW, I went to dinner with my husband, and rather than ask him questions and try to control the conversation, I was quiet. I was nervous that my husband would interpret it as an unhappy quiet rather than a Goddess-of-Fun-and-Light quiet, so I just sat there smiling at him and people watching. He turned to me and said, “Did you ever think we would be this happy?”

Of course, the first time he called instead of texting and the first time he looked up and smiled when I came home were milestones too!
— Marina

I knew the Intimacy Skills were working each time I had an “aha!” moment–either realizing some behavior I had used in the past had caused damage or realizing I had a new Skill that would work better in certain circumstances. The moments of clarity and realization have been filled with emotions of sadness and regret but also hope and empowerment.
— Candace

Will the Intimacy Skills work for you too? You can experiment and see.

I’d love to hear below how you know they’re working for you.

 


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18 thoughts on “Will the Intimacy Skills Work for You?”

  1. I just found out just 3 weeks ago that my husband has been having an affair with a coworker. It feels like my world has crashed around me. We have a 4yo and 18month old. He says he slept with her once and then we went away as a family for the summer – but a liar is not to be trusted for sure. . Throughout the summer he was disengaged from the family. On the phone all the time and agitated if he didn’t have phone service. He’s broken contact with her and swears he wants our relationship but I don’t know how I can trust him. I’m spending all my days trying to keep a brace face for the kids but it’s killing me inside. I don’t know what to do – but I know that all those fans skills I learned from Laura Doyle´s book did not make a difference. I mean, how could they, apparently he is broken and not man enough to raise his concerns and demand MC or Divorce. Instead he got rid of integrity and cheated. It was his CHOICE ! NOTHING I DID OR DID NOT DO made him CHEAT!!!!!

    From now on he either faces up to what he did, gets IC and MC and works on his selfish nature or he will be out of the door. I will not submit to a selfish cheater who blew up the good marriage we had. He lost all respect, trust and love and if he wants to stay in the marriage it will be a new one, a marriage build up anew, based on love, respect and trust on both sides. He will have to fight for it, fight for the Wife he destroyed.

    I was his soft place to land at the end of a hard day. No longer. He threw it away. Now he has to repair what he broke by rebuilding trust. Total transparency, No contact to his Mistresses and no blaming our Marriage for his weak morals.

    Reply
    • I can see why you are tearing apart after what your husband did. I would feel that the world was crashing down around me too. I acknowledge you for coming here for support and sharing so vulnerably. That shows your remarkable commitment to your marriage, even with all you’ve been going through. No one deserves to be treated that way, especially given everything you have done to be a good wife.

      I was not on board with submitting to my husband either. I thought I was already doing everything I could to be a good wife, and HE was the one who needed to shape up or ship out. Fortunately, surrendering was not about being submissive. I could not force him to be the respectful, devoted man I wanted, but I could inspire him to become his best self through the 6 Intimacy Skills. I just needed support to learn which Skills to implement in a given situation and how to do so effectively.

      I would love to give you that support. I know you can have the marriage of mutual respect, trust and love that you deserve. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how working with a coach would fit for you. The call alone will bring you clarity. You can apply here: https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching.

      Reply
    • Trudy, I’m sorry to hear about your separation and your husband’s affair. That is devastating. I admire you for sharing vulnerably here and for your commitment in looking for ways to turn things around.

      I remember when my marriage felt hopeless. It was a sad and lonely place for me. Then I discovered the 6 Intimacy Skills, which gave me the playful, passionate marriage I’d always wanted.

      You too can heal your marriage and be cherished, desired and adored. I’ll show you how in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at https://lauradoyle.org/swewtraining/

      Reply
  2. they work to a certain extent… more so because our issues are regarding finance…priotitising his parents siblings (proving for them financial) etc instead of wanting to build a life and future for his own kids and us as a couple.

    Reply
    • Ouch, Zab, I’d have a really hard time with that. It must be painful to feel that you and the children don’t come first for your man. I admire your commitment to your marriage and to practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills.

      I was so lonely and resentful when I felt I didn’t come first for my husband. The 6 Intimacy Skills turned that around, and now he treats me like a queen.

      I want you to feel cherished, desired and adored too–including financially. I invite you to my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at https://lauradoyle.org/swewtraining/

      Reply
  3. I read through the testimonials of these brave women. I applaud them for their bravery and courage to do all the work The Skills entail. I too am lucky to have learned and implemented these Skills and I’m repeatedly amazed at the results. My husband loves to please me. He became much more considerate. He compliments me. He just planned and surprised me with an awesome vacation. Things are peaceful as long as I remember the game plan and practice The Skills.
    How do I get it to the next level, where we can disagree/ argue without destroying the peace? I feel like sometimes our relationship is not authentic. I’m trying so hard to keep the peaceful and cheerful attitude but in real life it’s not like that.
    Any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated.

    Reply
    • Connie, I hear you. It is hard to maintain a cheerful attitude when you’re not feeling it. I really admire you for how you’ve transformed your marriage and how committed you are to keeping the peace.

      It didn’t work for me to feign cheerfulness either. Fortunately, the 6 Intimacy Skills have empowered me to disagree with my husband in a respectful way so I can be authentic and still keep the peace.

      I’d love to support you to feel heard and more authentic too. I’ll show you how in my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for free at https://lauradoyle.org/swewtraining/

      Reply
  4. Hi, Laura. I have question.

    I am reading your book today and I am trying to find best translation (my native language is not english, but small european country) for “I hear you” and “whatever you think”.

    The 2nd one goes easyer, but the first – “i hear you” – sounds a little funny in my language, kind of not natural.

    So i am thinking if you can expand whole point a little bit more, so I can find the best translation and use it properly.

    Thank you for amazing book. I am keeping fingers crossed that it will help my man trust me more (he is after very hard divorce, his ex cheeted him and wanted to take his kids for good).

    I love him with all my heart, he is the most amazing, kind, giving and humble, but very quiet and very, very wounded man. I

    just wish him to live his love live happy and not struggling with bad memories and traumas.

    Now going back reading 🙂 i am at page 82

    All good and God bless you ❤️

    Reply
    • Justme, I love your commitment to learning and practicing the Intimacy Skills to heal your relationship! It sounds scary to see what your man has been through and how it’s affecting your relationship.

      I remember when my husband had gotten quiet and seemed wounded. As I became my best self with the 6 Intimacy Skills, he transformed too.

      I get that the phrases are not always easy to translate. I discuss them in more detail in my free upcoming Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills.

      Reply
  5. I don’t know if you can help me. I’ve been subscribed to your emails for a while now and listened to one of your live videos, but I haven’t seen anything about husbands who struggle with depression. My husband does and takes medication to help him, but it makes him numb and lifeless. We’ve been separated in the past while he was having an affair, and since then we just can’t seem to get it right. Now he says he’s done trying and he’s going to divorce me because he’s so unhappy. Do you think you can help me?

    Reply
    • Beth, it sounds so painful that your husband is talking about divorce after all that you’ve already been through with him. I admire your commitment to your marriage.

      When my husband was diagnosed with a mental health condition, that confirmed my fear that I’d married the wrong guy. Thanks to the 6 Intimacy Skills, it is not a deal breaker. I talk about how to deal with your husband’s depression here: https://lauradoyle.org/blog/depressed-husband/

      For more tools to save your marriage and make it happy again, I invite you to my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at https://lauradoyle.org/swewtraining/.

      Reply
  6. How long before i should notice a change after trying these techniques? He thinks he can never make me happy, although i always point out and thank him/tell him i appreciate him when he does something nice. I almost feel like he already has it in his mind im going to be upset and written me off although he says no. I truly want my marriage to work and we have many great years. When should the momentum shift?

    Reply

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