The 30-Day Relationship Revitalization Challenge
From Tense and Distant to Playful and Passionate in one Month
Can a relationship really turn around in just a month when it’s been struggling along or falling apart for years?
It definitely can, but only if the wife gets the right information and applies it. She holds the key.
It won’t help if the husband tries to apply it, and this isn’t for couples.
But any woman can use this 30-day plan to stop the bickering and get back the sizzle.
But what if the husband or boyfriend is the real problem, you might wonder?
I’m glad you brought that up because that’s the beauty of this 30-day plan: He will change too as you implement it, even if he doesn’t know you’re implementing it.
It won’t be hard work, but it will take some focus and energy, like everything in life that’s worthwhile.
The night before: get plenty of sleep. You’ll want to be well-rested as you begin.
Do something frivolous and fun to make yourself ridiculously happy. Then do something else that you like even more. Then do one more thing that brings you joy. If you can’t stop smiling, you will know you’ve done this step well.
Day 2 – Day 7:
Repeat directions from Day 1. Make a list of all the frivolous, fun things that you like to do.
Notice that your happiness does not depend upon your man and what he does or doesn’t do.
Chat with a woman who gets you–a girlfriend, your sister or your mom. Tell her you’re on Day 4 of a 30-day plan for revitalizing your relationship. Tell her how it’s going so far. Talk about everything in the world.
Get some solitude–even if it’s only for 15 minutes.
Write down the three fun things you did today. Ask yourself how happy you are. If you’re not happy yet, do something else for frivolous fun until you are.
Decline to do something that would be exhausting or make you resentful, even if you feel guilty about not doing it. Say, “I can’t.” Rest up for the happy week ahead.
Be the Goddess of Fun and Light today–for the whole day. Start a disco in the kitchen. Wear sexy shoes or a hat. Smile at your husband. Laugh at his jokes. Sing at the top of your lungs. Have no expectations except to have fun.
Repeat Day 1 instructions every day this week.
Think of something you want to control about your husband—something that bugs you or seems unacceptable to you. Have you thought of it yet? Next time it comes up and he says he’s going to do the very thing that you want to control, say to him, “Whatever you think,” or, “Whatever you think—I trust you.”
After all, you’ve tried telling him not to already and that didn’t work. Why not experiment with showing him you trust his decisions and see what happens?
Spend an hour listening to your husband by saying only, “I hear you,” or, “Uh-huh.” Instead of reacting to what he says, consider just bearing witness. Give him the gift of being heard and understood. Notice how much more he has to say than usual.
Recall something you’ve said to your husband that offended him, and say these words: “I apologize for being disrespectful when I…said you are always grumpy.” Fill in the blank with the thing you said. Notice how he glows when you say those words.
Take stock of everything you appreciate about your husband. Write down at least 10 good qualities.
Read that list of good qualities from yesterday to yourself.
Pick one thing off your list and tell your husband how grateful you are for that one thing.
Repeat Day 1 instructions today and everyday this week. Also, give yourself a gold star for your progress so far. You’re halfway there! What changes have you noticed in yourself? What changes do you notice in your relationship?
Focus on saying, “Thank you,” to all the compliments you get today—not just from your man, but from everyone. No arguing—just smile sweetly and say “thanks.”
Accept all the help that you’re offered—to move the chairs, to take the groceries to the car, to clean up after the party—and accept it graciously even if it feels uncomfortable.
Think of a problem you have that’s not related to your relationship. Say to your man, “Can I borrow your brain? I’m trying to solve this problem…” Let him help you. If his solution isn’t quite what you want, keep saying what you want. See what he has to say.
For the whole day, focus on not interrupting your guy. When he’s speaking, stop what you’re doing, put down your phone and give him your attention. What do you notice that you hadn’t before?
Spend some time contemplating your desires. What do you want? Make a list. Make it long.
Repeat Day 1 instructions today, and for the entire week. Also, take something from your list of desires and say out loud, “I would love…a cup of coffee,” or whatever is true for you.
Think of something you wish your husband was more of, like tidier, more romantic, ambitious, funny, attentive. Just pick one thing. Today, look for evidence that he IS that thing, even if it’s small.
Find more evidence that your guy is the positive thing you want him to be.
Find still more evidence that your man is exceptionally gifted in the quality that you picked on Day 22.
Tell your husband how grateful you are that he’s tidy, romantic, ambitious, funny or attentive, even if it feels like a huge stretch. It’s okay—you have several days’ worth of evidence.
Give your husband three gratitudes for ordinary things that he does—taking out the trash, working hard to support the family or making the coffee. Tell your friend, mom or sister how much you appreciate that he does those things.
Give your husband three more gratitudes. Look for ways you were disrespectful and apologize using the phrase from Day 11.
Repeat the instructions for Day 1, and give your husband three more gratitudes. Express a desire from your list out loud.
Make yourself available for physical intimacy. Send him a flirtatious signal that you’re not expecting—just hoping.
Fill yourself up with frivolous fun and thank your husband for making you ridiculously happy for all these years.
Take stock of how dignified, confident and peaceful you feel.
Repeat as needed to keep your relationship playful, passionate and fun.
Hi! I’m Laura.
I was the perfect wife–until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned.
I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.