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7 Ways to Look Attractive to Your Husband

(Hint: It’s Not about Your Looks)

If you’re anything like me and most of the women I talk to, you want to feel that your husband desires you–that he finds you magnetic and irresistible.

If, like me, you’ve found yourself feeling entirely resistible to your man, you know how painful that is.

You might think that means it’s time to get highlights, hit the tanning booth and book a Brazilian.

But when I found myself in a miserable marriage, I had to look beyond blonde locks and bronze skin to create irresistibility. What I learned has given me an unfair advantage.

“Don’t move,” my husband said while I was brushing crumbs off the kitchen counter recently. He got out his phone to take my picture, like I’m a supermodel. This is after 28 years of marriage.

Here are 7 hacks that will make you a magnet:

1. Listen like This

The best conversationalists are good listeners. This magical phrase will make you a great listener.

It’s three words: “I hear you.”

That’s it–not “I hear you and what I think is…” or “I hear you and have you thought about…”

You’re not agreeing. You’re not disagreeing. You’re just bearing witness.

We all have a deep need to be heard and understood, and giving the gift of listening well, without commenting, will make you luminescent to the man you’re listening to.

2. Use the Best Aphrodisiac on the Planet for Men

What’s that? You didn’t know there was an aphrodisiac for men? Well, there is. And I’ll tell you what it is, but you won’t understand at first.

The best aphrodisiac on the planet for men is respect, but not the kind you think of giving to your boss, teacher or parent, where you show deference and obedience.

The kind of respect I’m talking about is where you honor his thinking and admire his accomplishments.

That doesn’t mean you have to agree. But it does mean you don’t sneer or laugh or criticize what he thinks. If you do (and, regrettably, I still do from time to time), it means you apologize for being disrespectful.

Do you have to use that word, disrespectful, you might ask?

That depends.

Do you want an unfair advantage or not?

3. Be Pleasable

Rick Ocasek sang it best: “You’re just what I needed. I needed someone to please.”

If you’re complaining and questioning a lot, then you won’t seem so pleasable.

If you’re open, receptive and down for an adventure, you’re going to seem special.

Like the woman whose man led them down the wrong street to the restaurant he said he was taking her to. Instead of correcting him when he said, “Let’s go this way,” she decided to enjoy the walk together and said, “Whatever you think.”

She was surprised and delighted when they stumbled upon a live band playing on that “wrong” street. It made the night magical and enchanting instead of practical and to the point.

4. Look Smoking Hot

You are never hotter than when you’re laughing, smiling, singing and dancing.

Those are all signs that you’re happy, which is something men care deeply about. I’ve asked thousands of men how important it is that their date/girlfriend/wife is happy, and they all say the same thing: “It’s everything. It’s the most important thing.”

In the UK, they say, “It’s imperative.”

When he sees you having a great time, he will feel successful. All you have to do is have the great time and inform your face about it. You might even consider a smile campaign, or smiling at everyone you see, which is better than Botox for making you appealing.

As one woman sat at dinner just smiling and listening instead of talking, she was amazed when her husband said, “Did you ever think we’d be so happy?”

5. Appreciate Him

What is it you like about him? If you appreciate his humor, his sense of style, him driving to pick you up, say so. It won’t make you seem desperate. It will make you seem grateful, which is attractive. It will let him know how to please you, which will make him feel successful around you.

Like the woman who complimented the AV guy on his work at the conference she attended. “You liked it?” he asked, and quickly followed with, “Are you going to be back tomorrow? Can I get your phone number?”

6. Trust Him

You might be tempted to ask him what time the movie starts so you can calculate how long it will take to get there so you don’t miss the beginning of the show. Instead, consider trusting your guy to get you there.

He has managed to get to things on time without you. No need to show that you’re not sure he can pull it off. Your faith in him will make him more manly and more attracted to your womanliness.

7. Be Fascinating

The University of Toronto conducted a study where they concluded–and this may be shocking–that women are more emotional than men.

That confirms what we’ve all known for a long time: Women have emotional brilliance. Men depend on us to bring that to the relationship.

In particular, your vulnerability creates the fascination that leads to lasting commitment. The more vulnerable you are, the more fascinating. That means undefended, not perfectly put together.

It means you need help sometimes and fall apart other times.

It means there’s room in your life for a man to make a contribution because your goal is not independence–it’s interdependence.

That’s what makes you irresistible.

Which of these irresistibility hacks will you try this week?


By Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

New York Times Bestselling Author

I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

25 replies on “7 Ways to Look Attractive to Your Husband”

In regards to appreciating him – what if he rejects said appreciation? For example, he came to pick me up when I dropped my car off for service and when I thanked him he told me not to thank him for that. He’s said this about other things too and the insinuation is always that those things are a given (within a relationship) so I shouldn’t thank him for them.

Like the other night, he was so sweet and supportive during an emotional time for me. He even stayed with me and cuddled on the couch and watched a movie instead of going to his friend’s house like he had planned. I thanked him the next morning for the extra support and affection the night before, and he started shushing me with his hand over my mouth. I told him it helped me feel so much better along with my other usual follow-up every time he does this: “I just wanted to let you know I appreciate you.” He never really responds with anything so I don’t know if it just feels awkward to him or something.

Interested if you have any insight into why he almost acts like he doesn’t want to hear it though? I will continue communicating my appreciation regardless but it feels like mixed signals a little sometimes and I worry a bit that it’s not as effective as I’d like it to be..

Sheena, him rejecting your appreciation and acting like he doesn’t even want to hear it is so discouraging. Especially when you’re expressing beautiful gratitude, this response does sound worrisome. Being shushed does not sound empowering!

It sounds like something may be going missing. I remember feeling stuck too and it was lousy. That’s why my coaches and I have helped so many women fix their relationships. Here’s a free Roadmap of 6 simple steps so you can have your breakthrough too!

I’ll also ask my team to send you a confirmation where you can indicate that you want to receive my email so you don’t miss it.

expressing pure desires do not work with my husband. i said nicely, i would love to wake up to a clean kitchen (after I already cleaned up my meal and he ate later and left his mess) He told me to “stop telling him what to do, he does enough and i should clean up after him in the kitchen” and mocked “i would love to wake up to a clean kitchen” verbatim.

he also said stop telling him “thank you” . he said he would rather just see action than me thank him for cleaning up around the house. and 1/2 the time he doesn’t see what i do cause I am not doing it right in front of him. he thinks he does more around the house and it makes him bitter.
what to do?!


Jessi, it sounds like you’re doing a great job expressing your desires and gratitude, and I’m sorry to hear your efforts haven’t been better received. That is so frustrating! I admire how committed you are to transforming your marriage. I would feel resentful at not being appreciated for all I do around the house and in the relationship.

I remember when I changed the steps to the old dance my husband and I had been doing for years. It was a huge change, and he didn’t receive all of it graciously at first. I stayed the course in practicing all 6 Intimacy Skills in tandem. This gave me the playful, passionate marriage I’d always wanted.

I’d love to give you more support so you are appreciated and your desires are better received. I invite you to my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at

Luna, it must be frustrating that your boyfriend gets irritated, especially when you’re so committed to creating more intimacy in your relationship! I love that you’re seeking ways to continue showing vulnerability.

It was hard for my husband to receive my vulnerability at first. But I stayed the course, practicing it in conjunction with the other Intimacy Skills, and he’s now eager to support and nurture me. I get to feel cherished, desired and adored even when–especially when–I show that softer side of myself.

I’d love to support you to show your vulnerability in a way your boyfriend can receive. I’ll give you more tools to do that in my upcoming Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills. You can register for free at

good day laura. first thing for the number 6 hacks which is trust I cant really apply it because I always caught him flirting with other girls. another thing is that my boyfriend/husband treat me as his maid. he doesn’t care what I want but he still expecting me to do what he says. should I still follow him even we always fight? and lastly want to ask how can I make my him proud of me . he doesn’t post any picture of us together or even picture of our baby. he play say and acts like a single men.

Jenny, I hear that trusting him is not a fit for you because you’ve caught him flirting and acting like he’s single. Ouch, I would have a hard time trusting him too, especially if he treated me like a maid and fought with me on top of it!

I so relate. I remember the fighting and not being able to trust my husband, who acted like a bachelor too. Six Intimacy Skills later, my husband has become the trustworthy, capable man I married. And I get to be loved and supported the way I always wanted to be (including around the house!).

I know you can stop the fighting and inspire your husband to become trustworthy, helpful and proud of you too. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how working with a coach would help you get there. You will find this call so valuable. You can apply here:

These ideas are abolutely wonderful!
I’ve been working on listening, after I read one of your recent posts.
This week I will try to tackle respect. Not sneering or laughing.
Thank you so much for sharing these!

I neglected to do any of these things for years, and now my husband has asked for a divorce, and is sleeping with someone else. He admits it may be midlife crisis, or ego gratification, or that she gives him affection, acceptance and interest. I feel such regret for treating him so badly for so long.

I love him, and am willing to forgive him. But he is away for work, in the town where the other person lives. When he returns mid-month, he will leave for a vacation with a male friend. I probably won’t see him until the beginning of December.

I recently texted him that I apologized for showing disrespect towards him for so long. He responded with thank you, and that is the last contact we’ve had. I want to stay in contact but that may not be the right thing to do. I’ve written an email of all the things I am thankful he is, and I can’t decide if I should send it, or if it will annoy him and push him further away. I’m having a hard time keeping my focus on the goal of improving our relationship, and making myself happy.

Anneh, I’m so sorry to hear your husband is having an affair and asking for a divorce. That is devastating. I so admire your accountability, vulnerability and commitment to your marriage.

I relate to wanting to shower him with gratitude once I realized how I had been pushing my husband away with my disrespect. With the 6 Intimacy Skills, I learned how to communicate my gratitude in a way he could hear it and attracted him back. I keep seeing the same outcome when the husband has moved out, and it often starts with one gratitude text at a time.

As you continue to focus on your own happiness, I know you can attract your husband back too. I’ll show you how in my upcoming Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills. You can register for free at

Thank you! I’m looking for a copy of your book tonight, and I have already taken the webinar. I’m looking forward to learning these skills and applying them. My current challenges are staying patient and staying focused when I feel the hurt coming back.

Hi Laura, I am reading the Empowered Wife now, but I am worried that I am in a hopeless situation. My husband says that he is so tense and on guard around me that he is now uncomfortable when I am closer than 2 feet to him, and he gets injured in his sport because of this (but not when he is away from me). And he insists that he has changed what he wants in a partner, and I am not it. He says we are completely incompatible, we should never have gotten married, and he feels nothing for me anymore. He believes that we never had true love because if we had, we would not have been able to hurt each other. He asked for space, and I feel that I have to respect his request, even though I am worried he will forget me, especially while he is around the other person. I want to stay hopeful and optimistic, but sometimes I wonder if I can make any impact. He actually said that his negative patterns around me are so ingrained that if I changed something, he would not change his reaction to me.

Anneh, that is so painful for your husband to tell you he feels nothing for you. I can see why you’re worried and feeling it may be hopeless. You are not alone. It is hard to choose faith over fear, and I so admire your commitment to staying hopeful.

One client’s husband claimed that he was no longer attracted to her and that there was nothing she could do to change that. He moved out and started seeing another woman. With the support of her coach, she knew how to apply the 6 Intimacy Skills. Within a couple months he came home, broke it off with the other woman, and keeps telling her he loves her and can’t seem to keep his hands off her now!

You too can change the old patterns and attract your husband back. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how working with a coach would fit for you. The call alone will bring you clarity. You can apply here:

This message covers all the angles!

Thank goodness I learnt the painful lessons in my first marriage, the one I finally left when I was 60. Where I withheld most of your tips/wisdom.

At the age of 72, I’m in my second relationship and I’m giving him everything you suggest – the love, respect, admiration, acceptance and my own emotional vulnerability – and I’m getting all of it back in return.

Thanks, Laura!

I love this blog. It’s amazing. I am starting to slowly see how showing my vulnerable side is attractive. It’s so scary but slowly and surely – I am working to be real.

Thank you Laura! I have read your book, “The Empowered Wife” and it has worked to bring my husband back and now we are repairing our marriage! I love these reminders though. Because we are human, we tend to forget…..Thank you for saving my marriage! It is prayers answered!

I married a good man six months ago Who has not been married in over 30 years. He’s proud of Himself and he’s glad that he glad that I’m a strong woman capable of starting and running a business and raising a whole family by myself but he does not feel inclined to lift me up or appreciate me verbally in anyway. In reading your books and website I started being less negative and lifting him up , Showing off The things he has built and giving him tons of encouragement. It does work! He was happier which made me happier. But after two months I finally asked him if he was proud of me at all and why he was always just telling everybody about what he has done, and he told me that’s not how he does things and I married him like that :/ Even when it’s things that we’ve done together like canning and building a building, he just mentions what he’s done? He’s not a bad guy he just doesn’t seem to Notice past himself? I don’t know how to deal with that and it makes me sad sometimes.

Ann, I would feel sad too if I weren’t getting any recognition! I really admire your commitment to expressing gratitude to your husband. Congratulations on your marriage!

I totally relate to not feeling appreciated despite everything I was doing, as I shared in the blog post “My Husband Doesn’t Appreciate Me.” The 6 Intimacy Skills empowered me to create a culture of gratitude in my home–mutual gratitude!

If I can do it, I know you can get the recognition you deserve. I’ll give you more tools to do that in my upcoming Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills. You can register for free at

Thank you! This message was perfectly timed for what I needed to hear today. I usually tell my husband that it’s not his job to make me happy, but I get that he needs to feel needed and like he is a big contributor to my happiness. I don’t struggle with complaining, but I think more outward expressions of the joy I feel are needed.
This message was placed in my mind this morning after I prayed for help last night. So thank you for sharing.

This is wonderful and makes absolute sense. But what if your trust has wained because of adultery. Even if he has ended it and she does not want to let go. How do you handle trust then?

Danette, I hear how hard it is to restore trust after your husband’s infidelity. That is a tall order indeed. I so admire your commitment to your marriage after the pain you’ve been through.

Many women come to me after being cheated on, with no idea how they can ever trust their men again. With the 6 Intimacy Skills, they are able to restore trust in their husband as they are empowered to be trusted to continue being their best selves.

If they can do it, I know you can restore the trust in your relationship too. I’ll show you how in my upcoming Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills. You can register for free at

Does all This work on a Narcisstic Man? He wants to be in control of everything………He says He does not mean to, but He talks to me like I am 5 years old, like I am His Child rather than His Wife………….He often says I do not get whatever He is talking about, even when I tell Him I do…………..I know it comes from insecurity within Himself, but I am not a Child, neither am I dumb…………He works (His Choice) even though He says He has too, all the time……….Does not ever want to take even a Day Trip anywhere, let alone a Vacation……..I Love Him Dearly, but does all this work on a Narcisstic Type man……….Much Love & Thank You for all You are doing for Us ALL……….

Deb, that sounds painful to be spoken down to like a child and not have the time away that you crave with your man. I’m touched by your vulnerability and commitment to your relationship.

I had lost hope that anything would work for my marriage when I didn’t have the connection or time together that I wanted. Then I found the 6 Intimacy Skills, which worked in spite of my husband’s diagnosis and made my marriage playful and passionate. I’ve seen the same thing happen with men with NPD, as I share in the article “My Husband Is a Narcissist.”

I’d love to support you to get the respect and time together that you deserve. I’ll show you how in my upcoming Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills. You can register for free at

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