Husband not Attracted to Me

Husband not Attracted to Me

My Husband Is Not Attracted to Me

Why it’s Not What You Think and How to Solve the Real Problem

One of the most common problems I hear from wives is, “My Husband is not attracted to me anymore.”

It’s always heartbreaking, because I remember how lousy that felt.

And like me, the women who write to me with this usually think the problem is either that she married the wrong guy, or that her weight, her age, or her post-baby body has made her less beautiful.

And that’s painful, to think you don’t look good enough to get a pat on the butt or bedroom eyes anymore.

But how she looks is simply not the issue. Nor is it that she married the wrong guy.

Those weren’t the problems in my marriage when my husband was acting repulsed instead of attracted to me.

There was something else entirely going on, and it was a huge relief to finally discover it and get those butt pats and bedroom eyes back.

It was actually pretty simple to fix and had so many other benefits for me.

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Anger Management for Women

Anger Management for Women

Confessions of a Former Rageaholic Who Found a Lasting Cure

It may not have been my first rageaholic episode, but I have a cringe-worthy memory of verbally ripping my sister up one side and down the other in anger when I was in college.

Her crime? She locked my keys in the car.

I could not contain the barrage of ugly words that came pouring out of me.

I said choice things like, “How could you be so stupid? What were you thinking? Obviously you weren’t! What an IDIOT you are!”

I went on and on in a shrill voice–all in front of my roommate.

I could not stop myself from berating her. It gave me a release that seemed impossible to deny.

It’s hard to convey the utter horror of the bully that I was.

Raging was a regular occurrence for me for over a decade. Managing that anger was impossible as far as I could tell.

Relationship Quiz

I picked on unlucky store clerks, bank tellers and customer service reps.

But most of all, I raged at my husband, whose response was to suffer through my episodes by saying very little and escaping as soon as he could.

I always felt tremendous shame and remorse afterward. But that didn’t help me when the urge arose the next time. And the next, and the next–hundreds of times.

But I no longer feel that urge. I haven’t had a Godzilla episode in over 17 years. I don’t miss them. At all.

The cure for my anger was a byproduct of my journey to fix another problem: My broken marriage.

I’m not the only one—my clients and coaches also report that their anger subsided and they regained their dignity when they adopted these simple practices:

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The Laws of Attraction in Relationships

The Laws of Attraction in Relationships

How to See Your Own Blind Spots and Create the Kind of Relationship You Want

What you focus on increases.

That’s the law of attraction at its core, and it’s my experience in my relationship too, and what I witness with my clients.

When I repeatedly suggested my husband ask for a raise at work, what I was really saying was, “You don’t make enough money.”

Eventually, he stopped making money altogether.

That’s how good I am at manifesting what I focus on.

You could say that was his decision and I just happened to be married to him, but when I changed it up to start focusing and talking about how he was a good provider, he started a very successful business.

That was over a dozen years ago, and his business is still going strong.

I’ve been calling him Mr. Moneybags the entire time.

That doesn’t seem like a stretch at all now, but it sure did at first.

It didn’t take long for him to live up to my Spouse Fulfilling Prophecy (SFP).

I created my SFP because I decided to focus on what I wanted instead of what I didn’t want.

I’m just one example. I see women create the kind of relationship they dream about all the time by focusing on what they want instead of what they don’t want.

But what about the other person’s decisions, you might wonder. Don’t they get a say about what’s going to happen too?

Intimacy Quiz

Of course they do. But you have more influence than you think. In fact, you hold the key to how your date, boyfriend or husband will respond to you.

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#1 Way to Make Your Marriage Happier

#1 Way to Make Your Marriage Happier

This is What Oprah Meant When She Said Remember Your Spirit

Shana was upset with her husband when she got home to find the kids eating candy and playing on the iPad while he worked in the yard.

“I just can never count on him when I want to go out. He says he’s taking care of the kids and then I come home to this!” she seethed.

Meanwhile, Jessica was just as upset with her husband, who moved the computer and a huge pile of cords into their bedroom, making it look messy. “Why can’t he understand that I like things to be tidy and organized?” she complained.

Karen was equally irritated about her husband coming home from work an hour later than he said he would. “He always does this!” she told me, “I’m just going to tell him how inconsiderate he is.”

Of course, it’s easy to see ways that each of those husbands had been irritating or irresponsible, but it turns out, that wasn’t the real problem.

Valentines Day Treat

In each of these cases, there was something else contributing to the tension in the relationship, and it had everything to do with Shana, Jessica, and Karen.

It just wasn’t obvious to them at first–not until I asked each of them this revealing question…

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Myths About Marriage

Myths About Marriage

Myths About Marriage

The Top 5 Insane (and False!) Lies About Relationships

When my marriage was miserable, I was always looking for clues about how to fix it.

I desperately wanted to find some key information that I could use to stop my husband from being the biggest loser-face on the planet.

And in a way, that’s what happened. Sorta.

I finally found the right information, and it did help my husband respond to me in a much better way. Like a completely different guy–the awesome guy I married.

Turns out I was mistaken about that “biggest loser-face” part, and when I realized that, he couldn’t do enough to make me happy.

But along the way, I learned these thoroughly unhelpful marriage myths.

When I didn’t know what I didn’t know, I thought these myths were the holy grail. But mostly, I ended up chasing my tail around for a while–and further insulting my husband, and sometimes his parents–all in the name of working on our relationship.

Intimacy Quiz

It all made me depressed because nothing was working.

So to this day, it still makes me want to punch someone in the nose to see one of the myths that kept me stuck and made me feel completely hopeless.

These myths are the worst, because they seem kind of reasonable and true-ish.

But they’re not. They’re absurd, and should be run over with the car.

Here are the five most silly, stupid, ridicule-worthy myths about relationships–and what I now know is the key to having your husband want to give you his attention and affection, and trip over himself to make you smile.

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The Six Intimacy Skills

The Six Intimacy Skills

How they saved my marriage and made me way more attractive

At my Cherished for Life Weekend, Gigi told me she wanted to have intimacy in her marriage, but didn’t really know what it looked like.

“I’ve been married for over 20 years,” she confessed, “and I feel like I just don’t even know what intimacy is.”

I know what she means; I was similarly baffled in the early days of my marriage. Was intimacy just physical–just another way to say “sex”? What did emotional intimacy look like? I wasn’t sure.

Whatever it was, I knew I wanted to have it.

And although I knew I had experienced it at times, I really had no idea why that happened, or how to create more of it.

I had no concept of the Six Intimacy Skills, or that there was anything I could do to nurture intimacy. I didn’t realize I was unwittingly crushing the emotional and physical connection in my marriage.

I thought intimacy and tenderness was something that just happened if you picked the right guy.

I believed that it looked something like those vacation brochures where the handsome guy throws the beautiful woman up in the air in the pool.

I also had a deep, dark fear that intimacy was reserved only for those who are lovable.

I wasn’t sure I was lovable, and I was deathly afraid to find out. I was scared that I was too damaged, too needy, too strong-willed and not pretty enough.

Even after I was married, I worried I would always feel the gnawing misery of loneliness, and that there would be nothing I could do about it because it wasn’t in my control.

I believed that some lucky people experience intimacy, and that the unlucky ones don’t.

Of course, I knew that if I wanted to be a good volleyball player, or be able to make a mean risotto or deliver moving talks from the stage, I just needed to learn how, and practice.

But intimacy–that was different. It was more mysterious, I thought.

I had no idea it was a matter of expertise, like everything else, and that there were Six Intimacy Skills that would not only help me feel lovable and loved every single day, but would also make me more attractive.

The Six Intimacy Skills are not theoretical. They are proven, time and again, with many thousands of women in 17 languages in 28 countries. And now that I know them, I can’t shut up about them!

I want every woman to know the simple, practical things she can do to create the gratifying, exhilarating, addicting experience of being loved every day, just for being herself.

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If that’s something you want too, let’s get you started with The Six Intimacy Skills. Here’s how:

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How to be Feminine and Be 10X More Attractive

How to be More Feminine

How to be Feminine and Be 10X More Attractive

What your mom and grandma would have told you if they knew

As a young adult, it made me angry when someone implied that men and women are different because that showed they were prejudiced.

I saw that as the old, unenlightened thinking. I smugly believed I knew the truth: everyone was the same, regardless of gender.

I knew how to be assertive, speak up for my rights, and correct others for their backward thinking.

I was charming like that.

But I didn’t know how to be feminine, or even recognize my own astonishing power as a female.

Intimacy Quiz

Looking back, I feel so sad for the clueless younger version of me.

I was so hopelessly ignorant of the valuable contributions that I bring to my relationship and to the world as a woman that I tried to avoid seeming feminine.

I equated femininity with weakness.

I was afraid my gifts were repulsive.

Now that I know what it looks like to be feminine, I find there’s such ease, dignity and comfort in it—such relief! I feel such a sense of rightness when I’m my feminine self.

When I say feminine, I don’t mean manipulative or overtly sexual. I’m talking about honoring my feminine spirit, which I’ll explain.

Learning how to be feminine rocked my relationship and my world in the best way I can imagine.

There’s no makeup, clothes, or plastic surgery that can come close to having the irresistible magnetism of the feminine spirit in a woman.

Here’s what you need to know how to do:

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