If you’re anything like me and most of the women I talk to, you want to feel that your husband desires you–that he finds you magnetic and irresistible.
If, like me, you’ve found yourself feeling entirely resistible to your man, you know how painful that is.
You might think that means it’s time to get highlights, hit the tanning booth and book a Brazilian.
But when I found myself in a miserable marriage, I had to look beyond blonde locks and bronze skin to create irresistibility. What I learned has given me an unfair advantage.
“Don’t move,” my husband said while I was brushing crumbs off the kitchen counter recently. He got out his phone to take my picture, like I’m a supermodel. This is after 28 years of marriage.
Here are 7 hacks that will make you a magnet:
1. Listen like This
The best conversationalists are good listeners. This magical phrase will make you a great listener.
It’s three words: “I hear you.”
That’s it–not “I hear you and what I think is…” or “I hear you and have you thought about…”
You’re not agreeing. You’re not disagreeing. You’re just bearing witness.
We all have a deep need to be heard and understood, and giving the gift of listening well, without commenting, will make you luminescent to the man you’re listening to.
2. Use the Best Aphrodisiac on the Planet for Men
What’s that? You didn’t know there was an aphrodisiac for men? Well, there is. And I’ll tell you what it is, but you won’t understand at first.
The best aphrodisiac on the planet for men is respect, but not the kind you think of giving to your boss, teacher or parent, where you show deference and obedience.
The kind of respect I’m talking about is where you honor his thinking and admire his accomplishments.
That doesn’t mean you have to agree. But it does mean you don’t sneer or laugh or criticize what he thinks. If you do (and, regrettably, I still do from time to time), it means you apologize for being disrespectful.
Do you have to use that word, disrespectful, you might ask?
Do you want an unfair advantage or not?
3. Be Pleasable
Rick Ocasek sang it best: “You’re just what I needed. I needed someone to please.”
If you’re complaining and questioning a lot, then you won’t seem so pleasable.
If you’re open, receptive and down for an adventure, you’re going to seem special.
Like the woman whose man led them down the wrong street to the restaurant he said he was taking her to. Instead of correcting him when he said, “Let’s go this way,” she decided to enjoy the walk together and said, “Whatever you think.”
She was surprised and delighted when they stumbled upon a live band playing on that “wrong” street. It made the night magical and enchanting instead of practical and to the point.
4. Look Smoking Hot
You are never hotter than when you’re laughing, smiling, singing and dancing.
Those are all signs that you’re happy, which is something men care deeply about. I’ve asked thousands of men how important it is that their date/girlfriend/wife is happy, and they all say the same thing: “It’s everything. It’s the most important thing.”
In the UK, they say, “It’s imperative.”
When he sees you having a great time, he will feel successful. All you have to do is have the great time and inform your face about it. You might even consider a smile campaign, or smiling at everyone you see, which is better than Botox for making you appealing.
As one woman sat at dinner just smiling and listening instead of talking, she was amazed when her husband said, “Did you ever think we’d be so happy?”
5. Appreciate Him
What is it you like about him? If you appreciate his humor, his sense of style, him driving to pick you up, say so. It won’t make you seem desperate. It will make you seem grateful, which is attractive. It will let him know how to please you, which will make him feel successful around you.
Like the woman who complimented the AV guy on his work at the conference she attended. “You liked it?” he asked, and quickly followed with, “Are you going to be back tomorrow? Can I get your phone number?”
6. Trust Him
You might be tempted to ask him what time the movie starts so you can calculate how long it will take to get there so you don’t miss the beginning of the show. Instead, consider trusting your guy to get you there.
He has managed to get to things on time without you. No need to show that you’re not sure he can pull it off. Your faith in him will make him more manly and more attracted to your womanliness.
7. Be Fascinating
The University of Toronto conducted a study where they concluded–and this may be shocking–that women are more emotional than men.
That confirms what we’ve all known for a long time: Women have emotional brilliance. Men depend on us to bring that to the relationship.
In particular, your vulnerability creates the fascination that leads to lasting commitment. The more vulnerable you are, the more fascinating. That means undefended, not perfectly put together.
It means you need help sometimes and fall apart other times.
It means there’s room in your life for a man to make a contribution because your goal is not independence–it’s interdependence.
That’s what makes you irresistible.
Which of these irresistibility hacks will you try this week?