Check out this truly terrible advice from Dr. Howard J. Markman of the University of Denver, who wrote in The Huffington Post last week with great enthusiasm (two exclamation points worth) that “while many people associate nagging with women, that view predates the women’s movement and the explosion of research on couples, and is, in my opinion, one of the myths about marriage!!”
I hope you men are listening because we are sick and tired of you repeatedly asking us wives to take out the trash and put the dishes away. We said we’d do it so just quit bugging us about it, husbands and boyfriends who just don’t seem to get it.
Dr. Markman goes on to say “Nagging patterns are normal. Even the happiest of couples over time engage in these patterns.” That must be why the word “nag” conjures an image of someone of either gender in a very happy relationship.
That is truly terrible advice, and for that I have selected Dr. Markman and The Huffington Post as the recipient of my Bad Relationship Advice of the Week Award. If you’re anything like I was, you might view this article as a permission slip to keep nagging your boyfriend or husband because not only is it normal for happy couples to do it, your boyfriend or husband is just as guilty. Why change anything when such a credible-sounding expert says you’re doing fine?
But it wasn’t until I made a decision to trust and respect my husband that we became one of those happiest couples. That’s when I discovered I had the power to inspire my husband to want to do things to lighten my load, which was a huge improvement over the nagging and tension we had before.
To set the record straight, women with amazing lifelong romances do NOT nag their men. Nagging is highly detrimental to intimacy and the only way for romance to flourish is to banish it. Since women are more likely to engage in nagging than men it’s up to us women to improve in this area. And with a few tools, a little support and the desire to have an amazing, lasting romance, hundreds of thousands of women have done just that.
If you’d like to learn and master the habits that lead to lifelong romance, don’t miss the Lifelong Romance Retreat from June 22nd -24th in South Florida. Whether you’re single, married or somewhere in-between, this one weekend will give you the habits that will lead you to a lifetime of romance and restore your dignity and give you inner-strength in the process. Sign up by the end of this month to take advantage of early-bird pricing.
Worst Relationship Advice of the Week Award Honorable Mention:
Everyone knows how crummy it feels to go through a breakup. Now imagine you’re freshly single and still flattened and you read these uplifting words from Margot Carmichael Lester writing for Match.com:
“When you’re in this pit of misery, it can be even more difficult to fight your way out once you consider that there will probably be more breakups in your future. The reality is that the vast majority of relationships don’t last.”
Those aren’t exactly the most encouraging words I can think of to make you want to get back on the horse, as Margot recommends doing by the end of the article. I’d be too busy trying to score some Prozac after hearing that the next relationship I attempt is pretty much doomed already.
The reality is that there is plenty every woman can do to minimize her risk of heartbreak in dating. As a single woman you have a lot of power to create the kind of relationship you want, and although there is always some risk in romance—that’s what makes it so exciting—you don’t have to be reckless about it or bet the farm. If you play to your strengths as a woman—your ability to attract men like a magnet, your power to accept or reject them, your ability to inspire them to want to make you happy–you can put your heartbreaks behind you and look forward to hand-holding and having someone to share a bowl of popcorn with for good. For more on how to put the odds of relationship success in your favor, read this.