What Men Find Irresistible
If you’ve ever spent an evening with your man or a date and ended up being his life coach, you already know that doesn’t make you irresistible.
Quite the opposite, actually.
All that good advice you gave him did not lead to more dates, or make him pull you in with both arms and shower you with kisses, or look deep into your eyes and say that he loved you more than anyone has ever loved anyone.
But there are 11 simple behaviors that men find irresistible in women, and not one of them has to do with hair, makeup or how you dress.
None of them are manipulations. They won’t make you seem desperate. You won’t have to dumb down.
In fact, they’ll help you be your best self—your real self.
Here’s how you can become supermodel-style irresistible to a man whether he’s your long-time husband or you’ve just met:
1. Be Vulnerable
A study at The University of Toronto found that women are more emotional than men.
There’s research money well-spent, right?
But it’s true that we women have emotional brilliance that men find wondrous and alluring. In particular, our vulnerability draws them in like lions to gazelles.
Being vulnerable means revealing the less-than-perfect parts of you. The shy part. The tender part. The part that’s afraid of spiders.
Trying to impress him with how independent you are will never attract him in the way that admitting you’re feeling over your head in your new job, or that you felt embarrassed at the parent teacher conference would, for example.
You don’t have to have it all together to be irresistible. He’s looking to be able to make a contribution to your life, and seeing your vulnerability inspires him to believe that he could.
The best conversationalists are good listeners.
Letting a man talk without interrupting, correcting him or trying to teach him something will make you a tall, cool glass of water in the desert.
He’ll tell you everything on his mind if you create the emotional safety of leaving lots of space for him to talk and say only, “Uh-huh,” or, “I hear you.”
You don’t have to agree or disagree. Just listen. Try it for an hour tonight with your guy, or on your next date.
He won’t be able to get enough of you.
3. Be Receptive
Receptivity is the essence of femininity, and that’s what men are fundamentally attracted to.
Being open and receptive—to his compliments, his help, his gifts—is to be feminine.
Therefore, to be incredibly attractive, be receptive.
Instead of giving to him or doing things for him, let him give and do for you—even if it makes you feel uncomfortable and squishy inside.
He’ll be 10 times more in love with you on the day he’s knocked himself out to build you a deck, set up your new computer or helped you move than he would if you didn’t trouble him.
If you let him admire you, praise you, lift things for you and solve some of your problems he’ll say, “I don’t know what it is, but I just want to make you happy.”
4. Be Pleasable
If you’re unhappy no matter what he does, you’re going to be resistible. Really resistible––like avoidable.
If you’re happy and you know it then your face will surely show it and he’ll see an opportunity to pile on by bringing you your favorite ice cream, a bracelet or a designer sweater.
Why? Because making you happy makes him feel good and you are irresistible when you make him feel that way.
5. Expect the Best
One woman was walking with a date when he announced he was taking her to a particular restaurant. She knew that it was on the next block over and they were going away from it.
But she decided to trust him to find his way there, which they eventually did, but not before they’d run into some street entertainers who made the night magical, which she would have missed if she’d said, “You’re going the wrong way!”
Expecting the best from her date let her be open to unexpected fun and had him inexplicably fascinated with the woman who trusted and expected the best from him.
6. Be the Goddess of Fun and Light
The more you focus on having fun, the hotter you become. You’ll never be more magnetizing then when you’re doing your happy dance and laughing and smiling.
Look for ways to delight yourself no matter where you are and what the circumstances. Commit time and energy to having fun every day, and your man will seek you out to spend ever more time with you.
If you haven’t made yourself happy, you’re not going to be irresistible. But the more you’re filled up with joy, the more you’ll notice him finding reasons to be where you are.
7. Be a Seductress
As a wife, you may be tempted to be the aggressor when it comes to physical intimacy, but consider how much more attractive you’ll be to him if instead you seduce him with your body, your scent and your voice.
I’m not saying don’t initiate—I’m just saying when you do, take the irresistible approach of inviting him to make the first move by letting him know you’d be willing.
That way you get to feel the thrill of knowing he can’t keep his hands off of you.
Nothing is sexier to him—or more gratifying for you.
8. Focus on his Strength
If your man is ailing, or needs a new resume or his laundry done, you might be tempted to take care of him—kinda like his mom would. But men don’t find their moms irresistible.
Consider mirroring the strength you see in him instead of the weakness.
Of course you empathize that he’s sick, but rather than babying him, you could affirm him for being such a strong man.
Show that you trust he’ll do a good job on his resume or the laundry.
There’s nothing more appealing than a woman who reflects the strength and capability she sees in her man.
9. Express Gratitude
The more you appreciate what your man does for you, the more he’ll knock himself out looking for more ways to gain your appreciation.
He’ll love knowing that he pleased you in small ways so much, he’ll look for more and bigger ways.
Hearing your thanks and delight is music to his ears and will make you seem like the most beautiful woman who ever lived.
10. Sometimes, Say Nothing
I’m don’t recommend dumbing down. You know what you know, and you can use that to your advantage at any time.
But sometimes it’s advantageous to say nothing, even if you think you know the answer to all his problems.
The Goddess of Wikipedia who knows everything? She’s resistible.
The more you focus on being the expert on your own life—and trust that he’s the expert on his life—the more he’ll go to any length to get next to you.
There’s an expression that it’s better to have some of the questions than all of the answers. That’s certainly true when it comes to being irresistible to a man.
11. Remember Who You Are
I promised that none of what makes you irresistible is hair, makeup or what you wear, and that’s true.
Irresistibility comes from inside.
But what makes you attractive to him is that you have the mind, spirit and body of a woman. The more you dial that up, the more attractive you’ll be.
So one way to be physically irresistible is to celebrate that female form—whether it’s by noticing the swing of your hips when you walk, or the feel of a skirt around your legs or even his hand on the small of your back.
Whatever your shape or size, you were born with the goods that make you a magnet to your man.
There’s every reason to rejoice about your feminine form since it’s part of what makes him rejoice about you.
28 replies on “What Men Find Irresistible”
This is a wonderful reminder of our true femininity when we decide not to mother smother. I need this reminder often.
Glad this meant good to you
I have messed up big time. No one taught me this. The feminine movement has made us loose so much. I wish I could go back in time with this knowledge. Where do I start. My marriage is so far gone into coldness and there is no trust or anything left.
Nitza, I remember feeling the same way! I was so disappointed that no one taught me what I needed to know to love and be loved. Sounds like you are still married, even though it’s painful, and that tells me that there’s still every reason to believe that you can make your marriage amazing and vibrant again. No matter how cold and distant, you have the power to bring back the good times and good feelings. Consider getting a coach who’s been in your shoes and has what you want. You can apply for a complimentary discovery call here:
I forgot somethings you said was a plus in building our relationship thanks
Love this Laura!
My husband has left our home for the past four months. When he does decide to pick up the kids he doesnt even look at me. Im working on me now. How do I do this during this time. He said he’s nit sure he wants to come home. He doesnt like to be mothered and I learned that early on. Please help;)
Norma, I’m so sorry to hear about the separation. Sounds so painful! I’m happy to hear you’re working on you, as that was the key to getting my marriage to be playful and passionate again. You can turn this around too. Given that you have so much at stake, I’d love to see you have a coach lead you through the 6 Intimacy Skills. For me, having support was everything. You can apply for a complimentary discovery call here:
I love this and couldn’t agree more. Thank you for sharing this. It’s beautiful.
Good advice. I’ll give some of these tips a try.
This is a beautiful reminder Laura. Thanks alot
Such great advice and really so simple but so far away. My marriage was and is mothering , however things havnt been the same after leaving my husband 4 years ago and the past two years we’ve been triing to make things work until I noticed my husband wasn’t the least bit interested in doing what it takes but rather he is triing to get me to be the doer again while he does nothing but stay home, doesnt have any interest in having accountability , or any responsibility. I’m more than willing to do anything or was but now its so miserable and Im just wanting to move on and move forward. Thank you for sharring your wisdom and helping shed som light where its been dark far too long.
Leann, Sounds painful and exhausting! Sounds like you want out. For me, it was the best self-improvement program to make my marriage playful and passionate again. I had to put the focus completely on myself–that’s where my power is. It wasn’t easy at first but it’s really gratifying now that it’s my habit. Your marriage could be all you dream it would be too. Really. Consider a complimentary discovery call to find out what’s stopping you from having that. I think it would be valuable for you.
Tammy, Sorry to hear about the affair. That must have been excruciating. Congratulations on 35 years of marriage–I’m impressed with your commitment. I know you can make your marriage great again–better than it’s been in a long time. I hope I see you in my SWEW program and in our private FB group. The group of women makes all the difference for me. You’d be a good addition.
Beautiful post, thank you Laura.
“If your man is ailing, or needs a new resume or his laundry done, you might be tempted to take care of him—kinda like his mom would.”
I am wondering how to discern between mom-duties and wife-duties. I am a homemaker. How do I make that distinction between doing domestic work and acting like his mother?
Duan, It was pretty confusing for me at first too to figure out what was my job and what was mothering. For me it was super helpful to check with myself first and decide if I could do something without feeling resentful. If not, I just left the dishes in the sink and went for a walk as I would rather have connection and intimacy and a few dishes in the sink than a clean kitchen and wall-to-wall hostility. The happier I was the more he was willing to help and be my hero. You’re the expert in your life and you’ll know what’s best for your relationship. For me it was helpful to question everything instead of making myself into the kitchen elf.
Thanks! I have been mulling over that for a while.
Laura, do you allow commenters to re-publish your articles on their own blogs? I’d LOVE to re-blog this article!!! So awesome and perfect for my readership!
Stephanie, Absolutely! Thanks for the compliment. You’re all good to re-post with a link back to this blog.
Since doing these steps I have noticed a huge difference! It’s automatic now when I say thank you more often. I instantly apologize if I was rude or disrespectful and I see how easy he forgives me and we are able to be close again. When I pamper myself, he enjoys seeing me happy. Thank you Laura
Monique, Awesome! Happy to hear.
I’m not quite sure about the mothering bit….how does that work if he seems like he WANTS me to mother him like he’s had a cough for the past few days and it’s so annoying…he’s kinda like coughing in a way to make me say or do something, but the minute I suggest he takes a medicine to heal / ease it he looks annoyed with me for mothering him – so I get that it’s not a good idea, but on the other hand how do I deal with giving him the extra attention he seems to be craving without mothering him?
Pearl, I hear that your husband seems to bait you to mother him, and that can be very frustrating when you’re trying to change the dynamic. One thing I didn’t hear is what YOU want. Do you want to feel like his mother? Or would you rather be his lover? The two are mutually exclusive, in my experience. You can give him empathy, and affirm him for being such a strong man. He may wonder why you’re changing it up, and even complain that you’re not mothering him, but that doesn’t mean you’re not headed toward feeling more intimacy, passion and peace in the long run.
I’m confused. As a man, sole-provider, father of six, and 25 years being married to a homemaker, I do rely on my wife to take care of the home for all of us, not just my kids. Doing the laundry for the children but leaving mine out to get moldy feels wrong. Making dinner for the children but giving me “empathy” for being hungry after coming home from the office and letting me know that I’m a “strong man” for making my own dinner sounds awful.
Perhaps it’s only me, but only doing things for you husband that don’t make you feel “resentful” sounds like it won’t take your relationship very far. And it certainly won’t work the other way around — I should only help her out in ways that don’t make me feel resentful? How about helping your spouse out in ways they need, rather than ways you like?
IMHO, honoring and respecting each others needs, and stretching oneself beyond our limitations to meet our partner where they are, show respect, commitment, loyalty and love.
Just my opinion.
Dovid, kudos on providing for your family and supporting your wife so she can stay at home! You are indeed the strong kind of man I was writing about. Focusing on a man’s strengths doesn’t mean his wife can’t help him out or do nice things for him. It does mean not mothering him, which my experience has shown not to be conducive to intimacy. I love your sense of commitment and absolutely agree that respect is integral to intimacy.
I have just read your article. Makes perfect sense! A few months ago my new dentist lowered his head, smiled and said to me ‘You’re beautiful’ following a discussion about a serious jaw/gum problem I had. I was very upset, he listened, was reassuring and I realized in my upset that I had displayed many of the attributes you mention. His comments really sobered me up but seemed a very strange thing to say to someone he hardly knew?
Love this article! Thank you so much for your insights!
It sounds so exhausting to have to pretend that this is how you are just to make men want you. I am naturally an achiever, intense and intellectual – this advice reads as if I should say nothing, pretend I have nothing to say, affirm what he says abs be happy when he then feels happy.
So I should just accept that he has no desire to get to know me? That seems crazy. I intent to just be who I am and a man does not find that compelling or interesting, then he is not the right man for me.
I know my own worth and don’t find it productive to play games and pretend to make someone want what amounts to playing pretend