Are You Living in a Loveless Marriage?
If you miss snuggling on the couch, dreaming about your future together, and spontaneous dance moves in the hallway, it’s disappointing when that goes missing. It’s lonely and sad.
Without love, there’s just work and chores and sleep. All the joy is sucked out of your marriage.
But if you want to feel desired again, get pats on the butt, and see his face light up just because you walked in, you can get it all back better than ever. You can have deep conversations and silly ones too.
I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t experienced the contrast between a loveless marriage and a healed one myself.
Here’s what worked to make my loveless marriage loving again:
Contents
1. Learning and practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills™
I thought the problem was compatibility, whatever that meant, and that John and I were incompatible. Then I learned the 6 Intimacy Skills from women with happy marriages.
But I didn’t think I should have to learn Intimacy Skills!
For one thing, he had all the problems that were ruining our marriage.
Plus I’d already tried counseling, marriage books, State of the Union addresses on the couch, State of the Union addresses in the car, ultimatums, threats, and drama. Raging, complaining, explaining more, explaining in a different way, demanding and reminding.
But none of that worked.
So in desperation, I asked wives who seemed happy what to do.
But their answers sounded old-fashioned and outlandish to me. I didn’t think they would make any difference.
I was wrong. When my marriage was broken, and nothing was working, the secrets they told me were what actually worked.
It didn’t seem fair that I had to learn the Intimacy Skills and practice them while John was just coasting along, but it turned out to be more than fair because I went from having a loveless marriage to the shiny, sweet one I have now.
That’s a gift I’m grateful for every day.
My marriage is so loving that even the UPS guy commented on how happy we are and wanted to know what we’re doing. So I told him I was practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills.
Even if he hadn’t asked, I’m always talking about them. Truthfully I can’t shut up about them now.
If you don’t know what they are yet, you might be thinking “I need those Intimacy Skills!” And you’re right.
We talk about them every week on The Empowered Wife Podcast. All the guests describe how they’re using the Skills in their relationships. Even better, you can get your hands on all 6 Skills and the step-by-step instructions in The Empowered Wife paperback or audiobook.
Or, if you’re a member of the Ridiculously Happy Wife program or Relationship Coach Certification, you can access the video modules on the 6 Intimacy Skills in your program portal.
We know that the 6 Intimacy Skills work because thousands of women have used them to fix their loveless marriages and skyrocket their passion so they feel like irresistible magnets instead of resistible porcupines. That includes me, the coaches, coach-trainees, the podcast guests, students in The Ridiculously Happy Wife program, and thousands of book readers.
But just hearing what the 6 Intimacy Skills are isn’t enough. Just like hearing the word “water” doesn’t quench your thirst.
You’re going to want to understand them, learn how to practice them, and why they’re so effective because that’s going to shift you from feeling despair in a marriage where you don’t feel loved to feeling hopeful that you have so much power to bring back that loving feeling. Oh oh that lovin’ feelin’.
And I know you are serious about having that. You wouldn’t be reading this right now if you didn’t think creating more love in your marriage was important. It is important. And you are reading. So I admire that this is a priority to you.
It is to me too.
2. Get a Coach
If you’re suffering in a loveless marriage right now, you shouldn’t have to be alone with that. That’s the worst pain. I still remember!
I recently hired a coach to help me strengthen my core and stretch out my quads so they don’t put pressure on my back and knees. The way I do things, my quads get overdeveloped and tight, and I become Quadzilla. I’d been trying to stretch those out myself, but my way wasn’t working.
I needed a new way, and I didn’t know what I was doing that wasn’t working. So I got a coach who has what I want in terms of fitness and muscle balance and the transformation I want to have.
And that’s working. My back feels so good!
I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Now I wish I had found my coach sooner. Why did I suffer so long when I could have had a coach?
Because it took me a while to find a coach who had what I wanted.
For a loveless marriage, you need a coach who’s been in a loveless marriage and now feels adored, desired, and taken care of by the same man.
That describes just about every Laura Doyle Certified Coach. So look for the official seal when you get a coach.
As long as you get a Laura Doyle certified coach, you’ll have someone who helps you discover what you don’t know you don’t know in a very soft way. Not in a confronting, judgmental, or condescending way.
Our coaches share their own embarrassing stories. They know how to create emotional safety and ask powerful questions to help you have a breakthrough. And that’s what I want for you: A breakthrough from feeling neglected and abandoned in a loveless marriage so you can feel empowered and adored in a happy marriage.
If your way isn’t working, a coach will help you get there. Having one of our certified coaches is like having a fairy godmother who is safe and soft and is in your corner, helping you create your desires.
3. Get a Community
Finally, you’ll want to find yourself a community of women who are also practicing the Intimacy Skills and who are standing for your marriage to last and thrive. The more you hang around the cool women who are on that wavelength, the more it’s going to rub off on you.
This is ideal, I’ve found, to be in the company of women who are also focused on becoming their best selves so they can have the best relationship. It fills a need for me to hang with them and have these authentic conversations about how to dig deep and be the women we want to be.
Also, they are wonderful. You’ll see. The women who are attracted to strengthening their families and creating more love in the world are courageous and accountable, and I just find myself so attached to them. I depend on them for inspiration and encouragement.
It feels so good and so nourishing that it’s something I wish every woman had: a community of women who are practicing the Intimacy Skills and finding that where they once suffered in loveless marriages, they now feel loved.
What baby step could you take to help bring back that lovin’ feelin’ in your marriage? I’d love to hear below.
