What Does It Mean When Your Husband Rejects You Sexually?
Going from feeling desired and sexy to getting rejected by your own husband is an awful feeling.
Is there something wrong with him?
Is there something wrong with you?
Is it because you’re not as attractive as you used to be?
Either way, it’s scary to think about a dreary future without passion.
You might wonder what you can even do about it if the problem is his lack of drive.
Especially if other people still notice you and appreciate you, which can feel like a tall glass of water in the desert when you’re craving reassurance that you’re still desirable.
Are you going to be on a starvation schedule in the bedroom, involuntarily celibate when you’re still a sensuous being? That’s a terrible life sentence to serve ’til death do us part. It feels heavy and sad.
But fortunately, that doesn’t have to be your story. There’s plenty you can do to turn this around and skyrocket the passion in your marriage. I’ve seen it too many times to doubt it.
Here’s what it means and what to do about it when your husband rejects you in the bedroom.
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1. Use the #1 Aphrodisiac for Men
Here’s the #1 thing I’ve learned about nurturing physical intimacy in marriage: Respect is the best aphrodisiac on the planet for men.
When he looks into your eyes, if he sees reflected back to him that you view him as a smart and capable man, that is a huge turn-on.
But if when he looks into your eyes he sees your disappointment in him, your contempt for his thinking, your skepticism that he’s capable, passion doesn’t stand a chance.
It took me a long time to figure out this association because I didn’t realize I was being disrespectful. I was just trying to be efficient, get things done, and save money. I thought I was helping my husband with my bountiful knowledge of just about everything.
Because I read articles. And that pretty much made me an expert. And okay, by “read articles,” I mean I watched a video on social media.
So I was pretty arrogant, but I didn’t see it that way. I thought I was just really, really smart. Good thing, because I didn’t think he was doing things the right way. At all!
So that was incredibly disrespectful. And sad that I had amnesia about why I’d married him in the first place. It was because I thought he was so smart! And handsome. And funny. And thoughtful. And also he plays the guitar and sings and writes beautiful songs.
But I forgot about all that when we were at a restaurant and he wanted to order a Coke and I told him not to because they’re a rip-off at restaurants and we should save money. I was charming like that.
All that disrespect? It was hurting my sex life! It wasn’t until I learned to be respectful (and how to be accountable when I wasn’t respectful) that the physical intimacy came roaring back.
But there was one more thing that was missing.
2. Be More of a Woman
A perfume ad said, “Want him to be more of a man? Try being more of a woman.”
I didn’t know what that meant exactly. But after the breakdown in my marriage, where I felt entirely rejected sexually and emotionally, I like this reminder that my power is on my paper and that I’m a feminine being. That’s how I was made. I have no real idea, no experience with what it’s like to be a man.
Being feminine comes with certain gifts and privileges. And I don’t mean the negative connotations like playing hard to get, dumbing down, being manipulative, or using crocodile tears.
There was no need for any of that once I understood my true power as a woman.
The power I’m speaking of is receptivity. Receptivity is the essence of feminine power.
This is something that I believe my mom and my grandmothers would have taught me had they known.
Or maybe it’s just one of those mysteries in life that you have to uncover for yourself.
What I’ve come to believe is that receptivity comes along with being the sexier sex. We women have the tail feathers in our species, so we get pursued, and we get to be desired, which feels amazing.
But what if that goes missing? Maybe because I was just telling my husband how to drive, for example. And now I want to feel reassured that he still desires me.
Here’s what I used to do (this is in the category of if you can’t be a good example, you’ll just have to be a horrible warning).
I would go stand with my hands on my hips and say, “The average couple has sex 2.5 times per week, and we haven’t had it for over two weeks, so I think we should do it.”
I thought he would jump up off the couch, turn off the TV, and sweep me into the bedroom for passionate physical intimacy.
As you already know, that didn’t happen. Not once.
Instead, he continued to watch TV. Maybe he turned the volume up a little to drown me out.
Pretty embarrassing.
I felt so rejected!
If only I’d known about the feminine art of receiving, of being an irresistible magnet.
Since he wasn’t pursuing me, there wasn’t much to receive at first.
But then as I cleaned up the disrespect, started making myself happy, and even expressing some gratitude, that changed.
He came after me. I realized it was much scarier to be pursued. The timing sometimes felt so…off! Like NOW? Right now you want [exhale]? Woah!
I felt more vulnerable, but I also felt desired.
The more receptive I am, the more I feel desired. No need to do the pursuing, which is the opposite of receptivity.
So if I could go back and talk to myself when I felt so rejected sexually, I’d say, first of all, he’s not the problem, but maybe look into cleaning up the disrespect.
And then I’d lean in and whisper in my ear, “Receive, receive, receive.”
Now that you know the sexy superpowers of respect and receiving, what’s one thing you’ll do today to restore your own magnetism?
