Husband Is like a Roommate
Husband Is like a Roommate
How You Can Reignite the Romance
Jo W, Laura Doyle Certified Coach
In 2005, I met the man of my dreams. He was funny, outgoing, romantic, passionate, talented, smart, kind, caring, generous and extremely sexy! I felt incredible when I was with him. We were engaged eight months later and married soon after.
After nine years of the ups and downs of married life, I was falsely accused of being unfaithful. Shocked and devastated, I threw myself a seven-month pity party.
I was in despair living with a man who had become merely a roommate and business partner.
With my pity party in full swing, Laura Doyle finally found me. I watched her free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills™ and listened intently as she transparently shared how her marriage had gone from the brink of divorce to ridiculously happy. I joined her online VIP program and began watching modules and filling out workbooks applying the Intimacy Skills to my own life.
I couldn’t believe how simple it all sounded. Laura gave such practical cheat phrases and challenges that it seemed anyone could do them. My hope grew the more I learned.
I was blessed to go on vacation with my husband and his family just five days after joining the program. On this trip I stole time for myself to keep reading, watching, and learning about the Skills. I was committed to transforming my marriage.
That’s when I first had the awareness to recognize disrespect, control, focus on the negative, arguing, and the rejection of gifts, compliments and help.
This ugliness was all happening in the beautiful home we had rented. I saw these beautiful women I love unknowingly attacking our men. They seemingly believed they were somehow bonding over this “harmless” bashing.
The worst part was that prior to this trip, I had joined in the attacking! I too had complained of my husband’s shortcomings with laughter and derision.
I now held back tears of shame as the “joking” persevered.
The same day, I apologized to my husband for my previous participation in such disrespectful and demeaning conversations. For the first time in a very long time, he looked at me with hope in his eyes and softness in his voice as he said, “Thank you–that means a lot.”
I did my best to practice these newly acquired Skills throughout our vacation. We had so much fun and did not argue–the entire trip!
After arriving home, it was harder to use the Skills and apply duct tape when I wanted to speak my mind disrespectfully. I couldn’t figure out why. I was still experiencing increased intimacy, but my old habits, like offering “help” and defending myself rather than listening, kept sneaking in. It seemed so much harder here.
I trudged forward through lots of ups and downs. Wanting more support, I attended the Cherished for Life Weekend in September and started the Laura Doyle Relationship Coach Training Program in October.
In training, I figured out what I was missing: replenishing self-care!
I began to see the pattern clearly. When I took the bait to argue, acted with disrespect, or offered “help,” my self-care had been minimal. When I was feeling cherished, using the Skills with ease and feeling genuinely happy, my self-care tank was full.
This revelation was a huge turning point. I now truly began to understand that this was all about changing me and not my husband. I increased my self-care, focused on myself and enjoyed the ride.
In December, my husband took me on vacation, fulfilling a desire I’d expressed to travel more. I received not only private but surprisingly public displays of affection.
On a romantic bike taxi ride, he pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. He grabbed me, dipped me and passionately kissed me in front of our entire bus tour for a photo opportunity!
Later snuggling in bed, he held me close as we fell asleep after the fleur-de-lis dropped, marking the start of a brand new year. It was also the start of a new phase of our marriage as, almost a year since I’d found the Skills, we held hands, laughed and had an incredible trip.
Things continue to get better.
I no longer work summers and am working less during the school year thanks to my husband’s support. He comes home earlier on weekdays. He calls me often throughout the day to say hello. He takes most weekends off and fills them with fun activities for us. We have more vacations planned and enjoy talking about our future.
While my marriage isn’t perfect, I feel cherished and adored by my amazing husband!
I will be forever grateful to God for Laura, the Skills and my commitment to change myself and my marriage. I am now a surrendered, empowered wife in love with my husband and my life.
And the best is yet to come!
What’s one way you can reignite the romance in your relationship? We’d love to hear below.
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