The 5 Best Date Movies That Will Save Your Relationship
Watching a movie may not seem like an effective way to improve your relationship, but it is.
If you’re lacking inspiration, motivation or hope right now, watching a film is not a bad way to get started with restoring playfulness and connection.
I know it sounds like I’m making this up, but researchers at University of Rochester are standing by me on this one.
They found that discussing 5 movies about relationships over a month helped newlyweds in the first 3 years of marriage cut the divorce rate by more than half, from 24% to 11%.
They even found it was more effective than therapist-led methods at keeping couples matrimonially minded. So this is better than counseling. Way better!
Plus it’s fun.
Therefore you have permission to plant yourself on the couch with snacks and the remote.
If anybody gives you grief about this, tell that person you’re doing it for the good of your relationship.
Tell ‘em I said to.
The researchers at Rochester and I have your back.
Here are 5 movies that can save your relationship:
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1. Groundhog Day
I highly recommend this one if your relationship feels like an endless time loop where you’re having the same unfulfilling conversation every day.
This is the story of a man who has eternity to win over the woman of his dreams—and he spends the whole time trying.
He starts out being a big jerk who deserves all those slaps in the face. But trying to win her heart both makes him a better man and (spoiler alert!) finally returns him to being a mere mortal.
When he finally changes, Andie McDowell responds to him differently, just as we all get a different response when we change the one things we can: ourselves.
What did your guy do to win your heart? If he seems like a mere mortal now, maybe you’ve just forgotten how hard he tried to win you.
Watch Bill Murray struggling and it may jog your memory.
If you watch this movie with your man, you can start a great discussion about how you first fell in love and how he won you over.
Focusing on what he did right then and what he does right now could just change your whole relationship for the better.
That’s the power of focusing on what you want instead of what you don’t want.
This is one of my favorite movies because it reminds me that every day is a fresh start to create a different outcome, to become my best self.
I’ve watched Groundhog Day a bunch of times, and just writing this makes me want to watch it again.
2. Casablanca
True love goes beyond just physical attraction.
For a man, it’s a commitment to serve the woman he loves, to protect her—even if that means making a big sacrifice.
Humphrey Bogart demonstrates that depth of commitment and love for Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca.
Sure they steam up the camera together, but in the end, it’s Bogie’s unwavering commitment to what’s best for her that melts me every time and makes this movie so moving.
Your man also has your best interests at heart.
He wants to make sure you’re happy, safe and protected, just like Bogie.
Your man wants to be your hero too, and if he sees that you trust him and believe in him the way Ingrid Bergman trusts and believes in Bogie, he will rise to the occasion just like Bogie did.
You bring the trust. He’ll bring the hero.
That’s the recipe that’s so beautifully illustrated in Casablanca.
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Every couple fights and hurts each other.
When you live so close together, that’s bound to happen. Just like children who bruise each other playing together.
They don’t mean to. It just happens when you’re so close.
But sometimes the hurt runs deep.
It can feel too big to overcome, or get buried under anger.
You might like to erase the hurt—like Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet in this movie.
Of course, like Jim and Kate, we don’t want to continue to feel hurt and get angry and distant.
That’s why emotional safety is so important and so worth creating in your relationship.
But this movie shows that getting hurt when you love someone is so intertwined with being in love, and such a part of what makes love worthwhile, that the only way forward is to accept it and move on together.
It’s never going to be perfect. But your relationship might just be perfect for you.
4. Silver Linings Playbook
Some of us are crazier than others, but when it comes to love, we all kind of lose our minds and do nutty things.
But who ever said that love should be sane?
Maybe it’s the world that’s crazy and facing it together is the only thing that really makes sense.
Jennifer Lawrence is the Girl of Fun and Light who reminds Bradley Cooper not to take things too seriously, and to dance together, and that it’s worth it to put everything on the line.
Who could resist that?
Your man also likes the side of you that’s fun and light. Jennifer will inspire you to honor that side of yourself.
5. Adam’s Rib
There’s plenty to fight about—especially when you’re married to opposing counsel on a high-profile legal case like Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy.
Things can get downright hostile.
Your own husband might make you so flippin’ mad you’d like to have him disbarred.
But when the working day is done, and you just want him to take you in his arms and plant one on you—that’s where Katharine shows us all how to change hats and keep the home fires burning hot and bright.
Katharine isn’t just a smaller, less-hairy man. She’s a woman and she brings her feminine gifts to the world and to Spencer Tracy. He seems to appreciate that.
Your man appreciates your feminine spirit too. And you probably appreciate his masculine side.
This movie will remind you why you do. Viva la difference!
Watching a movie with your man can be the opening for a deep conversation that you’ve been longing to have, it can reveal his tender side, or remind you why you fell in love.
Even if he won’t watch them with you, that’s okay. Watch them anyway.
You can inspire yourself, and you’ll both benefit.
8 replies on “The 5 Best Date Movies That Will Save Your Relationship”
Wow Laura! I love this! I like to watch movies that show very feminine women – you might want to post some of those next time. I think the women in “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “National Velvet” are great in that regard. Also there are books with very feminine women like the mom in the Little House on the Prairie books.
Brenda, Thanks! I also think that Caroline Ingalls was a wonderfully feminine, respectful woman. Once I learned about Intimacy Skills, I realized she was modeling them when she told Charles, “You must do what you think is best.” So respectful! And Charles always found a way to sustain the family even through some very challenging winters.
I think the movie Fireproof should be on your list of ones to see as well. And the movie Courageous. Both are wonderful examples of how a man’s career can get in the way of his relationships with his family and how they can be turned around when the priorities are reset.
I totally agree with this concept. My man loves action movies but will watch the odd romcom too. Favourite GOFL films of mine include ‘The Sound Of Music’ and ‘Under The Tuscan Sun’. I love looking for GOFLS in movies these days and thus being inspired.
Deb, Yep, those are both good GOFLs! The Sound of Music is one of my favorites too.
hey laura, Love your work & your books! After the bible, your books & blog are my favorite place to go for, guidance in my relationship.
So, my husband has been complaining that I dont “initiate sex”..
I do many things you have suggested like come to bed naked or in undies, compliment his muscles and tell him I’m feeling erotic and we usually end up having sex after these, which is good! But, he says those things arent “initiating sex” & thats what he wants.
So, even though you dont encourage it, I have started pouncing on him and “initiating sex” and of course,.. this has lead to some very hurtful rejections (3 of the 4x’s I tried) and leaves me feeling very unwanted and not sexy or even turned on anymore at all. I feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard spot because, my husband asks me to initiate and do more than just show up naked and cuddle. But, when i do “initiate” he rejects me..
I wonder if other woman have dealt with husbands saying they want more initiating?..
Should i just go back to the basics of showing up to bed “available”? even though hes complained that he wants “more”..
Asking, only to reject me? That sounds awful! I can see why you don’t like being stuck like that. Sounds like you’re doing everything just right to me, too. He may just be reacting to you changing up the dance he’s used to. For me, the bigger question is how I feel and what I want–not how he reacts. What’s on your paper on this topic? It doesn’t sound like you’re enjoying the rejection. So what fits for you as far as initiating? Honoring myself helps me be my best self, which makes my relationship the best it can be.
Mmmm.. Thats so true!!.. I forgot about my paper and started doing what I thought “He wanted” as far as me initiating. Instead of what feels right to “Me” and what I really want and what works for me.. Thanks this was a big help!