Best Valentine’s Day Gifts for Husband
Your husband doesn’t want flowers or chocolates for Valentine’s Day.
Red socks or silk boxers or even a six-pack of his favorite beer won’t be as romantic to him as getting what he really wants from you.
And I don’t mean sex, although he likely wants that too.
But there are three things he wants even more. Giving them to him will make February 14th loving and dreamy for you both.
Here’s what your husband wants most for Valentine’s Day:
Contents
1. Your Receptivity
What if you didn’t get your husband a present for Valentine’s Day?
What if, instead, you gave him the gift of letting him treat and delight you?
Let him give you something sparkly or cheesy or sexy or take you out or cook for you.
Your gift to him will be that you receive his offering with joy, playfulness and applause.
In other words, letting him please you would be your contribution to the romance.
That may not seem like much of a gift, but that’s because you’re looking at it from your point of view instead of his.
For husbands, one of the best feelings in the world is making their wives happy. His wife doing something for him or getting him something is not as exciting or gratifying.
That’s just how they’re made.
If you’re completely self-sufficient, then he doesn’t get much of an opportunity to feel like your hero.
If there’s quid pro quo with the gifts, then you’re keeping the score even instead of letting him give you special treatment.
He doesn’t really want a present. Sure, he’ll appreciate it because he knows that’s you showing him love.
But if he sees your eyes get wide or you smiling and gushing over what he got you or did for you?
That’s the best present of all for him. Really!
Consider the possibility that it’s better to receive than to give on Valentine’s Day.
2. Your Receptivity in the Bedroom
Most people want Valentine’s Day to be a day of passion.
It’s almost expected that you’ll make love because that’s what you do on the day you celebrate love.
When it comes to sex, men are powerfully attracted to the feminine—mind, body and spirit.
The essence of femininity is receptivity.
That means that being receptive to physical intimacy is more exciting than suggesting it because it’s more feminine.
One way to set the gender contrasts to high on Valentine’s Day, therefore, is to be receptive to physical intimacy.
Receptivity doesn’t have to be subtle, but it’s not the same as pursuing.
For example, wearing fancy underwear is NOT the same as suggesting sex—although it might seem like it is. It’s just a signal that you’re receptive.
Showing up naked is NOT the same as pursuing him. It’s just a powerful visual stimulus.
Saying “Do you want to make love?” is pursuing, and that won’t ever be as thrilling as being receptive.
Exclaiming “I’ve been so turned on today,” on the other hand, is letting him know you’re probably a yes for bedroom fun.
As a fringe benefit of this approach, when he responds to your receptivity you get to feel desired and irresistible.
3. Your Respect
Truly there is nothing more loving you can do for your husband than to be respectful.
If your motivation for getting him something is to convey how much you love him, learning what respect looks like to men and making it your practice will give him that warm, fuzzy feeling far more than anything you can buy.
If you’re anything like I was, you figure you’re pretty respectful most of the time.
You may be surprised to learn how very different respect is from what you think.
And if you find that the above suggestions about physical intimacy aren’t well received, respect is also the best aphrodisiac for men.
Nothing turns him on more than to know that you expect the best outcome from his decisions and that you trust his thinking about how to make your life amazing.
If you think about it, you were probably incredibly respectful when you were falling in love, and that was a pretty romantic time.
You probably fell for him partly because you thought he was so smart and capable.
It can be like that again as soon as you bring the respect, if that’s gone missing.
Hearing you say “Whatever you think” when he shares his ideas or “I apologize for being disrespectful” when you fall short of acting on your desire to have a respectful marriage will show him that you esteem him.
And for husbands, that’s the most loving, romantic gift of all.
24 replies on “Best Valentine’s Day Gifts for Husband”
Dear Laura, there’s no more Valentine’s Day for me: I discovered that my husband had an affair with another woman. This destroyed me. I read all your hints, I have forgiven him and I have prepared to correct my mistakes, but he will not accept it: he says that our marriage ended and that he wants a divorce. I tried all your tips but it did not help. There are days when I think I will die; it’s so painful. He’s already left home. Is there some hope for me? Or should I let him go for good, hoping for a miracle? Sorry for my english.
Hi Laura. I’m brazilian, so first of all I’d like to apologize for my terrible english… I’d like to suggest something for a column: I’m marrried and me and my husband live with my father-in-law; he’s not exactly a good person, and this is a big stress in our relationship. It’s difficult to find privacy, and I’d like to move, but my husband says “it’s no big deal”, “It’s not so hard” – and refuses. I think my husband doesn’t love anymore because of this; and I don’t know what to do. Do you think it’s possible to have a good relationship living with relatives? Thanks
Renata, I can see why you’re feeling so hopeless about having to live with your father-in-law even though you want your own place. It’s so hurtful when your husband is dismissing what you want like that. While it’s possible to have a good relationship living with his family, I’d love to see you express your desire in a way that inspires and get what you really want–your own home. Have you considered working with a coach? Although I don’t have any Portuguese speakers that I know of. This webinar is in English, but you would find the content so valuable. It’s called How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life and you can register for it here:
https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
Laura what advice can you give to a wife that tried her best to please her husband, but the husband still went ahead to marry somebody else, now begging the wife to accept the situation.
Vic, That sounds vere challenging and disappointing! I’m not sure if your husband has two wives now possibly? Which I know is accepted in some cultures. I think this deserves a longer conversation. I invite you to have a complimentary discovery call to see if working with one of my coaches would be right for you. It’s amazing what you can accomplish with the Six Intimacy Skills. They have been miraculous for me and so many others. You can apply for that call here:
https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching/
I’ve been surrendered two years and Laura has got it. Men are emasculated right now in this environment they want to come home to a wife that doesn’t exist in the respect he needs. I know I was a power corporate exec. I put my career first for 15 years. This was let go in order to find my husband and our true love again. I thought we would fail. I thought we would not have enough money. I never knew what vulnerability would do for my marriage. Total 180° life is great. I’ve received flowers every day this week. He eventually told me his dream was to have a housewife. A term I use to despise. I’ve had to learn it. All of it even how to clean properly …but now he praises nightly about our home and the things I cook and create and decor changes with the holidays and seasons. He feels so happy he doesn’t want to leave and go to work. What a compliment! And he receives compliments on me from other men imagine how that reverses 15 years of jealousy he had about my work when I was at the top of my game but exhausted. My work didn’t really end. I’ve evolved. Marriage is my work.
2 years ago 10 years ago I may get the cheapest flowers on the way home. Cheesy card. Receiving his love ATTENTION and intimacy Respect. Keeping him as my priority has truly changed our dynamic. Healed us. I only read surrendered wife 6 times to sink in and I adjusted and changed.
I share with every couple I marry as I’m a notary public and do weddings weekly. I can’t say enough and wish I had read this in Cosmo in 1984…. instead of believing the lies feminist told me.
Believe in the man you fell in love with and learn the 6 intimacy skills. You will find true love there. Laura is the best. Thank you again Laura ❤
My husband loves BJ day. Make it about him and he will reward it’s true they like to see us happy in bliss.
Daily Mantra “Whatever you like dear”
Congrats, Melissa! Sounds like you found a way to make your marriage great again and it even included quitting your job. I still love to work so I do and that works for us, but I appreciate hearing that quitting and focusing on your marriage has been so rewarding for you. I know it takes a lot of courage, and I admire that.
I am reading “The Empowered Wife…”. I’ve actually been changing how I relate to my husband since July when he told me he didn’t love me anymore and suggested divorce. With that wake up call, I stopped my criticizing and controlling pretty much instantly. I do need to work on verbalizing respect and admiration more, but it’s so hard in my situation. He had an affair, lied to me for a long time, denied my suspicions and turned them on me, etc. He even continued the affair and lies after it was disclosed. I think the affair is over now because the other women ended it, but he still sees her regularly because they share a volunteer activity. He also seeks extra opportunities to see her through this activity beyond the usual biweekly meetings. He was/is very emotionally attached to her – he thought he loved her and wanted a future with her, says he was never as close to anyone as her, played a father role to her kids and tried to convince her to leave her partner. If he continues to fuel his connection with her, will the intimacy skills work?
Katie, I’m sorry to hear about the heartbreak in your marriage, and the other woman and the hurt you must be feeling still about it. I wouldn’t like that either. I’m happy to report that I have witnessed many women in your situation turn the entire relationship around and make it amazing again using the 6 Intimacy Skills. So there’s no doubt you can do the same thing, especially with the advantage of the affair being over and him still living with you. Many women start with much less! I’d love to see you get support because it can be tricky to do it alone. You would find my free webinar on How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life very valuable:
https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
That’s a great idea ?
Thank you Laura for your blog and good advice!
I’m in the same boat with a few of the ladies who commented previously. My husband doesnt like V day and has openly said so. Which is weird because we have never had a bad Valentine’s Day experience in our dating/married life. I think hes scared to be romantic? or creative? I try making it
Easy for him and say I don’t have expectations of gifts or the sort, but that I am just happy to have a day to celebrate LOVE and just wish he was happy about it to and wanted to celebrate our love together. it’s kind of hurts and is sad to hear your loved one isn’t excited about a love holiday. What to do?
Aliz, I get why that hurts for sure. I know for me, the more I have celebrated how well he loves me, the more my husband feels like a day of love is something to celebrate. You might consider “catching him doing something good” like kissing your neck or patting your butt or getting you flowers and say something like, “You make every day like Valentine’s Day, and I love that.”
Thank you. I have about lost hope as it seems his hero gene does not exist for me anymore. Anything I do at all is met with contempt or disgust it seems like. But his hero gene awakens to defend the other woman even if she is taking pot shots at me and I didn’t even know. I will check out the seminar. Thanks. I think part of the hardest thing is out of 5 children- my oldest 4 are teenage girls and they are learning this is how to treat or be treated. I don’t want that from them or for them
AD, That’s a terrible situation to be in–I’m sorry to hear. But you’ll be amazed how much power you have to completely transform your family and give your girls the modeling you want them to have. When you learn and practice the Intimacy Skills it’s also a gift to future generations. You can give an amazing relationship to yourself and to your daughters. I can’t wait for you to see the online workshop so you can feel hopeful again.
What do you do when your marriage isn’t like that anymore? I don’t think he does want to see me happy, or get me anything or do anything with me. He says Valentines Day is for kids but he used to celebrate it with me… He just would rather hurt me now. In fact when I texted, “So when are we celebrating Valentines Day this weekend or on Tuesday?” He texted back “I don’t know what my imaginary girlfriend would think about that” (he had an emotional affair twice – which he won’t acknowledge because he doesn’t believe in EMOTIONAL affairs – he said if his penis isn’t out there isn’t a problem. I disagree) He can just be very hurtful
AD, Ouch! That sounds incredibly lonely and heartbreaking. I can see why you’re questioning if he wants to make you happy. But you can still awaken his hero gene, and he still has one, so you can make this marriage happy again. I’m going to talk about what to do in your situation in my free online workshop, How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here:
https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
My husband would only love a three some, to me that is disrespect all around, and doesn’t turn me on, that would make him the happiness and to him so that I love him, I don’t agree. It actually makes me ill when he talks about making me happy with another person, and turns me off big time. the 3 you had for valentines day would never work in my marriage,
Sorry
Wao, about the most beautiful thing that I have read in a while. Well done Laura.
My H is very anti valentine’s day. He says it’s only a day for businesses to make money……in our 16 year marriage and 22 years together we have never celebrated valentine’s day. He has never bought me flowers or gifts etc.
Lib, I know it seems like that’s just the way it is, but if you want to be recognized on Valentine’s Day, you have the power to change the culture about that day at your house. As women we are the keeper’s of the relationship, and we teach our husband’s how to treat us. I know it may seem a little tricky to figure this one out. I talk about how to get the message across effectively in my free webinar How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life, which you can register for here:
https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
So what if you’re married to the guy who thinks Valentine’s is a Hallmark holiday designed to rip people off? He has no desire to celebrate it so how do we sit back and wait for him to do something when he never has before and probably won’t? Chances are mine has no plan to treat or delight me as he thinks the holiday is bogus.
Surrenderedwife, You sound pretty unhappy about that, and I can see why that would be disappointing. He may not like Valentine’s Day, but he does love making you happy, and if he sees a way to do that, I bet he’ll take it. Are you practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills? If so, you might be surprised what happens. You never know…we see a lot of surprises around here.
What if he stopped with gift giving all together? I have been giving him gifts for Christmas, etc and he is happy to receive. I don’t expect him to give me anything, and I receive anything from him with joy and excitement and gratitude ( any help from him, because he is good with that). I also expressed my desire for a gift… Said ” I would love to get a present for Christmas” for example. His response was ” I don’t know what to get you”or ” I thought we are not getting each other anything”…I receive those responses without bitterness or complaints.
With other points in the article, we are doing great.
What could I do differently when it comes to actually getting a gift from him?
NB, You are doing great! I love how you’ve released your expectations and are happy to receive whatever you get from him. Sounds like you’re in process of undoing the old patterns and replacing them with new ones that serve you better. Sometimes it takes a while for our husbands to get the memo that it’s a new day, but you seem to be on the right track.