5 Ways to Fix a Sexless Marriage
If you’re anything like me you love feeling desired, and when the physical passion in your relationship is missing or rare, it makes you feel undesirable, which feels awful.
Then you wonder if it’s because of the extra pounds or wrinkles turning him off. Or maybe because there’s something wrong with him that he’s not interested anymore.
Either way, it’s lonely, painful and confusing. But it doesn’t have to stay stuck that way.
Here are five ways to fix your sexless marriage:
Contents
1. Use the best aphrodisiac on the planet for men.
Yes, there is an aphrodisiac for men, and most women either don’t know about it or don’t know what it means, just like I didn’t know either in the bad old days.
It’s respect.
Respect means you expect the best outcome from him, not the worst.
It means apologizing that you didn’t trust his thinking or told him what to do at work or how to be a dad.
And if you’re thinking you don’t respect your husband right now because of all the ways he’s disappointed you, then you have tremendous power to break the logjam by deciding to respect him again.
How do you do that? That leads to the second way to fix a sexless marriage…
2. Make a list of all the things you’re grateful for about your husband.
List 20 or so things about him. If you can’t think of anything right now because you’re feeling so resentful, that’s a very hard and heavy place to be.
I invite you to really get creative and think of at least three things, even though there are many things you wish he would do differently.
Because the third way to fix a sexless marriage is to…
3. Start expressing that appreciation to your husband.
Thank him out loud or by text at least three times a day.
I’m talking about expressing sincere gratitude that he takes the trash out or makes dinner or went to the store to get watermelon.
4. Stop pushing for sex.
Be receptive instead of aggressive. So instead of saying, like I used to, “We should have sex,” you might be flirty and flash him or jump in the shower with him or talk about how amorous you’re feeling .
But you’ll want to do that without expectation because control is not attractive.
How do you lose that expectation if it already feels like a herd of elephants in the room?
Glad you asked! In my experience, it all comes down to this…
5. Find your happiness by treating yourself well.
Only you know what that means for you. It could be a bubble bath, but it might be a jujitsu class. It could be getting your nails done, or it might be getting your hands dirty growing vegetables. Maybe it’s playing with your pets or tickling the ivories. It could be watching a rom-com or talking to a tree.
If you’re tempted to skip this step, well, you’re not alone. Most students want to skip this step and get right to the part where they say or do the thing that will make their husbands desire them. But this is that step !
In my experience, nothing is as appealing to a husband as a happy, smiling wife who respects him.
Which steps will you try today so you can start feeling desired?
6 replies on “5 Ways to Fix a Sexless Marriage”
Expressing gratitudes 3x a day is a bit of a challenge because H and I are separated. And I don’t see him much and we don’t talk everyday. I don’t want to come across as needy or desperate texting him everyday with a gratitudes. But when we do talk, I do express my gratitude and appreciation for him through out the conversation because I truly am grateful for all I have despite our situation. So what if I can’t express gratitudes everyday?
Jenny, I love that you want to express gratitudes, but it does sound hard and I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this separation. Your question definitely deserves a fuller conversation. I’d love to invite you back to the community that puts you on an amazing path and provides all the support you want for your situation.
My husband is sooo angry with me. We have been arguing about anything and everything for over a year and our sex life was lacking. Well, recently he blew up and said he was done. That this is broken. I asked if he wants to leave and all the controlling things wives ask… long story short, he hasnt left and said he has unfinished business building things in ourbhome and that hes raising our kids. That this is his home too and he doesnt have anywhere to go. He sleeps on the opposite end of our king size bed and won’t come near me and clams up completely if I come near him and try kissing or touching him. He practically pushes me away. I feel so horrible and just don’t know what to do. I think he thinks that if we have sex now, then I’m gonna think we are fine and he truly just doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
Gmtz, this sounds awful and so painful. I can see why you’re feeling horrible. It’s heartbreaking to feel pushed away and hear him say such devastating words. I admire your accountability and commitment to your marriage. We see this turn around all the time when women have such accountability and get some support. I’m standing for you to get the coaching to be the next to turn this around!
What if I can’t afford the coaching as I don’t earn much money.
But I really want to make my marriage work. Is there more help I can still get ?
Laura, the podcast, books and blog (especially this one) are a great start. But it sounds like you really want coaching! How would it be for you to change “I can’t afford a coach” to “How can I afford a coach?” And get yourself the community and support that will help make your marriage work?