Controlling Husband Cure: How to Get Him to Stop Before You Smack Him

Controlling Husband Cure: How to Get Him to Stop Before You Smack Him

If he’s always telling you what to do, here’s what it means

Does your husband tell you how to cut an onion? How to drive? What to wear?

It’s no fun to have someone barking orders at you like you’re incompetent, or a kitchen elf who should do his bidding.

You’ve calmly asked him to just relax, or have gotten upset about it, and still…he can’t seem to keep himself from telling you what to do and how to do it.

It gets discouraging. Who wouldn’t be defensive?

If you knew how to get him to stop, you surely would, but nothing seems to work. He just doesn’t get the message. So you struggle along, feeling hurt and angry most of the time.

That was Allison’s situation, and she just couldn’t take it anymore.

Intimacy Quiz

She left her husband because he was so controlling—possessive too. She felt like a prisoner at times, and embarrassed when he told her how to cut the cake in front of everyone at a graduation party.

But when I showed her an approach she hadn’t considered, she decided she had nothing to lose by trying it.

That’s when everything changed. Now Allison is back with her husband and feeling like a newlywed again.

“I finally understand what people mean when they say, ‘I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you,’” she told me excitedly. “That’s exactly how I feel.”

Here’s what I shared with Allison that helped her get there:

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How to Respect Your Husband

How to Respect Your Husband

How to Respect Your Husband

4 Cheat Phrases That Will Make Him The Man You Know He Can Be

As a new bride, I never really understood what it meant to be respectful to my husband.

I wasn’t sure why I would want to go so far out of my way to respect him when I was absolutely certain that I was smarter, more efficient and had more common sense than he did anyway.

I mean, what if he was inconsiderate or lazy or rude? Should I respect him then?

But WOW! Do I ever see things differently now–like night and day.

First of all, it doesn’t feel good to be disrespectful. It feels hairy and dirty.

Secondly, I’m not as super smarty pants as I once thought. And funny thing–my husband seems a lot smarter than he did back then.

Finally, I want a respectful relationship, so I figure it’s up to me to bring the respect. I love the playfulness and passion that shows up when I do.

Intimacy Quiz

Respect is such a key ingredient for that to continue. I know because I tried leaving it out, and things did not go well around here. At all.

But even if I’d wanted to be respectful in the bad old days, I probably wouldn’t have known how. It didn’t come all that naturally for me, but leaning on these phrases helped me get there.

Saying these phrases didn’t just get a better response from my husband. They also softened my heart. They made me into my best self. I use them all the time to this day, because they’re how I made my marriage so much fun.

And they changed the way my husband treats me too. He knows I think highly of him (I really do now!), and he acts like that man I think so highly of.

Here are the 4 cheat phrases that helped me become the respectful wife I am today:

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How to Get Your Husband Back after He Leaves You

How to get your husband back

How to Get Your Husband Back after He Leaves You

14 Ways to Shock Him and Yourself for the Good of You Both

I can’t think of anything more painful and heartbreaking than having your husband say, “I don’t love you anymore. Maybe I never did.”

Or, “It’s over. I’m in love with someone else.”

Or–maybe even worse—to discover those things without him saying anything.

It’s only human to be angry at him for being such a thoughtless jerk. As a mere mortal woman, you likely want him to hurt the way you hurt when he did the terrible thing.

Of course, there’s no real comfort in making him suffer, even though it’s more tempting than a Cinnabon.

There are, however, several specific things you can do that will give you real relief from that continuous ache, and also help you put your family back together.

Intimacy Quiz

This isn’t conventional relationship advice, so I invite you to consider staying open to the possibility that you can put everything right again, but only if you do things very, very differently than you’ve been doing them.

Everything I’m going to suggest will sound contrary. But there’s a method to my madness.

These suggestions may sound like radical measures, but this is what I’ve seen breathe new life into a broken marriages for thousands of women in your distressing situation–and it’s what I did to revitalize my own broken marriage.

Here are the specific actions I recommend to recover the good you had together in the beginning:

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Being Vulnerable in a Relationship: The Complete Beginners Guide

Being Vulnerable In A Relationship

Being Vulnerable in a Relationship: The Complete Beginners Guide

How I learned to be completely authentic and feel loved at the same time

I used to think being vulnerable was a sign of weakness. I didn’t think it was particularly desirable to be weak, so the whole vulnerability thing seemed like something to avoid.

I knew I was strong and could speak up when something wasn’t right, which I didn’t hesitate to do. I wasn’t afraid to fight city hall, and I always seemed to be doing that.

But I was afraid. I was afraid to let that soft, undefended part of me show. I was afraid that part of me was repulsive. I didn’t like feeling so exposed.

I still don’t, if I’m honest.

But I love the part right after I run through the waterfall of fear and find out what’s on the other side.

It’s indescribable.

It’s exhilarating.

Intimacy Quiz

Anything could happen because I’m not controlling my image. And I’ve never known anything more gratifying than feeling loved for being my most authentic self, even if I’m a mess.

Now that I know how it feels to be completely exposed and feel loved anyway, I wouldn’t want to live any other way.

Now, I actually go out of my way to be vulnerable.

After spending the first twenty-something years of my life as a steamroller who rolled right over whatever threatened me, this is how I finally got there:

Here are the phrases I rely on to help me get vulnerable, which I now consider essential for intimacy:

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No Longer Lonely or Overwhelmed by Norita Bonin

No Longer Lonely or Overwhelmed

How a wife of 30 years stopped pretending and started living happily ever after

Relationship Coach NoritaNorita Bonin
Laura Doyle Certified Intimacy Coach

Being married to my childhood sweetheart for 30 years sounds like a true happily-ever-after story for some. But for me, it felt more like a lonely endurance test.

I believed what it took to be a good wife was competency, responsibility, and wearing many hats–gourmet cook, gardener, wife, mother of 4, multiple business manager, and guest entertainer–all while looking reasonably attractive.

Feeling overwhelmed was all too familiar! I was doing all I could to pull my own weight and be productive. I considered it a high compliment that I was a “go-getter” and got more done than most people.

In reality, I wasted decades feeling avoided and lonely.

Mostly, I grieved in broken-hearted silence.

I felt old, weary, and weak when I should have been strong. I found myself sleeping a lot as a method of escape.

Intimacy Quiz

I welcomed the end of my life, and some of my well-intentioned friends recommended antidepressant medications.

I thought it was my husband’s fault for not being a good provider, and for not loving me enough.

Some of my friends and family who had been to marriage counseling were advised on how to end their impossible marriages, but I did not want separation or a divorce.

When I asked my husband about going to counseling, he declined.

A few years ago, I quietly recommitted myself to staying in my unhappy marriage because there were too many people who would be hurt by my giving up.

Years were spent in a quest for happiness, which included searching scripture, countless conversations with other women, and reading many relationship books.

While there were little bits and pieces that helped, none were the key to my marital happiness.

But then something happened that changed my life forever.

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15 Things Happen When You Give Up Control

15 Things Happen When You Give Up Control

The World-Famous System for Relinquishing Control has Unexpected Side Effects

What happens when 18 women tell the up-close and personal story of how their marriages were struggling in some way, and describe exactly how they stopped controlling to restore the passion and playfulness?

First, you get an inspiring book of best practices for a playful, passionate marriage, which you can then apply to your own relationship.

Second, some other patterns emerge.

Let’s say you’re in the habit of giving your husband “helpful suggestions,” like all of us were.

Or maybe you’re less subtle about it, and you just come right out and tell him what to do, like we also did.

And let’s say that one day you decide to stop controlling…

Then what?

Intimacy Quiz

Here’s what we found out by putting all the first-hand accounts together in the book Surrendered Wives Empowered Women: Inspiring True Stories of Women Who Made Their Relationships Intimate, Passionate and Peaceful Again: As soon as you stop controlling your guy, your relationship gets so much better!

AND all of this happens too…

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Would You Be Happier if You Married Someone Else?

Would You Be Happier if You Married Someone Else?

What Makes our Marriage So Exceptional

by John Doyle

Recently, Laura and I attended the backyard birthday party of a friend. There were many couples there, most of whom we knew. The evening was unusually humid for Southern California, but there was just enough scattered, light rain to make it refreshing, and we were outside under strings of lights. There was also the promise of a fireworks show from the nearby sports stadium.

Seated with us at our picnic table were a couple of wives enthusiastically complaining about their husbands, saying things like, “He never picks up after himself,” “I have to make all the vacation plans–he never does anything,” “It’s like I have another child instead of a husband,” and other critical things.

They were making these statements right in front of their stoic husbands, who were

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