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3 Signs Your Husband Is Not Supportive Now

Why He’s So Difficult and What You Can Do about It

It feels terrible when the guy who used to trip over himself trying to help and serve you is now only interested in staring at his phone or computer, staying at work all the time or playing video games.

What a disappointment. You set out to be partners, but he isn’t doing much to contribute, which leaves so much more work for you.

You don’t need me to tell you when your husband is not being supportive because you already know you don’t feel supported. The bigger question is, why isn’t he supporting you and what can you do about it?

But first things first. Here are the signs he’s not supportive now:

  1. He doesn’t listen to you
  2. He doesn’t appreciate what you do
  3. He doesn’t do what you ask

If you’ve already asked him to be more supportive or told him you need appreciation or help, then what else can you do about it?

Here are 3 effective actions to take if your husband isn’t supportive:

1. Receive What He Is Offering

how to get support from your husband

For example, let’s say you have a new baby and you are doing everything for that baby. Your husband does wash the baby’s bottles but doesn’t do a great job.

As a conscientious mom, you’re not okay with giving the baby a bottle that isn’t properly washed, so you wash it yourself.You also let him know he needs to be more thorough next time.

But there is no next time because he stops washing the bottles.

A new baby takes a lot of time and energy, so you really need support.

One alternative to (re)doing it yourself is to receive your husband’s bottle washing graciously and gratefully.

It’s not perfect. It’s not the way you would do it. But it is an effort to make your life easier, to lighten your load. It’s one less chore for you.

How can you open your eyes a little wider and receive support from your man, even if it’s not perfect?

Because when you’re willing to receive support, that can be the start of him learning how he can help you even better next time.

Don’t be surprised if those bottles get cleaner when he feels his contribution is making a difference.

I spoke to a husband who was feeling so powerless to support his wife with their new baby because he wasn’t allowed to wash the bottles. He was looking for his opening to support her, but he didn’t see one.

So she felt unsupported and overwhelmed, and he felt rejected.

You might ask yourself, what support is my husband offering that I am rejecting? What is the bottle washing equivalent at your house?

2. Appreciate the Support He Offers

I don't feel supported by my husband

You might be thinking, “At least that guy was offering to wash the bottles. My husband doesn’t offer any support. He offers zero, zilch, nada,” which is why you’re reading this blog.

That’s a terrible feeling. Who wouldn’t be resentful about not getting any support from the man who promised to care for you in front of God and everybody?!

One way to reverse that is by looking for ways he does support you. Does he work hard to support the family? Is he a dad to your kids? Does he take out the trash, pick up groceries at the store or carry them into the house?

Think very small with me here because even though it may seem like the bare minimum or something he does mostly for himself, identifying and appreciating the things he does that contribute to your life is the key to having a much better experience.

One student told me she wasn’t going to throw her husband a parade because he helped the kids with their homework.

Likewise, Master Coach Kathy Murray once said she wasn’t going to stroke her husband’s ego by appreciating him. But each decided to experiment with this idea anyway, expressing gratitude to her husband for the way he was supporting her, even though it didn’t feel like he was doing nearly enough.

Their husbands both responded by becoming much more supportive of their wives when they felt successful in making her happy.

You can see how that would happen, right?

One great place to start is to thank your husband for working to support the family, even if you do also. It might feel really weird to say that, but what can it hurt to experiment and see what happens?

3. Stop Criticizing the Way He Does Things

Criticism in marriage

He doesn’t wash the bottles correctly or he tries to solve things when you just want him to listen or he fixates on the lawn when you want him to fix the screen.

If you’re anything like I was, you tell him. You’re just being honest!

But you also may be criticizing the way he does things. If he’s anything like my husband, he does things differently, not the way you would do things. Sometimes that seems wrong.

Especially when I’m pretty sure I know what’s best.

But it turns out, I don’t always know what’s best. I have been proven wrong on that assumption time and time again.

My husband, who has my back and cares deeply about my happiness, has been right more times than I care to admit. It’s crazy!

In my better moments, I remember that. When I’ve forgotten, it’s a good sign that I need to rest or to have some fun or girl talk. A walk around the block is a pretty sure thing for reminding me that I know only a little and that I married a really smart man.

When I open my eyes wide and look for the signs that he’s supportive now, I see them everywhere.

What signs do you see, however small, that your husband is supportive? I’d love to hear…

By Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

New York Times Bestselling Author

I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.

2 replies on “3 Signs Your Husband Is Not Supportive Now”

Thank you for your discovery of the feminine. For your mission to lift up the trampled feminine without sacrificing the gains of the women’s movement. Thank you for being a spokesperson to address the ravages that our marriages have become in Western societies.
I love the line “ I could have married myself “😅

Myriam, you’re welcome. I love how you articulate this approach! I’m glad to hear that it resonates with you. Thank you for your thoughtful reading and response.

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