How to Avoid Divorce by Using Your Feminine Gifts (Part 1)
4 Ways Women Have More Power Than Men to Make Marriage Last
You were born to be cherished by a man.
At one time, you took that for granted.
You probably started fantasizing about it when you were little, dreaming about the moment you would finally meet, or kiss, or fall in love with and marry a cute boy.
You anticipated with great pleasure how much he would desire you, and how he would woo you.
You spoke to your friends and your sisters and your mom about the nature of boys, and marveled at how strange they are.
You delighted in romantic movies and books where the boy got the girl.
You obsessed. You developed crushes. They went nowhere. You agonized. You debated.
All of that was preparation for your job as Keeper of the Relationship.
Sure, you suffered disappointments and challenges in relationships, mostly because you didn’t know about your superpowers as a woman.
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What are the gifts of the feminine, and how can you use them to create lasting love?
Glad you asked. I happen to have this list of 4 ways right here:
1. Women Have the Power to Receive Special Treatment
“Women who seek equality with men lack ambition.” –Marilyn Monroe
One big aspect of our gifts is receptivity, which is how willing you are to receive compliments, gifts and help.
It’s so subtle, you might not notice receptivity if you don’t know what to look for.
A receptive woman is inevitably a well-taken-care-of woman.
Her man takes every opportunity to do things he knows will please her.
He memorizes her favorite dessert, opens the door for her, puts gas in her car, tells her she’s beautiful and brings her flowers.
He also does the dishes, gives the baby a bath and works to support the family.
In return, she smiles and says thank you.
She is genuinely grateful. She doesn’t rebuff his offers so she can stay independent, nor does she criticize the way he bathes the baby.
That would be leaving her power by trying to control him, which would weaken them both. To stay in her power, she receives what he offers graciously.
Her man gets a lot out of it because he feels purposeful and successful at pleasing her. They both benefit from their interaction.
You probably enjoyed this kind of virtuous cycle during the early days of your relationship, when you were falling in love and you both felt amazing.
In the past, I might have observed such a woman and said something like, “She must be awfully good in bed to get that kind of treatment.”
But I was missing the whole point, which is that she was taken care of because she was willing to be taken care of.
That brings out a man’s natural desire to please his woman.
You have the same ability to inspire a man’s devotion, but you may not have been tapping into it.
Chances are, nobody ever gave you feminine training.
This is completely different from the assertiveness training we’ve received at work, where you instruct people to do what you want them to do.
That can never be as satisfying in a romance, because your man doesn’t want to feel like your employee.
And part of what we want is for our men to want to please us. Barking orders is no substitute for genuine romance.
Nothing causes the same butterflies of excitement as knowing that he is pursuing you because he finds you irresistible, and taking care of you because you inspire him.
Not that you need anyone to take care of you. You can always take care of yourself.
But it feels good to see a man who’s devoted to you making big and small gestures to delight you, just for the pleasure of seeing you happy.
I can be independent, but it’s even more gratifying to be interdependent.
That doesn’t make you weaker—quite the contrary. Having a man’s attention and help is fortifying.
2. Women Have More Power in the Bedroom
We women are the gatekeepers of sex from the very beginning of the relationship.
It’s up to the woman to say “not yet” or “not now,” because men usually need sex more than women do.
If your husband doesn’t seem that interested in sex lately, there’s an explanation for that here: How to Attract Your Husband in Bed.
Once a man is in an exclusive relationship, he’ll go a long way to make sure that his wife or girlfriend is not upset with him to avoid the unpleasant consequences of not being able to have sex.
That’s not his only motivation; his natural desire to please his woman is compounded by his desire to keep his one and only sex partner happy.
Keeping us happy, as you know, is not that easy to do.
For one thing, we are hormonal. And when we’re hormonal, we’re moody. And we’re hormonal a lot—every month, actually—and also when we’re pregnant, nearing menopause or experiencing menopause.
By comparison, men are a less emotional bunch.
Because they want us to be happy and they want to have sex with us, they do whatever they can to keep us calm even when our bodies are giving us reason to riot.
It’s not an easy task.
My husband has had the audacity to try to have sex with me right when I’m very busy and stressing out.
He’s right that it would help relieve stress to make love.
Whether we do or not is, of course, up to me, just like it’s always up to you.
That’s because we’ve got the power.
Whether they want to keep the sex coming or to please us, guys do things their women want them to do, even if they don’t want to do them.
And they don’t do things their women don’t want them to do, even though they want to.
And that explains why the tough-looking guy I saw at the mall with a shaved head and huge, tattooed arms was pushing a pink stroller and holding his wife’s purse in the bedding department.
Men are not only willing to sacrifice for their families, they see it as their purpose.
There are two more ways that you have enormous power to keep your marriage thriving and avoid divorce, no matter how lonely and broken it is now. Since this blog is getting pretty long, I’ll share them with you next week in part 2.
In the meantime, consider experimenting with your feminine gifts by receiving graciously and opening the gate to physical intimacy if it’s been closed.
Hi! I’m Laura.
I was the perfect wife–until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned.
I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.