It always gives me a sinking feeling because I remember the pain and desperation I felt years ago when I was contemplating divorce. I remember how lonely and miserable that was, and—I now know—how unnecessary.
My mission is to end world divorce by getting women the information that changed my marriage into the intimate, passionate, peaceful union that I have now. That’s what I do every day—give women the tools they need to prevent divorce and create gratifying relationships.
That being said, how do you know if you should get a divorce?
I am quick to endorse a divorce in certain situations. For example, I would support you getting divorced immediately if and only if you are married to a man who is:
Physically abusive to you or your children. Clearly you’re not safe when you or your children are in harm’s way. When your safety is threatened, there can be no intimacy. Protect yourself by leaving and filing for divorce.
Actively addicted to drugs, alcohol or gambling. A man who is addicted to one of these three things cannot be trusted. I can offer no hope of intimacy in this situation, as he will always serve his addiction ahead of your safety and happiness and that of your children. This is not a true marriage, as his highest commitment is to his addiction and not to you.
Not capable of being faithful. A man who has been unfaithful repeatedly, despite promises to the contrary, can’t be trusted. This defies the very definition of a marriage, which is a pledge to forsake all others in favor of the person you decide to commit to.
All three of these situations are very hard on your self-esteem. The men in these categories create a world of distortion and destruction with their deception and cruelty—even if they don’t intend to.
That’s not to say that it’s easy or enjoyable to break up your family or your relationship with such a man. It’s very difficult, painful and tragic. My heart breaks for women in this situation. I wish I knew an easier, softer way to find peace and sanity, but my experience helping hundreds of thousands of women from all over the world tells me there is no easier, softer way.
Women who end relationships with these kinds of men and form new ones with good guys repeatedly tell me they are shocked at the improvement. One woman told me she is thankful and joyful every single day to experience the tenderness and constancy of her good guy after divorcing one of the terrible three.
A past extramarital affair does not automatically make your husband a chronic philanderer. And an addiction to food, cigarettes or pornography does not mean your relationship is doomed. And as outrageous as it may sound, a woman who is married to a man who is verbally abusive can still restore her marriage to it’s original glory.
Please don’t be too quick to throw out a husband who is imperfect because you fear that you can never get the intimacy you deserve.
If your husband doesn’t fall into one of the categories above, then I have good news: You have a good man—not a perfect man, but one that you can have a wonderful relationship with.
For more on how to have the intimate, passionate, peaceful relationship you deserve, download the free ebook The Six Lessons to Lifelong Love in the upper right-hand-corner of this page now.