From Roommates to Romantics
By Jo, Empowered Wife
In 2005, I met the man of my dreams: funny, outgoing, romantic, passionate, talented, smart, kind, caring, generous and extremely sexy!
I felt incredible when I was with him. We were engaged eight months later and married soon after.
After nine years of the ups and downs of married life, I was falsely accused of being unfaithful. Shocked and devastated, I started a seven-month pity party. I couldn’t stand the despair of living with a man who had become merely a roommate and business partner.
I had no idea my despair would help me become cherished, adored and romanced. Click To Tweet
With my pity party in full swing, Laura’s Intimacy Skills found me. I watched her free Masterclass on the Six Intimacy Skills™, listening intently as she transparently shared how she had gone from the brink of divorce to being ridiculously happy with her husband.
I joined the online Surrendered Wife Empowered Woman VIP program and began watching her videos and filling out workbooks applying the Intimacy Skills to my own life.
I couldn’t believe how simple it all sounded. Laura gave such practical cheat phrases and challenges that it seemed anyone could do them. My hope grew the more I learned.
I was blessed to go on vacation with my husband and his family just five days later. On this trip I stole time for myself to keep reading, watching and learning about the Skills. I was committed to transforming my marriage.
That’s when I first had the awareness to recognize disrespect, control, focus on the negative, arguing, and the rejection of gifts, compliments and help.
This ugliness was all happening in the beautiful home we had rented. I could now see these women, whom I love deeply, attacking our men. They seemingly believed they were bonding over this “harmless” bashing.
Prior to this trip, I had joined them! I too had complained of my husband’s shortcomings with laughter and derision and joined in to “joke” about my father-in-law and brother-in-law. I now sat there holding back tears of shame as their joking persevered.
The same day, I apologized to my husband for my previous participation in such disrespectful and demeaning conversations.
For the first time in a very long time, he looked at me with hope in his eyes and softness in his voice as he said, “Thank you–that means a lot.”
I did my best to practice these newly acquired Skills throughout our vacation. We had fun and were the only couple that did not argue–the entire trip!
After arriving home, it was harder to use the Skills and apply duct tape when I wanted to speak my mind. I couldn’t figure out why. I was still experiencing increased intimacy, but my old habits, like offering “help” and defending myself rather than listening, kept sneaking in. It seemed so much harder here.
So I attended the Cherished for Life Weekend in September and started Laura Doyle’s Relationship Coach Training Program the very next month.
That’s where I figured out what I was missing: replenishing self-care!
I began to see the pattern clearly. When I took the bait to argue, acted with disrespect, or offered “help,” my self-care had been minimal. When I was feeling cherished, using the Skills with ease and feeling genuinely happy, my self-care tank was full.
This revelation was a huge turning point. I now began to truly understand that this was all about changing me and not my husband. I increased my self-care, focused on myself and enjoyed the ride.
Literally! In December, my husband took me on vacation to New Orleans after I’d stated a desire to travel more. As we rode on a romantic bike taxi ride, he pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. He grabbed me, dipped me and passionately kissed me in front of our entire bus tour for a photo opportunity!
Back at the hotel, he held me close as we fell asleep after the fleur-de-lis dropped, marking the start of a brand new year.
It was also the start of a new phase of our marriage as, just short of a year since I’d found the Skills, we held hands, laughed and had an incredible trip.
Things continue to get even better.
Thanks to my husband’s support, I no longer work summers and am working less during the school year. He comes home earlier during the week. He calls me often throughout the day to say hello. He takes most weekends off and fills them with fun activities for us. We have more vacations planned and enjoy talking about our future.
While my marriage isn’t perfect, I feel cherished and adored by my amazing husband! I will be forever grateful to God for Laura, the Skills and my commitment to change myself and my marriage.
The best is yet to come! I am a surrendered, empowered wife in love with my husband and my life!
I’m still with the man of my dreams, and our reality is even better than a dream.
One reply on “From Roommates to Romantics”
I’ve been having mixed emotions. We married when my husband was 59 and I was 51. Now, he’s unable to have sex due to bladder cancer treatments. We have become roommates. There is no affection. We even ate in different “time zones”. I’m a night owl. He goes to bed early and gets up in middle of the night to work out at the gym. I sleep in.
We also have different life goals I used to live in Israel and after a nasty divorce fromba physically abusive husband, I lost custody of my son, my only child. I want to return to live in Israel to benear my grandchildren and repair my relationship with my adult married son. My current husband isn’t interested in moving to Israrl, and I don’t see myself as losing my dream to stay in the US to stud care of a sick husband. I have my own physical disabilities. If he moves with me to Israel, I could see myself caring for him best I can. I’ve about given up making this loveless marriage go on especially if we have different life goals. But, I have to beg for affection. He tells me he expects me to intimate, but when I’ve tried, he’s too tired. Remember our internal clocks are different. I’m ready for intimacy and he just has to go to sleep so he can wake up at 2am. At that hour I’m finally sleeping. When I get up, I’m not a morning person and he’s been up 6 hours. So, I really don’t see how any of this will help. I’ve read the Rmpowered Wife. And, I guess I’m on the fence as to whether it’s even worth trying to stay married. I don’t have time to take any classes. I don’t want to be a marriage coach. I just don’t know if I want to fix MY marriage or not. What do you think?
PS-I don’t do Facebook. And, money is tight.