330: The Respect Myth That Was Ruining My Marriage

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The Respect Myth That Was Ruining My Marriage

Do you feel like you would respect your husband more if he were more successful, more attentive, or more responsible?
Do you catch yourself pointing out what needs to improve in order to motivate him?
Have you been waiting for him to change so that you can finally have the marriage you’ve always wanted?

Bassie believed respect had to be earned. So she waited 30 years for her husband to earn it.

She thought she could motivate him by pointing out what he needed to work on—his harsh behavior, the problems with their car and their struggling finances. Instead, it slowly drained the intimacy from their marriage. Each big anniversary passed without the celebration she had hoped for, and the disappointment settled in.

Then her husband lost the most prestigious job of his career. Bassie’s anger grew so strong she could feel it in her body all day long. She realized she had reached the darkest moment of their marriage.

For the first time in 30 years, she decided to change her approach, and the pattern between them began to change.

 

In this episode, you’ll discover:

• The backwards belief about respect that kept Bassie stuck for 30 years
• What their marriage therapist told them to do (and why she regrets it to this day)
• The moment she threw the skills out the window (and what brought her back)
• The simple experiment that led to her getting a much better response from her husband, and how you can try it too

Today, Bassie feels a lightness she’s never experienced before. She’s happy, fulfilled, and completely satisfied with her life. Her husband fills her car with gas, sets up her morning coffee, surprises her with jewelry, and proudly calls himself her knight in shining armor. They take walks, play games, and savor their time together in their empty-nest years. He encourages her to live her best life and she actually does.

After thirty years of waiting for him to change, the surprising shift began when she stopped waiting. If you’ve ever believed that respect must be earned before you can give it, Bassie’s story may open your eyes to a completely different possibility.

And the transformation might surprise you.

Perfect for: women whose husbands don’t seem motivated to improve their situation, wives struggling with financial insecurity in their marriage, women feeling disappointed that life hasn’t turned out the way they hoped, mothers carrying too much on their shoulders, women feeling weighed down by years of disappointment, anyone who’s been waiting for their marriage to feel the way they dreamed it would.